Well, instead of flying up to see K on Sunday, he is picking me up here (at work) today! In about an hour actually. So, I have quite a few butterflies. Wondering if I remembered to bring everything, worrying that we will argue too much, worrying that his truck won't fit under the bridge. Ugh. It's giving me a tummy ache. Plus, I am SO all alone here! I think I am one of like 10 people in the whole damn building! And online, nobody is on gmail or facebook or the space. On top of it all, my sister lost her cell phone! So, I am pretty lonely. But, i am sure that there will be many times in the next 11 days that I will be longing for solitude, so I am trying to enjoy it. To keep myself amused, I am watching Friday Night Lights online.
Anyway, I hope everyone has a fun, safe & happy holiday week!
Friday, December 21, 2007
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
Sloth
I am doing nothing at work right now. Normally that's fine - it's what I am supposed to be doing. But today, I actually have something I could be working on. I just don't want to. We had our Xmas lunch today and, as K would say, I am "all fat & full", plus we got presents. I'm just lethargic and I have no desire to do anything productive. I am yawning and fighting to stay awake. I still have 50 minutes left, and if my sister doesn't call me back & entertain me, I may end up drooling on my desk calendar.
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
Excommunication
So, my mom, my sister and I are officially no longer part of my mother's family. I will tell u the latest, but 1st, the cast of characters. My mom has 3 brothers: Mike, John and Rob. Also, both of my mom's parents are still alive. My grandparents have not spoken to my mom since about May or June of this year, apparently because they are mad at her for getting a divorce.
Yesterday Mike sent my mom an email telling her that Rob is having the Xmas celebration and he was wondering if me & my sister would be in town and would the 3 of us want to come over.
My mom responds that my sister will be in town, but I won't be. My mom says that she will have to check with my grandparents before she decides about coming because she doesn't want to make them uncomfortable.
My mom call smy grandmother and asks her if she minds if my mom & my sister come to Rob's for Xmas. My grandmother says "I don't know. I will think about it & get back to you." Then she hung up.
So my mom emails Mike and tells him what my grandmother said. Mike says "Well, that sounds reasonable."
Then my mom gets an email from Rob "We would prefer it if you did not come to Xmas this year. It would make things easier on everyone."
Holy Fuck.
So today, I got an Xmas card from my grandparents with a check for 50 bucks in it. They included a note that said they are doing well and went to 4 Xmas parties this year. They hope I come visit them the next time I'm in town.
I am sending it all back to them with this note:
Considering the way you are treating my mother, I think our relationship is over and I don’t want to accept this card. It’s sad that when the 3 of us needed our family the most you turned your back on us, but I guess that’s life. We’ve never been a part of [my father's] family, and I guess now we’re not part of [my mother's] family either. Luckily, I’m used to it by now. Unfortunately, my mom isn’t very used to it and is still very hurt. I simply can’t ignore the pain she’s in and pretend that everything is fine.
I guess that’s all I have to say. I’m sorry that you feel the way you do (whichever way that is), but it’s clear that nothing can be done to change it.
Over & out.
Yesterday Mike sent my mom an email telling her that Rob is having the Xmas celebration and he was wondering if me & my sister would be in town and would the 3 of us want to come over.
My mom responds that my sister will be in town, but I won't be. My mom says that she will have to check with my grandparents before she decides about coming because she doesn't want to make them uncomfortable.
My mom call smy grandmother and asks her if she minds if my mom & my sister come to Rob's for Xmas. My grandmother says "I don't know. I will think about it & get back to you." Then she hung up.
So my mom emails Mike and tells him what my grandmother said. Mike says "Well, that sounds reasonable."
Then my mom gets an email from Rob "We would prefer it if you did not come to Xmas this year. It would make things easier on everyone."
Holy Fuck.
So today, I got an Xmas card from my grandparents with a check for 50 bucks in it. They included a note that said they are doing well and went to 4 Xmas parties this year. They hope I come visit them the next time I'm in town.
I am sending it all back to them with this note:
Considering the way you are treating my mother, I think our relationship is over and I don’t want to accept this card. It’s sad that when the 3 of us needed our family the most you turned your back on us, but I guess that’s life. We’ve never been a part of [my father's] family, and I guess now we’re not part of [my mother's] family either. Luckily, I’m used to it by now. Unfortunately, my mom isn’t very used to it and is still very hurt. I simply can’t ignore the pain she’s in and pretend that everything is fine.
I guess that’s all I have to say. I’m sorry that you feel the way you do (whichever way that is), but it’s clear that nothing can be done to change it.
Over & out.
Monday, December 17, 2007
Ch@mberm@id
The title of this post is the (redacted) title of a book I am reading. It's written by a girl who clerked for a federal appellate judge in Philly. The book is based on her experiences as a clerk, but is admittedly somewhat exaggerated to be more humorous.
