Passing the Torch

Okay, so yesterday I did my little "orientation" for my replacement, TF. This guy is unreal. If you look up "douchebag" in the dictionary, the definition will read "someone cooler than TF." Seriously, I can't stand this kid. I am embarrassed to be seen with him.

I think I have seen him 6 times in my life, and 4 of those times he was wearing the exact same blue & white pinstripe seer-sucker suit with an ugly tie (he changes up the ugly tie). 

Many of you know about the fascinating chunk of lazy that is my co-clerk...well this guy is gonna blend in well with him. I think my judge may kill himself in the next year. 

Perhaps his most egregious failure of the day had to do with HR. Apparently a few weeks ago he inquired as to how he could make sure his pay checks started ASAP. So, they told him he could turn in his paperwork early so that it could be processed early. So yesterday I take him down to HR and they say "Oh. You're empty-handed? So you didn't bring in your paperwork??" and TF says "Oh! I was supposed to bring that in??? I thought we would do it electronically."

Why the fuck would they MAIL you forms if they wanted you to fill them out electronically??? And wouldn't you bring them in just to be safe???

Oh, and also, he is working for a law firm downtown right now, I guess until the 22nd. He kept saying he "works across the street." This is ridiculously inaccurate, unless by across the street you mean "across the interstate"...in which case you would still be talking about a bank and not the law firm he works at which is several blocks away. Anyhoo...someone asked him if he had just walked over from there and he said yes. At the end of the day I discover that not only did he NOT park at his law firm and walk over, he actually parked in the ghetto in a possibly illegal location. All day he had been secretly thinking his car may have been towed. Again, why the fuck wouldn't you park at your law firm that is "right across the street"????  God, I hoped he got mugged on his way back to the car. He looked like Colonel Sanders in that freakin suit!! I hope some self respecting black dude realized he just could NOT pass up that opportunity and took him out. Or at least asked him for fried chicken.

So yeah, that was my friday, giving Mr. I-wish-I-was-a-douchebag a tour of the courthouse and telling him what to do on his first day. Oh, and he asked me how long it should take him to write an order on, say, a motion to dismiss. I told him one day. Good luck loser.