Sticks & Stones [Are Fun To Throw At Rich People]

I'm watching the Grammy's. So far, I'm disappointed. Where shall I begin?

Alicia Keyes singing and talking to a film roll of Frank Sinatra from 50 years ago?

Carrie Underwood dressed like a dominatrix with hair circa 1952 performing Before He Cheats on the set (and with the cast) of Stomp??

Rhianna performing in a dress that gave Bjork's swan a run for its money? Seriously, I think 400 peacocks had to die to make that dress. And when she performs wearing a dress with the bottom half shaped like an umbrella, the lyrics of her song take on a whole new, much more disgusting, meaning.

Now I'm watching the Beatles tribute which reminds me vaguely of Les Mis meets Cirque du Soleil. Now there are black people singing Let It Be in front of clips from Saving Private Ryan I believe. Oh wait, now there is a gospel choir. I'm just confused.

Oh lord, Amy Winehouse just won something, but I guess her Visa didn't come through on time cuz she's not there. She will allegedly perform via satellite. Really, I think the performance was taped like a week ago and tonite, she is in LA, but way too fucking high to put on her underwear and get out of her limo.

I'm posting this now (at 8:37) but I reserve the right to edit it MANY MANY times throughout the evening.

EDIT #1: It actually WAS Cirque people doing the Beatles tribute! I was totally kidding, at least I thought I was kidding. Damn. I am good!

Oh! It's Kanye baby! He is wearing really HUGE glow in the dark glasses and censoring himself I think, or maybe CBS is just that good. Okay, these glasses are like, I don't even know. Like the Terminator went to Pizza Hut and got himself some of those free solar shades from the 80s and dipped them in kryptonite. Kanye has no Fly girls dancing with him. He is clearly fly enough all by his damn self. Oh wait, now he has Fly Space Guys DJing in glow in the dark suits. He does know that glow in the dark is not new technology right?? This is just too much. He has a HUGE battery pack hanging off his ass, like dangling and flappin' all over the place. And he has Mama shaved into his head. He is speaking some kind of lullabye thing to his mother now. His "real life starts when he goes to sleep." Well, please do Kan, please go to bed. Because I am laughing so hard there are actual tears.

Edit #2: Surfing the net during commercials, I made some discoveries. First, there actually IS a Delilah. Here she is with the most annoying band EVER:



I wonder if she misses her college days in NYC when she had the opportunity to break up with this nerdy guy. Of course, I guess he has money now, so it was a decent investment regardless of how annoying & pathetic he is.

My second discovery was these people:






Don't ask me. I have no freakin' idea.

Also, besides the fact that Tina Turner is wearing an alluminum foil body suit and sharing the stage with Beyonce, she may be the highlight of the evening. Thanks Tina.