Essentially, it's a bitch fest. 269 pages of complaining. The feeling of it reminds me of the book Matilda, and if this book were to be made into a movie, I would imagine it would look like that movie did. Except it would be horrendously boring and trite.
Clearly, this girl just didn't understand reality. She claims to have been snowed by the law school machine that convinced her that clerking for a judge, any judge, would be the most fantastically wonderful thing ever. Apparently she had no idea that judges are people too and some of them assholes, and if you get hired by one of the assholes it won't be much fun. Clerking involves VERY tight quarters, there is no escaping or avoiding your judge. But most of us take the risk of 1 or 2 years with an asshole so that we can learn a lot and improve our resumes before becoming an advocate.
In the book, the main character is often told by her judge that she is stupid & her work is low quality. Now, I'm not saying that any judge SHOULD say those things to her clerk, but after reading this book, maybe those things were true! This girl went to NYU for law school, which is a pretty good school, but her writing is pretty immature and it's obvious that she had very little common sense. It's odd that part of this book is about working on a death penalty case, but even the gravity of that situation does not seem to demonstrate to the this woman that things in her world aren't so bad. You have a mean & unreasonable boss. Poor baby. Your feelings are hurt. Awwww. I mean, COME ON!
Now, it's true that I got lucky. My judge is the awesomest boss EVER. But I knew when I was interviewing, and even when I accepted this offer, that he could be a lunatic. I knew these 2 years might suck. I just figured I would deal with it. No matter what, I would be okay. It's only a bad boss. It's not cancer. I wasn't going to be homeless. I know that my next job may suck. I may hate my bosses and have no friends. I may even cry. But I promise not to write a memoir about how the law school machine tricked me into some god awful version of pergatory. My commitment is eighteen months. I will do my job, earn my paycheck, look at palm trees and sleep in my comfy bed. It's not the end of the world. Maybe someone should show this whiny bitch what misery REALLY is. Any suggestions???
Essentially, it's a bitch fest. 269 pages of complaining. The feeling of it reminds me of the book Matilda, and if this book were to be made into a movie, I would imagine it would look like that movie did. Except it would be horrendously boring and trite.
Clearly, this girl just didn't understand reality. She claims to have been snowed by the law school machine that convinced her that clerking for a judge, any judge, would be the most fantastically wonderful thing ever. Apparently she had no idea that judges are people too and some of them assholes, and if you get hired by one of the assholes it won't be much fun. Clerking involves VERY tight quarters, there is no escaping or avoiding your judge. But most of us take the risk of 1 or 2 years with an asshole so that we can learn a lot and improve our resumes before becoming an advocate.
In the book, the main character is often told by her judge that she is stupid & her work is low quality. Now, I'm not saying that any judge SHOULD say those things to her clerk, but after reading this book, maybe those things were true! This girl went to NYU for law school, which is a pretty good school, but her writing is pretty immature and it's obvious that she had very little common sense. It's odd that part of this book is about working on a death penalty case, but even the gravity of that situation does not seem to demonstrate to the this woman that things in her world aren't so bad. You have a mean & unreasonable boss. Poor baby. Your feelings are hurt. Awwww. I mean, COME ON!
Now, it's true that I got lucky. My judge is the awesomest boss EVER. But I knew when I was interviewing, and even when I accepted this offer, that he could be a lunatic. I knew these 2 years might suck. I just figured I would deal with it. No matter what, I would be okay. It's only a bad boss. It's not cancer. I wasn't going to be homeless. I know that my next job may suck. I may hate my bosses and have no friends. I may even cry. But I promise not to write a memoir about how the law school machine tricked me into some god awful version of pergatory. My commitment is eighteen months. I will do my job, earn my paycheck, look at palm trees and sleep in my comfy bed. It's not the end of the world. Maybe someone should show this whiny bitch what misery REALLY is. Any suggestions???
Saturday, December 15, 2007
Talk to the Hand, Cuz the Face Hurts
My ear hurts. I thought I had an ear infection, but I don't. It's just my TMJ acting up BAD. This morning it hurt to spit while brushing my teeth. I even took Vicodin last night. Didn't do a thing. I got a massage this morning and she did this cranial decompression thing. That helped a LOT, but still, it hurts to yawn & chew. Ugh.
My mom ordered me to stay off the phone today & rest, but that only worked until about 6pm. I know this means I will probably have to get some sort of treatment I don't want. Like a night guard or surgery. One of my friends had surgery for her TMJ last year and she had to have her jaw wired shut for weeks. YUCK! Altho, it may be a good way to lose some weight! I will probably have to go see a Maxofacial Surgeon after the holidays. Woo hoo! Oh well...I am going back to sleep now.
