So, tonight was the state of the union address. I spent the last 2 days debating with myself about whether or not to watch it. On the one hand, I am a pretty political, opinionated person, so I feel a bit obligated to watch it. On the other hand, I know it's all bullshit. I mean, no matter who the President is, the state of the union is simply a way to try to raise approval ratings. In fact, they traditionally have very little to do with the "state of the union", they are generally forward looking. So, honestly, I knew that if I did watch it would only be so that the Daily Show would make more sense to me tomorrow (and perhaps provide myself with more ammo in my daily W-bashing). And really, I just can't stand hearing that man speak. It's like nails on a chalkboard to me. I mean, not only the substance of what he says, but just his halting, ignorant, stunted speech pattern (perhaps the after effects of cocaine use?). It's as if he's constantly baffled by the English language...and this is coming from trailer-park trash! So, I decided not to watch tonight, I opted for Supernatural instead (which frankly wasn't all that good tonight either). I did however, catch the last 5 minutes of the speech and the democratic response. So I did get my daily dose of why the president hates me, and why the democrats need a good bop on the head. (Where's little bunny fu-fu when you need him?) I also got to hear the media tallies of how many times people clapped, who was clapping, how hard they were clapping, if they were standing or sitting, and if their clapping appeared to be primarily left-winged or right-winged. Thank the good lord that somebody is getting paid to count those claps!!! Otherwise I would have no idea how the country is doing right now! Even better, the person who counted how many times the Governor of Virginia said "better way" or some version of it!! Too bad that same person couldn't have given the poor guy a podium and taught him better eyebrow control. Anyway, yeah, so I guess the moral to this story is that the state of this union is so frightening and scary to me, that I'd rather ignore it and watch ghost stories instead.
Goodnight.
Tuesday, January 31, 2006
Friday, January 27, 2006
Energized!!
Well, some of you may know that I have been changing a few things about my daily life lately. Mostly to get in better shape. I've been working out 4 days/wk, eating a LOT more vegetables & fruit, drinking tons of water, and taking one-a-day weight smart vitamins. I am extremely proud to say that it is working!! Not only have I lost about 3 ponuds (the 1st time I've seen the scale go down in over a year), I also have been crazy productive!!
I've been so productive lately, that every night I have a whole list of things that I've accomplished. But today was by far the most impressive! I actually cleaned out my dining room!!! For those of you that have never been here, let me say that it is a HUGE accomplishment. See, my dining room has never been used for dining, only storage...especially since I bought my couch. I put the couch in the living room & moved my futon into the dining room, where it sat (facing backwards) as I piled boxes & boxes of crap on top of it for about the last year & a half. Today, I cleared off the futon, turned it around & put it up against the wall, and actually discovered the carpet in my dining room! I am SO proud of me!! The best part is, that's not all I did today. I also had 2 classes, did some homework, worked out, ran errands (Target, Office Depot, Old Navy, Bed Bath & Beyond, Kroger, & Barnes & Noble), cooked apricot-glazed chicken, put gas in my car, dropped stuff off at goodwill, and wrote on my blog!! Plus, I am not even all that tired...although my hips do hurt as much as they did after my 1st 3-Day training walk!! But, that's okay, nothing that three dozen advil can't cure!
Well, I'm going to bed now! Goodnite!!!
I've been so productive lately, that every night I have a whole list of things that I've accomplished. But today was by far the most impressive! I actually cleaned out my dining room!!! For those of you that have never been here, let me say that it is a HUGE accomplishment. See, my dining room has never been used for dining, only storage...especially since I bought my couch. I put the couch in the living room & moved my futon into the dining room, where it sat (facing backwards) as I piled boxes & boxes of crap on top of it for about the last year & a half. Today, I cleared off the futon, turned it around & put it up against the wall, and actually discovered the carpet in my dining room! I am SO proud of me!! The best part is, that's not all I did today. I also had 2 classes, did some homework, worked out, ran errands (Target, Office Depot, Old Navy, Bed Bath & Beyond, Kroger, & Barnes & Noble), cooked apricot-glazed chicken, put gas in my car, dropped stuff off at goodwill, and wrote on my blog!! Plus, I am not even all that tired...although my hips do hurt as much as they did after my 1st 3-Day training walk!! But, that's okay, nothing that three dozen advil can't cure!
Well, I'm going to bed now! Goodnite!!!
Wednesday, January 25, 2006
Sam Champion: Beware!
So I heard on the news yesterday that there is evidence that "the administration" knew in advance about the devastation hurricane Katrina would cause in New Orleans. Apparently there were emails warning about the levees breaking, the massive flooding, and even the likely failure of emergency crews to meet the needs of the region.
And I thought, "Hmmm, this sounds familiar...."
Maybe what we need is some kind of mechanism by which the President can order secret wiretaps on United States Meteorologists!!! Maybe then "the administration" will be better able to "connect the dots" before the next major natural disaster!! Just a suggestion....
And I thought, "Hmmm, this sounds familiar...."
Maybe what we need is some kind of mechanism by which the President can order secret wiretaps on United States Meteorologists!!! Maybe then "the administration" will be better able to "connect the dots" before the next major natural disaster!! Just a suggestion....
Sunday, January 22, 2006
New Link!
Hey everyone! Just FYI, one of my BEST friends in the whole world just started her very own blog!! It is listed on my links and called Chelle-Line. Check it out & leave her comments!! We want her to feel at home in our blogging world!! :-)
On another note: I am currently printing out the final draft of my bar application!! Woohoo!!
