Somewhere in this empire
His mind is unraveling
One string at a time
And he watches as the darkness
Creeps across his walls
Like an old movie
With love woven thru mindless chatter
In and out of clichés
And soapbox philosophy
Somewhere in this land
She smiles and laughs
As if there is nothing better to do
Than live in the fiction on the screen
She bides her time
Between appointments and get-togethers
And thinks of years to come
And someday soon to come
His tattered mind
Will find her lazy smile
And it will be both glorious
And gruesome
As they both become
Famous and infamous
In the same instant
When he touches her
It will be the last touch she ever feels
And the first thrill for him
Someday, somewhere
When this dangerous triangle
Comes together
Thursday, July 27, 2006
Shoe Therapy
Pink Sandals: $6.00
White Sandals: $5.00
FL's tax holiday falling on the day after the bar exam: Priceless
White Sandals: $5.00
FL's tax holiday falling on the day after the bar exam: Priceless
Wednesday, July 26, 2006
Tuesday, July 25, 2006
Half Over.
Yeah, so I finished the "FL Portion" of the FL Bar today. I am forbidden from disclosing the substance of the questions, so I will be intentionally vague. I will say this though: the 2 topics I dreaded most were NOT on the exam!!! This was very exciting except for the fact that I spent SO much time cramming on those subjects that I forgot almost everything about all the other subjects that I knew back in May & June. Oh well, you win some...
I did decide one thing though: there should be some sort of Darwinian "weed out" process that begins as soon as you enter the convention center. Here are some examples:
1. We all received several emails telling us when to get there, what to bring, and what not to bring. If you show up late, forget to bring something, or show up with prohibited items - you automatically fail the bar and have to come back in February.
2. We have to stand in line to sign in. Each line is designated with a particular section of the alphabet. You find the sign indicating the section of the alphabet that your name is in & stand in that line. If you are too dumb to know either the alphabet or your last name & get all the way to the front before discovering you are in the wrong line - you fail the bar. A trap door will open below you and you will disappear.
3. You have been a member of the human race for at least 23 years. The bar exam consists of large group of people in a confined space for several hours. If you show up (a) without deodorant or (b) covered in obnoxious perfume or cologne - you fail the bar. The rest of us are allowed to set you on fire just to watch you burn.
I think provisions such as these would be beneficial to all of us. Those of us who have evolved to acceptable levels have fewer to compete with and those who will be grading exams will have less to do. I see this as a win-win situation. I think, if I pass the bar, I will propose these suggestions at the next meeting of bar examiners.
I did decide one thing though: there should be some sort of Darwinian "weed out" process that begins as soon as you enter the convention center. Here are some examples:
1. We all received several emails telling us when to get there, what to bring, and what not to bring. If you show up late, forget to bring something, or show up with prohibited items - you automatically fail the bar and have to come back in February.
2. We have to stand in line to sign in. Each line is designated with a particular section of the alphabet. You find the sign indicating the section of the alphabet that your name is in & stand in that line. If you are too dumb to know either the alphabet or your last name & get all the way to the front before discovering you are in the wrong line - you fail the bar. A trap door will open below you and you will disappear.
3. You have been a member of the human race for at least 23 years. The bar exam consists of large group of people in a confined space for several hours. If you show up (a) without deodorant or (b) covered in obnoxious perfume or cologne - you fail the bar. The rest of us are allowed to set you on fire just to watch you burn.
I think provisions such as these would be beneficial to all of us. Those of us who have evolved to acceptable levels have fewer to compete with and those who will be grading exams will have less to do. I see this as a win-win situation. I think, if I pass the bar, I will propose these suggestions at the next meeting of bar examiners.
Monday, July 24, 2006
Crawling Out...
So, today is a little better. I'm in Tampa...already for the bar, well as ready as I can be I guess. I had dinner & some ice cream with a good friend, and that made me feel better. And K has been VERY nice today. So that makes me feel a little better. I am just SO freaking tired right now I can't hold my eyes open. I am also damn sweaty cuzz it is freakin' hot here! So, I am gonna shower & get in bed and CRASH!!! See u all on the other side of the bar...
Sunday, July 23, 2006
Down In A Hole
I'm not in a good place. My heart is pounding. I'm shaking. My stomach is icky. I'm having thoughts I should not be having. Keeping myself from things I shouldn't have to. Going back to places in my mind I never want to see.
Why am I posting about this? I don't know. Better than waiting for the phone to ring? There is no answer to this disease. It's coming back for more of me. I wonder what there is left to take. This isn't me.
