It's 3am. I don't know why I'm awake, but I am. I've been in bed, watching TV and trying to fall asleep for about 3 hours now. I really don't have anything on my mind and I feel fine...I honestly don't know what my problem is. But as long as I'm up, I may as well be up. Maybe I should go do some unpacking/organizing, but I don't feel like putting pants on and I don't like walking around with no pants.
I am supposed to wake up in 5 hrs to go see Obama at a park about 20 miles from here. I think I may be a little tired. I'm still gonna try to go though. I dunno if I'll get in, but I am going to try because I think it's something I should do. This election is scaring the crap out of me. The idea of McCain as president scares me even more than the idea of W as president. In fact, I think if the election were W v. McCain, I would vote for W. I can't imagine why anyone with even half a brain would vote for a republican after living through the last eight years. Even worse are people who lived through Nixon and W and are STILL gonna vote for McCain. Whatever happened to Darwinian selection?? How do these people survive?? Ugh. I dunno. I'm terrified. So, I feel like I should go to this event and participate as much as I can in this election. It may not help my cause, but at least I will feel like I gave it a good college try.
On a completely other note, while wondering around my new apartment in the middle of the night I realized something. I feel safer in this apartment for a pretty odd reason. In my old apartment I could lie in my bed, stare through my bedroom door and directly at the front door of my apartment. As many of you know, one of my PTSD nightmares involves andy coming in through my front door in the middle of the night. These dreams paralyze me. Being able to see the front door made these nightmares more frequent. In my apartment in GA I couldn't see the front door of my apartment from bed, but I could from my couch and I would have the nightmares more often when I fell asleep on my couch. Here, I can't see the front door from my bed or my couch and I haven't had one of those night mares yet. It seems silly, I know. I should feel more safe when I can see the front door, but I don't. It's irrational, but I guess that is what makes it PTSD.
So anyway, I can't sleep. I think I'm gonna get myself a brownie, maybe that will help. I know, more irrationality.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
2 comments:
I hope you finally got to sleep. I was up in the middle of the night, because I mentioned to Reed that Troy Davis had been executed. And he said, "Um, no. SCOTUS granted a stay." Somehow, that had not crossed my news radar, so I got OUT of bed so I could read the news.
and i'm the complete opposite. in my old apartment i could see the door from my bed and preferred it. not being able to see it took a lot of getting used to...
Post a Comment