On another note: I am currently printing out the final draft of my bar application!! Woohoo!!
Brotherly Love
Last night I watched, for the millionth time, American History X. If you have not seen this movie: stop reading this, get in your car, and go out & rent or buy this movie RIGHT NOW. It is a movie that every human being should see at least once.
I think I may have written about this movie on my blog before, but oh well, I'm doing it again. It is one of the most amazing movies I have ever seen in my life. On it's face, it's about hate and violence. IMDB describes it as a "crime/drama" but it's much more than that. Deep down it's about love, belonging, and what it means to be the Big Brother/Sister in your family. And it should teach us all something about ourselves.
I don't care who you are, I am willing to bet that when you watch that 1st basketball game in this movie, you will find yourself cheering for the Nazis. And then you'll catch yourself, and get a little sick feeling inside. Last night I asked myself Why? and I'm not sure what the answer is. Maybe it's because Ed Norton is such a great actor, or because he's so damn good-looking in this movie, or maybe because it's being told from the point of view of the white guys, I don't know. But, for a moment, in that scene, you forget who the bad guys are. It scares me just a bit.
As I keep watching the movie I keep thinking about this relationship between these two brothers. About how true this story is, that all the successes and failures, all the mistakes and triumphs of the older siblings have incredible and irreversible effects on the younger...especially if the siblings are the same gender. I know that some of you are thinking that I am wrong, that your life had very little effect on your younger siblings, but you are wrong. You only feel that way because things went well. Your parents treated the younger one the same as you because things appeared to be working. But when things go wrong, it's a whole different story.
When the older child gets into drugs or any kind of trouble, the parents instinctively tighten the leash on the younger. It's natural, they get afraid. And if something truly terrible happens to the older, like they are kidnapped, put in prison, or they die, the lives of the younger children change dramatically. They are being raised by totally different parents who are terrified of losing another child. They are over-protective to the extreme, and try to stop the socialization & growing up of the children they have left. And that's not all.
Younger siblings fall in love with their older siblings in a way we typically can't understand. I remember how my sister used to react as a child whenever I got hurt, whether physically or emotionally. She would cling to me, follow me around, and cry harder than I did. At the time, I thought it was so annoying. But I know now that it was because she couldn't imagine her world without me in it. Thanks to her youth and innocence, she knew long before I did that we were partners. I had lived 7 years without her, so I knew I didn't depend on her existence or happiness. But she had never been herself without me, her identity was wrapped up in her relationship with me. And everything I did or said she thought was right. It wasn't until about 5 years ago that I realized the gravity of this devotion. I realized that if I wasn't careful, she would follow the same path I did and make the same mistakes as I did. I had to devote my life to showing her that I wasn't perfect and making sure she learned from my mistakes. I think I've done a pretty good job of that.
And this, the journey of trying to teach his younger brother not to make his mistakes, is what American History X is really about. It is a vital and urgent journey that is so important to those of us who grow up to realize that our mistakes had effects beyond ourselves. It's a difficult thing to do, to admit that you worst fear is to see them turn out like you. But it is also your best accomplishment and the thing that makes all your mistakes worth it. Hopefully, it's something you can do before it's too late.
I think I may have written about this movie on my blog before, but oh well, I'm doing it again. It is one of the most amazing movies I have ever seen in my life. On it's face, it's about hate and violence. IMDB describes it as a "crime/drama" but it's much more than that. Deep down it's about love, belonging, and what it means to be the Big Brother/Sister in your family. And it should teach us all something about ourselves.
I don't care who you are, I am willing to bet that when you watch that 1st basketball game in this movie, you will find yourself cheering for the Nazis. And then you'll catch yourself, and get a little sick feeling inside. Last night I asked myself Why? and I'm not sure what the answer is. Maybe it's because Ed Norton is such a great actor, or because he's so damn good-looking in this movie, or maybe because it's being told from the point of view of the white guys, I don't know. But, for a moment, in that scene, you forget who the bad guys are. It scares me just a bit.
As I keep watching the movie I keep thinking about this relationship between these two brothers. About how true this story is, that all the successes and failures, all the mistakes and triumphs of the older siblings have incredible and irreversible effects on the younger...especially if the siblings are the same gender. I know that some of you are thinking that I am wrong, that your life had very little effect on your younger siblings, but you are wrong. You only feel that way because things went well. Your parents treated the younger one the same as you because things appeared to be working. But when things go wrong, it's a whole different story.
When the older child gets into drugs or any kind of trouble, the parents instinctively tighten the leash on the younger. It's natural, they get afraid. And if something truly terrible happens to the older, like they are kidnapped, put in prison, or they die, the lives of the younger children change dramatically. They are being raised by totally different parents who are terrified of losing another child. They are over-protective to the extreme, and try to stop the socialization & growing up of the children they have left. And that's not all.
Younger siblings fall in love with their older siblings in a way we typically can't understand. I remember how my sister used to react as a child whenever I got hurt, whether physically or emotionally. She would cling to me, follow me around, and cry harder than I did. At the time, I thought it was so annoying. But I know now that it was because she couldn't imagine her world without me in it. Thanks to her youth and innocence, she knew long before I did that we were partners. I had lived 7 years without her, so I knew I didn't depend on her existence or happiness. But she had never been herself without me, her identity was wrapped up in her relationship with me. And everything I did or said she thought was right. It wasn't until about 5 years ago that I realized the gravity of this devotion. I realized that if I wasn't careful, she would follow the same path I did and make the same mistakes as I did. I had to devote my life to showing her that I wasn't perfect and making sure she learned from my mistakes. I think I've done a pretty good job of that.