Why am I posting about this? I don't know. Better than waiting for the phone to ring? There is no answer to this disease. It's coming back for more of me. I wonder what there is left to take. This isn't me.
Saturday, July 22, 2006
I'm Pretty When He's Drunk
Yeah, so I had my 1st experience with K drunk-dialing me last night. It was, well, interesting. I totally want to tell you all about it...even tho he says I can't tell anyone (but he doesn't even know I have a blog - so what's the diff?). But ya know, the bar is in...umm...3? er 2?....well, it's on Tuesday. So I should not be blogging right now.
But look for a rather interesting story involving a ring and Bolivians on Wednesday or Thursday.
But look for a rather interesting story involving a ring and Bolivians on Wednesday or Thursday.
Friday, July 21, 2006
Slummin' It
Yesterday Haley Joel Osment was in a car accident. Apparently he's doing fine. He broke a rib & hurt his shoulder when he drove his 1995 Saturn into a mailbox. Yes, that's right. I said his 1995 Saturn!!!!!!!!!
I know he's not a "superstar' but he's been in at least 10 movies including Forrest Gump, The Sixth Sense and Pay It Forward - I would think he could afford something a BIT more stylish??? I mean, I'm unemployed & K's a truck driver and we BOTH have nicer cars than that!!! Good lord. Maybe we should take up a charitable collection for poor little Haley. Maybe we could bump him up to, say, a 1997 Saturn??? Or maybe we could convince Oprah to give him a brand new Pontiac? Clearly, he is in need.
I know he's not a "superstar' but he's been in at least 10 movies including Forrest Gump, The Sixth Sense and Pay It Forward - I would think he could afford something a BIT more stylish??? I mean, I'm unemployed & K's a truck driver and we BOTH have nicer cars than that!!! Good lord. Maybe we should take up a charitable collection for poor little Haley. Maybe we could bump him up to, say, a 1997 Saturn??? Or maybe we could convince Oprah to give him a brand new Pontiac? Clearly, he is in need.
Thursday, July 20, 2006
The Home Stretch
So, the bar exam is Tuesday, and today is Thursday. It's gettin' pretty close. I'm still not "scared" I guess. I know I should be - I dont know NEAR as much as I should. But my multiple choice scores have been improving, so I'm getting more confident. Mostly though, this is all such crap. These stupid nit-picky little rules drive me nuts! Like, did you know:
1. There is a hearsay exception for notes about family history written in family bibles?? (What about family Qu'rans?)
2. Under common law, burning down a building is NOT arson? (Nope, has to be a "dwelling")
3. It is unconstitutional for Virginia to tax a resident on income earned disproportionately in other states? (Funny, because NY had no problem taking tax money from me when I lived in FL for 3 years!!)
Yeah, so these are just a few of the ridiculous things I have encountered in the last few days. The thing is, that I will NEVER forget these 3 things now...but there are 10 million other obscurities lurking in the wings to trip me up during the actual exam! But, alas, there is nothing I can do about it. So, off to Starbucks I go, to do MORE practice questions!!! Keep your fingers crossed for me!!!
1. There is a hearsay exception for notes about family history written in family bibles?? (What about family Qu'rans?)
2. Under common law, burning down a building is NOT arson? (Nope, has to be a "dwelling")
3. It is unconstitutional for Virginia to tax a resident on income earned disproportionately in other states? (Funny, because NY had no problem taking tax money from me when I lived in FL for 3 years!!)
Yeah, so these are just a few of the ridiculous things I have encountered in the last few days. The thing is, that I will NEVER forget these 3 things now...but there are 10 million other obscurities lurking in the wings to trip me up during the actual exam! But, alas, there is nothing I can do about it. So, off to Starbucks I go, to do MORE practice questions!!! Keep your fingers crossed for me!!!
Wednesday, July 19, 2006
Modern Mammary Miracles
So, seriously, I could blog about Tyra Banks, like, everyday!!! She is just so bizarre. Plus, her show is on some channel at any given moment of any given day! Almost every time I take a break from bar review hell (more on that later), I scan the channels and Tyra is somewhere.
K says she is a disgrace to her race. I agree. Of course, I am speaking of the HUMAN RACE!!!! Yeah, it's that bad.
So, "What" you may ask, "did Tyra do to disgust and amaze you this time?" Well, I will tell you: she had an ultrasound of her boobs done on national television! Who does that???? Tyra.
