Where We Stand

Ever since the reunion, K has been telling people that we are "getting married." In fact, he even told his ex that he proposed to me. I guess it's not a lie...he has asked me to marry him many, many times. But still, there has been no down-on-one-knee-with-a-ring type of proposal. So, to me, we aren't really engaged. At least not in the popular sense of the word. Sure, I would be happy to marry him someday, if it made sense. But right now, it doesn't. He doesn't love me enough yet, not enough to cut his mother off financially. Not enough to get down on one knee. Not enough to stop talking to his ex.

I know he loves me probably as much as he can. And that's fine with me. I don't want or need a husband. But he wants a wife, and I wonder if he realizes just how far he is from having one. We have been looking at houses in Tampa and he thinks of it as "our house", but truthfully it will be my house. My name on the mortgage and the deed, me making the payments and me making all the final decisions. Until he divorces his mother, he is not gonna marry me. I just don't know if he sees that clearly. I think he may think I am "over" the stuff about his mother. I am, but that doesn't mean I am getting involved! I take care of me. That is how it's always been & how it will be for at least the foreseeable future. Maybe we should just have a commitment ceremony?? Can straight people have those? Or should I say, can a hetero and an anti-sexual have one of those? LOL