Summation

When I was 5 years old I wanted to go to law school. But I don't remember the wanting, I only remember my father telling me it would never happen. See, I had trouble learning how to write my name. I kept writing it backwards and nobody could figure out what the hell my problem was. My mom would repeat the spelling of my name over and over again, and I would still write it backwards. My father came into my room one day when he got home from work and said "You will never get into law school if you can't even spell your name right!!!" I remember crying and thinking "what will I do then?" Eventually, my mother watched me write my name and realized I wasn't spelling in backwards, I was starting on the wrong side of the page. It ended up being very easy to fix. But I will never forget that day. It was just the first of MANY times that my father would tell me that I would never get into law school. All said and done, I got into 13 of them. 

But I think that my father's continued warnings had a lasting effect on me. They made me afraid that every accomplishment was a mistake. When I got into law school, I was terrified that it was a mistake. I wanted to put deposits down on all the schools just in case, when I showed up on the first day, they said "oops. we didn't mean to send YOU an acceptance letter." 

Then, when I graduated, I was afraid they would take my degree away from me. I was afraid they would find out that my good grades were given to me in error and take them back. So I kept all of the proof - not just the grades but all the notes and outlines, to prove that I did it and, if I had to, I could do it again.

When I got hired for this job I was afraid too. I was afraid I would show up and my judge would realize he had called the wrong applicant. I was afraid that I wasn't as smart as he thought I was and that I wouldn't last more than a week.

But now, after these 2 years of working for him, I'm not afraid anymore. I finally feel validated. This is no accident. There was no way for me to get lost in the crowd. For 2 years I worked for this man that is known far and wide to be an intelligent and fantastic lawyer. He read what I wrote and signed his name to it. And nobody can take that away from me. I finally feel like I have earned my place in this profession, and that I don't need to prove it anymore. So when I was packing for my move, I threw out all of that junk. I don't need it anymore. Nobody is going to take this away from me anymore. It is quite a relief.

No more work!!

Today, I finished all of my work! I am still gonna go in tomorrow...mostly for my "goodbye lunch" at Cheesecake Factory! Also, JW's goodbye happy hour is tomorrow after work.

It's been a good last week so far. All of the other clerks took me out to lunch today, which was GREAT! A drink was spilled again - still not by me! Woot!

The funniest part of the day, though, was when my Judge walked in while I was telling TW a story about K & his mom. He said: "CJ, when you leave do you think you could keep a journal and send us some kind of weekly update or something so we know what is going on with all this drama? Or, maybe I should just join facebook to keep up with you!"

HAHA! He so SHOULD join FB!!! That would be wonderful! But, he won't. Anyway, I told MH this story and she said I should start a blog! I said "Already got one!" I decided that she was safe so, I gave her the top-secret address. Soooooo, MH, if you are reading this: Welcome to NAPG!!!
You are in a VERY exclusive club! Don't fuck it up! LOL

Anyway, things are going pretty good. It looks like I may just call tomorrow my last day because there is no point in me coming in if I have nothing to do. I'm not sad yet, but I think it's just not really sinking in. It may not until after I move. But I am looking forward to moving in to my new place, so I just gotta keep looking forward!!!

My Last Week

Today was the 1st day of my last week at this job. I went in for 90 minutes and took the rest of the day off. Nice. I spent the day packing, so I made up for my weekend of excessive napping - kinda. I threw out a lot of stuff and donated a bunch to goodwill (18 pairs of shoes, 18 shirts and 3 each of pants, skirts and shorts). I have a bunch of VHS tapes to get rid of too. Do you think Goodwill even takes those? It's getting pretty difficult to find VCRs these days. Hard to believe.

I've been going through a lot of old stuff and I have determined that I need a few big photo albums. I have pictures going back like 15 years, and I should really organize them. Maybe that is what I will do with my month off...in addition to working out and tanning!! I intend to be sexy when I start my new job...they take pix and put them on their website, ya know!! That is a good incentive. At least, I hope it will be! I am throwing out a LOT of stuff, which is good. I feel like un-encumbering myself. I think that I am secure enough in my life that I can start getting rid of junk from my past that has accumulated over the years.

