Not A Pretty Girl

If anyone is still out there...

2009-07-09T17:15:00.002-04:00

I know I haven't been very good about blogging lately, mostly because I don't have much to say that is very interesting. But, a lot has happened these last couple of weeks, so if you are out there - here it goes!!

My best friend got married last week. The wedding was wonderful and I had a lot of fun with her and all of our friends. I didn't cry until I had to say goodbye at the end of the reception. It all went really well.

I was in Buffalo for a whole week before the wedding, which meant quality time with mom, sis, and schmoe - all of which was wonderful. K joined me up there for most of the visit, which was nice. And at the end of the week, K's oldest brother came into town too and we got to spend time with him.

Unfortunately, some really shitty stuff happened too. First, K was moving his truck about 5 miles - from an abandoned parking lot to his drop-yard - when he got pulled over for a DOT inspection. It was INSANE. My sister and I were there, because we were gonna drive him home after he dropped off his truck. The inspection took TWO HOURS and then they gave him a ticket because he didn't write "off duty" in his log book. It's considered a misdemeanor!!! Can you fucking believe that?? So now he has to go back to Buffalo and go to court!! Fucking insane. So, he was pretty upset about that because he doesn't know if he will lose his job over it.

Then, on sunday (the 5th), I flew home and K stayed up there to go fishing with his brothers. I was almost back to my apartment when K called to say that he was on his way to the emergency room because he thinks he broke his finger! He said he never saw a finger swell up so fast in his life, so he was pretty concerned. About 4 hours later he called to say it was just a severe sprain - but it still sucks.

I went back to work on monday where I had a fight with the head of my department which has convinced me that I need a new job. This guy is such a jackass and this is the 2nd time (that I know of) when he has blatantly lied about me to other partners. I don't think I will lose my job before the end of the year, but I've started looking for something new. I've contacted 3 recruiting firms and applied to the IRS for an attorney position, so we'll see what happens.

But the BIGGEST thing that happened this week was this morning - I got into a car accident. I was stopped at a red light and a girl slammed into the back of me. My car isn't too bad, but I have whiplash which REALLY hurts. So, I took this afternoon off and I probably won't go in tomorrow either - maybe in the afternoon depending on how I feel. Luckily, K is supposed to be in town tonight, so at least I won't be alone. Unfortunately though, he just got stopped AGAIN for another DOT inspection. Hopefully no tickets this time though.

So, anyway, it's been a rough couple of weeks. If anyone wants to send me chocolate, I wouldn't object...

;-)

A Little Relieved

2009-06-18T19:13:00.002-04:00

I'm not sure why, but I have been REALLY stressed for the last 2 weeks and today, I just feel better.

I think a lot of my stress had to do with my best friend's wedding, which is silly, but it's just a big deal and I want it to be great, ya know? I'm not maid of honor, which hurt my feelings a little but also means I'm not responsible for anything. Still, I think it was stressing me a bit. In the last few days though, I've talked to her a lot and I just feel better I guess.

The rest of it had to do with money - mostly K's money problems. But he is almost caught up on all of his bills now so that lightens things up a bit too.

And things at work are going pretty well too, I have a lot of work and all my feedback has been really positive.

Plus, I finally had a good night's sleep last night. My jaw has been hurting SOOOO much lately and it's been keeping me awake. Last night I tried a Tylenol PM and it worked great - took away my pain and let me sleep.

So, today, I just feel good. Yay!!

Funny Lawsuits

2009-06-02T13:04:00.003-04:00

The following lawsuits were filed in central Florida this week. At least one of them should make you laugh.

1. Negligence action claiming the plaintiff was injured when a horse she was stabling was spooked by wild pigs, causing it to rear and land on the plaintiff. The plaintiff was denied worker's compensation and wages while recuperating. After leaving the defendant's employ, the defendant sold the plaintiff's horse without her consent.

2. Negligence action claiming the plaintiff was struck in the head, shoulders and back when a box of frozen dinners fell on her while an employee of the defendant's was stocking boxes in the frozen food section.

3. Negligence complaint. Defendant hit the plaintiff in the head with a bulk mail carrier.

4. Wrongful arrest complaint. Defendant Rice pulled the plaintiff over for a routine traffic stop and wrongly accused him of chewing crack cocaine, when he was really chewing bubble gum.

5. Negligence complaint. The plaintiff was in a hot tub at the defendant's resort when she became trapped by the hot tub suction drain.

6. Negligence complaint. The automatic doors at the defendant's store opened too quickly and knocked the plaintiff to the ground.

Outsiders

2009-05-29T12:59:00.003-04:00

If you ask K if he cares what other people think he will, emphatically, tell you no. He is lying. I think, of all of my friends, he cares what people think more than anyone. To some extent, I am fine with that. The only problem I have is his ranking system. It seems that the less connected he is to someone, the MORE he cares what they think of him and, consequently, of me. In most instances this is only mildly irritating. I don't mind "behaving myself" in front of his friends or family to a certain extent. There are some things I will NOT do though, under any circumstances, like wear matching socks.

But the one thing that REALLY bothers me lately is his concern about what his ex-girlfriend's mother, D, thinks. See, this is all facebook's fault. D still adores K, even though he is no longer dating her daughter (and hasn't been for about 5 years now). D thinks breaking up with K was her daughter's biggest mistake. I don't agree, I think they had a TERRIBLE relationship, and it was best that it ended, but of course D doesn't know the details like I do.

Anyway, so D is K's facebook friend and she leaves him comments ALL the time. At first, I didn't realize who she was. So, when she left him a birthday message with his name spelled wrong, I made a sarcastic comment that "I don't know who D is but she should at least learn how to spell your name correctly!" I know it was a bit rude, but come ON, his name is at the top of the page you are typing on! LOOK UP!!! Good lord. And once I realized who she was, she has known him for like, 15 years!!! It's not that hard! Anyway, K deleted my comment because he didn't want D to get mad. And, like I said, this bothers me, ya know?

Yesterday, he deleted another comment of mine (because he didn't want D to see it), that had NOTHING to do with her! WTF?? Why on EARTH does he care what this woman thinks of him?? Or of me?? Truly, she will probably hate me no matter what - just like her daughter does. He says that he and D are "cool" and he wants to keep it that way. But why?? I mean, I get along with some of my exes' parents, not that they are friends with me on FB or anything, but if they got mad at me about something K said I wouldn't give a shit. Why does he? I guess it upsets me because deep down I still think this is a "just in case" move. Like, if things don't work out with me and he gets back together with the ex, he wants her mom to still like him. And I think that, at this stage when he is telling people he wants to marry me, he shouldn't have a back-up plan. But it also bothers me because he would NEVER delete someone else's comment just so I wouldn't get upset. And again, I think he needs to have a better ranking system.

Anyway, so that is just my rant on that. NBD, just annoying - ya know?

Oh, the places she'll go!!

2009-05-25T18:37:00.002-04:00

It's official. My sister is a college graduate. She is the first person in the family to graduate from college within 4 years after graduating from high school. She graduated with a 3.9 GPA and stayed at one school from beginning to end. She did an amazing job, and I am extremely proud of her.

I've been to a lot of graduation ceremonies in my lifetime, including three of my own. I think the best I've seen was my undergrad ceremony at FAU. It was well organized and well-paced. Everyone got to see their child/brother/sister/significant other/friend walk across the stage. People got to take good pictures and could also buy good pictures afterwards. You'd think such a ceremony would be easy to orchestrate, but you'd be wrong.

My sister's ceremonies were horribly planned. There were two - one in the morning for the hooding (I've never heard of BA's getting hooded, but whatevs) and one in the afternoon for the diplomas. Only about a third of the class came to the morning ceremony.

Both venues were AWFUL. The sound was terrible, the lighting was bad, and the views were obstructed. At the second ceremony I almost had to throw down with some lady who tried to stop me from going up to the stage to take a picture of my sister.

I wonder why nobody planning these ceremonies realized that the MOST important part, for each person in that audience, is to see the person they are there to see and take pictures. There is no need for FIVE speeches, by various adults nobody cares about. And nothing means anything if you don't get to see your graduate. Particularly disappointing to me was that fact that this school has a HUGE performing arts department...you'd think they could at least organize a good show!!!

But, despite the downfalls of the ceremonies, it was a good weekend. I think my sister enjoyed herself, and my mom and I did well too. We had a couple of nice meals and went to the Metropolitan Museum of Art. And, on my last night there, I had a slumber party at my hotel with my high school best friend, JC. We had a really nice night.

So, now my sister moves on to the next phase of her life - grad school in Miami. I hope she loves it as much as I loved law school. And I hope she visits me lots, since she is only 4 hrs away!!

I don't mind you hangin' out and talkin' in your sleep

2009-05-19T16:29:00.003-04:00

I think most of you know that K talks in his sleep. Not in the normal sense -- muttering things you are saying in your dreams. No. K answers the phone in his sleep. Then he starts to snore and I hang up, so he can go back to sleep, and then he calls me back in his sleep!! Inevitably, I give up and just let him snore on the phone. Every once in a while he will realize he is on the phone and say something bizarre, but with complete conviction. Usually, it is hilarious.

Sometimes he orders food. "Just a chicken finger sub, and that's it." was my all time favorite.

Other times he insults imaginary people. "What a tank ass!" "Who?" "The girl riding with you, in your passenger seat."

Today he said "Oh! That's why! There were two of them!" "Two of what?" I asked. "Two Stevens! I was talking to two guys named Steve!" Once he was really awake, he had no idea who either Steve was.

So today I told him that I think I should start a one-liner blog (like textsfromlastnight.com or fmylife.com) with all of the random shit he says in his sleep. He did NOT find that amusing. ;-) I, however, think it would be hilarious.

Writing

2009-05-13T10:34:00.003-04:00

So, as Tiffany suggested, I have been thinking about using my spare time to write. In theory, a lawyer who wants a successful career should write some stuff and have it published. I'm not sure WHY this is true, since nobody but other nerdy lawyers read anything that nerdy lawyers write, but - just like having to work until 6 - this is a ridiculous truth that I must just accept. The problem is, WHAT to write about. The legal issues that I care about are all things that will either not improve my career (wrongful convictions or sex-offender registries) or possibly get me fired (raising the amount in controversy for federal diversity jurisdiction). So what to do? I searched through a few local law blogs and a few business law blogs today (for those non-lawyers out there, these are called "blawgs" because lawyers think they are cool and clever like that), searching for legal issues that might interest me. Nada. So, maybe I will just write about myself. At least then I can be on Oprah someday....

Stupid People Making Too Much Money

2009-05-12T16:37:00.002-04:00

The people I work for get paid a lot of money, so it REALLY bothers me when they are morons. Here is the perfect example.

Every week we get a newsletter with articles written by or about people at our firm. This week someone wrote an "article" called "If I were Obama, I would nominate..." in which he suggested who should be nominated to the Supreme Court. I was interested to see who it would be, and, therefore, was disgusted to see his suggestion: Sandra Day O'Connor.

Yes, the best person he could come up with is someone who has ALREADY been nominated, served, and then retired!! He said "there is no rule preventing the nomination of a retired justice." Well, OF COURSE NOT!!!! But the fact that she retired might suggest, to a reasonable person, that she is done with all of that and doesn't want to do it anymore!! Obama would have to be an imbecile to nominate someone who just retired to the same exact job they retired from!!! Good God.

Of course, the idiot who wrote this article is a partner, making ten times more than I do, to write these dumb ass articles. I can't imagine what his legal memoranda look like...if he even writes them!! Grrrrr.

My Dilemma

2009-05-11T15:46:00.003-04:00

I have nothing to do at work today. NOTHING. I "spring cleaned" my office on Friday and expected to be busy today because we had a client meeting scheduled for tomorrow. The client re-scheduled, so I have no work. I've asked all the partners in the office if they need anything and they "will let me know" if they do, but so far, nothing. Now, in my old job, I would've been very happy about this and probably taken half the day off. But here, I can't do that. First of all, I have a billable hour requirement (1180 hours to go), so I NEED work and not having work is a bad thing. Second, I just had my associate review last week during which I was criticized for only one thing - leaving at five. Now, I would like to note that I was NOT accused of not doing my work, or even of not being here when needed. In fact, the "criticism" said that I leave at 5, which has not been a problem...yet. In fact, continued my criticizer, I am always willing to stay late when needed and have never turned down work. Still, "consistently leaving at 5" apparently creates a perception that I am "not dedicated" to my job. Obviously, I think this is crap. I am often the first person in the office, so it makes sense that I am one of the first to leave. Also, I work at home in the evenings and on the weekends. I simply see no point in sitting here just for the sake of sitting here. But, alas, I have been told that "strategically" this is what I should do. So, I am trying to force myself to stay until 6 from now on, but when I have NOTHING to do that is kinda rough. Especially because, also unlike my old job, I can't watch TV in my office. Well, I can, but here I risk getting "caught." At my old job my boss would just be like "whatcha watching??" And then most likely tell me I don't get paid enough and I should just take the afternoon off. Here, watching TV in my office may just increase the "perception" that I don't care about my job. So, instead, I am blogging. Sooooo much better, don't you think??

Psychos

2009-04-30T18:45:00.002-04:00

So, I'm pretty sure I've mentioned on here that my boss is a psycho. And I mean that. Well, maybe not a psycho - but he at least has severe bipolar disorder. I've learned to deal with it. He has good days -- where I am his best friend, and bad days -- where I am the biggest moron ever. He also has days where he just hides in his office and ignores the world. Like I said, I am handling it pretty well. I think it's because I learned how to deal with this stuff by learning how to deal with my father. Living with someone like that, I trained myself to expect the worst, but not take it personally. I learned that there were some days when I could do nothing right, and to just do as I always did and not give a fuck what my father thought. Applying that to my boss is easier than to someone you have to live with -- ya know? Once I learned that he was irrational, I just turned it on. My secretary though, she is NOT good at dealing with him. He can be so mean on his bad days and she takes it so personally. I'm really thinking she may quit soon. You can see that it's taking a physical toll on her.

What bothers me is how people can go their whole lives without getting treatment for something this severe, and still be successful. Many associates and secretaries have threatened to quit rather than work for my boss, everyone knows about his "moods", but there are no consequences. I realize that it's not something he can control without meds, but he NEEDS meds, and people just putting up with his behavior doesn't help anyone. I've told him that I think he needs to see someone, but I don't think he took me seriously.

