I'm A Simple Girl

I don't need fancy hotels, valet parking, bellmen, turndown service or room service. In fact, I hate all of those things!!!

What I do want is a bathroom with a door, a shower with a curtain and a digital alarm clock. I would like a hairdryer that works and an outlet to plug it into. A TV that gets basic cable channels and free wirless internet. My idea of the perfect hotel? The Hampton Inn.

What is my point? I stayed at the "W Hotel" in Dallas this weekend - a VERY expensive trendy new hotel in the West End district of Dallas. It was AWFUL. Walking into the hotel is like walking into a nightclub - flashing multicolored lights and loud music. So loud you can't hear the check-in lady when she tells you that you need to use your room key to activate the elevators!

You the take the "secure" elevator up to your floor and walk into a room that looks like it was decorated by the Jetsons. The toilet is in a room with a door. But there is no door between the hotel room and the shower. In fact, there is no door on the shower at all. Just a piece of glass, half the size of the shower stall. This means that if you don't want to freeze your ass off you have to stand DIRECTLY under the water and over the drain. Not comfortable for your feet at all. Actually, not comfortable for any part of you.

The room comes with an iPod dock, which is nice of them. But I'd prefer a digital alarm clock. Instead, they give you a rotary one. How on earth you set the alarm on a rotary clock I will never know.

The room also comes with a hairdryer that is so weak it is the equivalent of K standing next to me and blowing on my air like it was hot soup.

There are only 2 accessible outlets in the room. So, you can sit at the desk but you can't plug your laptop in to anything but an ethernet cord. Or you can sit on the bed and plug into the outlet. Either way you will pay $9.95 a day for the slowest internet access I have had in a long time.

Oh yeah, and then there is the TV which has about 15 channels. Inclduing HBO but not including USA - which on a friday night is the ONLY channel I care about. But whatever.

On Friday night I got room service. Sixty bucks for a salad, mushroom penne and a piece of cheesecake. I know, my firm pays for it, but still that is ridiculous! Eating at the melting pot on Wednesday night was cheaper!

Oh yeah, and did I mention the sign on the elevator that says "16th Floor WET BLISS SWEAT"??
Interesting...eventually I found out that this means "16th Floor Pool, Spa and Fitness Center."

Today, on my last day there, I got trapped in the "secure" elevator. That was a good time. I would have screamed for help but I couldn't hear my screams over the club music.

Yeah, so that was my latest expensive hotel experience. I swear, I will NEVER understand why people pay so much to stay at these hotels that are completely impractical. What is the extra price for when NOTHING is included?? No free breakfast, no free parking, no free internet and no more comfortable than any average hotel. Call me crazy, but I think it's absurd. And honestly, I'm a little pissed at my firm for wasting good money like this.

Please, Mr. President (Elect)

Okay Barry, we are down to the wire. You know I am TOTALLY excited that, at noon tomorrow, you will be my president. And I would LOVE to be there to physically kick W's ass out of the white house. I would even wear hooker-stilletos and jam them up his anal cavity like I was Katie Couric.

But I wish that you would change one TINY little thing about tomorrow - the theme. I get that you admire Abe Lincoln, he was a pretty cool president. He did the whole civil war thing, and freed the slaves. Plus he wore that really obnoxious hat - made even more obnoxious by the fact that he was already exceptionally tall. He was a cool dude (if anyone needs proof of this, they should just watch Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure). However, do you really NEED to do so many Lincoln-esque things??? Eating his food??? Swearing on his bible??? Have you forgotten that Abe was SHOT AND KILLED??? I know, superstition is not an acceptable presidential attribute - but MUST we tempt the fates so???? I am sure you could pay tribute without touching the dead guy's bible!!! Ugh.

Okay, now that I have that off my chest, I will begin 4 (maybe 8?) years of finger-crossing. And yes, I will be coming to you for money when I get carpal tunnel syndrome. I am only an American, after all.

Good luck Barry. Make us proud.

Updates

First of all, I know it's Florida, but when it is 40 degrees out the heat should be on. I should not need gloves INSIDE MY OFFICE!

Second, I have 1,920 hours left! Woot!

Third, why am I so freakin' tired all the damn time??? Could this be related to the previous item?? Perhaps. But still, it is a bit ridiculous. I fall asleep at like 9:30 every night and I am still exhausted all day long. I think I may need to switch some of my meds. Anyhoo...

Work is going fairly well. Busy and sometimes stressful, but all in all I think I am doing ok. I've been really stressed about K's money situation lately. His job is like completely a waste. He works more than anyone I know and still doesn't make enough to get by. This week, after he paid for fuel and made his truck payment, he came home with only $100!!! I mean, really, it's nuts. And the more he works and the more in debt he gets, the more I hate his mother and wish she would just drop dead. She doesn't care how hard he works, she doesn't care how much money he pours into her dead-end life, she doesn't care how his health suffers and she doesn't care that we are losing time together. All she wants is more and more money. A house, a car, a cell phone, cable, big TVs, a jacuzzi, a brand new deck...just anything she can get her hands on. All this time he works and he has nothing for himself. I lent him money to get new tires on his truck, because I was afraid he might crash if he didn't get them. And I don't mind lending him money, but at the same time I feel like by helping him I help his mother and that makes me sick. Ugh. So that's my bitching for today.

Countdown

Thanks to Tiffany's inspiration, I have decided to countdown my billable hours. As of January 1, 2009 I have 2,000 billable hours to complete by December 31, 2009.

As of today, I have 1,984 hours left to go! Tiffany is right, counting down is MUCH more satisfying than counting up!!!

Curiouser & curiouser....

K and I went to the flea market today. Not just ANY flea market, but the most FABULOUS flea market I have ever been to!!! I have never been to one with so much variety and so many truly bizarre things. I have also never seen a sign like this:



at a flea market! LOL (BTW: this "store" was full of antique-type things which you would NEVER find at walmart...but I guess that is not the point....)

We didn't buy anything but I took like 20 pictures. I think K was a little bit embarassed by the fact that I screamed everytime I saw something fabulous. Like, for example, the Kayaks!!! Who buys a kayak at a flea market?? Or the 6-seater golf cart! Seriously, I am going back and taking more pictures very soon. It was a great time. K said "why do you get so excited about weird things??" and I said "Because it's the weird things that make life worth living. Why do you think I got so excited to date you??" That shut him up. Weirdo.