This is not all. It's not just the ultrasound that appalled me - it was the entire presentation. You see, this segment of her show was devoted to determining, by ultrasound, whether her boobs were real or fake. Of course, this is very important to the entire world - who doesn't need to know whether Tyra's boobs are fake?? Exactly.
So, in an effort to boost her own ego even more she brought another girl on stage with her. That girl got the ultrasound first and the very professional and credentialled plastic surgeon declared that the "black space" on the ultrasound revealed that specimen number one had saline implants. Tyra then emphasized this fact by making specimen number one admit to said saline implants herself.
Great. Now it's Tyra's turn. The ultrasound begins and Tyra says "I don't see any black spots!" Really?? No shit!! Did we really think you would do this if it would expose implants on you??? Okay. But Tyra, desperate to clarify for the world that her tits are genuine & homegrown, becomes concerned that the people at home will think she is using "trick photography." In an attempt to insure against this catastrophe she invites her audience to "shout things out so the people at home know I have real breasts." The crowd goes silent and one woman yells "She has real breasts!!!" That woman is my hero.
No, Tyra says. She wants you to yell instructions to the technician controlling the ultrasound like "make circles" or something so that people at home can see her responding to the LIVE studio audience instructions. Apparently, the home audience believes that Tyra has to power of trick photography but not audio overlay. Not to mention the fact that there is no way to know that the ultrasound monitor is actually displaying a live feed. But never mind all that.
The point is, after years of painstaking investigation and multiple hypotheses by brilliant scholars, the age old question of whether or not Tyra's boobs are real has finally been answered. Or not - depending on whether or not you believe that audience member in the back row. Personally, I never doubted you Tyra. I always believed in your boobs. I have true faith. I hold them up as god-like, really. My boobs have long been inspired by them and strive on a daily basis to be even half as good as your boobs. Thank you for giving me and my tits something to strive for. Tyra, what would I do without you?
K says she is a disgrace to her race. I agree. Of course, I am speaking of the HUMAN RACE!!!! Yeah, it's that bad.
So, "What" you may ask, "did Tyra do to disgust and amaze you this time?" Well, I will tell you: she had an ultrasound of her boobs done on national television! Who does that???? Tyra.
This is not all. It's not just the ultrasound that appalled me - it was the entire presentation. You see, this segment of her show was devoted to determining, by ultrasound, whether her boobs were real or fake. Of course, this is very important to the entire world - who doesn't need to know whether Tyra's boobs are fake?? Exactly.
So, in an effort to boost her own ego even more she brought another girl on stage with her. That girl got the ultrasound first and the very professional and credentialled plastic surgeon declared that the "black space" on the ultrasound revealed that specimen number one had saline implants. Tyra then emphasized this fact by making specimen number one admit to said saline implants herself.
Great. Now it's Tyra's turn. The ultrasound begins and Tyra says "I don't see any black spots!" Really?? No shit!! Did we really think you would do this if it would expose implants on you??? Okay. But Tyra, desperate to clarify for the world that her tits are genuine & homegrown, becomes concerned that the people at home will think she is using "trick photography." In an attempt to insure against this catastrophe she invites her audience to "shout things out so the people at home know I have real breasts." The crowd goes silent and one woman yells "She has real breasts!!!" That woman is my hero.
No, Tyra says. She wants you to yell instructions to the technician controlling the ultrasound like "make circles" or something so that people at home can see her responding to the LIVE studio audience instructions. Apparently, the home audience believes that Tyra has to power of trick photography but not audio overlay. Not to mention the fact that there is no way to know that the ultrasound monitor is actually displaying a live feed. But never mind all that.
The point is, after years of painstaking investigation and multiple hypotheses by brilliant scholars, the age old question of whether or not Tyra's boobs are real has finally been answered. Or not - depending on whether or not you believe that audience member in the back row. Personally, I never doubted you Tyra. I always believed in your boobs. I have true faith. I hold them up as god-like, really. My boobs have long been inspired by them and strive on a daily basis to be even half as good as your boobs. Thank you for giving me and my tits something to strive for. Tyra, what would I do without you?
Monday, July 17, 2006
Interlude
So, my life is pretty much: wake up, eat, call K, study, eat & call K, study, eat & call mom & sis, study, call K, shower, call K, go to sleep. Everyday. That's what I do. I decided to break it up a little bit by going to starbucks at least once a day, getting a non-fat chai latte, and studying there for a couple of hours. I also try to work out every other day. But still, I'm pretty fuckin' bored.