And this, the journey of trying to teach his younger brother not to make his mistakes, is what American History X is really about. It is a vital and urgent journey that is so important to those of us who grow up to realize that our mistakes had effects beyond ourselves. It's a difficult thing to do, to admit that you worst fear is to see them turn out like you. But it is also your best accomplishment and the thing that makes all your mistakes worth it. Hopefully, it's something you can do before it's too late.
Saturday, January 21, 2006
Destracted
OMG!! So, I was totally gonna write about something else, but while this page was loading I changed the channel on my TV and happened upon a woman with some sort of bizarre metal contraption that she was manipulating in her mouth. This made me say WTF??? and stop surfing for a moment. There are actually 3 people using this contraption on QVC, it is called a "facial flex" and is designed to...wait for it....exercise your face!!!!!! Yes people, this is like to compliment your botox injections and strengthen your face to keep it from sagging due to age! I wish I knew enough adjectives to be able to appropriately describe to you what these people look like while using this contraption. I have to say, that I think the REAL face exercise is how much you will be laughing your ass off watching these people do this! But just in case your face still needs exercise, you can get this marvelous contraption for $29.86 plus $3.95 shipping & handling. In case this price is too steep for you, I also recommend obsessive gum chewing to keep that youthful, lifted look about your face. Or, ya know, you could just be less ridiculously vain....but that just wouldn't be American.
BTW, MissDivaKitty has changed the look of her journal & it's very cool. Check it out!
BTW, MissDivaKitty has changed the look of her journal & it's very cool. Check it out!
Wednesday, January 18, 2006
Racist Delusions
Okay so I'm not going to give details on this because I don't want a rampant stream of psychos being directed to my blog....you all are quite enough for me! But I was doing this google thing where you search for "(your name) was killed by" and I searched for my friend Nicole's name, this was the top result I got:
On the O. J. Simpson murder trial: : "Why was O.J. framed? It now seems obvious that O.J. Simpson's former wife, Nicole, was killed by Kosher butchers under rabbinical supervision making the traditional cut to the throat and chest so that they could reach in, grab her heart, and hand pump the blood out of her body….O.J. had served the international Jew conspiracy in a most powerful way, suggesting by phony example that racially mixed marriage and mongrelization could be a glamorous lifestyle for the elite….Could the Jews really have set the whole thing up, sacrificed one of their own Isaacs, framed their own boy O.J., and then sent their best shysters in to defend him? Why not? It sounds so Jewish."
At first I thought it must be a joke because it was so bizarre, so I clicked on the link. But it appears to be the actual ramblings of the leader of some psycho racist group who hates pretty much everyone on the planet except themselves. And I just have to say: WTF?????? It's obvious that Nicole was killed by Kosher Butchers???? Right! That's exactly what I was thinking! No wonder OJ went to South Florida to find the real killers! I mean we all know how innately violent those Kosher butchers are. Seriously folks, how do these people come up with these things? I can picture this group of bald white men sitting in a basement, smoking cigars, surrounded by fake wood paneling, throwing out bizarre conspiarcy theories, saying things like "Naw man, that's just not crazy enough! Think crazier! And pass the beer nuts!" Wow. I am just so completely blown away right now....I am speechless! Except of course for the endless rantings that are now playing out in my head!
Goodnight.
On the O. J. Simpson murder trial: : "Why was O.J. framed? It now seems obvious that O.J. Simpson's former wife, Nicole, was killed by Kosher butchers under rabbinical supervision making the traditional cut to the throat and chest so that they could reach in, grab her heart, and hand pump the blood out of her body….O.J. had served the international Jew conspiracy in a most powerful way, suggesting by phony example that racially mixed marriage and mongrelization could be a glamorous lifestyle for the elite….Could the Jews really have set the whole thing up, sacrificed one of their own Isaacs, framed their own boy O.J., and then sent their best shysters in to defend him? Why not? It sounds so Jewish."
At first I thought it must be a joke because it was so bizarre, so I clicked on the link. But it appears to be the actual ramblings of the leader of some psycho racist group who hates pretty much everyone on the planet except themselves. And I just have to say: WTF?????? It's obvious that Nicole was killed by Kosher Butchers???? Right! That's exactly what I was thinking! No wonder OJ went to South Florida to find the real killers! I mean we all know how innately violent those Kosher butchers are. Seriously folks, how do these people come up with these things? I can picture this group of bald white men sitting in a basement, smoking cigars, surrounded by fake wood paneling, throwing out bizarre conspiarcy theories, saying things like "Naw man, that's just not crazy enough! Think crazier! And pass the beer nuts!" Wow. I am just so completely blown away right now....I am speechless! Except of course for the endless rantings that are now playing out in my head!
Goodnight.