So, Friday is my last day, and then on Sunday I am going to Georgia for a Monkey Reunion!!! I am so excited! Only 4 out of 5 of us will be there, but still this is our first time together in 2 years! I can't wait! I'm glad to have something to look forward to this weekend, it will make the week less sad.

Unexpected Laziness

I woke up early today. Fully expecting to be hella productive. I planned to go get a pedicure, finish wrapping "goodbye" gifts for the people in my office, and then pack all day. Pedicure? Check. Gift wrapping? Check. Packing??? None. Not at all. Instead? Three hour nap!! I still can't believe it. I intentionally laid down for a nap, and when I woke up I thought "Hmm. I'm hungry. I'll go grab some lunch." I got up, brushed my hair, got changed, got in the car and looked at the clock. It was 4:30!!!! I definitely slept through lunch. Good lord. So, I went and got "linner", came home and continued to be lazy. I've done nothing productive all day. Maybe tomorrow.

U R Dumb!

This morning I watched a news story about the national conventions. The "big reveal" of the story was that when you check the box on your tax return indicating that you want to donate money toward paying for presidential campaigns that money is....what for it....used to pay for campaigns!!! EEK!!! What a scam!

They show this reporter telling people that their "tax dollars" go to pay for the national conventions (which they call "the parties' parties"...very clever). Everyone they talked to is shocked and dismayed. Like, wtf did you think happened when you check that box??? Did you think "presidential campaign" was code for "hungry children"??? It's ironic that people have ONE, clearly delineated, opportunity to earmark a portion of their tax dollars and they can't even understand THAT. Good grief.

Storms

We have been enduring Tropical Storm Fay all week. As usual, all of the predictions were wrong. They thought the worst day for us would be tuesday, so they closed down the courthouse and I got the day off. It was perfect because K got here at 3am on Tuesday and we got to spend the whole day together. It was an incredibly nice visit. Just a wonderful, relaxing and happy day. We watched a movie, ate Chinese food and slept a LOT. The weather wasn't great, but it also wasn't too bad.

Today is the WORST day so far. I am at work and K is gone, on his way to Pennsylvania. It's very windy and rainy...actually it wasn't bad for the middle of the day but both commute times were really bad! In fact, this morning the ceiling on the 2nd floor was leaking so bad that the people in those offices had to be moved to the 4th floor. (Why it wasn't leaking on the TOP floor, I have no idea.) Ugh. Anyway, I am caught up at work again with only one day and one week left. So, all I have to do is sit back & watch the storm.

Passing the Torch

Okay, so yesterday I did my little "orientation" for my replacement, TF. This guy is unreal. If you look up "douchebag" in the dictionary, the definition will read "someone cooler than TF." Seriously, I can't stand this kid. I am embarrassed to be seen with him.

I think I have seen him 6 times in my life, and 4 of those times he was wearing the exact same blue & white pinstripe seer-sucker suit with an ugly tie (he changes up the ugly tie). 

Many of you know about the fascinating chunk of lazy that is my co-clerk...well this guy is gonna blend in well with him. I think my judge may kill himself in the next year. 

Perhaps his most egregious failure of the day had to do with HR. Apparently a few weeks ago he inquired as to how he could make sure his pay checks started ASAP. So, they told him he could turn in his paperwork early so that it could be processed early. So yesterday I take him down to HR and they say "Oh. You're empty-handed? So you didn't bring in your paperwork??" and TF says "Oh! I was supposed to bring that in??? I thought we would do it electronically."

Why the fuck would they MAIL you forms if they wanted you to fill them out electronically??? And wouldn't you bring them in just to be safe???