But last night, I got to see K...which broke up the monotony of the phone conversations a bit!! No, but really, it was nice. We ate dinner together & watched School of Rock (which I had never seen and was actually pretty funny). I spent the night with him in Tampa and came home this morning. It was a sex-less visit which was nice because I don't need to deal with those issues. He was really sweet. He kept talking about how he knows what I'm thinking without me saying anything because he's love with me. We were finishing each other's sentences and stuff and he really liked that. And when I was leaving we said "I love you" at the same time, which he really loved. He's so cute sometimes. He just really loves being bonded with me like this - I think it's so cute coming from him.
But, I'm back home now - and he's back on the road now. I secretly slipped my class ring onto his necklace - we'll see how long it takes for him to notice. But he keeps his father's ring on that necklace, so I figured he needed some of me on there too. ;-) He actually wanted me to take the necklace when I was leaving Charlotte, but I was worried that if I took the necklace he might lose his dad's ring and that would absolutely kill him. He also gave me a new car stereo for Kit. It's just like his, except one model older. It's cuzz the radio that's in there now doesn't go loud enough. Plus, with this one I can plug my iPod right into it & not have to use my iTrip. So, as soon as one of us has some extra cash, I will go get it installed. I'm sure he'll be putting new speakers in there eventually too! He just can't stand not to pimp my ride! LOL
Anyway, I am damn tired and everything hurts! I'm on the phone with K, and we will both be going to sleep soon. Then, another day of studying!!! Only a week left until the bar!! Then I will be a new woman! Or at least I will be free from bar review hell! (Until I find out that I failed and have to start studying again!!)
But last night, I got to see K...which broke up the monotony of the phone conversations a bit!! No, but really, it was nice. We ate dinner together & watched School of Rock (which I had never seen and was actually pretty funny). I spent the night with him in Tampa and came home this morning. It was a sex-less visit which was nice because I don't need to deal with those issues. He was really sweet. He kept talking about how he knows what I'm thinking without me saying anything because he's love with me. We were finishing each other's sentences and stuff and he really liked that. And when I was leaving we said "I love you" at the same time, which he really loved. He's so cute sometimes. He just really loves being bonded with me like this - I think it's so cute coming from him.
But, I'm back home now - and he's back on the road now. I secretly slipped my class ring onto his necklace - we'll see how long it takes for him to notice. But he keeps his father's ring on that necklace, so I figured he needed some of me on there too. ;-) He actually wanted me to take the necklace when I was leaving Charlotte, but I was worried that if I took the necklace he might lose his dad's ring and that would absolutely kill him. He also gave me a new car stereo for Kit. It's just like his, except one model older. It's cuzz the radio that's in there now doesn't go loud enough. Plus, with this one I can plug my iPod right into it & not have to use my iTrip. So, as soon as one of us has some extra cash, I will go get it installed. I'm sure he'll be putting new speakers in there eventually too! He just can't stand not to pimp my ride! LOL
Anyway, I am damn tired and everything hurts! I'm on the phone with K, and we will both be going to sleep soon. Then, another day of studying!!! Only a week left until the bar!! Then I will be a new woman! Or at least I will be free from bar review hell! (Until I find out that I failed and have to start studying again!!)
Friday, July 14, 2006
Rollercoaster
So last night was awful. But today was pretty damn good! So I am in a fairly happy mood right now. Here's the story:
The bar is like, eleven days away? The formal review classes are over, so I am studying on my own. I was pretty excited about that but then yesterday, despite my plan to "get ahead" I only got like, an hour ahead, smoked 4 ciggarettes, didn't work out, and spent like 6 hrs on the phone with K. I was kinda mad at him for this because it started when he "called me back" after I had said I would call him back after a few hrs of studying. Honestly, I think he just forgot & innocently called me back as he would normally do. I am a grown up (or so he says) and I should have just told him to go away. But he was not in a very good mood and I didn't want to make him mad - that plan totally failed.
So the stress of the day mounted until I started a fight with him about something completely stupid at about 9pm. So we argued about that for like an hour or so and then I made a fatal mistake. I told him that I wasn't studying like I should be because I was too afraid of losing him. (Insert graphic of mushroom cloud here.)