Monday, January 16, 2006
Socks
Those of you that know me well know that I love socks. They are so much fun! They come in all different colors and styles! And I never ever wear matching socks. They do not match each other & they do not match what I am wearing. I'm not colorblind...I like it that way. Lately I have discovered incredibly comfortable socks, they are goldtoe cushioned socks (that is how I describe them, I don't know if that is how they are labeled in stores). BUT they only come in black & white! I refuse to wear white socks!!! It is against my religion. And I can't very well walk around with TWO black socks on!!! What will people say?? So, this is my plea: GoldToe: PLEASE make your cushiony socks in a variety of colors! May I suggest purple perhaps? Red would be nice too. Thank you.
Sunday, January 15, 2006
Buried Treasure
And I know there was
A little girl,
Blood on the wall, not dry yet
And the smell of flowers
In the air
Right there
In front of me
On the edge of my brain
And its possible the little girl
Is me
But I wouldn’t know
Surely not the one to ask
Someone else was there
With a viewpoint from above
And eyes
That I keep seeing through
The yellow taint of time
Covers the landscape of this dream
But the pain is new
Fresh and sharp
Like time passed over the scene
But not the evil
And if I close my eyes tighter
The hands of a thousand souls
Seem to reach in
And tear me apart
5/8/05 10:50pm
A little girl,
Blood on the wall, not dry yet
And the smell of flowers
In the air
Right there
In front of me
On the edge of my brain
And its possible the little girl
Is me
But I wouldn’t know
Surely not the one to ask
Someone else was there
With a viewpoint from above
And eyes
That I keep seeing through
The yellow taint of time
Covers the landscape of this dream
But the pain is new
Fresh and sharp
Like time passed over the scene
But not the evil
And if I close my eyes tighter
The hands of a thousand souls
Seem to reach in
And tear me apart
5/8/05 10:50pm
Fumbling Toward Ecstasy
I remember the days when I thought the only amazing thing I would ever do in my life would be to die...and all the time I spent planning it to make it perfect and beautiful. I dreamed of it like some amazing gothic rock video, complete with blood and a beautiful body and an amazing soubdtrack. It was to be my ultimate legacy. The image nobody would ever forget.
And now I think that whether I will do anything amzing or not is totally irrelevant. That I would want to keep on living even if all I could do was sit in a room and watch my sister and R live their amazing lives, if all I had to live for was to see what they would do next, it would be enough. It's amazing that the illness I was living in was so thick that I couldn't see them through it.
Tonight I was feeling icky. I called N and her b/f was arguing with me and making me defend all of my decisions and the way I live my life. And all my successes were not enough proof to him that I knew what I was talking about...or maybe they were and he was fighting me just so I wouldn't win. But no matter, it made me feel crappy. And then, as if because of some cosmic tug, R called me to plan her trip here. I bought the plane tickets and now I am euphoric...she makes me so happy to be alive. Like there was one person in the world who was going to get to really watch her blossom from the inside out and that person is me....and nobody else will ever know her like I do and that makes me just so amazingly lucky.
And now I think that whether I will do anything amzing or not is totally irrelevant. That I would want to keep on living even if all I could do was sit in a room and watch my sister and R live their amazing lives, if all I had to live for was to see what they would do next, it would be enough. It's amazing that the illness I was living in was so thick that I couldn't see them through it.
Tonight I was feeling icky. I called N and her b/f was arguing with me and making me defend all of my decisions and the way I live my life. And all my successes were not enough proof to him that I knew what I was talking about...or maybe they were and he was fighting me just so I wouldn't win. But no matter, it made me feel crappy. And then, as if because of some cosmic tug, R called me to plan her trip here. I bought the plane tickets and now I am euphoric...she makes me so happy to be alive. Like there was one person in the world who was going to get to really watch her blossom from the inside out and that person is me....and nobody else will ever know her like I do and that makes me just so amazingly lucky.
Saturday, January 14, 2006
Poor Rachel Green??
Yesterday YellowPeril wrote about Jennifer Aniston being depressed that Brad & Angelina are expecting their very own demon spawn. But I have to say, I hope she's not.
Obviously, I know very little about these 3 people, only what I see on TV, but from what I see I am damn proud of Jen. It appears to me that Brad wanted kids and Jen didn't. And I totally admire them for realizing that this meant that their marriage wasn't going to work out. I'm poud of Jen for not caving and having a baby that she didn't really want...most women are not that strong.
It's obvious that Brad was involved w/ Angelina before the divorce became public, but I doubt we'll ever know if he actually "cheated." (i.e. Maybe Jen was in the loop before we were, some marriages are over before the pen hits that paper ya know? Maybe they were on a break!! LOL) If he didn't cheat, then I am equally proud of him for not pressuring Jen to change her mind or waiting around, but instead going out & looking for someone with the same goals in life that he had. If he did cheat then he is slime and should burn in hell for all eternity with all the other cheaters.
Either way tho, couldn't he have found someone slightly less, well, demon-like? I mean, the girl freaks even me out, and I have been referred to as "Satan" many times in my life. Did we really want her procreating? At least it wasn't with Billy Bob...small miracles I guess.
Anyway, Rock on Rachel Green!! We all still know who the "Good Girl" is!! (Haha! I just can't stop myself!)
Obviously, I know very little about these 3 people, only what I see on TV, but from what I see I am damn proud of Jen. It appears to me that Brad wanted kids and Jen didn't. And I totally admire them for realizing that this meant that their marriage wasn't going to work out. I'm poud of Jen for not caving and having a baby that she didn't really want...most women are not that strong.