My mom ordered me to stay off the phone today & rest, but that only worked until about 6pm. I know this means I will probably have to get some sort of treatment I don't want. Like a night guard or surgery. One of my friends had surgery for her TMJ last year and she had to have her jaw wired shut for weeks. YUCK! Altho, it may be a good way to lose some weight! I will probably have to go see a Maxofacial Surgeon after the holidays. Woo hoo! Oh well...I am going back to sleep now.
Monday, December 10, 2007
Change of Plans
Okay, so my original plans for Xmas week were to work Dec 24th & 26th and then spend the 27th through Jan 1st with K. This meant I would be alone for Xmas, which really was fine with me. Actually, I was kinda looking forward to it. That is, until W went and screwed it all up!
Last Thursday W declared that all Federal offices would be closed on December 24, 2007. That includes my office. So that means I only had to work on the 26th. Of course my judge won't be having that. He tells me to change my flight and get the hell out. So I did. K and I will now be together Dec. 23rd through Jan 1st. I was happy about this because we haven't seen each other since October.
Of course, he has to ruin it. The sexual threats started almost immediately. Now I'm a little sick to my stomach and wishing all the flights for the 23rd had been sold out. Why does he have to do that? Why does he say things he knows are going to upset me? It makes me think he must enjoy making me upset - why else would he do it? Ugh.
Last Thursday W declared that all Federal offices would be closed on December 24, 2007. That includes my office. So that means I only had to work on the 26th. Of course my judge won't be having that. He tells me to change my flight and get the hell out. So I did. K and I will now be together Dec. 23rd through Jan 1st. I was happy about this because we haven't seen each other since October.
Of course, he has to ruin it. The sexual threats started almost immediately. Now I'm a little sick to my stomach and wishing all the flights for the 23rd had been sold out. Why does he have to do that? Why does he say things he knows are going to upset me? It makes me think he must enjoy making me upset - why else would he do it? Ugh.
Saturday, December 08, 2007
Yes, Virginia, there is a Satan
And, in about 9 months, I will be working for him (it?). Last night I went to my new firm's Holiday Party. I found out that my 1st assignment will most likely be defending big tobacco companies. My mother will be so proud.
On the up-side, everyone at the party was very nice to me and it was a very low-key event. No ridiculous drunks. Not quite as entertaining as my old firm's parties, but not bad.
On the up-side, everyone at the party was very nice to me and it was a very low-key event. No ridiculous drunks. Not quite as entertaining as my old firm's parties, but not bad.
Thursday, December 06, 2007
Sold!
So, I got my final rejection today, and I have officially accepted the one job offer I received. Which means I sold my soul to the devil for WAY more than it is worth. LOL
Yeah, the oodles of money definitely softens the blow, but all of these rejections have been hard to deal with. Hopefully in a few years the economy will pick up and I will have the option of going somewhere else if I want. My contract is only 18 months, so it's certainly not a life sentence. Plus, they do seem like they are excited to have me. So, maybe it won't be so bad. Obviously they think I have the balls to play with the big boys! Hopefully they are right!
Yeah, the oodles of money definitely softens the blow, but all of these rejections have been hard to deal with. Hopefully in a few years the economy will pick up and I will have the option of going somewhere else if I want. My contract is only 18 months, so it's certainly not a life sentence. Plus, they do seem like they are excited to have me. So, maybe it won't be so bad. Obviously they think I have the balls to play with the big boys! Hopefully they are right!
Tuesday, December 04, 2007
PMS
Sometimes, it's no big deal. Other times it's awful. Today, I can actually feel the weight of sadness crushing on my chest. It's like with every breath I'm fighting tears. I don't know why. I hate my female parts.
Monday, December 03, 2007
Let's Change the Subject
Okay, I know. Last entry was pretty heavy. I needed to get some stuff out there. Yesterday, I talked to my BFF for like 4 hours. She said that K is an idiot & needs some guidance. She also told me to try to be a little less extreme when I argue with him (apparently, I should not use words like "assault" and "whore" quite so much). As usual, she is probably right & definitely made me feel better. So, for now, I will move on.
Hmmm....so what should I talk about today? How about stupid people? Always plenty of them. Well, maybe these are more like moderately intelligent people doing annoying/stupid things.
First, is my friend A. She has a master's degree, so she's no moron. But sometimes, she makes me want to bop her on the head with considerable force! A called me this weekend. We were both doing some Xmas shopping (mine is all done except for office gifts! Woohoo!). A is looking for a gift for her mother-in-law, who has requested a red cashmere sweater. Now, I must say, that this request is a BIT extravagant. A and her husband are not rich, and they just bought a new house. So A is looking for a deal on said sweater. So, I go home & look online. I find EXACTLY what mother-in-law wants at Macy's, on sale for 80 bucks! I think "Whoa! Good deal!" My mom agrees. So I email it to A, who says "Thanks, but I think that is more than we want to spend on her. But now I know where to look for clearance!" Huh? Does A really think she is gonna find anything close to cashmere for much less than 80 bucks?? And, it is her husband's mother for christ's sake! I know they aren't loaded, but you think for his MOTHER he could handle around 100 bucks (especially soince she is his only parent). Instead, he wants his wife to bargain hunt like a madwoman for the next month & find a cheap cashmere sweater...how cheap? I have no idea. But all the time, gas & stress spent on said bargain hunting is probably not worth it in the long run. But whatever....none of my business. Maybe I am being too good of a daughter tho, I am spending at least $200 on my mommy!
