Insert Witty Title Here

Okay, so I went home this weekend for my sister's high school graduation. Those of you that know me well are aware of my ongoing feud with the principal at my old high school, who is still principal today. The man has a PhD, used to be a health teacher, has named himself "King of the Jews," is a racist, a hypocrit, an oppressor, and a moron. Yeah, it's a lot to do but someone has to do it...

So there was plenty of anticipation as to what would happen at this, our final encounter. And this is the recap: He hid from me. Okay, you are laughing, but it is true. In fact, he stayed behind the curtain, on stage, and sent out his little soldiers to threaten my sister with not walking. When I was a senior, he threatened me in person. However, he apparently has become more shy over the last few years, particularly since I said "uterus" to him, but that's a story for another day.

I will share some highlights from the day, though.

1. Before the ceremony starts He sends his 2 assistants out to tell my sister "Either change your shoes or you can't walk." My sister, having no spare shoes, had to wear my mother's...2 sizes too small. The greatest irony of this is that, every year at graduation rehearsal, He tells the kids that "Graduation is for your parents, not for you." Well, my mom bought my sister those shoes, she wanted her to wear them. Instead, she ended up being out $20 and barefoot!

2. This graduating class was the 1st to graduate since new standards were implemented by the state. He told the parents this and noted that 70% of this class was graduating with distinction. Then he said "Since there is nothing to compare this to, I don't know what it means exactly, but INTUITIONALLY, IF THAT'S EVEN A WORD, I think it's pretty good." At which point I found myself wishing I had brought posterboard & a sharpie, so I could write "NO!!! It is not a word you jackass!! "Intuitively" perhaps?? Did you get your PhD out of a freakin' crackerjack box??" I will, never stop saying "intuitionally" now, and I am sending Him a dictionary.

3. Every year, for the last 11 years, he has given the same speech. He starts off by telling us how the students don't know about things that their parents knew about like "record players, the Berlin Wall, Watergate, and the Draft." And I wonder, being the principal of their high school, wasn't he in charge of teaching them those things??? Then he moves on to tell the students that they should remember all the times that their parents sat through their games, concerts, or plays "when they would rather have been doing something else." Well, asshole, maybe you don't love your kids, but the parents that do, would not rather be doing anything else than watching their child do great things. And this year, that part of the speech was particularly disgusting, because he was standing right in front of the mother of a student who died last year, and in front of students who had buried around 10 friends in the last four years. Let me tell you, once you see a parent planning their child's funeral, they have a new found appreciation for the joys of games, concerts, plays, and even parent-teacher conferences! What nerve he has to say those things, in that room, on that day, to those people.

So, those are the high points of the graduation ceremony, at the end of which my mother shoved me into the car to keep me from telling off the principal at high volume! The rest of the day was uneventful. I gave my sister an aero bed and a sarcastic card, and we ate cheesecake and took naps! Overall, it was a good trip & I am very tired!