It's obvious that Brad was involved w/ Angelina before the divorce became public, but I doubt we'll ever know if he actually "cheated." (i.e. Maybe Jen was in the loop before we were, some marriages are over before the pen hits that paper ya know? Maybe they were on a break!! LOL) If he didn't cheat, then I am equally proud of him for not pressuring Jen to change her mind or waiting around, but instead going out & looking for someone with the same goals in life that he had. If he did cheat then he is slime and should burn in hell for all eternity with all the other cheaters.
Either way tho, couldn't he have found someone slightly less, well, demon-like? I mean, the girl freaks even me out, and I have been referred to as "Satan" many times in my life. Did we really want her procreating? At least it wasn't with Billy Bob...small miracles I guess.
Anyway, Rock on Rachel Green!! We all still know who the "Good Girl" is!! (Haha! I just can't stop myself!)
Wednesday, January 11, 2006
Stars & Skid Marks
This moening CBS covered a story in Duluth, GA where a little girl, around 8 yrs old I think, painted a huge American Flag on the street. She did it because she is proud to be an American, and probably thought it would be pretty. And it was pretty. But of course, there were a few old white men with something to say about it.
A few Veterans in Duluth reported her to the town because the flag is not supposed to touch the ground. Can you believe that????? (They also complained that cars were driving over it & that it was becoming weathered.) What's worse, the Veterans won and the little girls has to remove her painting from the street. Until it's gone, a neighbor has taken to BLARING "patriotic" music from his home. I'm pretty sure he's violating the noise ordinance.
At the end of the story Harry Smith said something like "It's a hard lesson she had to learn." Really Harry? And what lesson was that? That old white men are huge pricks with nothing better to do than complain & ruin a little girl's fun?? I think she could have gone a few more years without learning that one.
I really hope that there is a sizable group of Veterans out there getting mad at these assholes for giving Veteran's a bad name.
A few Veterans in Duluth reported her to the town because the flag is not supposed to touch the ground. Can you believe that????? (They also complained that cars were driving over it & that it was becoming weathered.) What's worse, the Veterans won and the little girls has to remove her painting from the street. Until it's gone, a neighbor has taken to BLARING "patriotic" music from his home. I'm pretty sure he's violating the noise ordinance.
At the end of the story Harry Smith said something like "It's a hard lesson she had to learn." Really Harry? And what lesson was that? That old white men are huge pricks with nothing better to do than complain & ruin a little girl's fun?? I think she could have gone a few more years without learning that one.
I really hope that there is a sizable group of Veterans out there getting mad at these assholes for giving Veteran's a bad name.
Monday, January 09, 2006
Ups & Downs
9:00am: Woke up well-rested and ready to start the day.
9:30am: Chatted with DSR on AIM
11am: Massage: lovely!!
1:30pm: Went to the movies with 2 of my monkeys!
4pm: Muffler fell off of my car
4:30pm: Had hysterical crying fit in a parking lot on campus while on the phone with Tiffany.
5:15pm: Had car towed to a garage, which was luckily overrun with Tony Stewart fans who were happy to bolt my muffler back onto my car after hours in exchange for Tony Stewart hats & $24.
5:45pm: Nemo & I are back on the road, not much worse for the wear....and Tiffany is once again re-thinking our whole friendship! (Don't worry, I apologized)
Goodnight!!
9:30am: Chatted with DSR on AIM
11am: Massage: lovely!!
1:30pm: Went to the movies with 2 of my monkeys!
4pm: Muffler fell off of my car
4:30pm: Had hysterical crying fit in a parking lot on campus while on the phone with Tiffany.
5:15pm: Had car towed to a garage, which was luckily overrun with Tony Stewart fans who were happy to bolt my muffler back onto my car after hours in exchange for Tony Stewart hats & $24.
5:45pm: Nemo & I are back on the road, not much worse for the wear....and Tiffany is once again re-thinking our whole friendship! (Don't worry, I apologized)
Goodnight!!
Sunday, January 08, 2006
Good Friends
I spent 3 hours on the phone last night with my best friend....we haven't done that in years.
Then today, a friendship that has lied dormant for many years was given a little nudge.
I'm slightly worried to get too close too quickly with them, with anyone, again. Sometimes I become addicted to people. Usually that ends in disaster. But mostly, I've just been really happy all day.
Then today, a friendship that has lied dormant for many years was given a little nudge.
I'm slightly worried to get too close too quickly with them, with anyone, again. Sometimes I become addicted to people. Usually that ends in disaster. But mostly, I've just been really happy all day.
Saturday, January 07, 2006
Planet of the Apes
Yesterday while I was working out I heard on CNN that W*lmart was being criticized because when shoppers searched for a book about MLK Jr. the website suggested they may also be interested in buying the movie Planet of the Apes. Clearly, this must mean that W*lmart views black people as apes, right? Good lord people. Get a grip.
W*lmart says that the suggestions are random, but probably they aren't. Probably one of the words used to describe the theme of that movie is "prejudice" or "oppression" or "slavery" and those same words are used to describe the themes in books about MLK Jr...and THAT is what the computer connected. Honestly, isn't that what the movie is about? Obviously I know nothing about who wrote the story, but I think they may have been trying to point out the ways in which the majority race in our country has exploited the minority race(s), with a sci-fi twist so that people would go see the movie. I think it was likely meant as an anti-racism film, which makes it clearly relevant to the theme of civil rights.
