Thursday, February 28, 2008

Spotless Mind, Please.

Sometimes I wish I could just erase my brain and start over. I have a huge problem re-living things and continuing arguments in my head long after they are over in reality. Today I had a HUGE argument with the people in my leasing office. Ridiculous. I am still arguing it in my head, and I probably will be tomorrow too. The funny thing is that it is not a big deal really, but still, I just won't be able to push it out of my head. Freakin' annoying. It really would be nice to just go in and zap a whole bunch of memories that I don't need anymore. I have a list of about 6,000 of them!

In other news, K survived his 1st flight in 15 years today! Except, he may be banned from Airtran. Apparently he snored the ENTIRE flight from Atlanta to Buffalo, and woke himself up snoring just before landing! LOL I guess the guy next to him was glaring at him hardcore when he woke up.

Monday, February 25, 2008

Some Minor Adjustments

To all those who asked, yes today was much better. Thanks again for the concern! I only cried once today, and that was while I was telling my friends about how I was crying all weekend. Also, my trial was cancelled so my day was a lot easier than anticipated. So, it's time to move on from the sadness and look toward the future.

There were two central themes to my hysterics this weekend: (1) how much I hate sex and (2) how fat I am.



Number one is played out on here, so don't worry, I'm not getting into that again.



Number two, however, deserved some attention. So, K and I came up with a plan. From now on, no phone calls except on Wednesdays & the weekends. That means I won't talk to anyone: not even mom & sis, except on those days. That way I can get back into a routine of working out, and maybe be less tired.



Today, was day one. And I did very well. I came home, ate dinner & went to the gym. Unfortunately there were these DISGUSTING and kinda scary guys there. But that's okay, the only thing I use the gym for is the treadmill, and the weather was good so I just walked outside instead. This would have been perfect except that one of the people in my apartment complex had an oven fire, so I ended up walking smack into a wall of smoke half way through a lap. But still, I did it. I walked for 20 mins and did Core Secrets for 25 mins. That was the plan, so I'm glad. I took a shower, got all ready for work tomorrow and it's not even 8 yet! Yay! So this will work just fine. Tomorrow if the weather is good I will avoid the gym all together. Yuck, I hate creepy guys.

Sunday, February 24, 2008

All Cried Out? Not Quite.

This was a terrible weekend. I literally cried for 2 days. I stopped for bits to talk to my mom, sister and my friend A. I tried to work out both days, but I ended up sobbing on the treadmill and I had to leave. I tried to go grocery shopping, but I was crying hysterically before I even pulled into the parking lot. Both days I came up with reasons for my sadness, but I don't think they were real. I think this was just a horrible, crushing episode of PMS depression. I mean, HORRIBLE. On saturday I took a xanax cuz I was afraid I would hurt myself if I was awake. On sunday, K was in town. Seeing him for a few hours made me feel a little bit better. Of course, we fought a lot over the weekend. But seeing him and hugging him made that fade away. Sometimes I think he must be insane to keep me in his life. I said some really awful things to him this weekend. I just hope I can make it through work tomorrow, I have a trial. Honestly, I have just had tears running down my face at all odd times this weekend...and in court that would not go so well. Maybe I can just pretend that cocaine sales make me REALLY emotional?? I dunno. Keep your fingers crossed for me and my craziness.

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Played Out

I have 4 radio stations programmed in my car. Today, at 5:28 p.m., three of them were playing "Tatoo" by Jordin Sparks. I thought I was in the twilight zone.

Apartment Hunting, etc.

All right, well I survived the weekend. I won't get into all the details, but I will say things were a bit rocky until yesterday. Finally K realized that he has been a bit, um, difficult lately. So we ended the weekend on a high note.

We definitely did some fighting on Friday & Sunday - though Saturday we got along well for our apartment hunting trip. Probably because things went really well and I actually found a place to live! Yay! Best part = I will have a screened in porch! Love it! Also, I will be living within walking distance of a mall! Yep, life is good. Of course, I don't want to get too comfortable, there is always a chance this place won't have something available for me. But for now, it looks good. The rent is about the same as I am paying now, so that is GREAT!

Anyway, so we had a fun little adventure to the west, did some exploring, and then came home and crashed. I barely even remember what we did on sunday, but then yesterday we had LOTS of fun! We went to the Home Depot Expo store & the Exotic Car Gallery. Then we ate dinner at Red Lobster which makes me SO happy! (Yes, I have very low standards.) We had lots of laughs and were very impressed by the little handheld credit card machine that RL brings to your table. K almost took it home with us!

