Exile

Okay, so I kinda got myself exiled from the planet of gonzos. Well, maybe not the planet - just one of the moons. And maybe I am not in exile so much as "on the run". But still. I started a bit of a war between the antisexual and sexual factions, with the asexuals being split down the middle. In the end, I don't think they TOTALLY hate me. But still, I won't be posting on AVEN anymore. (I think I am still welcome on Apositive, but that remains to be seen since today I think I was referred to as "Ignorant, irrational, dogmatic, hypersensitive to criticism, intolerant of disagreement, sure that [I am] blessed as the purest of them all." We shall see.)

However, the one good thing that has resulted from this attack on me has been a very good discussion between me and K. First of all, he was VERY upset about some of the things being said to me be the "sexuals", and I told him that he has said many similar things to me in the past. I think he realized I was right, so we started talking about the deep dark aspects of our sex life. I told him that I really do feel like our sex life is violent and abusive. That maybe the things he does & says are fine with some women, but they are not fine with me. The convo ended with a basic decision that we need to spend more time exploring what I can handle in bed and what I can't. He said when I just tell him things hurt he doesn't really know what that means, or how to make it better. Also, and I know this, I have to mention things as they happen. I tend to make a list during sex of all the things he does to make me mad & then fight about it later. I have to start speaking up for myself. As a follow up to the convo, I sent him an email explaining, among other things, that what hurts me emotionally is that his ideal sexual experience involves causing me pain. (Yes, I had previously posted the whole email, but after thinking about it, it was a bit too graphic for NAPG fame.)

He will be here on wednesday or thursday, so we will see what happens. I do feel kinda good about things though. Oh! And even before all of this, I bought him a present, which he will love, it's a ummm..."sleeve". So that when he doesn't have my "sleeve" and since he won't hire a "sleeve", he can have this one. He has always wanted one & dared me to buy it - he thought I would be too embarassed. Well, HA!! I did it. He will be SOOOOO surprised.