Did the activists who complained about this web-generated suggestion list really think that W*lmart specifically programmed their system to associate black people with primates? You all know that I am totally pro civil rights and equality for all races, genders, sexualities, etc. But if we keep fighting about the petty things, nobody will take the big things seriously. If we claim to find racism even in computer-programs, rather than looking for a possible logical explanation, we appear irrational. Please people, choose your battles wisely. W*lmart's website should hardly even be on our radar.
BTW, Mark Wahlberg's remake of Planet of the Apes is awesome, you should definitely add it to your e-cart!! He is such a cutie.
W*lmart says that the suggestions are random, but probably they aren't. Probably one of the words used to describe the theme of that movie is "prejudice" or "oppression" or "slavery" and those same words are used to describe the themes in books about MLK Jr...and THAT is what the computer connected. Honestly, isn't that what the movie is about? Obviously I know nothing about who wrote the story, but I think they may have been trying to point out the ways in which the majority race in our country has exploited the minority race(s), with a sci-fi twist so that people would go see the movie. I think it was likely meant as an anti-racism film, which makes it clearly relevant to the theme of civil rights.
Did the activists who complained about this web-generated suggestion list really think that W*lmart specifically programmed their system to associate black people with primates? You all know that I am totally pro civil rights and equality for all races, genders, sexualities, etc. But if we keep fighting about the petty things, nobody will take the big things seriously. If we claim to find racism even in computer-programs, rather than looking for a possible logical explanation, we appear irrational. Please people, choose your battles wisely. W*lmart's website should hardly even be on our radar.
BTW, Mark Wahlberg's remake of Planet of the Apes is awesome, you should definitely add it to your e-cart!! He is such a cutie.
Friday, January 06, 2006
Cars
Most people have certain themes that repeat themselves through their dreams. For example, my mom has "phone dreams" where she needs to call for help, or call me or my sister, and she can't find a phone that works. For me the theme is cars, more specifically, me driving my car off of bridges either into air or water. I always end up okay, and so does my car, but the dreams are still a bit scary and totally bizarre. Usually I am driving on the Skyway in Buffalo of in the HOV lane on I-95 in Miami. I am also always in my Buick, which I had from like 1997-2000, but will always be the car that most defines me.
Last night I was on an unfamiliar road, but my feeling was that I had been in Raleigh visiting Missy & BM and I was trying to find my way home at night. I got lost and ended up taking this really dark, long exit ramp. I wasn't alone either. Another girl was with me, whom I don't recognize but knew well in the dream. She was next to me& talking to me, as if we were in the same car, but we weren't. The road narrowed, so there wasn't room for both of our cars, and the both started falling over the sides of the ramp. I feel my stomach drop & the next thing I know, the girl & I are dangling about 50 feet above a grassy area, hanging from our seatbelts. I twist my way lose and jump down, so does she. Then, we look up at our cars, teetering off the edge WAY up in the air. I push her out of the way just before my car falls. Like a cat, it lands on all fours. After thinking for a minute we hop in the car, trying to move it before her car falls. After 3 cranks it starts up and we speed backwards. As I drive off I hear sirens coming our way, but for some reason I want to be gone before they get to the scene. I think for a minute "What about her luggage & her car?" But generally dismiss the idea that either will survive the fall (even tho mine did!). We drive off into the night past a gas station and back onto the highway.
Crazy, huh? My dreams are always so vivid, I could write about them like this everyday (don't worry, I won't do that to you). I just thought this one made a particularly good story because of my super-hero-like responses to the dire situation!! I can't find my Dream Dictionary at the moment, but when I locate it I will have to look all this stuff up & get back to you about my psychosis!!
Last night I was on an unfamiliar road, but my feeling was that I had been in Raleigh visiting Missy & BM and I was trying to find my way home at night. I got lost and ended up taking this really dark, long exit ramp. I wasn't alone either. Another girl was with me, whom I don't recognize but knew well in the dream. She was next to me& talking to me, as if we were in the same car, but we weren't. The road narrowed, so there wasn't room for both of our cars, and the both started falling over the sides of the ramp. I feel my stomach drop & the next thing I know, the girl & I are dangling about 50 feet above a grassy area, hanging from our seatbelts. I twist my way lose and jump down, so does she. Then, we look up at our cars, teetering off the edge WAY up in the air. I push her out of the way just before my car falls. Like a cat, it lands on all fours. After thinking for a minute we hop in the car, trying to move it before her car falls. After 3 cranks it starts up and we speed backwards. As I drive off I hear sirens coming our way, but for some reason I want to be gone before they get to the scene. I think for a minute "What about her luggage & her car?" But generally dismiss the idea that either will survive the fall (even tho mine did!). We drive off into the night past a gas station and back onto the highway.
Crazy, huh? My dreams are always so vivid, I could write about them like this everyday (don't worry, I won't do that to you). I just thought this one made a particularly good story because of my super-hero-like responses to the dire situation!! I can't find my Dream Dictionary at the moment, but when I locate it I will have to look all this stuff up & get back to you about my psychosis!!