I just hope he does something responsible before we lose our secretary, or before she loses her mind!!

Ten Days

2009-04-27T20:58:00.002-04:00

K was here for ten days!! He just left this morning. His truck was in the shop so he was pretty much stuck here. It ended up being a pretty good visit though. I had to go to North Florida last week for work and he decided to go with me. So, we had a little adventure and saw some towns that we really never care to see again! LOL But still, it was much better together than it would have been alone. We got back home on Friday afternoon, and went to pick up his truck - which is all better now!! Saturday night we had a little date night. We drove down to the beach, had dinner on the water, and then walked on the beach and watched the sunset. It was really nice. Sunday we stayed in and watched the new Jim Carrey movie, Yes Man, which was pretty funny.

It was our 3 year anniversary this month (we debate whether it is the 15th or the 23rd, but at least we agree on the month), so it was nice to be together. And then today, when I got home from work, I found the cutest little "love note" from K. So he got himself lots of bonus points this week, and I think we both feel a bit refreshed now...maybe a little less stressed.

Ouch!!

2009-04-10T19:03:00.002-04:00

Ok, so you know what's not fun??? Getting a biopsy on your nose. Also, sneezing while they are shooting lidocaine into your nose.

As with most things in my life, this was more comical and tragic than it would be for a normal person. I almost passed out after realizing that cutting an engorged blood vessel off my face would turn said face into a fountain. Also, sneezing meant they had to inject me 3 times instead of just one. And the nurse wouldn't let me stand up because I so clearly was not doing well. I'm sure it's all fine, but it was an ordeal. And now, instead of a big red zit-looking thing, I have a black spot. Nice. You know me - always sexy!!

Measuring Up

2009-04-08T17:17:00.002-04:00

I have been SOOOO busy this week!! Last week on thursday afternoon I had 4 "emergencies" come up at work. That meant I had to work all weekend. Which is totally fine, because I am glad to be busy, but (of course) I was sick!! Literally at 4pm on Friday my throat started KILLING me. Saturday I woke up at 3am cuz it hurt so much. So I started working at 5 and went to a walk-in clinic at 10am, which was a really great idea. I got some killer antibiotics and hydrocodone cough syrup. Still, I was pretty sick - and totally stoned on cough syrup. Apparently, though, I do my best work on cough syrup!!

I cranked out a response to a complaint; a stipulation; a motion to quash 14 subpoenas; a response to a motion to discharge 4 lis pendens; a motion to strike; an objection to evidence; a response to a motion for summary judgment; and a reply in support of a motion to dismiss all in 4 days (because I slept all day sunday). And I got great feedack on all of it!! So I am pretty proud of myself, and relieved that I can breathe a little now (literally and figuratively). But all this good feedback is coming at the PERFECT time, because....

This week I had to fill out my first set of "associate review forms." The first set of forms require us to go through a list of "benchmarks" to indicate what experiences we've had, and what we have accomplished so far. As a 2nd year associate I am a level 1, but I'v completed about half the things on the level 2 list, which is great! Along with this is a "career plan" form, on which I list my goals for the next year and make an "action plan" to reach them. It's pretty corny. Like, one goal might be "get to know more people in my office" so my action plan could be "go to lunch with 2 people I've never gone to lunch with." Kinda silly.

I also fill out a form for my mid-year associate review where I list the partners I've done more than 30 hours of work for and then they get emails requiring them to evaluate me. I really hope to get good reviews from all of them!! I think it will take about a month to find out - so keep your fingers crossed for me!!!!

Bienvenedo a Miami!!

2009-03-30T19:03:00.002-04:00

I spent the weekend with my sister. She will be moving to Miami in August for grad school, so we drove down there to do some exploring. It was a pretty good weekend. I wish we would have had more time to see more, but we did see quite a bit. It looks like she will be living and learning in North Miami - right near the beach. It won't be cheap but it will be pretty! We came back up here saturday evening, and I got to show her where the new house will be built. I think she liked it!! So, it was a good weekend with lots of adventuring! We even saw some alligators on the ride home!! Oh! And my sister saw a cow running! We didn't even know cows could run!! LOL

Bromances

2009-03-21T21:41:00.003-04:00

When I woke up today they were talking about bromances on the CBS morning show. Scratch that, they were arguing. It was 2 guys, a girl and Lisa Bloom (wtf??). Anyway, one of the guys said that the only thing better for a guy then hanging out with his bromance partner is sex. The girl who wasn't Lisa Bloom flipped the f*** out about this. She insisted that men can have as much fun with friends that are girls, or doing non-sexual things with their romantic partners, as they can with their bromance buddies. That girl also said that when women hang out with their girlfriends it is less destructive than men hanging out with their guy friends. She said men encourage each other to do things destructive to their relationship, to get drunk and even to get arrested. Lisa Bloom, who clearly though the other lady was a tad bit nutty, said she is in a long distance relationship and her man has a west-coast g/f named Scott - obvy his bromance - and it doesn't bother her at all.

The argument was kind of interesting because the 4 people involved actually demonstrated how none of them were completely right. They were 4 very different people, demonstrating that people are not the same (duh!). K has bromances, though he would hate it if I called it that! But I don't think any of his friends encourage him to do anything bad. K is his own man, and nobody is gonna talk him into anything he doesn't want to do. Also, I think there are lots of times when he would rather be hanging out with me than with his male friends. Our time is more relaxing, even when he doesn't have sex, he is still just more relaxed with me than with his boys.

I do think that being long-distance helps the whole "I don't mind when you hang out with your boys" thing. Usually when he is hanging out with his boys we are in different states, so it doesn't take away from our time together. And really, I wish K had more good guy friends. I feel like he doesn't have enough people in his life that he can enjoy spending time with, and trust.

I also think that, just like a lot of men can be bad influences, a lot of women can too. There are just as many women who encourage their girlfriends to get drunk or flirt with strange men or do crazy things. It's all about who you are - are you going to have friends like that? And are you going to be subject to their influence?

No matter what, your friendships should not hurt your relationship, and vice versa. If either hurts the other then something is wrong with at least one of them. But the real question is, what was Lisa Bloom doing discussing bromances on the CBS morning show???

Some good, some bad.

2009-03-17T20:01:00.003-04:00

My birthday started out fabulously. I got a million happy birthday wishes from so many wonderful people, several wonderful gifts, and a GIGANTIC chocolate cake from my mom. I left work at lunch time and came home, but K was not here. That is when the day got crappy.

K's friend, D, was sleeping in his truck and it got hit by a drunk driver. And, of course, it happened here. So K decided to help him out by delivering his trailer for him. Then he decided to volunteer to drive D to daytona, so he could get a ride back to charlotte. Which meant that we had to drive about 400 miles that night. Traffic was AWFUL, it took over 5 hrs round trip, not including dinner. And the worst part is that D was complaining about the traffic the whole way and, at one point, said "I shouldn't have let you talk me out of flying." WTF??? He was willing to fly home and K talked him out of it???? And how dare you complain about traffic when I am driving you all this way for FREE on my birthday!!! Grrrrrr. My birthday dinner was at 10pm at a red lobster in daytona. I was so tired I could barely keep my eyes open. We got home around 2am, and then had sex. Ugh.

We woke up at 8am the next day because we had to go to the design center and pick out stuff for the new house. I was tired, but K was practically comatose. Which meant he showed practically no interest in the design center. I would point things out and he would just stand and stare. So eventually I told him to just go wait in the car. So he did. About twenty minutes later I had made all of my choices, so I left too. Then he tells me he is interested, wants to go back in, and was just trying to "process and visualize things" so that is why he wasn't saying anything. I told him I thought that was bullshit. When you are with someone you have to say things out loud. Things you say in your head don't count. So either say something or get out. So we go back in and then he acted human. But still, I was pissed.

We spent most of the rest of the day sleeping.

So, it was a pretty crappy weekend. Lots of exhaustion and fighting. K said he had a "great time" because he is always happy just to see me. I told him I was happy to see him, but still it was not a good weekend. It's obvious he was upset by this response, but it's the truth. His friend's bad luck ruined my birthday and our trip to the design center - both things I had been looking forward to for a long time. K kept saying he would make it up to me, but he didn't. So, no, it was not a great weekend. I guess I just have higher standards than him.

Almost Here

2009-03-11T21:04:00.003-04:00

K will be home tomorrow. He has been kinda bitchy the last few days, probably because he has been on the road so long. On the one hand, I am looking forward to this weekend. We are going to pick out interior stuff for the house and celebrate my birthday. But I'm also a little stressed. First, because I am worried that I may have to work, which would ruin the weekend completely. But mostly I am stressed because of the sexual tension that's been around lately.

I don't know what to make of it. I've received all kinds of advice, everything from "he's abusive, break up with him" to "you are a bad g/f not meeting his needs." I don't think either of those things are true - but getting such extreme reactions makes me think that maybe this really is too big of a problem to ever get past. Maybe there is more darkness than I am seeing.

I really feel like he is a good guy and we have a pretty damn good relationship. I know that all relationships have issues, and maybe sex is just ours. Maybe it will always be there, in the wings, but we can have a totally functional relationship anyway. Or maybe it is as extreme as some people think it is.

I will say this, there is nothing that makes me more insane than people who talk about sexual needs. Nobody needs sex. I'm sorry, it's just not true. You need air, water, food. You don't need orgasms or sex. Nobody has ever died from not having sex. So don't tell me that I am denying him something he needs. I'm not. Not just because it isn't a need, but also because I'm not denying him anything. He can do whatever he wants with anyone else. All I am doing is deciding what I will and will not do. And no matter what anyone says, he certainly is not entitled to make me participate in anything.

We've gone back and forth over the last 3 years trying to solve these issues and I thought that we had come to a decent compromise. It wasn't ideal for either of us, but I thougt it was something we could both live with. But he seems to be pushing for more and I just don't think I am willing to give anymore.

Clerks Gone Wild 2009!!!!!

2009-03-09T20:48:00.002-04:00

We had a FABULOUS weekend in Miami! Friday night I had the most delicious pizza I have EVER had in my life! It had artichokes and kalamata olives and lots of cheeses!!! Mmmmm!

Saturday we went to the beach during the day and laid out in the sun. At night we went to dinner at a wonderful italian place in downtown Miami. I had lobster ravioli and some yummy chocolate cake for dessert. Then we went down to Lincoln Rd. in South Beach and walked around, which was lots of fun! It's a very exciting place!

Sunday morning we went for brunch, another very good meal, and then said goodbye - which was sad.

The only downside of the weekend was the fact that we had the WORST service everywhere we went. Every meal took like 2 hours or more!! I dunno if this is a Miami thing, or if it was just our luck...either way it was annoying and probably took away from some of our fun time. But still, we enjoyed ourselves.

Both nights we were up until about 4am, so I am soooooo tired today! But it was totally worth it. I can't WAIT until CGW 2010...which will be at my house!!!

Reunion!!

2009-03-03T19:57:00.002-05:00

This weekend we are having a clerks' reunion in Miami! Most of the clerks from Orlando classes of '06 and '07 will be there and I am soooooo excited!! I know it will be an EXHAUSTING weekend because I have to drive 4 hours each way and then I know there will be very little sleeping. But still, I am really happy to get to see everyone and have some quality time with people I miss a whole bunch.

This month is going to be CRAZY busy. This weekend is Miami, next weekend is my birthday and K will be home, the weekend after that I have my "design session" for my new house and I will probably have to work all weekend, and then the last weekend in march my sister is coming to visit and we MAY go back down to Miami because she may be going there for grad school.

April will be pretty busy too, although that will be mostly work busy rather than social busy. I'm not sure which will be more exhausting!!!

Here We Go Again

2009-02-27T19:22:00.003-05:00

Ok, so first some background. My birthday is in 2 weeks and K is going to be home for that. He asked me what I want and I said "a back rub and chocolate cake."

Also, "Kit" is my old car, which is currently parked at a storage facility until K gets home and then he drives her and puts her back before he leaves.

So, based on that background, here is a IM recent convo between K and I:

me: poor Kit...i should go visit her
k: lol
me: maybe take her to the new house
k: ok
me: she needs some love
k: yes u do
me: me?
k: yes
me: oh.
me: i think i am plenty loved.
k: yes u will be
me: that sounds more like a threat than love....
k: wow
me: and u should be nice to me - I could have asked for a sex-free wknd for my birthday again. all i asked for was a back rub!
k: no u got it v-day
me: u werent here for v-day...that doesnt count

He said I "hurt his feelings" when I said it was a threat. But isn't it??? What else does that sound like except a threat of sex??? "Yes u will be"???? I mean, it certainly wasn't a NICE thing to say...if he really meant LOVED he would have said "yes u are" - but will be means it is something that will be done to me. I'm not an idiot, I know what that means and it IS a threat. And it's disgusting. I hate when he does things like this, because I was looking forward to him coming home but now there is this sickness. Ugh.

Man vs. Beast

2009-02-23T18:00:00.002-05:00

Most of you know I am NOT an animal person. I don't necessarily hate animals, I just feel no kinship toward them. I've never had a desire to pet a dog or cat, let alone live with one. And if someone asks if people are more important then pets, I don't hesitate in saying people. That's why this new law in New York really pisses me off.

New York state has just passed a law prohibiting truck drivers from idling their trucks while they are parked unless they have a pet inside the truck. This means that New York recognizes how cold or hot in can get inside the trucks overnight without heat or air-conditioning. New York also recognizes that this can be dangerous for animals who may be inside the trucks overnight. Apparently though, they don't care about the PEOPLE who have to sleep in those trucks. Last night K slept in his truck in New York in below-freezing tempertures. A cop came by and enforced this law - made him shut off his truck because it's only a person sleeping in it, not a pet. Yes, he can run his tri-pac to get some climate control, but in extreme tempertures it's not enough. What is this legislature thinking?? Apparently the environmentalists and animal-rights activists have more influence than people's-rights activists. And of course this law will stay on the books until a truck-driver actually dies from exposure inside his truck.

Still counting!!

2009-02-21T21:25:00.000-05:00

1,740 hours to go!!