So, of course, he is SO upset about that and takes it to the absolute extreme. He says he's just gonna go away then, so that I will do what I need to do and not fuck up my career for him, etc. So, I think he is like breaking up with me, which of course makes me just insanely upset. So, I'm crying - which he hates. And he is getting more upset and so am I and things are being said that should not be said and everything is just getting ridiculous. So finally I said "Stop. This is not about you punishing me until I get my grades up or something. I'm an adult. I just want things to be normal with us. And I need you to hear me when I say that I need to study and not guilt me or get mad - even as a joke."
Yeah, so he says he "loves me to pieces" - which if you know him, you know is just too cute for words & he says that all the time - and that he's not going anywhere. He just wants me to do my work and do what I need to do. He says I worked too hard for this and he's not gonna let me fuck it all up because of him. Which I know is true. I can't fuck this up. I need to behave and study. So, anyway, it was just a very negative night and even though he was reassuring at night, I was still stressed & upset.
So, I didn't sleep well. Nightmares and such. I woke up at 8 with this really sick feeling, so I tried to go back to sleep for about an hour and then I called him back. I just needed to know that we really were back to normal. We are. He did the whole "I love you more than you know. I'm gonna marry you. I'm supporting you. I'm gonna make sure you do what you gotta do." thing and it was sweet. I felt tons better and went back to sleep until 11am.
Then I got up, did LOTS of homework and worked out. Then went to Starbucks and did more work. Smoked zero ciggarettes. And then I found out that he is gonna be on his way to Tampa tomorrow! So I promised I would do even MORE homework, which I did, so that I can see him on Sunday. I promised him I would work my butt off so that I could spend Sunday evening with him and not sacrifice my work. I can't wait!
Also, he is switching jobs so that he can be "home" every weekend. He says his home is with me now...even though he just bought his own house 600 miles away! But we decided he will alternate, one weekend here and one up there. He's gonna try to start the new job in October or November. This makes me wickedly happy for 2 reasons: I will see him more & he won't have to drive thru bad weather in the winter because he will only be in the southeast.
So, yeah, everything is fabulous now. I think I may even do some more work now. Goodnite!
The bar is like, eleven days away? The formal review classes are over, so I am studying on my own. I was pretty excited about that but then yesterday, despite my plan to "get ahead" I only got like, an hour ahead, smoked 4 ciggarettes, didn't work out, and spent like 6 hrs on the phone with K. I was kinda mad at him for this because it started when he "called me back" after I had said I would call him back after a few hrs of studying. Honestly, I think he just forgot & innocently called me back as he would normally do. I am a grown up (or so he says) and I should have just told him to go away. But he was not in a very good mood and I didn't want to make him mad - that plan totally failed.
So the stress of the day mounted until I started a fight with him about something completely stupid at about 9pm. So we argued about that for like an hour or so and then I made a fatal mistake. I told him that I wasn't studying like I should be because I was too afraid of losing him. (Insert graphic of mushroom cloud here.)
So, of course, he is SO upset about that and takes it to the absolute extreme. He says he's just gonna go away then, so that I will do what I need to do and not fuck up my career for him, etc. So, I think he is like breaking up with me, which of course makes me just insanely upset. So, I'm crying - which he hates. And he is getting more upset and so am I and things are being said that should not be said and everything is just getting ridiculous. So finally I said "Stop. This is not about you punishing me until I get my grades up or something. I'm an adult. I just want things to be normal with us. And I need you to hear me when I say that I need to study and not guilt me or get mad - even as a joke."
Yeah, so he says he "loves me to pieces" - which if you know him, you know is just too cute for words & he says that all the time - and that he's not going anywhere. He just wants me to do my work and do what I need to do. He says I worked too hard for this and he's not gonna let me fuck it all up because of him. Which I know is true. I can't fuck this up. I need to behave and study. So, anyway, it was just a very negative night and even though he was reassuring at night, I was still stressed & upset.
So, I didn't sleep well. Nightmares and such. I woke up at 8 with this really sick feeling, so I tried to go back to sleep for about an hour and then I called him back. I just needed to know that we really were back to normal. We are. He did the whole "I love you more than you know. I'm gonna marry you. I'm supporting you. I'm gonna make sure you do what you gotta do." thing and it was sweet. I felt tons better and went back to sleep until 11am.
Then I got up, did LOTS of homework and worked out. Then went to Starbucks and did more work. Smoked zero ciggarettes. And then I found out that he is gonna be on his way to Tampa tomorrow! So I promised I would do even MORE homework, which I did, so that I can see him on Sunday. I promised him I would work my butt off so that I could spend Sunday evening with him and not sacrifice my work. I can't wait!