Thursday, January 05, 2006
4 Things
These are so fun, I couldn't wait!! ;-)
FOUR JOBS YOU'VE HAD IN YOUR LIFE
1. Law clerk
2. Manager at Blockbuster
3. Receptionist at a hair salon
4. Stroller Goddess at Disney World
FOUR MOVIES YOU COULD WATCH OVER AND OVER
1. Back To The Future
2. Ghostbusters
3. What About Bob?
4. Steel Magnolias
FOUR CITIES YOU'VE LIVED IN:
1. East Amherst, NY
2. Boca Raton, FL
3. Kissimmee, FL
4. Athens, GA
FOUR TV SHOWS YOU LOVE TO WATCH
1. Law & Order
2. All My Children
3. CSI
4. Medium
FOUR PLACES YOU'VE BEEN ON VACATION:
1. Daytona Beach, FL
2. Washington, D.C.
3. Orlando, FL
4. Quebec City, Quebec
FOUR WEBSITES YOU VISIT DAILY:
1. Gmail
2. Yahoo Mail
3. Tiffany’s blog
4. Livejournal blogs
FOUR OF YOUR ALL-TIME FAVOURITE RESTAURANTS:
1. Rainforest Cafe
2. Mighty Taco
3. Stir Crazy
4. Steak & Shake
FOUR OF YOUR FAVOURITE FOODS:
1. Sandwiches
2. Chicken Wings
3. Crab Cakes
4. Shrimp Alfredo
FOUR PLACES I'D RATHER BE RIGHT NOW:
1. Ft Lauderdale w/ my friends
2. Raleigh w/ my friends
3. Shopping
4. On the beach
FOUR THINGS YOU SHOULD BE DOING RIGHT NOW:
1. Research for my job
2. Cleaning
3. Balancing my check book
4. Finishing my bar application
FOUR JOBS YOU'VE HAD IN YOUR LIFE
1. Law clerk
2. Manager at Blockbuster
3. Receptionist at a hair salon
4. Stroller Goddess at Disney World
FOUR MOVIES YOU COULD WATCH OVER AND OVER
1. Back To The Future
2. Ghostbusters
3. What About Bob?
4. Steel Magnolias
FOUR CITIES YOU'VE LIVED IN:
1. East Amherst, NY
2. Boca Raton, FL
3. Kissimmee, FL
4. Athens, GA
FOUR TV SHOWS YOU LOVE TO WATCH
1. Law & Order
2. All My Children
3. CSI
4. Medium
FOUR PLACES YOU'VE BEEN ON VACATION:
1. Daytona Beach, FL
2. Washington, D.C.
3. Orlando, FL
4. Quebec City, Quebec
FOUR WEBSITES YOU VISIT DAILY:
1. Gmail
2. Yahoo Mail
3. Tiffany’s blog
4. Livejournal blogs
FOUR OF YOUR ALL-TIME FAVOURITE RESTAURANTS:
1. Rainforest Cafe
2. Mighty Taco
3. Stir Crazy
4. Steak & Shake
FOUR OF YOUR FAVOURITE FOODS:
1. Sandwiches
2. Chicken Wings
3. Crab Cakes
4. Shrimp Alfredo
FOUR PLACES I'D RATHER BE RIGHT NOW:
1. Ft Lauderdale w/ my friends
2. Raleigh w/ my friends
3. Shopping
4. On the beach
FOUR THINGS YOU SHOULD BE DOING RIGHT NOW:
1. Research for my job
2. Cleaning
3. Balancing my check book
4. Finishing my bar application
Home At Last
I'm back home! Happy as a clam! Here's a little bit o' fun for now:
BTW: The 1st time I took this quiz I got Scott Baio, who I was NEVER into! Then I got Bill Gates...wtf????? So I kept taking the quiz until I got a boy I could live with! LOL Altho, you all know my TRUE 80s boy is Corey Feldman (but I'm not sure if that was even an option here!).
| Your 80s Heartthrob Is |
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BTW: The 1st time I took this quiz I got Scott Baio, who I was NEVER into! Then I got Bill Gates...wtf????? So I kept taking the quiz until I got a boy I could live with! LOL Altho, you all know my TRUE 80s boy is Corey Feldman (but I'm not sure if that was even an option here!).
Monday, January 02, 2006
Life's Like This
I watched a re-run of "House" tonite. It's the one about the 9 year-old girl with cancer and hallucinations. Apparently, no matter what they do, she will die in about a year. I've seen parts of the episode before, but not the whole thing until tonight. What strikes me most about this episode is the girl's mother. Thru the whole show she is alone in the hospital waiting for her daughter. And I think, does this woman have nobody? No husband, no sister, no best friend to be there with her?
It makes me think about the future. That a lot of my friends are going to have kids, and some of those kids may get sick...hopefully not cancer, but there's no way of knowing of course. And my gut instinct is that I would NEVER let one of my friends sit in one of those waiting rooms alone...that I would drop everything to go and be with them, so they didn't have to cry alone. I think that I will love my friends' kids like my own, and that I won't be able to stay away in a time of such trauma.
But my next thought is, would I really? Anyone who knows me knows that I am terrible when it comes to sympathy & illness. I'm just so afraid of sick people, and of getting sick myself, that I find it impossible to help sick people and it always seems that I am cold toward them. Even when I truly am sorry for them or sad about their illness, I am just incapable of showing it in a genuine and meaningful way. Plus, I'm going to be a lawyer. I will have a high stress job with long hours and I will be living off my income alone. Will I really be able to drop everything for any reason I choose? Would I have the guts to walk away from my job in such a situation? I've never been in a situation like that and I am afraid that if it came down to it, I wouldn't be brave, I would be selfish and fearful.
I am afraid that, deep down, I'm really not as good of a person as I think I am. Even worse, I won't really know until it's too late. And it scares me to think that my friends are wasting their time on me, that I will end up being nothing for them at all.