Damn Lies

2009-02-16T22:51:00.002-05:00

So, I was going through my receipts to get things together for my taxes and I found a receipt that was not mine. It was for ciggarettes and beer from a store just around the corner from here. It is dated October 23, 2008 and the beer line says "Heineken 24oz $4.99." So I'm guessing that is like a 6 pack or something?? I dunno. What I do know is that this receipt means that on October 23rd, K went to a store, bought beer, drank it and threw out the cans or bottles without me knowing. Where was I? Sleeping maybe? Did he drink it in my car?? This was before I bought the new car so the old car wasn't even "his" yet. The whole thing is making me sick. I mentioned it to him and he just laughed, but it is REALLY bothering me. Does he do this EVERY time he comes home?? What else is happening behind my back?? I mean if he just goes out while I am sleeping, he could be going anywhere! He could be gone all night and I would never know. Maybe he didn't drink those beers alone. Maybe he was gone for hours. What else is there that I don't know?? I want to make a big deal about this and hash it all out but I know that it can't be done over the phone. I just wish I could go 6 months without discovering some secret he is keeping from me. It makes me wonder what secrets I'm not discovering and what I will uncover next month. Like I said, it is making me nuts. Everyone tells me how much he loves me and how he talks about me when I'm not around, but this distrust is starting to stack up and soon it will topple over on top of us.

Better Than Yesterday

2009-02-13T22:28:00.003-05:00

So I am feeling better today than I did yesterday...still feeling some "survivor guilt" but trying to just focus on counting my lucky stars (and billable hours) and moving on. So, on a day of news about plane crashes, lay offs and other not so happy things, I give you some shallow random thoughts:

I almost immediately lose respect for couples who have joint email, facebook or myspace accounts. Particularly when they try to make it seem like they are one person. For example: jasonmariesmith@email.com. It's not cute or economical, it's just stupid. Stop it.

Have you seen that commercial where the girl lists all the things she is touching?? "Touch door, touch chair, touch up..." I always think it's a commercial for an anti-bacterial something, but it's not. It's a commercial for kleenex...which also reminds me to get anti-bacterial stuff so I don't get sick and need kleenex. I think Purel should slip Kleenex a tip for this commercial (unless, of course, they are actually made by the same company...then I'm just dumb).

DB sent valentine's chocolates to my neighbor. Luckily (?) they were re-routed to me. He sent some to my sister too. Because she is the "good daughter", he also sent her 2 Infinite-Dresses which are too small for her. When she told him they were too small he suggested she give them to me. I'm sure this was insulting to my sister in multiple ways, despite the fact that she has no desire to keep these dresses which she describes as "togas with hooks." Seriously, his weirdness never ends. I fully expect him to send her the Perfect Strap in the near future.

K's cousin M has a crazy wife. Not crazy like me, I mean REALLY crazy. Like, verging on black-widow crazy. A few weeks ago she threw M's keys in the snow because he stayed out late. He then had to stay out until the snow melted, so that was an excellent plan. When M finally did come home, she punched him in the head with her ring on and made him bleed. She is awesome. Last night K had a nightmare that M's wife was chasing us in her car. THAT is how crazy she is....she is giving OTHER men nightmares!!! Poor K. At least we got away!

Today Was A Tough One

2009-02-12T19:09:00.003-05:00

My law firm laid some people off today. Not a ton of people, in the big scheme of things, but still it was rough and scary. I'm a little icky in my tummy but I am trying to be glad that it wasn't me and just keep holding on to my job for dear life. The partner I work for says I don't have anything to worry about. But it's impossile not to worry. Especially when I am supposed to be the one with the money. K doesn't have any, my mom doesn't have any and of course neither does my sister. I mean I know deep down that we will survive all of this, I just hope things start to get better fast. I know everyone is hoping the same thing. Ugh...why can't I still be a kid???

Dream House

2009-02-03T19:48:00.001-05:00

I am building a new house!!! And it is going to look very much like this:

Countdown

2009-02-03T14:37:00.001-05:00

1,868 hours to go!!

The Black Hole

2009-02-02T20:12:00.002-05:00

So, K's truck broke down - for the 2nd time in 2 weeks. Last time it cost him $250, this time it's $1700. That is in addition to the $2800 he spent 3 weeks ago getting all new tires. Officially, it is now costing him money to work. Between truck payments, fuel, and maintenance he hasn't made any money in at least the last 2 months.

As much as I love him and want to help him, I have officially cut him off money-wise. I am trying to buy a house and I really need to save up for that. Plus, no amount of money is ever going to be enough. His truck and his house (and his mother) are black holes. Pouring tons of money into them for the last 3 years has acheived nothing.

He is, rightfully, miserable tonight. He is angry and scared and probably sad. I wish he was home so I could hug him and make him feel a little better, but that is all I can do. He is about to learn some very hard lessons and things are not going to be easy for a very long while. It definitely scares me too, but all I can do is take care of things on my end. I need to buy a house and he knows that, he knows that is the most important thing right now. So basically all I can do is sit here and watch him struggle. It sucks, but what else is there to do??

I'm A Simple Girl

2009-01-31T23:56:00.003-05:00

I don't need fancy hotels, valet parking, bellmen, turndown service or room service. In fact, I hate all of those things!!!

What I do want is a bathroom with a door, a shower with a curtain and a digital alarm clock. I would like a hairdryer that works and an outlet to plug it into. A TV that gets basic cable channels and free wirless internet. My idea of the perfect hotel? The Hampton Inn.

What is my point? I stayed at the "W Hotel" in Dallas this weekend - a VERY expensive trendy new hotel in the West End district of Dallas. It was AWFUL. Walking into the hotel is like walking into a nightclub - flashing multicolored lights and loud music. So loud you can't hear the check-in lady when she tells you that you need to use your room key to activate the elevators!

You the take the "secure" elevator up to your floor and walk into a room that looks like it was decorated by the Jetsons. The toilet is in a room with a door. But there is no door between the hotel room and the shower. In fact, there is no door on the shower at all. Just a piece of glass, half the size of the shower stall. This means that if you don't want to freeze your ass off you have to stand DIRECTLY under the water and over the drain. Not comfortable for your feet at all. Actually, not comfortable for any part of you.

The room comes with an iPod dock, which is nice of them. But I'd prefer a digital alarm clock. Instead, they give you a rotary one. How on earth you set the alarm on a rotary clock I will never know.

The room also comes with a hairdryer that is so weak it is the equivalent of K standing next to me and blowing on my air like it was hot soup.

There are only 2 accessible outlets in the room. So, you can sit at the desk but you can't plug your laptop in to anything but an ethernet cord. Or you can sit on the bed and plug into the outlet. Either way you will pay $9.95 a day for the slowest internet access I have had in a long time.

Oh yeah, and then there is the TV which has about 15 channels. Inclduing HBO but not including USA - which on a friday night is the ONLY channel I care about. But whatever.

On Friday night I got room service. Sixty bucks for a salad, mushroom penne and a piece of cheesecake. I know, my firm pays for it, but still that is ridiculous! Eating at the melting pot on Wednesday night was cheaper!

Oh yeah, and did I mention the sign on the elevator that says "16th Floor WET BLISS SWEAT"??
Interesting...eventually I found out that this means "16th Floor Pool, Spa and Fitness Center."

Today, on my last day there, I got trapped in the "secure" elevator. That was a good time. I would have screamed for help but I couldn't hear my screams over the club music.

Yeah, so that was my latest expensive hotel experience. I swear, I will NEVER understand why people pay so much to stay at these hotels that are completely impractical. What is the extra price for when NOTHING is included?? No free breakfast, no free parking, no free internet and no more comfortable than any average hotel. Call me crazy, but I think it's absurd. And honestly, I'm a little pissed at my firm for wasting good money like this.

Please, Mr. President (Elect)

2009-01-19T18:03:00.002-05:00

Okay Barry, we are down to the wire. You know I am TOTALLY excited that, at noon tomorrow, you will be my president. And I would LOVE to be there to physically kick W's ass out of the white house. I would even wear hooker-stilletos and jam them up his anal cavity like I was Katie Couric.

But I wish that you would change one TINY little thing about tomorrow - the theme. I get that you admire Abe Lincoln, he was a pretty cool president. He did the whole civil war thing, and freed the slaves. Plus he wore that really obnoxious hat - made even more obnoxious by the fact that he was already exceptionally tall. He was a cool dude (if anyone needs proof of this, they should just watch Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure). However, do you really NEED to do so many Lincoln-esque things??? Eating his food??? Swearing on his bible??? Have you forgotten that Abe was SHOT AND KILLED??? I know, superstition is not an acceptable presidential attribute - but MUST we tempt the fates so???? I am sure you could pay tribute without touching the dead guy's bible!!! Ugh.

Okay, now that I have that off my chest, I will begin 4 (maybe 8?) years of finger-crossing. And yes, I will be coming to you for money when I get carpal tunnel syndrome. I am only an American, after all.

Good luck Barry. Make us proud.

Updates

2009-01-16T15:49:00.003-05:00

First of all, I know it's Florida, but when it is 40 degrees out the heat should be on. I should not need gloves INSIDE MY OFFICE!

Second, I have 1,920 hours left! Woot!

Third, why am I so freakin' tired all the damn time??? Could this be related to the previous item?? Perhaps. But still, it is a bit ridiculous. I fall asleep at like 9:30 every night and I am still exhausted all day long. I think I may need to switch some of my meds. Anyhoo...

Work is going fairly well. Busy and sometimes stressful, but all in all I think I am doing ok. I've been really stressed about K's money situation lately. His job is like completely a waste. He works more than anyone I know and still doesn't make enough to get by. This week, after he paid for fuel and made his truck payment, he came home with only $100!!! I mean, really, it's nuts. And the more he works and the more in debt he gets, the more I hate his mother and wish she would just drop dead. She doesn't care how hard he works, she doesn't care how much money he pours into her dead-end life, she doesn't care how his health suffers and she doesn't care that we are losing time together. All she wants is more and more money. A house, a car, a cell phone, cable, big TVs, a jacuzzi, a brand new deck...just anything she can get her hands on. All this time he works and he has nothing for himself. I lent him money to get new tires on his truck, because I was afraid he might crash if he didn't get them. And I don't mind lending him money, but at the same time I feel like by helping him I help his mother and that makes me sick. Ugh. So that's my bitching for today.

Countdown

2009-01-06T19:17:00.004-05:00

Thanks to Tiffany's inspiration, I have decided to countdown my billable hours. As of January 1, 2009 I have 2,000 billable hours to complete by December 31, 2009.

As of today, I have 1,984 hours left to go! Tiffany is right, counting down is MUCH more satisfying than counting up!!!

Curiouser & curiouser....

2009-01-04T20:07:00.004-05:00

K and I went to the flea market today. Not just ANY flea market, but the most FABULOUS flea market I have ever been to!!! I have never been to one with so much variety and so many truly bizarre things. I have also never seen a sign like this:

at a flea market! LOL (BTW: this "store" was full of antique-type things which you would NEVER find at walmart...but I guess that is not the point....)

We didn't buy anything but I took like 20 pictures. I think K was a little bit embarassed by the fact that I screamed everytime I saw something fabulous. Like, for example, the Kayaks!!! Who buys a kayak at a flea market?? Or the 6-seater golf cart! Seriously, I am going back and taking more pictures very soon. It was a great time. K said "why do you get so excited about weird things??" and I said "Because it's the weird things that make life worth living. Why do you think I got so excited to date you??" That shut him up. Weirdo.

2009ish

2008-12-29T20:15:00.002-05:00

Before you ask, no I do not have plans for new year's eve. K will probably be here, and we will probably sit on the couch and watch a movie...is that a plan? That's as close as we get.

I never really do anything for new year's eve, and never really make any special plans. In my whole life I really have only had 2 new year's eves that are memorable for good reasons.

The first was the 94/95 crossover. I was only 14 so I was at home. But I was dating Adam then, and he came over to my house to watch the ball drop. We sat in the living room and watched the ball drop on TV and slow danced to a Boyz 2 Men song. The room was dark except for the xmas tree lights and we were alone. It was all cute and romantic and stuff. I loved it. Of course, he broke up with me like 3 days later so the romance was short lived.

The other one was 99/00. I spent that one with my boyz at a few different clubs in downtown buffalo. It wasn't anything too special, but we were all just so happy and so close and it was just a really great vibe. It's probably the most fun I have ever had going clubbing too. Everything was just very chill, and it wasn't snowing or anything. Nobody was fighting or sick or in trouble. It was just a perfect night. Of course, later that year one of "my boyz" raped me and totalled my car. Oh well, nothing's perfect I guess.

This will be my 3rd New Year's with K. The first year we went out for ice cream and K didn't take a lactaid pill, so he was sick the rest of the night. The next year K put $600 in an ATM and it ate the money and wouldn't give him a receipt. So that was no fun either. Hopefully, this year will be better!

Anyway, I hope that if any of you have plans they go well!! Have a great new year's!!

The Night Before the Night Before

2008-12-23T18:36:00.002-05:00

Well, it's almost xmas. Things are pretty good. I am allowing myself two long weekends for the holidays. This one will be in buffalo with my mom and sister. Next weekend will be here at home, hopefully with K. I'm looking forward to seeing my mom's new house. Also, my best friend, R, got engaged and I can't wait to see her ring!! I am really happy for her, because I think she really has a good guy and that they have done this right. She wants to get married in June, and it is going to be HUGE so she has a lot of work ahead of her!! I just hope the wedding is more fun than stressful for her, but I highly doubt that will happen!!

So, anyway, I hope you all have a great couple of weeks! Be careful and have fun!!!!

So much...

2008-12-20T13:55:00.002-05:00

It has been a crazy couple of weeks. Last weekend was awful. K got here friday night and I was so happy to have him here, work had been very stressful all week and all I wanted to do was lie on the couch with him and just relax. No dice. My boss called me on my way home friday night and told me I would be working all weekend - and he meant it. All night friday and eleven hours each on saturday and sunday. Not only did that mean no quality time with K, it also meant that my boss would be sending me nasty emails all weekend. By noon on sunday I felt like I was on the verge of being fired. I cried so much last sunday, and K was so sweet to take care of me. He was really wonderful all weekend. This past week wasn't too bad actually. I really laid it all out for my boss and said that he really needs to decide whether he thinks I'm awesome or terrible. I can't live with the back-and-forth crap and the fear of being fired all the time. Since then it's been better. Really, he wasn't mean to me at all this week. So that was nice.