Also, he is switching jobs so that he can be "home" every weekend. He says his home is with me now...even though he just bought his own house 600 miles away! But we decided he will alternate, one weekend here and one up there. He's gonna try to start the new job in October or November. This makes me wickedly happy for 2 reasons: I will see him more & he won't have to drive thru bad weather in the winter because he will only be in the southeast.
So, yeah, everything is fabulous now. I think I may even do some more work now. Goodnite!
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
6/13/00
My beauty, shadowed
My innocence, broken
The sun
Streamed thru bars
Bounced off windows
I waited
Concentrated on the beauty
Tried to ignore
The obvious
His hands
Were wrapped around my wrists
I wondered how he could
Balance
Afraid he would fall
And crush me
That I would be nothing
When he was done
I heard voices
Tears
Of those I loved
As they watched
Helplessly
I thought of the playground
My cousin’s soccer game
The places I should be
Instead of here
I was afraid the blood
Would stain
That someone would notice
And I’d need a reason
I tried to find a reason
I could see the lawn
Was overgrown
That was his chore
He hadn’t done it today
He had other things on his mind
Taking up his agenda
Me
And as he felt me relaxing
Giving in
I felt him slowing
I heard noises from his mouth
I’d never heard before
I wanted to kiss him
To make them stop
I wanted my choice back
The chance to say “yes”
So there wouldn’t be a fight
The chance to be prepared
But I’d lost
Chose the wrong door
And I felt my life
Seeping out of me
I knew for sure
I had lost my freedom
I bought myself a room
With no doors or windows
Or clean air
A room
Which no one would be willing
To save me from
A room with no beautyAnd no choices
My innocence, broken
The sun
Streamed thru bars
Bounced off windows
I waited
Concentrated on the beauty
Tried to ignore
The obvious
His hands
Were wrapped around my wrists
I wondered how he could
Balance
Afraid he would fall
And crush me
That I would be nothing
When he was done
I heard voices
Tears
Of those I loved
As they watched
Helplessly
I thought of the playground
My cousin’s soccer game
The places I should be
Instead of here
I was afraid the blood
Would stain
That someone would notice
And I’d need a reason
I tried to find a reason
I could see the lawn
Was overgrown
That was his chore
He hadn’t done it today
He had other things on his mind
Taking up his agenda
Me
And as he felt me relaxing
Giving in
I felt him slowing
I heard noises from his mouth
I’d never heard before
I wanted to kiss him
To make them stop
I wanted my choice back
The chance to say “yes”
So there wouldn’t be a fight
The chance to be prepared
But I’d lost
Chose the wrong door
And I felt my life
Seeping out of me
I knew for sure
I had lost my freedom
I bought myself a room
With no doors or windows
Or clean air
A room
Which no one would be willing
To save me from
A room with no beautyAnd no choices
Saturday, July 08, 2006
Paging Dr. Banks...
So, I was up late last night and I happened upon the Tyra Banks show. Yeah, I know. But she was talking to teens about sex, so I had to watch. Personally, I am fascinated and perplexed by this country's recent abstinence campaign. Between the time I graduated & my sister started high school, our school district implemented the "abstinence only model" for sex education - which, if you ask me is like the fat free version of a funnel cake, but I digress.
Anyhoo, so I'm watching the Tyra Banks show and Tyra is asking all these teenagers about their sex lives. (She's no Phil McGraw, I'll tell you that much!) A few were virgins, but the majority had been incredibly active. One boy said he got his 1st blow job when he was 10 (does it even work when they're that young??). Now, you all know that I was one of those early bloomers so I am not at all shocked by the general trend. Tyra, however, must have been way too busy nursing her addiction to laxatives when she was a teenager because the entire idea of teen sex seemed to absolutely shock her.
The funniest thing was how she kept saying "when I was a kid" or "in my day" as if she's like 80 fuckin' years old, ya know? Of course the kids' parents were in the audience, shocked by what their kids were revealing. I think it's so funny that all these adults that are telling these kids how their decisions are so irresponsible and can have long lasting effects, are the same adults that signed the kids up and provided transportation for them to air all of their dirtiest secrets on national television. None of these kids will ever be President now.
At the end of the show Tyra discussed how technology is adding a disturbing new aspect to teen sex - apparently, teens are videotaping their sex. Tyra says "In my day, we had cameras, but nobody did that!" Sure Tyra, nobody was videotaping sex when you were a teenager - that's an entirely new concept. Welcome to the 21st Century ya dumb cunt. Sorry, was that out loud?