It makes me think about the future. That a lot of my friends are going to have kids, and some of those kids may get sick...hopefully not cancer, but there's no way of knowing of course. And my gut instinct is that I would NEVER let one of my friends sit in one of those waiting rooms alone...that I would drop everything to go and be with them, so they didn't have to cry alone. I think that I will love my friends' kids like my own, and that I won't be able to stay away in a time of such trauma.
But my next thought is, would I really? Anyone who knows me knows that I am terrible when it comes to sympathy & illness. I'm just so afraid of sick people, and of getting sick myself, that I find it impossible to help sick people and it always seems that I am cold toward them. Even when I truly am sorry for them or sad about their illness, I am just incapable of showing it in a genuine and meaningful way. Plus, I'm going to be a lawyer. I will have a high stress job with long hours and I will be living off my income alone. Will I really be able to drop everything for any reason I choose? Would I have the guts to walk away from my job in such a situation? I've never been in a situation like that and I am afraid that if it came down to it, I wouldn't be brave, I would be selfish and fearful.
I am afraid that, deep down, I'm really not as good of a person as I think I am. Even worse, I won't really know until it's too late. And it scares me to think that my friends are wasting their time on me, that I will end up being nothing for them at all.
CJ-TV
I had an extremely emotional day today, and it has left me feeling quite jittery. I went to lunch with my best friend R and her b/f HM. HM and I were friends long before he started dating R, so we know each other very well and I care about him a lot. He's been going thru some rough stuff lately and today, finally, he decided to let me try & help him thru it all. I was so relieved because I had been planning on writing all I wanted to say in a note and giving it to him before I leave to go back home...this in-person conversation was much better. It breaks my heart to see him like this, mostly because I know it won't get better right away. Also because he used to be one of those people that I relied on when I was going thru bad times, so I am used tp seeing him as strong and reliable...it's hard to have the tables turned. But, at least I got to tell him some things I think he needed to hear. I think it made all 3 of us feel better. In fact, HM said that I should have my own TV show...I whole-heartedly agree. What this world absolutely needs is more exposure to me! I hear Oprah is retiring soon...hmmmm...who knows?? It's funny tho, because most of the advice I gave him is stuff that I learned from watching Dr Phil on Oprah...altho today I took all the credit! Sorry Doc, but once you let your son hook-up with that model chick, all bets were off!
Sunday, January 01, 2006
2006
And just like that, 2005 is over. I really don't know whether to say it was a good year or a bad year. Personally, it was a great year. I had a fabulous summer job, met great people, made lots of money, went to Disney World with my sis, and got offered another great job for next year. But, for the world as a whole, things aren't lookin' so good. I feel overwhelmed by hatred and fear and ignorance...in so many ways. My whole life I have really loved my country...even as much as I love Canada, I never really wanted to live there for good. Except, in the last 2 years I have really been considering it, and if it weren't for the weather and my love for palm trees, I would be living in Toronto right now. I know things aren't perfect there either, but I feel less afraid to be myself on the streets of Toronto than on the streets of Atlanta or Miami or DC, or even Buffalo. If nothing else, it is a more tolerant place to be.
Anyhoo, I guess I will look at the glass as half-full and say that, in the grand scheme of things, I've had a pretty good 2005. Many people make New Year's resolutions & most people break them. Honestly, I've never done that unless I had to (like for a school project or something). It just seems silly to me, especially because of the high failure rate. But I will say that there are things I plan to do this year.
First, I plan to keep working out at least as much as I had been thru October & November of this year. I really think I am making progress & it feels good. Plus, I really hate seeing pictures of myself right now and I want that to change.
I also plan to change my eating habits. My problem is not quantity, it's quality. I need to learn more about food so that I can eat healthy, whether or not it makes me skinny. I started this change in November, but with winter break intervening it hasn't taken full effect yet.
I also plan to spend as much time with my "Monkeys" as humanly possible before we all move away. I want to take lots of pictures and laugh a lot and make memories. I will miss them all so much.
In May I will be graduating & moving. The summer will be spent studying for the bar, and I will start my job in August. This will be a very busy & very exciting year. Hopefully next new year's day I will be able to say that 2006 was a personal success as well. Good luck to all of you over the next 365 days!!
Anyhoo, I guess I will look at the glass as half-full and say that, in the grand scheme of things, I've had a pretty good 2005. Many people make New Year's resolutions & most people break them. Honestly, I've never done that unless I had to (like for a school project or something). It just seems silly to me, especially because of the high failure rate. But I will say that there are things I plan to do this year.
First, I plan to keep working out at least as much as I had been thru October & November of this year. I really think I am making progress & it feels good. Plus, I really hate seeing pictures of myself right now and I want that to change.
I also plan to change my eating habits. My problem is not quantity, it's quality. I need to learn more about food so that I can eat healthy, whether or not it makes me skinny. I started this change in November, but with winter break intervening it hasn't taken full effect yet.
I also plan to spend as much time with my "Monkeys" as humanly possible before we all move away. I want to take lots of pictures and laugh a lot and make memories. I will miss them all so much.
In May I will be graduating & moving. The summer will be spent studying for the bar, and I will start my job in August. This will be a very busy & very exciting year. Hopefully next new year's day I will be able to say that 2006 was a personal success as well. Good luck to all of you over the next 365 days!!
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