Yesterday, though, was a great day. I got to take on my very first pro bono case - and it could NOT be more perfect for me. I will be suing cops for shooting a 19 year-old kid in the back. THIS is what I am meant to do, and I can't wait to kick some pig's ass. I know this will be a hard case. It's in the Florida panhandle, which s basically southern Alabama. They hate black kids and love cops. Plus, the state of the law is such that proving excessive force is next to impossible. But I am gonna try damn hard, and I am going to love it.

Yeah, so I guess I'm a little lonely...

2008-12-09T18:05:00.002-05:00

I just got an email from one of my friends in Orlando, and it made me cry. It wasn't even a sappy email, I just miss her so much.

I know I felt this way when I moved to Orlando from Athens too. And, obviously, I made some wonderful friends eventually. The same friends that I am missing now.

Unfortunately, I think this time it will be harder to make friends. In Orlando at least I had a "class of clerks" that I was part of. Here, I am the only one in my class. Plus, there is just not a lot of free time to do fun things like Bachelor Nights or big lunches or even happy hours.

I am trying though. On Friday I am going to lunch with a girl named Lauren who works at another firm in my building. I met her in september at a continuing education class I took. She is really nice, although she seems a little, um, milder than me. Although, who isn't - right? So, anyway, she may become a friend.

But still, I miss Orlando so much it hurts sometimes. Not just the people, but even the places. I just miss it all.

On The Prowl

2008-12-07T18:31:00.002-05:00

My mom is closing on her new house on tuesday. And now I get to start looking for mine! It's kinda fun, mostly because I am not in a hurry. Ideally, I'd like to have a house by September of 09, so I don't have to renew my lease. But I could wait until December if I have to.

So anyway, my sister is helping me look and so is K. I've decided that I can afford to be picky, so if I see something about a house I don't like, I move on. I definitely want a garage, and I would like a Florida room. A pool is not required, but if there is one it has to be screened in. I prefer dark kitchens - black appliances, dark wood, dark countertops. At least 3 bedrooms - one for K, one for me and a guest room. At least 2 bathrooms too. And on of the showers has to be HUGE. We want one of those rainforest showers.

So anyway, I'm house hunting. It's a blast!

Ouch.

2008-12-05T20:01:00.002-05:00

On wednesday I hurt my pinky toe REAL bad. It was all bloody & swollen & gross. Poor me.

Yesterday I hurt my ankle somehow. It hurts the most if I point my toes, but it doesn't appear to be swollen. And yes, it is the same foot as the injured pinky toe.

Last night K and I had a fight. It wasn't too "serious" but it was long and loud and it brought up things that I don't like to think about. We made up and we are fine now, but it made me feel pretty icky last night. It's like I feel that we are in our own little world and nothing can touch us. But then, something does and it brings back all my fears. And truly, nothing did touch us. Our little world is fully in tact. But it's just that little knock at the door, the jehovah's witness that shows up during dinner. It reminds me that there is no steel dome around us.

Nevermind.

2008-12-03T18:00:00.001-05:00

When I got home from work there were elementary age children playing in front of my building. I definitely need a kid who is at least 13.

Gifts, work and kids.

2008-12-03T14:30:00.003-05:00

K got his xmas present from me yesterday. He really likes it, which is good 'cause it was REALLY expensive! LOL He is being very nice to me today, which is cute but not necessary. I don't want him to think I am buying his affections...although I wouldn't mind if he thought I was buying more sex-free weekends!!

Things are very slow for me at work and I have decided to just sit back and enjoy it. I have no billable hour quota this year, so I will let the hours go to those who need them and just chill out until January. Then maybe I can have a HUGE amount of work for the beginning of the year and I won't have to worry about it at the end of next year. It may put me on a decent cycle. Unfortunately, anytime I try to leave early that is when people call me. So I am diligently staying here until at least 4:30 everyday.

I may have mentioned to some of you that a lot of my friends are having babies in the next few months. Maybe the bad economy has led to more nights in?? I dunno. Anyway, it has encouraged my mom to try to convince me that I would be a good mother. It's cute to see her try, but I'm not biting. First of all, I really DO NOT want to be pregnant. And if I was, and I found out it was a boy, I would want to give it back. I know, it's wrong, but I'm being honest here.

Also, babies are cute for an hour or two, but after that they usually just gross me out. They are always dirty and sick. I just don't need that in my life.

I've decided that I would be perfectly fine with a daughter if she was at least 10 years old. That's when kids start to get interesting, ya know? I mean, I suppose they are not so bad after they start school. Maybe I could handle a 5 year-old. But really, you can't have a conversation with a kid until they're at least ten.

I think I would be a great mom to a kid around that age. And I think it would be fun. But I think that the infant and toddler years would just be so awful, that I would hate being a mom by the time it was about to get fun, ya know? So I guess what I'm saying is, if any of you have a girl that you get sick of in a few years, let me know. If your kid has a penis, you're on your own though.

T-Day Wrap-Up

2008-11-30T21:00:00.002-05:00

Bolt is a GREAT movie!!! You should all go see it. And when you do, keep this in mind: K is Rhino. I am looking into getting him a hamster ball.

My mom is very cool most of the time. Usually she is very un-mom-like. But sometimes she can be decidedly Marie Barrone (of Everybody Loves Raymond). For example, when she insists, VEHEMENTLY, that I slice the cranberry sauce. Or when my sister tries on a dress and my mom tells her she looks "lumpy". Ugh.

K installed my new radio in my new car. It has bluetooth. Now I really look like a crazy person: talking to nobody without even having a headset on and sticking my finger in my ear every time I try to answer or hang up the phone.

Reasons for Hate

2008-11-21T19:50:00.003-05:00

It never ceases to amaze me how creative hateful people are. They are constantly think up new "logical" reasons for their hateful stances. Today I refer to the anti-gays.

When I was in law school I was the Vice President of our LGBT organization. We hosted a debate on gay marriage. Our goal was to have a civilized intelligent debate by well-credentialed people on both sides of the issue. We succeeded and it went quite well. While we were planning it I was really looking forward to hearing what the other side would say. The debators were both well-known attorneys. One was a law professor and one was in private practice. I honestly wanted to see what the anti-gay argument would be. I assumed that I would learn something, that there would be some well-reasoned argument on the other side that I hadn't heard yet. I was wrong. Dead wrong. This man stood in front of our group and gave the same stupid reasons every ignorant redneck gives: it threatens the sanctity of marriage. Who will do the dishes? Who leads when you dance? Etc, etc. Just a bunch of crap.

Well, apparently enough people have discovered that these reasons are crap, so now the anti-gays have a new reason: if we let gays get married they will teach gay in our schools!! Our kids will be taught about same-sex relationships! They may even become tolerant of them!! GASP!! Well, don't worry your pretty little heads all you anti-gays. I am sure it will take generations before any of your lineage learns tolerance. Just like you are so proud that we finally have a "colored" president, maybe your great-grandkids will some day talk about how nice it is that the fags down the street had a little wedding for themselves. But fear not, I am sure you will be dead long before such "tolerance" touches your family tree.

Your Own Backyard

2008-11-20T10:18:00.002-05:00

I got an email today from a co-worker who just got back from her honeymoon. I asked her where she went and she said:

"Cancun, Mexico! Beautiful beaches and great weather... hard to come back!"

Seriously??? You live in Tampa!! It was hard to come back to more beaches and great weather?? I have never understood why anyone would spend money on mexican beaches anyway, let alone when you live on the same damn body of water!!

Obviously I get that when you are not on vacation you are busy with work, etc. and don't get time to go to the beaches as often as you like. But, if you are going to take a vacation to a beach, why spend all that money when you have beaches right here?? Just take a week off of a work and skip the airline hassle, the peso conversion chart and the possible montezuma's revenge!! You can even speak spanish all week if you want to!! Am I crazy here??

Crash

2008-11-19T18:26:00.002-05:00

So, K got in an accident yesterday. He is fine, his truck is fine, but it really shook him up. It was COMPLETELY not his fault - someone ran into the back of his trailer. But it still really upset him and he has been QUITE unpleasant ever since.

It happened yesterday at 2pm. The strange thing is that, at almost the exact same moment it happened I was buying his xmas present. I know he is going to LOVE it and it's hard not to tell him about it cuz I know it would make him feel better but I also want to keep it a surprise. So I am doing my best to keep my mouth shut.

I hate when bad things happen like this, and he is so far away. There is nothing I can do to make him feel better. I just have to sit and listen and do nothing. It sucks. He's supposed to be here for thanksgiving, but that's still a week away. I just hope that, in the meantime, he calms himself enough that nothing else will happen, ya know? Anyway, so that's the scoop.

Dear K,

2008-11-11T20:39:00.004-05:00

When we were little, I stood in front of you, looked you in the eye and made a promise. I promised that I would stand there in front of you, forever if I had to, to save you from yourself. I broke that promise almost immediately, but I'm not sorry. I was a kid and so were you. I didn't know enough about anything to be making such huge promises. And if I had kept that promise we would both still be standing there - not going anywhere. It wouldn't have done us any good.

But I'm older now, and I've learned enough about myself and you and truth and promises to make this one: as long as you are on my team, I will be on yours. I will help you take on anyone or anything that comes for you. I will stand next to you and hold your hand. I will cheer for you and I will hold you. And I will never let you keep me from protecting us. No matter how scared or how proud you are. That is my promise and I will keep it.

The two of us have changed in a million ways over the last two and a half years. We have made compromises we never thought we could and done things we never thought we would. Sometimes it seems too easy, and other times it is almost too difficult to bear. We have been more honest and more real than most people ever are. We have redefined our own ideas of what romance and love can and should be. We have been horrible and amazing. But the one thing that sustains: we are a team.

I stand with you today and look into our future together and know that it won't be perfect, but I believe it will be great. I love you and I love us, and this was worth the wait.

My President Is Black!!

2008-11-08T11:36:00.002-05:00

Yeah, I know, I'm a few days late with the election commentary, but I didn't want to do a half-assed job on it.

Truly, I am so amazed and relieved with the results of the presidential election. I am shocked that there were enough smart, brave Americans to vote a black man named Barack Obama into the white house. I really thought our country was too ignorant to do it. My biggest hope is that this election has shown all the people who never vote that they should, that they can make a difference. We can keep the old ignorant self-serving white men down - we just have to make an effort.

I hope that Obama is kept safe and that he does a great job over the next 4, and hopefully 8, years. I hope this is the beginning of an American Renaissance. I hope our nation is made stronger, smarter and more tolerant. I hope we get some amazing federal judges over the next 4 years. I hope our education and healthcare systems are improved. I don't care if my taxes go up, if it means my quality of life and level of freedom go up as well.

My sister saw a sign that said "Rosa sat so Martin could march so Barack could run so our children can fly." It brought her to tears. I have to say, I think it's a nice sentiment. Of course, there are millions of other names that belong in there, but the point is the same. Our nation is progressing. Racism is not gone though - not by a long shot. Hate is still everywhere and we have a long way to go.

Which brings me to what DID make me cry the day after the election: the gay marriage bans. Yes ladies and gentlemen, gay is the new black. There was a time in this country when interracial marriage was illegal. That was shameful. So is this. There is no difference. These bans passed because of hatred and ignorance. How could the same brave, smart Americans that voted for Obama vote for these bans as well? I will never understand. In Florida, the ban passing just maintained the status quo for gay couples - except that it may have prohibited public employees from getting domestic partner benefits. But regardless of the legal effects, it is the social effect that makes these bans so devastating. When will people realize that intelligence and hate never go together? As a society we always outgrow these sanctions eventually - why do the same dance with every minority group? You may not be gay, you may not understand gay people, just like you didn't understand how a white woman could be attracted to a black man. But don't interfere with their lives just because you don't get it. Mind your own damn business. You don't mind if I marry an axe murderer or a drunk or charlie manson. You don't care if I get married in a chapel in vegas wearing sequined pasties. You don't care if I marry a rapist or even someone I've never met before. But I can't marry a woman??? How much freakin' sense does that make?

As much as Obama's victory filled up my heart with happiness and pride, the passing of the gay marriage bans broke my heart. I wonder how long it will take for the next minority to take the place of gay people - and I wonder what that group will be. You should too - you may be in it.

FINALLY!

2008-11-06T18:10:00.005-05:00

That's Right, Bitch.

2008-11-03T19:56:00.003-05:00

Yeah so my boss was falling over himself apologizing to me today. He better! He said "I was kind of in a mood yesterday about some stuff that had nothing to do with you." Yeah no kidding!! Sheesh! So, that made me feel better. I went on to have a productive and successful day.

Ugh.

2008-11-02T15:46:00.002-05:00

Okay, well I have figured out what is wrong with my boss. He doesn't pay attention to what he says or does. Like on Friday he told me that he needed me to make some edits to an affidavit I had drawn up, but insisted that I wait until Monday to do it and told me repeatedly to take off for the day. So I did. Then today I get an email from him, telling me that the affidavit needs the exact same edits he told me about on Friday but now acting like (1) we did not discuss this friday and (2) it needs to be done right now. So I say "Okay, well you said I should do this Monday but if you need it today I can do it now." and he responds with "we'll talk on tuesday." WTF???

Also, he has a terrible habit of forgetting to do things. He asks me to draw up motions and I do, and I send them to him, and then he never signs them or submits them. So there are like 4 motions that he has sitting in his inbox that should have been filed like 2 weeks ago.

It seems like all of this is the result of disorganization, which surprises me considering he is a partner. I would think he would be organized by now!! Grrr.

I Bought A New Car!!!

2008-11-01T20:06:00.002-04:00

Yep. I sure did! A 2008 Kia Sorento LX in midnight blue with a gray interior. DB has never touched it, looked at it or put a dime into it and it is ALL MINE!!! I am really so giddy I can't stand it! This is the 1st brand new car I have ever had, and the first car I've ever bought with my own money. I love it. It's fabulous. It's dark out so I can't take a picture of it right now, but I will tomorrow and then you can all see how fabulously gorgeous it is!!

Home Sweet Home

2008-10-31T19:40:00.001-04:00

I am back from Chicago. Thank goodness! It was a rough 48 hours and I am so glad to be back home on my couch. Safe, happy, comfy and warm.