Honestly, the 1st intelligent thing anybody said on the entire fucking show was in the last 30 seconds. The father of one kid who admitted to having 2 sex partners stood up and said that he lost his virginity at an even younger age and all he cared about was whether his son was using protection. FINALLY!!!! Somebody talks about the REAL risks. Sure pregnancy and bad reputations suck - but AIDS fucking kills. Those kids would know that if the government allowed them to get educated in school!! Grrrr. Luckily, they have good ol' Tyra to light the way for them. Honestly, what would we do without models-turned-reality-show-m.c.s-turned-talk-show-hosts?? I shudder at the thought.
Anyhoo, so I'm watching the Tyra Banks show and Tyra is asking all these teenagers about their sex lives. (She's no Phil McGraw, I'll tell you that much!) A few were virgins, but the majority had been incredibly active. One boy said he got his 1st blow job when he was 10 (does it even work when they're that young??). Now, you all know that I was one of those early bloomers so I am not at all shocked by the general trend. Tyra, however, must have been way too busy nursing her addiction to laxatives when she was a teenager because the entire idea of teen sex seemed to absolutely shock her.
The funniest thing was how she kept saying "when I was a kid" or "in my day" as if she's like 80 fuckin' years old, ya know? Of course the kids' parents were in the audience, shocked by what their kids were revealing. I think it's so funny that all these adults that are telling these kids how their decisions are so irresponsible and can have long lasting effects, are the same adults that signed the kids up and provided transportation for them to air all of their dirtiest secrets on national television. None of these kids will ever be President now.
At the end of the show Tyra discussed how technology is adding a disturbing new aspect to teen sex - apparently, teens are videotaping their sex. Tyra says "In my day, we had cameras, but nobody did that!" Sure Tyra, nobody was videotaping sex when you were a teenager - that's an entirely new concept. Welcome to the 21st Century ya dumb cunt. Sorry, was that out loud?
Honestly, the 1st intelligent thing anybody said on the entire fucking show was in the last 30 seconds. The father of one kid who admitted to having 2 sex partners stood up and said that he lost his virginity at an even younger age and all he cared about was whether his son was using protection. FINALLY!!!! Somebody talks about the REAL risks. Sure pregnancy and bad reputations suck - but AIDS fucking kills. Those kids would know that if the government allowed them to get educated in school!! Grrrr. Luckily, they have good ol' Tyra to light the way for them. Honestly, what would we do without models-turned-reality-show-m.c.s-turned-talk-show-hosts?? I shudder at the thought.
Thursday, July 06, 2006
My SJP Moment...
So there I was, 4am Wednesday morning, sitting on the floor of a hotel room in Charlotte, typing an entry in my journal and smoking, while K was sleeping on the other side of the room. Very SJP, I love it! Well, at that point, I was not doing so good. I was feeling pretty crappy: physically, mentally, spiritually, every way possible. I actually went 2 of the 4 nights there without sleep, I sat up typing in my journal, playing around on the internet, and listening to music. Mostly because I just have so much going on in my brain when I'm with him. The 2nd night I even took a Xanax and still couldn't sleep. But now, I'm feeling much better. Although pretty lonely.
The last 5 days in Charlotte went pretty well. Things with his family were fine. I had tons of fun playing with his brother's kids and I got along really well with his cousins. His mom, well, he says she likes me but she definitely scares me a bit. She is very much a person who is used to being in charge and so very quickly started sort of telling me what to do. I don't deal well with that. So, hopefully that will change overtime. She'll start to realize that I am not her kid and I will be less offended by the demands. But, like I said, K says she really likes me, so that's good.
As far as the two of us, I think it was a good visit over all. I miss him so much already. I got used to being next to him practically 24 hrs/day and it sucks that I won't see him again until probably the end of August. And maybe not even then, maybe not until the end of September! That is a long time away.
He's really trying hard to find a job that will bring him down here more often. It's hard for me because of course I really want him to be here all the time, but I also don't want him changing his whole life around just for me. But I'm having a hard time not being selfish with this whole thing. He says he's gonna tell his job that he wants them to send him to Florida more and I know I should say "It's okay baby, do your job, I don't mind." But I don't say that because I want him here. Christ, sometimes I just want him to quit his job & be here all the time. Of course I don't really want him to do that. I'm so proud of him that he has taken such good care of himself all this time and that he has such a good job that pays good money, I certainly don't want him to be unemployed living off of me like every other loser I've ever dated. I just want him here though.