Oh, and also, he is working for a law firm downtown right now, I guess until the 22nd. He kept saying he "works across the street." This is ridiculously inaccurate, unless by across the street you mean "across the interstate"...in which case you would still be talking about a bank and not the law firm he works at which is several blocks away. Anyhoo...someone asked him if he had just walked over from there and he said yes. At the end of the day I discover that not only did he NOT park at his law firm and walk over, he actually parked in the ghetto in a possibly illegal location. All day he had been secretly thinking his car may have been towed. Again, why the fuck wouldn't you park at your law firm that is "right across the street"????  God, I hoped he got mugged on his way back to the car. He looked like Colonel Sanders in that freakin suit!! I hope some self respecting black dude realized he just could NOT pass up that opportunity and took him out. Or at least asked him for fried chicken.

So yeah, that was my friday, giving Mr. I-wish-I-was-a-douchebag a tour of the courthouse and telling him what to do on his first day. Oh, and he asked me how long it should take him to write an order on, say, a motion to dismiss. I told him one day. Good luck loser.

Sudden In-Custody Death Syndrome

This is my new favorite imaginary disease. It was created by Taser Int'l. From the Taser website (reorganized for ease of reading):

Sudden in-custody death results from a complex set of physiological and psychological conditions characterized by irrational behavior, extreme exertion, and potentially fatal changes in blood chemistry. Promptly capturing, controlling, and restraining a subject exhibiting signs of these conditions may end the struggle and allow early medical care intervention.

Signs of Sudden In-Custody Death Syndrome include: extreme agitation, bizarre behavior, inappropriate nudity, imperviousness to pain, paranoia, exhaustive exertion, "superhuman" strength, hallucinations, sweating profusely, etc.

If a subject is exhibiting signs or behaviors that are associated with Sudden In-Custody Death Syndrome, consider need for medical assistance.

I guess this is Taser's way of saying "Taser's don't kill people, they were gonna die anyway!" I can see it now, "The subject was tased 10 times, but that was not the cause of death. This man suffered from incurable mortality." *Gasp!*

More New Stuff

Yesterday my trusty computer finally died. Well, it isn't COMPLETELY dead, but it spent more time freezing than running and I couldn't connect to the internet anymore. So I broke down and bought a new one. And, in true white-girl fashion, I bought a Mac. So far, I love it. It took a little getting used to for the first hour or so, but now I am sort of in the groove...and  like it! Yeah, it was a little expensive, but it's worth having a reliable computer. Especially starting my new job, I will need to have a quick and reliable computer to use at home. I bought the black MacBook, which is probably more memory and speed than I need but I decided to err on the side of more!

In other news I am continuing to pack and clean in preparation for the move. I have people coming over on wednesday so I have to make at least the common areas presentable! Unfortunately, I wasted most of my weekend dealing with technology so I didn't get much done. Right now, it's 2pm on sunday, so I can still get more done and hopefully won't have much to do tomorrow and tuesday. I've been so tired lately I really just wanna sleep all day! But I won't. I am getting a massage at 3 so hopefully that will reenergize me!

Where We Stand

Ever since the reunion, K has been telling people that we are "getting married." In fact, he even told his ex that he proposed to me. I guess it's not a lie...he has asked me to marry him many, many times. But still, there has been no down-on-one-knee-with-a-ring type of proposal. So, to me, we aren't really engaged. At least not in the popular sense of the word. Sure, I would be happy to marry him someday, if it made sense. But right now, it doesn't. He doesn't love me enough yet, not enough to cut his mother off financially. Not enough to get down on one knee. Not enough to stop talking to his ex.

I know he loves me probably as much as he can. And that's fine with me. I don't want or need a husband. But he wants a wife, and I wonder if he realizes just how far he is from having one. We have been looking at houses in Tampa and he thinks of it as "our house", but truthfully it will be my house. My name on the mortgage and the deed, me making the payments and me making all the final decisions. Until he divorces his mother, he is not gonna marry me. I just don't know if he sees that clearly. I think he may think I am "over" the stuff about his mother. I am, but that doesn't mean I am getting involved! I take care of me. That is how it's always been & how it will be for at least the foreseeable future. Maybe we should just have a commitment ceremony?? Can straight people have those? Or should I say, can a hetero and an anti-sexual have one of those? LOL