Turmoil

2008-10-29T07:27:00.003-04:00

What a crazy week!!! I have so many stories to tell I hardly know where to begin! Well, we'll start with last Wednesday. I was feeling kinda icky, and my boss was out sick, so I decided to leave work early. BAD idea!!! 3 lawyers called me with "emergency" projects. Grrr. Then K got to town and I went to have dinner with him. That was okay, but wednesday night I was exhausted. Thursday morning I get to work and I am feeling better and things are not bad. K and I have a not too bad night at home together. Friday night we had a party to go to at the house of one of the partners at my firm. Friday afternoon I find out I will be working over the weekend because I need to get a complaint, motion for preliminary injunction and a bunch of other crap done by tuesday morning. Fantastic.

So Friday night K and I go to the party. Boring, but nice. K and my boss (CB) got along VERY well. But apparently K was upset that everyone introduced him as my "boyfriend". So saturday he decides we should go look at engagement rings. Um, yeah. So THAT was interesting. First we went to Jared where I picked out 2 that I really liked. The settings were $700 and $800 and the diamond they showed us was $3100...a bit expensive for both our tastes. Then we went to a place in the mail and found a ring (diamond and all) for $1400 that I liked, but we decided to keep looking around because we just started. That night K applied for a zales card but got turned down...so that made him sad. Anyway, we will keep looking.

Saturday afternoon we decided that I should start shopping for a new car too. We started at hyundai and I test-drove a Tuscon. I liked it, but again, we decided to keep looking. So on the way home we drove past a chevy dealer, it was closed but they had malibus and impalas on sale. So sunday morning we go back. We spend all day sunday between 2 chevy dealerships looking at malibus. Each dealer telling us the other dealer was lying to us. By sunday night I decided to settle on a black malibu lt with a sunroof. So Monday I start doing the financing crap. I apply for a BOA auto loan, and a GMAC loan. After wasting ALL day trying to get the figures on the GMAC loan I find out it is a total ripoff and I am better off with the BOA loan. The guy at GM tells me that BOA is lying to me about my payments, but he is an ass. Of course, by then, BOA is closed. So I tell them I will have to get back to them on tuesday. And THEN, you won't believe this, they tell me to sign the papers monday night - get the ripoff loan through GMAC - and then come back the next day and pay it off with my BOA loan. Um, no, I don't think so bitch. On my way home, talking to my mom, I decided that I hate these people. This dealership blows and I am not giving them my 20 grand. Ever. So never mind on that car.

Meanwhile, I got no work done over the weekend (shocking) but that's okay because on monday our client is back negotiating a settlement again. So now there is no rush on the complaint. Of course, yesterday, settlement falls through again and the rush is back on. So I had to get everything done before today when I am getting on a plane to go to chicago for my firm-wide new associate orientation. 36 hrs in the windy city in October. Great times.

So, here I am, at the airport, waiting for my flight to board. Hopefully everything will go smoothly. I'll be back home around midnight tomorrow. This weekend I may go back to hyundai, and maybe honda and toyota. I tried my best to buy american, but once again GM shows why it is going out of business. Really what amazed me most is how blatantly they kept saying that other people were lying to me. It's really unattractive. Ya know? Anyway...so those are my updates. Looking at diamonds and new cars in one weekend is really stressful. I think I got a new ulcer. At least K made the weekend sex-free so the stress was somewhat lessened. But still, I could use about a 48 hour nap. So maybe I won't be car shopping this weekend!! ;-)

Daily Dose of Crazy

2008-10-20T20:30:00.004-04:00

Okay, so I have a great secretary. But the one next to her is a crazy bitch. And I don't mean mildly crazy, I mean like hide-under-your-desk-when-you-hear-her-coming crazy. The first time I noticed it was the 2nd day of work, I was sitting in my office minding my own business, and I heard profanity. Crazy lady was yelling into the phone, using a plethora of words not often heard in a civilized work environment. Not you all know that I am NOT one to mince words. I routinely add a "fuck" to sentences that could clearly do without it. But usually not at work, and definitely not when screaming into the phone at work. So I hear her say, among other things, "Look Jackass! I don't know what the fuck you want me to do! Make up your mother fuckin' mind and then fucking call me!" Whoa. So, I thought to myself "I hope that lady is okay." After 2 weeks I have learned. She is not okay, she is NEVER okay. In fact, she has one of these arguments on the phone, at high volume, pretty much every damn day. In addition, she also yells at the lawyers she works for on occasion. That is even MORE scary! I am so glad she wasn't assigned to me!

The latest saga involved her planning a vacation with her significant other. During this conversation she told him "well, if you aren't going act like a NORMAL person than I am not going anywhere with you!" At which point, her significant other began studying how to be as abnormal as possible.

I think she is also a bit of a hypochondriac because she spends a lot of time printing out articles from WebMD on various ailments.

Today, I am pretty sure she threw out a bunch of things I printed. Luckily I am smart enough to just pretend I "forgot" to click print and go back in my office and do it again. I really think that if this woman "accidentally" drove away in my lexus I would just buy a new one rather than confront her. Seriously, she is that fuckin' scary.

Do you like it??

2008-10-19T17:30:00.001-04:00

I made my blog prettier!!! At least I think it's prettier! What do you think???

The Election is Ruining My Life

2008-10-17T19:54:00.004-04:00

So, I am so freakin' stressed about this election. But it's not the impending results that are ruining my life - it's the debates. All day monday, tuesday AND wednesday I was looking forward to a new episode of Bones. But ya know what?? It wasn't on! The freakin' debate was on instead! Ugh. So, I absolutely refused to watch the debate out of protest. Except that there was NOTHING else on!! So, I was forced to watch the damn thing. But, it ended up being beneficial, because I learned from John McCain that Colombia is our best ally in the western hemisphere. I had no idea!! I also got to see John McCain put air quotes around "health of the mother", which was awesome. Oh, and of course I got to learn about "Joe the Plumber", perhaps the most important man in the country. So watching the debate actually vastly improved my knowledge base. Unfortunately, it also gave me wrinkles. Yep, that's right. I woke up the next day and discovered wrinkles under my eyes. So, as you can see, the election is clearly ruining my life.

My "New Crowd"

2008-10-14T20:36:00.003-04:00

So I went to lunch on tuesday with all the female attorneys in my office. We went to a sushi place, and I am not a sushi person but luckily they had "regular" asian food, so I was good. AND I actually did try a piece of a Florida Roll which was good. Anyway, let's get to the important part: the people. There were 8 of us:

Me, clearly the awesomest of all.

Laura, Christina and Angela, decently cool, funny and nice ladies.

Cheryl, who is nerdy & awkward but VERY nice. Like fall over yourself nice.

Then, there were "the blondes", who don't need individual names (particularly since 2 out of 3 of them are named stephanie). So, these girls are incredible snobs. I mean, I was just shocked. I rode with them to the lunch (not knowing that they were snobs) and the whole car ride was about their extravagant lives and how they were too good for things like Walmart or Home Depot. It was just absurd. One of them made a comment about how Walmart makes her sick because of all the white trash and I wanted to say "are you sick right now? because I'm in the car." But, because this is a new job and a new crowd, I just shut up.

So, anyway, the verdict is that this crowd is not nearly as fun as my old crowd. But, there are a few nice girls that I can see myself going to lunch or dinner with. I'm just going to have to make a REAL effort to meet people outside of my office. I must devise a plan for this. Maybe I should try to meet people at Walmart.

You Don't Know Me

2008-10-11T17:55:00.002-04:00

This has been a rough month for friends of mine. One found out she has MS, another one's father was killed in an accident and another one...well, had a terrible thing happen in his family. Intellectually, I know it's not about me. But just to be safe, if you happen to be communicating with any gods or other-worldly sources and they ask you if you are friends with me, you may want to say "no." At least for this month. Okay? Thanks.

Note To Self:

2008-10-09T10:53:00.001-04:00

Your iPod is not psychic. When you buy an album on iTunes, the new music does not magically travel through the air and land in your iPod. You must plug the iPod IN and update it. Dumbass.

Go Me!!!

2008-10-07T19:54:00.003-04:00

Move over "insensitive and cruel"! Here comes "clever and impressive"!!!! Yep, that is what my boss called me today! Clever and impressive! Woot!! I think my sigh of relief may have caused a tsunami somewhere! Not only did I get mad props for my analysis of the discovery issues in my 1st case, I also dazzled him with my writing! Yay me!!! Seriously, I am flying right now.

Oh! And I am also awesome in a different arena. I got my Blackberry to sync up with my work email! The IT guy couldn't do it, but I did!! So-long 2nd Blackberry! I am, finally, a woman with only 1 cell phone. Yet another tremendous sigh of relief.

The First Week

2008-10-04T09:39:00.002-04:00

Well, I survived! It was actually a pretty good few days, with one major exception: my IT guy. Okay, so here's the story: on my first day they tell me that I need a blackberry. I already have one. They say the office can give me one, but it's an older model and I can only have 450 minutes per month for "personal use", plus I won't have internet or navigation or any of the other perks that I get with my sprint plan. So I said, no, I will just keep my own BB and pay for my own plan and use it for work and personal. She says that is fine, she will send the IT guy over to set up my BB with their system. So, he comes over, plugs my device into the computer, does some stuff and says "all set." Great. I go to lunch. At around 3 I try to call K. My BB won't let me make calls. It says "emergency calls only." I can, however, send texts. So I text K and ask him to call me. He does and it goes right to voicemail. So I can't receive calls either. Great.

So, I call the IT guy. After several emails back & forth he decides that the only way to fix it is to completely reprogram my BB, which he can't do until the next morning. So I will have no cell phone that night. Yeah, I'm pissed. He says "well, if you enter your password incorrectly 10 times, the BB will wipe itself out and you can make phone calls, but you will lose any emails or pix you have saved. I say, fine, I don't care as long as I can call people! So, I do as instructed. Not only does it not fix the phone call problem, now I can't send texts either! GRRRRRR! So, I call my mom from my work phone and tell her I have no cell and I will call her when I get home, and I head home. Admittedly, seriously pissed off.

So, the next day the IT guy comes to my office and makes several attempts to get my phone to work. Apparently he can get it to receive emails from my work address but he can't get it to send emails. He won't let me try anything, and decides it is sprint's fault. He says there is no way to get around whatever sprint did to the phone, and so I can't use my BB for work. To be honest, I don't believe him, so I am gonna go to the sprint store today. In the meantime I have 2 BBs. The work one is AWFUL. It is really old and I have no idea how to use it. The other day I got an email on it and when I tried to read it, it called the person who sent it. Then it said "press esc to end call", only there is no "esc" button!!! Grr. So I am just really annoyed with all of that.

In addition to that, we have a REALLY old version of internet explorer. So I ask IT guy if I can upgrade and he says "No, because of our intranet. But I can give you mozilla." Whatevs. Fine, I'll take Mozilla. So he downloads that and says to me "you need to remember that we are the biggest firm in the world, so upgrades take time." WHAT???? Shouldn't it take LESS time since we are the biggest firm in the world? How hard is it to keep up with new browsers? The explorer is so old, it doesn't even have tabs! Ugh. I really can't stand this guy.

But other than him, everyone is very nice and it was a good week. I have 2 cases that I am working on. Neither of them are too exciting, but I'm glad to have cases that feel manageable. My office is nice, and there are lots of perks to the job. So, I think it will be okay. The indefiniteness of my stay here still makes me nervous. But who knows, maybe in two years it will feel like home to me.

Wow.

2008-10-02T19:28:00.003-04:00

I found out today that a friend of mine has MS. I can't even begin to tell you how sad I am for her. I just can't imagine.

The Day After Tomorrow

2008-09-29T20:33:00.002-04:00

This is it. My last night where I don't have to set an alarm. Yeah, ok, I guess I'll still have weekends and the occasional day off, but this is my last REAL night of freedom. K left this afternoon, around 2. We had a great weekend. On saturday we went to the beach and watched the sunset, and ate at a seafood place on the water. Last night we went to see Eagle Eye, which was a actually a pretty good movie. The rest of the weekend we spent just relaxing, eating and putting together some furniture. The apartment looks great, my closet is fairly organized and I think I'm feeling ready to start this job. K has been so great, he took such good care of me this weekend. My allergies are still bad and I've been a bit neurotic, but he was totally sweet. He even made this whole speech about what a great month we've had and how much closer we've become. We got to spend a lot of time together during my time off, and it's all been great. So, I think this month was good for me in lots of ways. Well, except of course financially! LOL Yeah, I'm kinda broke. But I'll be okay. Certainly better off than a lot of people in this country right now. So, here I go, making the big jump into private practice. Wish me luck - hopefully I'll be able to blog again this weekend.

Yes I Did!

2008-09-24T19:18:00.002-04:00

Yep, that's right bitches, I got up close and personal with the one & only Barry O today. And by "up close" I mean as close as I was when I took this picture. And by "personal" I mean that I probably flashed him when I used my shirt to wipe the massive amounts of sweat from my forehead. That's okay, of course, because my boobs are awesome and I'm sure he didn't mind.

I am EXHAUSTED and totally sunburned. My scalp is sunburned. I put sunscreen on, but probably sweated it off in the first hour. The line was INSANE! Worse than super soap weekend at disney. But the crowd was awesome, and it was so great to see so many people in this little podunk town in western florida supporting Obama to this extent. The crowd was SO diverse - old and young, white and black, men and women. Really, it was great. There were only a handful of protestors...seriously like 5 people with McCain signs and one guy with an anti-abortion sign. That's it. I was surprised, I expected there to be more Anti-Obama people than Pro-Obama. I am really glad I went. It was definitely a once in a lifetime opportunity and it made me more hopeful about the election. Unfortunately, it also made me a lobster.

I Can't Sleep

2008-09-24T02:51:00.002-04:00

It's 3am. I don't know why I'm awake, but I am. I've been in bed, watching TV and trying to fall asleep for about 3 hours now. I really don't have anything on my mind and I feel fine...I honestly don't know what my problem is. But as long as I'm up, I may as well be up. Maybe I should go do some unpacking/organizing, but I don't feel like putting pants on and I don't like walking around with no pants.