Next is my co-worker, E. We all know this guy is a moron....despite his master's degree AND law degree. So, stories of his stupidity are no surprise. One thing that annoys the hell out of me is trying to arrange time off with him. In this office, the philosophy is that we take turns. Last year I took off for Thanksgiving & Xmas. This year I took off New Year's (meaning the days around those holidays, since we are closed for the ACTUAL holidays). I have established these dates with him about 40 times in the last 6 months, because he keeps asking me. Today, he asked me AGAIN, what my plans were. We had this SAME conversation friday.
E: "So what are your plans for Xmas week?"
Me: "I am off the 27th thru the 1st."
E: "Yeah, but why again?"
Me: "Because you were off those days last year."
E: "No, I mean what are u doing?"
Me: "K and I have a wedding in PA."
E: "On Saturday tho, right?"
Me: "Yes, the 29th."
E: "But you are off on the 1st too?"
Me: "Yes."
E. "Oh, because I kinda wanted to go to that football game."
Me: "Well, we are closed on the 1st, so I guess you can do that."
E: "Really? We are closed on the 1st? Well, good, then you don't have to come back early."
Me: "Right."
WTF????? You are 40 years old! You don't know that Jan 1st is a holiday???? And on what planet would I EVER change my PLANE tickets so you can go to a football game????? Did they slip LSD in your smoothie today??? Good lord. The worst part: we will have this conversation again in 2-3 days.
Hmmm....so what should I talk about today? How about stupid people? Always plenty of them. Well, maybe these are more like moderately intelligent people doing annoying/stupid things.
First, is my friend A. She has a master's degree, so she's no moron. But sometimes, she makes me want to bop her on the head with considerable force! A called me this weekend. We were both doing some Xmas shopping (mine is all done except for office gifts! Woohoo!). A is looking for a gift for her mother-in-law, who has requested a red cashmere sweater. Now, I must say, that this request is a BIT extravagant. A and her husband are not rich, and they just bought a new house. So A is looking for a deal on said sweater. So, I go home & look online. I find EXACTLY what mother-in-law wants at Macy's, on sale for 80 bucks! I think "Whoa! Good deal!" My mom agrees. So I email it to A, who says "Thanks, but I think that is more than we want to spend on her. But now I know where to look for clearance!" Huh? Does A really think she is gonna find anything close to cashmere for much less than 80 bucks?? And, it is her husband's mother for christ's sake! I know they aren't loaded, but you think for his MOTHER he could handle around 100 bucks (especially soince she is his only parent). Instead, he wants his wife to bargain hunt like a madwoman for the next month & find a cheap cashmere sweater...how cheap? I have no idea. But all the time, gas & stress spent on said bargain hunting is probably not worth it in the long run. But whatever....none of my business. Maybe I am being too good of a daughter tho, I am spending at least $200 on my mommy!
Next is my co-worker, E. We all know this guy is a moron....despite his master's degree AND law degree. So, stories of his stupidity are no surprise. One thing that annoys the hell out of me is trying to arrange time off with him. In this office, the philosophy is that we take turns. Last year I took off for Thanksgiving & Xmas. This year I took off New Year's (meaning the days around those holidays, since we are closed for the ACTUAL holidays). I have established these dates with him about 40 times in the last 6 months, because he keeps asking me. Today, he asked me AGAIN, what my plans were. We had this SAME conversation friday.
E: "So what are your plans for Xmas week?"
Me: "I am off the 27th thru the 1st."
E: "Yeah, but why again?"
Me: "Because you were off those days last year."
E: "No, I mean what are u doing?"
Me: "K and I have a wedding in PA."
E: "On Saturday tho, right?"
Me: "Yes, the 29th."
E: "But you are off on the 1st too?"
Me: "Yes."
E. "Oh, because I kinda wanted to go to that football game."
Me: "Well, we are closed on the 1st, so I guess you can do that."
E: "Really? We are closed on the 1st? Well, good, then you don't have to come back early."
Me: "Right."
WTF????? You are 40 years old! You don't know that Jan 1st is a holiday???? And on what planet would I EVER change my PLANE tickets so you can go to a football game????? Did they slip LSD in your smoothie today??? Good lord. The worst part: we will have this conversation again in 2-3 days.
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