So, anyway, as far as what we did over the last five days, I spent a lot of time watching him & his family fish. That was fine though cuzz I hung out with his one cousin, A, who is totally cool. He's only 17 but we had a lot of fun hanging out together & stealing K's car once in a while! LOL We also went to the mall (although not nearly long enough!), went to a BBQ at some rich guy's house, and saw Superman Returns. But a lot of our time we were just hanging out at his brother's house or running errands. It really didn't matter what we did, I was just happy to see him and be with him.
The funniest thing about the whole weekend was the fact that his family just can't believe how much I stand up to him. I mean, on the one hand I do take care of him to a certain extent, but he takes care of me too. But at the same time, I do NOT respond to orders from him at all. If he wants something from me he needs to ask nicely or I tell him to fuck off. The 1st time his mom heard me tell him that she was shocked! Definitely impressed, but still shocked. I even had him saying Please & Thank You to the kids, which totally shocked his family too. It's so funny. I guess that's one of my favorite things about my relationship with him - the fact that I know his secrets. Like I know that as tough as he pretends to be, nothing scares him more than being alone. So he can be all angry and mean acting, but in the end he's going to do whatever he has to do for me because he doesn't want me to leave. It's too cute.
Anyway, so mission accomplished. No major tragedies. We're still waiting for everything to get done with the house. That is definitely stressing him out. Also he can't get his computer to work, so his wireless isn't working which is really bad because he needs it while he's on the road. Hopefully this will all get fixed in the next day or two so he can get back on the road with no problems. As for me...back to bar review!!! YUCK!
The last 5 days in Charlotte went pretty well. Things with his family were fine. I had tons of fun playing with his brother's kids and I got along really well with his cousins. His mom, well, he says she likes me but she definitely scares me a bit. She is very much a person who is used to being in charge and so very quickly started sort of telling me what to do. I don't deal well with that. So, hopefully that will change overtime. She'll start to realize that I am not her kid and I will be less offended by the demands. But, like I said, K says she really likes me, so that's good.
As far as the two of us, I think it was a good visit over all. I miss him so much already. I got used to being next to him practically 24 hrs/day and it sucks that I won't see him again until probably the end of August. And maybe not even then, maybe not until the end of September! That is a long time away.
He's really trying hard to find a job that will bring him down here more often. It's hard for me because of course I really want him to be here all the time, but I also don't want him changing his whole life around just for me. But I'm having a hard time not being selfish with this whole thing. He says he's gonna tell his job that he wants them to send him to Florida more and I know I should say "It's okay baby, do your job, I don't mind." But I don't say that because I want him here. Christ, sometimes I just want him to quit his job & be here all the time. Of course I don't really want him to do that. I'm so proud of him that he has taken such good care of himself all this time and that he has such a good job that pays good money, I certainly don't want him to be unemployed living off of me like every other loser I've ever dated. I just want him here though.
So, anyway, as far as what we did over the last five days, I spent a lot of time watching him & his family fish. That was fine though cuzz I hung out with his one cousin, A, who is totally cool. He's only 17 but we had a lot of fun hanging out together & stealing K's car once in a while! LOL We also went to the mall (although not nearly long enough!), went to a BBQ at some rich guy's house, and saw Superman Returns. But a lot of our time we were just hanging out at his brother's house or running errands. It really didn't matter what we did, I was just happy to see him and be with him.
The funniest thing about the whole weekend was the fact that his family just can't believe how much I stand up to him. I mean, on the one hand I do take care of him to a certain extent, but he takes care of me too. But at the same time, I do NOT respond to orders from him at all. If he wants something from me he needs to ask nicely or I tell him to fuck off. The 1st time his mom heard me tell him that she was shocked! Definitely impressed, but still shocked. I even had him saying Please & Thank You to the kids, which totally shocked his family too. It's so funny. I guess that's one of my favorite things about my relationship with him - the fact that I know his secrets. Like I know that as tough as he pretends to be, nothing scares him more than being alone. So he can be all angry and mean acting, but in the end he's going to do whatever he has to do for me because he doesn't want me to leave. It's too cute.
Anyway, so mission accomplished. No major tragedies. We're still waiting for everything to get done with the house. That is definitely stressing him out. Also he can't get his computer to work, so his wireless isn't working which is really bad because he needs it while he's on the road. Hopefully this will all get fixed in the next day or two so he can get back on the road with no problems. As for me...back to bar review!!! YUCK!
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