I am supposed to wake up in 5 hrs to go see Obama at a park about 20 miles from here. I think I may be a little tired. I'm still gonna try to go though. I dunno if I'll get in, but I am going to try because I think it's something I should do. This election is scaring the crap out of me. The idea of McCain as president scares me even more than the idea of W as president. In fact, I think if the election were W v. McCain, I would vote for W. I can't imagine why anyone with even half a brain would vote for a republican after living through the last eight years. Even worse are people who lived through Nixon and W and are STILL gonna vote for McCain. Whatever happened to Darwinian selection?? How do these people survive?? Ugh. I dunno. I'm terrified. So, I feel like I should go to this event and participate as much as I can in this election. It may not help my cause, but at least I will feel like I gave it a good college try.

On a completely other note, while wondering around my new apartment in the middle of the night I realized something. I feel safer in this apartment for a pretty odd reason. In my old apartment I could lie in my bed, stare through my bedroom door and directly at the front door of my apartment. As many of you know, one of my PTSD nightmares involves andy coming in through my front door in the middle of the night. These dreams paralyze me. Being able to see the front door made these nightmares more frequent. In my apartment in GA I couldn't see the front door of my apartment from bed, but I could from my couch and I would have the nightmares more often when I fell asleep on my couch. Here, I can't see the front door from my bed or my couch and I haven't had one of those night mares yet. It seems silly, I know. I should feel more safe when I can see the front door, but I don't. It's irrational, but I guess that is what makes it PTSD.

So anyway, I can't sleep. I think I'm gonna get myself a brownie, maybe that will help. I know, more irrationality.

The Last Week of Freedom

2008-09-22T22:36:00.002-04:00

I was quite productive today! Finally my bedroom looks like it should. It's a great feeling. I only have a week left of my "vacation", so I need to get my life in order. K will be here this weekend, so he can help me with the finishing touches - mostly things like putting furniture together. I ordered a VERY nice bookshelf for the guest room, and a matching nightstand. They are black with an antique finish, K and my sister both approved. They probably won't get here until next week, which sucks but can't be helped.

Tomorrow I will do as much with the guest room as I can, so there is room for the new furniture. Then on wednesday I am going to see Obama!! Well, I am gonna try, we'll see if I can get in! Thursday I have a continuing legal education class all day, and on Friday K should be here for our last free weekend together. I'm trying not to be all "dooms day" about starting work, but it's hard. I know my life won't be mine anymore, it won't be free and easy. I just hope I can handle it, and if I can't I hope my next choice is the right one. Ugh. I need chocolate...

Yuck.

2008-09-20T22:15:00.003-04:00

When I was a kid I used to believe that I was born with a cold that never went away. Being allergic to everything, that was pretty much true. Eventually, though, I got control of the perpetual cold. Until about 3 months ago, when my allergy medicine was taken away from me. See, I had been on Zyrtec-D for about 5 years. Now, Zyrtec is available OTC, but Zyrtec-D is not available at all anymore. And, yes, there IS a difference. So, basically, the medicine I had come to depend on was just taken away from me with little notice and no options.

I was doing okay, really, until moving day. Then my allergies returned with a vengeance. The day we moved my eyes were so bad I could barely see & my nose was bleeding. We hoped it was an extraordinary reaction to extraordinary circumstances - lots of dust & cleaning products. Unfortunately, my "attack" has lasted two full weeks. By yesterday I was barely breathing. It was awful. Because yesterday was the first day I didn't have a house guest, I was able to fully drug myself. I took benedryl and slept all day, and today I felt a bit better. The problem is, I just don't know what I will do when I start work. I can't take benedryl...I will be a zombie! Honestly, all the OTC allergy meds either knock me out or have no effect. So, once my new health insurance starts I will need to find a new doc ASAP and see what can be done. Until then, I will be sniffling like a coke addict and carrying around a box of kleenex. Yeah, I'm hot.

Self-Indulgence

2008-09-11T12:11:00.002-04:00

So I've been pretty self-indulgent this past week. Napping, eating out, watching TV and just being generally lazy. It's been awesome. I feel so happy right now! I mean, not that I haven't been happy....but this is just a light, satisfied, unburdened feeling. It's really great. The new apartment is really great. My mom will be here on saturday, and when she gets here we will start exploring the area a bit. I need to get a map today so I can start getting a better feel for the "big picture", particularly figuring out where the closest beaches are!!!

Yeah, so things are good, I'm gonna get back to being lazy!

All Moved In

2008-09-09T01:42:00.002-04:00

So, we survived the move! It went pretty well, however the movers did do some damage to my furniture, but not NEARLY as bad as last time. Hopefully the insurance will take care of it without a problem. So, here's the recap:

K got here thursday night. Friday we spent most of the day packing. The movers showed up on Saturday morning and the move took a full 8 hours. I was REALLY tired, so K drove from Orlando to Tampa and I slept in the car. That was awesome. Saturday night we went out and bought ceiling fans and new shower heads and then came home and passed out! Sunday we had to go back to Orlando to clean the old place and turn in the keys. We also had lunch with friends and met up with K's friend AJ. AJ drives a truck for the same company that K does, so he decided to take a few days off too and help us out. We brought him back to Tampa with us and he has been a HUGE help! He helped K put up the ceiling fans and shower heads and has helped with the packing and cleaning. They will probably be here until Wednesday morning.

Anyway, so things are going very well. I think we will be happy here for a while. Right now, everyone is asleep, and I think I will join them!! Good night!!

Does anyone else hear that noise?????

2008-09-03T21:17:00.002-04:00

Well, things are moving along. I spent most of today packing, but I wasn't too productive because they were putting new carpet into the apartment above me, which was soooooooooo loud it almost gave me a nervous breakdown! There were here for TEN HOURS! I left for lunch, but I couldn't leave for the whole day because I have a lot of stuff to do! Ugh. It sucked. I have a HORRIBLE headache now. But I took an aleve and a xanax, so hopefully I will feel better in the morning.

K will be here tomorrow night, which makes me SO happy!!! He can help me all day friday, so surely everything will be set for the movers on saturday. Woot! I really can't wait to see him. I'm so excited for us to make this move together, ya know? He has been so sweet and supportive the last few weeks. I really am pretty lucky. We also had a really good talk yesterday which made me feel even better about us. Not that I was having any real issues, but still it's nice to know how he feels once in a while.

I have SOOOOO much trash to get rid of! I wish I had a pick up truck! I know I could rent one from Home Depot, but it's not that serious. Just annoying. Really most of the packing is done, it just seems like a big mess so it's hard to see my progress! Tomorrow I am having lunch with a friend from work, so that will be nice. Then I will come home and pack some more!!! Yes, this is getting a bit repetitive.

Treasure Hunting

2008-09-02T14:37:00.002-04:00

One of the best parts of packing up my life is finding stuff I forgot I had. Pictures, letters, all kinds of things! Today I found an essay I wrote. I think it may have been an early draft of my law school admissions essay. It's not complete, and I don't think it even remotely resembles the essay I ended up with. But, I did find a phrase in there, that I wrote, and that I find to be quite quotable:

"I have to live my life like I am going to live forever, I only have to love like I am going to die tomorrow."

Nice, right? I like it! And it really is true. Living like you will die tomorrow sounds fun, but it's incredibly irresponsible. And if you don't die tomorrow, the fun (and the money) run out fast. This is the lesson I learned when I was 20 years old. That I had to prepare for the future, because it would give me the freedom to enjoy today. It may sound obvious, but to me it was an important discovery. It meant I started protecting my body, my reputation and my money. And look how well that worked for me??!!

I really like most of this essay draft, so I think I will keep it! Put it in my memory box...which is quickly turning in to many many memory boxes!!

Summation

2008-08-28T16:12:00.002-04:00

When I was 5 years old I wanted to go to law school. But I don't remember the wanting, I only remember my father telling me it would never happen. See, I had trouble learning how to write my name. I kept writing it backwards and nobody could figure out what the hell my problem was. My mom would repeat the spelling of my name over and over again, and I would still write it backwards. My father came into my room one day when he got home from work and said "You will never get into law school if you can't even spell your name right!!!" I remember crying and thinking "what will I do then?" Eventually, my mother watched me write my name and realized I wasn't spelling in backwards, I was starting on the wrong side of the page. It ended up being very easy to fix. But I will never forget that day. It was just the first of MANY times that my father would tell me that I would never get into law school. All said and done, I got into 13 of them.

But I think that my father's continued warnings had a lasting effect on me. They made me afraid that every accomplishment was a mistake. When I got into law school, I was terrified that it was a mistake. I wanted to put deposits down on all the schools just in case, when I showed up on the first day, they said "oops. we didn't mean to send YOU an acceptance letter."

Then, when I graduated, I was afraid they would take my degree away from me. I was afraid they would find out that my good grades were given to me in error and take them back. So I kept all of the proof - not just the grades but all the notes and outlines, to prove that I did it and, if I had to, I could do it again.

When I got hired for this job I was afraid too. I was afraid I would show up and my judge would realize he had called the wrong applicant. I was afraid that I wasn't as smart as he thought I was and that I wouldn't last more than a week.

But now, after these 2 years of working for him, I'm not afraid anymore. I finally feel validated. This is no accident. There was no way for me to get lost in the crowd. For 2 years I worked for this man that is known far and wide to be an intelligent and fantastic lawyer. He read what I wrote and signed his name to it. And nobody can take that away from me. I finally feel like I have earned my place in this profession, and that I don't need to prove it anymore. So when I was packing for my move, I threw out all of that junk. I don't need it anymore. Nobody is going to take this away from me anymore. It is quite a relief.

No more work!!

2008-08-27T17:32:00.002-04:00

Today, I finished all of my work! I am still gonna go in tomorrow...mostly for my "goodbye lunch" at Cheesecake Factory! Also, JW's goodbye happy hour is tomorrow after work.

It's been a good last week so far. All of the other clerks took me out to lunch today, which was GREAT! A drink was spilled again - still not by me! Woot!

The funniest part of the day, though, was when my Judge walked in while I was telling TW a story about K & his mom. He said: "CJ, when you leave do you think you could keep a journal and send us some kind of weekly update or something so we know what is going on with all this drama? Or, maybe I should just join facebook to keep up with you!"

HAHA! He so SHOULD join FB!!! That would be wonderful! But, he won't. Anyway, I told MH this story and she said I should start a blog! I said "Already got one!" I decided that she was safe so, I gave her the top-secret address. Soooooo, MH, if you are reading this: Welcome to NAPG!!!
You are in a VERY exclusive club! Don't fuck it up! LOL

Anyway, things are going pretty good. It looks like I may just call tomorrow my last day because there is no point in me coming in if I have nothing to do. I'm not sad yet, but I think it's just not really sinking in. It may not until after I move. But I am looking forward to moving in to my new place, so I just gotta keep looking forward!!!

My Last Week

2008-08-25T20:08:00.002-04:00

Today was the 1st day of my last week at this job. I went in for 90 minutes and took the rest of the day off. Nice. I spent the day packing, so I made up for my weekend of excessive napping - kinda. I threw out a lot of stuff and donated a bunch to goodwill (18 pairs of shoes, 18 shirts and 3 each of pants, skirts and shorts). I have a bunch of VHS tapes to get rid of too. Do you think Goodwill even takes those? It's getting pretty difficult to find VCRs these days. Hard to believe.

I've been going through a lot of old stuff and I have determined that I need a few big photo albums. I have pictures going back like 15 years, and I should really organize them. Maybe that is what I will do with my month off...in addition to working out and tanning!! I intend to be sexy when I start my new job...they take pix and put them on their website, ya know!! That is a good incentive. At least, I hope it will be! I am throwing out a LOT of stuff, which is good. I feel like un-encumbering myself. I think that I am secure enough in my life that I can start getting rid of junk from my past that has accumulated over the years.

So, Friday is my last day, and then on Sunday I am going to Georgia for a Monkey Reunion!!! I am so excited! Only 4 out of 5 of us will be there, but still this is our first time together in 2 years! I can't wait! I'm glad to have something to look forward to this weekend, it will make the week less sad.

Unexpected Laziness

2008-08-23T19:59:00.003-04:00

I woke up early today. Fully expecting to be hella productive. I planned to go get a pedicure, finish wrapping "goodbye" gifts for the people in my office, and then pack all day. Pedicure? Check. Gift wrapping? Check. Packing??? None. Not at all. Instead? Three hour nap!! I still can't believe it. I intentionally laid down for a nap, and when I woke up I thought "Hmm. I'm hungry. I'll go grab some lunch." I got up, brushed my hair, got changed, got in the car and looked at the clock. It was 4:30!!!! I definitely slept through lunch. Good lord. So, I went and got "linner", came home and continued to be lazy. I've done nothing productive all day. Maybe tomorrow.

U R Dumb!

2008-08-22T15:40:00.002-04:00

This morning I watched a news story about the national conventions. The "big reveal" of the story was that when you check the box on your tax return indicating that you want to donate money toward paying for presidential campaigns that money is....what for it....used to pay for campaigns!!! EEK!!! What a scam!

They show this reporter telling people that their "tax dollars" go to pay for the national conventions (which they call "the parties' parties"...very clever). Everyone they talked to is shocked and dismayed. Like, wtf did you think happened when you check that box??? Did you think "presidential campaign" was code for "hungry children"??? It's ironic that people have ONE, clearly delineated, opportunity to earmark a portion of their tax dollars and they can't even understand THAT. Good grief.

Storms

2008-08-21T16:56:00.003-04:00

We have been enduring Tropical Storm Fay all week. As usual, all of the predictions were wrong. They thought the worst day for us would be tuesday, so they closed down the courthouse and I got the day off. It was perfect because K got here at 3am on Tuesday and we got to spend the whole day together. It was an incredibly nice visit. Just a wonderful, relaxing and happy day. We watched a movie, ate Chinese food and slept a LOT. The weather wasn't great, but it also wasn't too bad.

Today is the WORST day so far. I am at work and K is gone, on his way to Pennsylvania. It's very windy and rainy...actually it wasn't bad for the middle of the day but both commute times were really bad! In fact, this morning the ceiling on the 2nd floor was leaking so bad that the people in those offices had to be moved to the 4th floor. (Why it wasn't leaking on the TOP floor, I have no idea.) Ugh. Anyway, I am caught up at work again with only one day and one week left. So, all I have to do is sit back & watch the storm.

Passing the Torch

2008-08-16T20:34:00.002-04:00

Okay, so yesterday I did my little "orientation" for my replacement, TF. This guy is unreal. If you look up "douchebag" in the dictionary, the definition will read "someone cooler than TF." Seriously, I can't stand this kid. I am embarrassed to be seen with him.

I think I have seen him 6 times in my life, and 4 of those times he was wearing the exact same blue & white pinstripe seer-sucker suit with an ugly tie (he changes up the ugly tie).

Many of you know about the fascinating chunk of lazy that is my co-clerk...well this guy is gonna blend in well with him. I think my judge may kill himself in the next year.

Perhaps his most egregious failure of the day had to do with HR. Apparently a few weeks ago he inquired as to how he could make sure his pay checks started ASAP. So, they told him he could turn in his paperwork early so that it could be processed early. So yesterday I take him down to HR and they say "Oh. You're empty-handed? So you didn't bring in your paperwork??" and TF says "Oh! I was supposed to bring that in??? I thought we would do it electronically."

Why the fuck would they MAIL you forms if they wanted you to fill them out electronically??? And wouldn't you bring them in just to be safe???

Oh, and also, he is working for a law firm downtown right now, I guess until the 22nd. He kept saying he "works across the street." This is ridiculously inaccurate, unless by across the street you mean "across the interstate"...in which case you would still be talking about a bank and not the law firm he works at which is several blocks away. Anyhoo...someone asked him if he had just walked over from there and he said yes. At the end of the day I discover that not only did he NOT park at his law firm and walk over, he actually parked in the ghetto in a possibly illegal location. All day he had been secretly thinking his car may have been towed. Again, why the fuck wouldn't you park at your law firm that is "right across the street"???? God, I hoped he got mugged on his way back to the car. He looked like Colonel Sanders in that freakin suit!! I hope some self respecting black dude realized he just could NOT pass up that opportunity and took him out. Or at least asked him for fried chicken.

So yeah, that was my friday, giving Mr. I-wish-I-was-a-douchebag a tour of the courthouse and telling him what to do on his first day. Oh, and he asked me how long it should take him to write an order on, say, a motion to dismiss. I told him one day. Good luck loser.

Sudden In-Custody Death Syndrome

2008-08-13T14:07:00.002-04:00

This is my new favorite imaginary disease. It was created by Taser Int'l. From the Taser website (reorganized for ease of reading):

Sudden in-custody death results from a complex set of physiological and psychological conditions characterized by irrational behavior, extreme exertion, and potentially fatal changes in blood chemistry. Promptly capturing, controlling, and restraining a subject exhibiting signs of these conditions may end the struggle and allow early medical care intervention.

Signs of Sudden In-Custody Death Syndrome include: extreme agitation, bizarre behavior, inappropriate nudity, imperviousness to pain, paranoia, exhaustive exertion, "superhuman" strength, hallucinations, sweating profusely, etc.

If a subject is exhibiting signs or behaviors that are associated with Sudden In-Custody Death Syndrome, consider need for medical assistance.

I guess this is Taser's way of saying "Taser's don't kill people, they were gonna die anyway!" I can see it now, "The subject was tased 10 times, but that was not the cause of death. This man suffered from incurable mortality." *Gasp!*

More New Stuff

2008-08-10T13:57:00.002-04:00

Yesterday my trusty computer finally died. Well, it isn't COMPLETELY dead, but it spent more time freezing than running and I couldn't connect to the internet anymore. So I broke down and bought a new one. And, in true white-girl fashion, I bought a Mac. So far, I love it. It took a little getting used to for the first hour or so, but now I am sort of in the groove...and like it! Yeah, it was a little expensive, but it's worth having a reliable computer. Especially starting my new job, I will need to have a quick and reliable computer to use at home. I bought the black MacBook, which is probably more memory and speed than I need but I decided to err on the side of more!

In other news I am continuing to pack and clean in preparation for the move. I have people coming over on wednesday so I have to make at least the common areas presentable! Unfortunately, I wasted most of my weekend dealing with technology so I didn't get much done. Right now, it's 2pm on sunday, so I can still get more done and hopefully won't have much to do tomorrow and tuesday. I've been so tired lately I really just wanna sleep all day! But I won't. I am getting a massage at 3 so hopefully that will reenergize me!

Where We Stand

2008-08-03T14:54:00.002-04:00

Ever since the reunion, K has been telling people that we are "getting married." In fact, he even told his ex that he proposed to me. I guess it's not a lie...he has asked me to marry him many, many times. But still, there has been no down-on-one-knee-with-a-ring type of proposal. So, to me, we aren't really engaged. At least not in the popular sense of the word. Sure, I would be happy to marry him someday, if it made sense. But right now, it doesn't. He doesn't love me enough yet, not enough to cut his mother off financially. Not enough to get down on one knee. Not enough to stop talking to his ex.

I know he loves me probably as much as he can. And that's fine with me. I don't want or need a husband. But he wants a wife, and I wonder if he realizes just how far he is from having one. We have been looking at houses in Tampa and he thinks of it as "our house", but truthfully it will be my house. My name on the mortgage and the deed, me making the payments and me making all the final decisions. Until he divorces his mother, he is not gonna marry me. I just don't know if he sees that clearly. I think he may think I am "over" the stuff about his mother. I am, but that doesn't mean I am getting involved! I take care of me. That is how it's always been & how it will be for at least the foreseeable future. Maybe we should just have a commitment ceremony?? Can straight people have those? Or should I say, can a hetero and an anti-sexual have one of those? LOL

There It Is Again

2008-07-30T08:54:00.002-04:00

Yesterday I had lunch with a friend who works at a local law firm with a VERY strange culture. Kind of like a highschool/reality-show culture. Everyone in everyone else's personal business, lots of gossip, and more than enough crazy to go around. I said to him "Ya know, if I worked at your firm I would be the least crazy slash most normal one there! That is scary." He said "You'd also be the happy one."

I kinda like this whole "happy" reputation of mine. And every time it comes up, it makes me smile - even bigger than I already am apparently!

Left Out

2008-07-25T15:47:00.003-04:00

This is kinda odd...but lately there have been several events involving the people I work with that I have not been invited to, or invited to, but as like an afterthought. I'm not really "hurt" by this, but it is just strange, because it is so out of the blue. I'm not sure if it is intentional, or if people are just forgetting about me? I have no idea. Generally when something is going on, an email is sent to what you may call "the usual suspects". Hardly ever do people get left out, because you can usually just hit "reply all" to the email - ya know? But in the past week, there was one thing I was not invited to AT ALL, and two things where the invite was forwarded to just me later on. Of course, these are just the things I know about. It is very possible that there are 100 things I have been excluded from, but I was just completely in the dark.

Last night I found out about the thing I wasn't invited to at all. Today someone asks me if I am going to it and I said "No, I wasn't invited." She said "Well, you weren't not invited. N sent an email to some of us and told us to forward it to all the clerks because she didn't have everyone's email." I said "Well, nobody forwarded it to me." I mean, even if N wanted me to go, and really didn't know my email (which is completely plausible), it's obvious that nobody else cared to tell me about it. So I WAS not invited. I mean, it's not an event I really care to go to, but still, it is just another thing, ya know?

It makes me sad because I have been thinking lately about how I will miss the friends I have made here - and now I am forced to wonder if I really HAVE made friends here. I guess time will tell.

Planning

2008-07-18T14:08:00.002-04:00

Well, it feels like things are officially in order for my move! I had lunch with one of the partners at my new firm a few days ago - so I still have a job! In light of that boost in security, I set up everything else. So, here is the plan:

Aug. 29: Last day of this job :-(
Sept. 5: Go get the keys & sign the lease on my new place
Sept. 6: Moving day!
Sept. 7: Come back to the old place, turn in keys & do final inspection
Sept 13-17: Mom comes to visit!
Oct 1st: Start my new job!

So, now all I have to do is set up utilities at the new place, switch over my renter's insurance, get a washer & dryer and switch my driver's license.

Oh! And pack. ;-)

I already got a bunch of boxes so I can start on that this weekend actually. I am really kind of peaceful about all this right now. I feel better now that the movers are reserved, and the paperwork is in place, etc. So, here I go! Moving again!! Always a new adventure!!

Good Boy

2008-07-17T08:21:00.002-04:00

K called last night at 10 specifically to apologize for being such an ass. He said he just made that comment without thinking, but that he knows this is not all in my head. So good.

Also, I talked to my mom last night and she had a great idea! She said that maybe I could get a bio-feedback instrument of my own, that way I can track my own progress and not worry about someone else's comments. And ya know what? She was right! I ordered my own last night! This is awesome because, since I can't tell whether I am relaxing my muscles or not, I will be able to have a computer tell me and I won't even have to leave home! No co-pays, no referrals, no 7am appointments, and the best part: no lectures! Go mom!!

Nobody Listens!!!

2008-07-16T18:22:00.002-04:00

So, I had my 6th, and possibly last, physical therapy appointment today. My insurance only approved 6 visits, and I can request more, but since I only have 7 weeks left at my job, I'm not sure it's worth it. Anyway, today's appt was a little frustrating.

Today's visit was dedicated to getting me to relax. My biggest problem is my inability to relax my pelvic muscles - which are constantly clenched. The problem with trying to relax them is that I don't know how to control them at all. So they hook me up to this machine that monitors my muscle activity, and it is connected to a probe that goes inside of me (I know, it's icky). Anyway, having that in me REALLY HURTS. I guess that if I learned to relax it wouldn't hurt so much, but how can you relax when you are in so much pain. Vicious cycle.

So today she talks me through a relaxation exercise, trying to get me to relax my whole body. After 20 minutes the computer says that I have barely relaxed my pelvic muscles at all. Plus, it still hurts. So, she asks if she should leave me alone and let me try to relax on my own.

Me: "Okay, but not for too long because this REALLY hurts."
Her: "Well, I really don't know what else to tell you or what else to try."
Me: "Maybe I'm hopeless."
Her: "Well maybe that is your problem, you have just accepted that this is how things are. You need to mentally be more hopeful and change your attitude....(continues to lecture me on my 'attitude' for a good 5 minutes)"

WTF???? First of all, I was being sarcastic. Second, SHE was the one who was giving up. SHE said that she didn't have anything else to say or try. If she had said "well, next week we can try ____." I would have said "GREAT, see you then!". Third, I had agreed to try it with her leaving the room, I just didn't want her to leave me hooked up to that thing for another 20 minutes! Is that sooooo unreasonable??? So, instead of 5 minutes more of relaxing I get the above-referenced 5 minute lecture PLUS another 10 minute lecture after I got dressed again. I was really annoyed.

To make it worse, I come home and START telling K this story. Instead of listening to me he interrupts and says "HA! I told you!!! It's all in your head! You want things to be this way!!!" I really thought my head was going to explode. I was so angry at him for having the same unreasonable reaction as my PT lady had, without even hearing the whole story. Of course, he says this to me and then 5 seconds later hangs up to go get dinner. So I am just left all angry and frustrated and it makes me feel like maybe I should just give up. I mean I have been doing all this work, putting in all this effort, being poked & prodded FOR HIM. I thought he was starting to see that these were physical problems, not mental. But I guess that was all an act. So, ya know what? If I don't want it to be better, then fine. I will stop trying. We can just never have sex again for all I care. He can go buy hookers. Because I am so not gonna keep expending all this time, effort and money when he still thinks it's just all in my head. God. I am so fucking angry at him right now!!!

The Rest of My Vacation

2008-07-15T12:05:00.002-04:00

Okay, so I did spend a whole week in Buffalo before my reunion, and that was fun too! Unfortunately, I got this head cold on Monday, so I was kinda sickly all week. But still, we did okay.

When I got there it was the 4th of July, so after my plane landed I took a nap and then went out with my sister. We went to my BFF's new apartment for some snacks & non-alcoholic beverages. She made us very yummy drinks with sparkling cider & strawberries. Schmoe met us there and then the 3 of us went to the river to claim a spot to watch fireworks. Two of my sister's friends met us there, and eventually so did BFF, her boy, our friend N and his g/f and her son. We had a good time, though all the walking and hauling blankets and coolers was very tiring and my broken toe hurt a LOT! (Sister says it was not broken but it WAS!)

The next day we went to see Wall-E which was sooooo cute! I highly recommend it.

We also had a good number of nice meals out together (me, mom & sis) and did some shopping and sight seeing around town. Oh also, my sister locked her keys in the car at the marina, and we had to call AAA. That was an adventure. Too bad K wasn't in town yet or he could have broken in for us!!! (Can't you just picture it? "No officer, those white ladies ASKED me to break into their car. I swear!!" LOL)

I spent some quality time with BFF and her b/f on wednesday night, which is always great. I also got to catch up with a friend I haven't seen in 10 years, but who wasn't in my class (so not at the reunion).

K showed up on Friday night and we went to see Hancock. Saturday I took him to get his haircut and then I went and got my hair done by my friend Lisa, so I got to catch up with her some. Saturday night was the reunion and sunday I left!! So that was the vacay in a nutshell!!

I Am Awesome

2008-07-14T11:23:00.002-04:00

So, my ten-year high school reunion is over. I survived, with flying colors actually. I was clearly one of the most awesome people there. Duh! The best part was making my arch-enemy, KST, cry twice!! Priceless. I wish I had video.

K and I both looked damn good if I do say so myself. And I had a lot of fun with Schmoe and JC (my best friend back in those days!). JC's b/f was a pretty nice guy too, so the 4 of us had a good time together. And - bonus - K's ex-g/f (E) like TOTALLY ignored us the whole time. She tried to talk to K once, but he just brushed her off and then actively avoided making eye-contact with either of us for the rest of the night.

I do regret not making more of an effort to talk to a few of the people there. I also regret not taking a picture of my $45 glass of coke...altho at the time I had NO idea that it would be the only thing I would be ingesting all night. The "dinner" we were supposed to get did not exist. Instead, there was an open bar, spinach & artichoke dip, chicken fingers, chicken wings, nachos and jalepeno poppers. Stupid me, I thought this would be just "appetizers" with actual dinner to come later. I was wrong. So, I ended up going to get food after the reunion, on my way home, at like midnight!

The night seemed to go by pretty fast, except for the slideshow which was like AN HOUR long!!! It was the same one they showed at prom, but I don't remember it being so looooong!!!!

Anyway, all in all it was good. I will write about the rest of my week later on. Right now I am HUNGRY!

Clean Slate

2008-07-03T15:58:00.003-04:00

My blood test was negative!!! Woot! I feel so much better. And I cannot tell you how glad I am to know this before my vacation! Now I can really celebrate tomorrow! Ugh. I am so relieved.

In other news, I only had to work until 11am today! I spent the rest of the day packing, resting & relaxing. In fact, I just got out of the hot tub. :-)

So, I am all ready for my trip. I will try to blog while I am up there, as long as I have an internet connection! Have a great 4th of July everyone!!

A New Day

2008-07-02T11:04:00.004-04:00

So I got the blood test yesterday, I won't know the results until sometime next week, but I already feel better - just knowing an answer is in the works. I hate getting blood drawn! I wished my mommy was there to hold my hand and carry me to the car afterwards! But I survived. Now all I can do is wait. My doctor did say that the chances of me having it are practically zero, but better safe than sorry, ya know?

Last night was my first good night's sleep in like 3 days, so I feel good today - physically and emotionally. I am looking forward to seeing so many people I love on Friday (mom, sis, Rita, Jocelyn, Mike, etc.). I think it will be a good day, which is great because I LOVE 4th of July! It's my favorite holiday.

Hopefully I will have my test results before the reunion, because then I have to decide if I inform other people that I know slept with that guy. Mind you, both of these people (EG and KST) are people I hate. KST is the person I hate most in the world except for DB. K says I should just say "Fuck them." because they wouldn't tell me if they knew. In fact, it is likely that KST did know and didn't tell me. But, I am better than them and I want to keep being better than them, so I am inclined to tell them. I think he is worried mostly that if he could have it, then they will know his business. So, if I find out I don't have it then I will pull them aside and just say "AL had Hep C, I don't have it but you might. Go get checked." and that's it. Well, with KST I may put it in the form of a question so as to ascertain whether it is news to her or not.

Anyway, like I said, I am feeling much better today. Just bored as hell with no work to do! Hope you are all having a good day!

Even More Nervous

2008-07-01T08:53:00.002-04:00

Eight years ago I was raped. Last night I found out the guy who did it has Hepatitis C. I don't know when he got it, and chances are slim that I could get it from him anyway, but I am going to get tested today. I didn't sleep last night. I just cried & cried. K was great about it, he isn't mad at me just mad at that guy, but I wish I could've told him in person. I wish he was here. Today is going to suck. Cross all of your digits & appendages for me please.

Nervous

2008-06-28T20:56:00.002-04:00

In one week I am going "home" and in 2 weeks I am going to my ten-year high school reunion. I am excited, but also nervous. The part I am most nervous about is K's ex-girlfriend (E) being there. I guess I am just apprehensive about all 3 of us being in the same room at the same time. I am afraid that K will treat me differently in front of her. I'm afraid at seeing how he treats her. I doubt she will start a fight with me or anything, but I know she is going to try to come between us. I know she will try to interrupt us and pull him away from me. On the one hand I want to tell him my fears, but I don't want him putting on an act because of what I say ahead of time. I want to see how he behaves naturally, I want to know how he really feels in his heart when he sees the two of us at the same time. I hate the fact that I am so insecure when it comes to her, but how else am I supposed to feel? They were together for 8 years, and she is clearly still interested in him. He says he has no feelings left for her, but he also won't just drop her. I dunno. I am just nervous about it all. Plus there is the fact that he plans on drinking that night, so he can't come home with me, so I will have to worry that he might go home with her. On the one hand I think, no, that is ridiculous. But on the other hand it seems completely plausible...even unavoidable. He is gonna be drunk, he always wants to have sex, she wants to break us up - am I stupid to think for a single second that he won't sleep with her that night?? I feel like even if I stay as long as he does and drive him back to his truck, or wherever he is gonna sleep that night, I won't know what will happen next. She could show up after I leave. But, I guess that could happen anytime, right? Ugh. Do these fears EVER go away??? I hate myself when I feel this way.

Dangerously Tame

2008-06-25T10:45:00.002-04:00

As most of you know, my Monkey came to visit me last weekend!!! We had a fabulous time! She got here thursday at around 11am and left Sunday evening. We did a perfect amount of adventuring, eating and being lazy on my couch! It was a really great visit, and I wanted to write about it sooner but I was in trial the last 2 days. So, here is the long awaited summary!

On Thursday I picked her up from the train station (Yes, she took a train. She is a little crazy!) and we went straight to my apartment to drop off her stuff. Then we had a very yummy lunch at Tijuana Flats and then a lovely journey through the botanical gardens! We saw lots of flowers as well as butterflies, ducks, turtles, birds and lizards! We also saw a sign that warned us that alligators may be present and we should not feed or touch them as it may make them "dangerously tame". We loved that sign and it became our theme for the weekend! After that we went home and took much needed naps on the fabulous new couch! Then we came back downtown and had dinner at the new brick-oven pizza place and walked around the lake, where we saw swans and ducks and strange people.

Friday I had to work for a few hours in the morning which was perfect because Monkey slept until 10 because she was still recovering from the train! After I came home, I changed into adventure clothes and we went to Animal Kingdom! FABULOUS! We did pretty much everything there is to do and saw way too many animals to list! We even ate lunch at rainforest cafe! I had a great time riding the rollercoaster and the dinosaur ride with her because it was all new to her so she was genuinely scared (in a good way). Really a great day! We got rained on at the end, but that was fine, because we were just leaving anyway. We came home, took showers & mini-naps and then had dinner at Crispers.

Saturday we went to the Merrit Island Wildlife Refuge and the Canaveral National Seashore. We saw more birds and lizards and a BABY ALLIGATOR!!!!! So cute. We also saw more strange people. Unfortunately we got chased off the beach by storms, but still a pretty good day. I know we wnet to Steak & Shake for lunch after that, but I can't remember what we did after that! (Monkey will, I'm sure.) At night we walked around the plaza by my house some and got ice cream at Marble Slab.

Sunday we went for breakfast at Perkins and then spent the afternoon at the Art Museum. That was really cool. The featured exhibit was William Joyce, who is a great children's book illustrator and does the drawings for Rollie Pollie Ollie. His stuff was really cool. There were also a lot of local artists featured and just some really cool things. It was a great way to spend the afternoon, and the rain came while we were inside this time! Haha! Then we went shopping in downtown winter park and had lunch at a restaurant down there. I think we finished up that day shopping at Florida Mall, I got shoes & jewelry for my reunion (but maybe that was saturday? I dunno I am getting old).

So that is the story! It was a great weekend and i have lots of pix on my computer at home, so I will put some up on here later & the rest on facebook or myspace. Probably not until tomorrow though because I have plans tonite! I hope you all had a great weekend too - although it couldn't possibly compare to mine!!!

Mission: Reunion Dress

2008-06-18T10:54:00.003-04:00

Last night I went shopping with three friends from work (JS, CS and MH) to find a dress to wear to my 10-year reunion. We had a blast!

I wanted something not too fancy, that made me look skinny, and cost less than $100. We started a JCPenney. I tried on like 20 dresses and bought one: $39.99 and looked great! I only had one small reservation about it, so I decided that we would keep looking just in case. After dinner at CPK, we wentto Macy's. I tried on dresses ranging from $70 to $150, but we all agreed the dress I already had was better than any of them. I just needed a better bra.

I spent the next half hour with my 3 friends staring at my boobs from all angles, and taking turns pushing them together. It was hilarious. The lady working there tried to help, but she was a tad bit annoying. See, my one boob is MUCH bigger than the other. Probably a whole cup size. So it's pretty impossible to get them to look completely even. I accept that. But the Macy's lady kept blaming the dress. It is NOT the dress, it's the boob. Trust me.

We eventually narrowed it down to two bras. How to decide? One was $53.00, the other was $9.99. Seriously, I will NOT pay more for the bra than I did for the dress. So, I took the cheap one and we left the mall after it closed! LOL (Of course, this meant I had frantic voicemails and texts from my mom, my sister and K all wondering if I was dead because it was 10pm and I wasn't home yet!)

The dress is black and white, so we decided I should get some colorful accessories to go with it. The girls say red, mom says yellow and T says turquoise. I am thinking pink. ;-) I'll look around and decide eventually.

The best thing about last night was really determining which styles looked good on me. Oddly it ended up being the opposite of what I expected. So that was really neat...it was like my own personal makeover team!

So, anyway...lots of fun was had by all. Tomorrow will be a FABULOUS day because my monkey is coming to visit!!!!!!!!! WOOHOO!!!! So, you may not hear from me until next week.

Just FYI

2008-06-17T13:38:00.002-04:00

The Incredible Hulk is a very good movie. Ed Norton is amazing and hot even when he is big & green. You should go see it.

The Happening is a horrible movie. There is nothing good about it (well, except some pretty funny death scenes). I thought I could watch Mark Wahlberg read the phone book & not get bored. I was wrong. Don't bother seeing it. Don't even rent it. Tell your friends.

Thanks For The Hugs

2008-06-16T09:11:00.002-04:00

I needed them. The weekend ended up getting better, and we ended on a high note last night. I even gave him my ring back. I won't go into all the details, but we had 3 fights. All 3 times he was wrong, which he admitted eventually. However, all 3 times I also broke up with him - telling him to get out & take his stuff. I shouldn't have done that. I need to work on that. I am way too willing to "cut & run." I really am turning into a man! LOL

So, I guess we forgave each other & we are okay now. Unfortuantely I had terrible nightmares last night, so today will be a pretty tired day. Oh well. I will go to bed early tonite!

Nothing Good To Say

2008-06-14T19:14:00.001-04:00

We have been fighting alllllllllll weekend. K is still here, so I won't write the details until Monday. I don't know if this is break-up fighting or just regular fighting, but I did take back my class ring from him....

Grumpy McAttitude

2008-06-12T08:31:00.002-04:00

On Monday, the last day my mom & sister were here, K was in a VERY grumpy mood. He had "that voice" and was being all short with me, so I was like "go be grumpy, call me later." The grumpy mood lasted through Tuesday, and I found out Monday afternoon what it was about (his mother - of course). So by Tuesday night I said "why don't you go pout for a few days and call me when you are better." Twenty minutes later the mood was gone. This morning we are 100% back to normal. Good.

But last night my mom was asking me how I can just disregard his attitude like that - why doesn't it ruin my day? Especially if he doesn't tell me why he is grumpy - don't I worry that it's me? That he's mad at me? And I said "Nope." She was amazed. I said when I was 17 I would have worried, but now, I really don't give a fuck. The probability that his bad mood is about me and I don't know it is about 1 in a million. And if it is about me, so what? He'll get over it, or he won't. Not much I can do about it. If he wants to discuss it, he will. If not, he's a grown up, that's his deal. This amazes my mother, she says "You have become so patient and mature. I guess I never grew up like that." True. She didn't.

And this brings me to my next story....for those of you that don't know, my judge gets caricatures done of all of his clerks and hangs them on the wall in chambers. Well, mine was unveiled this past sunday. I feared I would be all nose, hoped I would be all boobs, but ended up being all smile. Everyone said it was "perfect" because I am always smiling and laughing. And I thought "Hm. That's funny, because growing up I was known for being depressed and suicidal and writing poetry." I think I like my new persona better. ;-)

So, I guess my mom is right. I have grown up, and become a happier, more patient and more relaxed person. Can you imagine what a dark anxious bitch I used to be???? LOL

What A Week!!!!

2008-06-09T09:12:00.002-04:00

Well, the fam is leaving today. We had QUITE a week! Mostly it was fabulous. And the biggest news: my sister is OFFICIALLY a Florida resident!!!! We got her driver's license today! She is hoping to go to grad school at either FSU or UF. Very exciting!!!

So, I won't bore you with all the stories, just the run down. My sister and I did Magic Kingdom, Animal Kingdom and Disney's Hollywood Studios (f/k/a Disney/MGM Studios). It was soooooo hot we spent everyday drenched in sweat! But we are so amazing that we managed to do everything we wanted to do at Magic Kingdom in like three hours...and then we just hung out and did some stuff we'd never done before. Animal Kingdom was equally successful and included lunch at Rainforest Cafe. On Friday, we did the Studios and it was PACKED!!!! We got to ride the new toy story ride TWICE...the first time we waited in line for 80 minutes!!!! That is the longest we have ever waited for a ride...but it was all indoors so it was air conditioned & we really didn't have anything else we needed to do. The ride was a LOT of fun...it was more of a game than a ride, but it was great & I can't wait to go back and play more!!

On Saturday, my mom went with us to see the Postsecret exhibit in Melbourne. It was okay...a lot of the secrets I had seen already, and apparently I am the slowest reader in my family, so at the end I kinda just gave up and went to join them. The coolest thing was that they showed both sides of some post cards that had writing on both sides, and so that was cool. After the exhibit we had a FABULOUS lunch at a local restaurant we just happened upon, and then we went for a walk on the beach.

Yesterday was the party at my judge's house - my "goodbye" party. It went pretty well. My judge gave me a great present - a leather-bound version of the book Scottsboro.

I also got to see my caricature, which will go on the wall in chambers for all time. It was better than a feared, but still kinda scary! I have a HUGE smile, but I don't look fat, so that is good. Plus my nose is like barely visible, rather than huge like I feared. I guess it's fine. People say it looks like me - but I don't see it at all!

My judge said some very nice things about me, and my family said he was crying when I gave my goodbye "speech" - which was more of a rambling than a speech!

So, anyway, everything went pretty well!!! Now I am ready to sleep it all off!!

Before I Disappear

2008-06-03T14:48:00.002-04:00

My sister is flying in today!! WOOHOO!!!! So, likely no blogging for at least a week. Yesterday and today have been CRAZY busy at work. Right now it's nap time, but I am too excited to nap, so I am blogging. (Yes, we do have nap time at my job. It's a great job.)

I am totally looking forward to the next 3 days at disney with my sister! My mom gets here late thursday night, but she will spend friday by the pool while sis and I finish up at disney. Then on saturday we are going to see the postsecret exhibit in Melbourne and on Sunday my judge is having my "goodbye" party - like 3 MONTHS before I leave!!!! LOL He's crazy. I won't be back at work until Tuesday.

Not much is going on in my world. I have been having INSANE dreams lately though, and I would like to write them down, but I don't have time right now.

So, anyway, I just wanted to let everyone know I am alive & you should hear from me again in about a week!!!