So, like I said, things are better all around. K & I are good, and I feel much better feeling like I will have a nice place to live in Tampa. Now I just need a very good sleep tonite to recover from it all!

Thursday, February 14, 2008

Really?

There is no doubt that being a good trial lawyer is difficult. After working in this courthouse for the last 18 months, I have seen some really good lawyers and some really bad ones. The one thing that most of the bad ones have in common is that they are too nitpicky. In their attempts to make a witness look foolish, they make themselves (and consequently their clients) look like fools. Here is one example from yesterday:

"You said that when you found out that your new business was being relocated, you told a freind that it was your 'worst nightmare', is that correct?"
"Yes."
"Was it a worse nightmare than a death in your family?"
"No."
"Was it a worse nightmare than getting in a car accident and losing your leg?"
"No."
"Was it a worse nightmare than being diagnosed with cancer?"
"No."
"Well then why would you say it was your 'worst nightmare'?"
"It's a figure of speech, Mr. ____. I didn't mean it literally."

Seriously, did this attorney actually think he would discredit this woman with these questions? That the jury would think "Oh my! She lied when she said worst nightmare! She's a liar! Defendant wins!" Instead, I believe, the jurors are thinking "What a douchebag! Has he never heard of hyperbole? Where'd this guy go to law school???"

Just my personal opinion though. Maybe these jurors really believe people who say they are so hungry they could eat a horse. Maybe one or two of them have actually eaten a horse themselves. I dare say, witnessing such a thing might very well be my worst nightmare - well except for the whole losing my leg thing, that would suck too.

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Not Happy

I know some of you have already heard this whining, but, I'm not done yet & this is my blog so DEAL!

K is on his way here. He was in Pennsylvania yesterday & could not find a load to bring him down here. I told him then to just take whatever he can find & don't worry about coming down here. I mean, I never asked him to come down here this weekend, it was all his idea, so if he can't make it - NBD. So today he calls me and says he found a load coming to Jax. It's only about a dollar mile (which is REALLY bad) and it's 42,000 pounds (which is REALLY heavy & thus uses more fuel). I say "Well, don't take that one, that will just cost you money." But, no, he took it. So now he is on his way, practically losing money, and then he is gonna take 4 days off to stay here. Which means his next pay check will be VERY shitty. He has to pay his mortgage on friday and he still owes his real estate taxes, so he can't afford a shitty paycheck. Which means he will be bitchy. Which just adds to my apprehension about him coming here in the 1st place.

We have been fighting for 2 weeks, pretty much constantly, and when I think about him being in my home this weekend it makes me uncomfortable. Like he's a stranger. I mean, we fight and talk about it & I guess we make up - but it still doesn't feel resolved. So I just feel very distant from him. He hasn't felt like my buddy lately at all. Usually when I hear something interesting or funny, the 1st thing I think to do is call him & tell him. But not lately. Lately I just call him, "check in" and hang up. We barely have conversations at all anymore. I know a lot of it is because I am so tired lately, and I'm not sure why I'm so tired, I just know I am. And the tiredness makes me a lot more sensitive to annoyances.

Anyway, the point is that I am not looking forward to this weekend. And to top it all off, I will probably have to have sex...don't even get me started...

Monday, February 11, 2008

Sorry!

Trust me, I totally intended to do Edit #3 & Edit #4 last night. Unfortunately I got caught in Alicia Keyes' GIGANTIC earrings. By the time I crawled out of there and bounced off her sizable bottom, it was time for my hero & yours: Amy Winehouse. And let me tell you, trying to decide whether her shakes were due to drugs she was taking or drugs she was withdrawing from simply exhausted me! So I passed out at 11. But if anyone saw anything after 11pm that warrants discussion - do tell!

For now, I am heading home to recover from my Monday.

Sunday, February 10, 2008

Sticks & Stones [Are Fun To Throw At Rich People]

I'm watching the Grammy's. So far, I'm disappointed. Where shall I begin?

Alicia Keyes singing and talking to a film roll of Frank Sinatra from 50 years ago?

Carrie Underwood dressed like a dominatrix with hair circa 1952 performing Before He Cheats on the set (and with the cast) of Stomp??

Rhianna performing in a dress that gave Bjork's swan a run for its money? Seriously, I think 400 peacocks had to die to make that dress. And when she performs wearing a dress with the bottom half shaped like an umbrella, the lyrics of her song take on a whole new, much more disgusting, meaning.

Now I'm watching the Beatles tribute which reminds me vaguely of Les Mis meets Cirque du Soleil. Now there are black people singing Let It Be in front of clips from Saving Private Ryan I believe. Oh wait, now there is a gospel choir. I'm just confused.

Oh lord, Amy Winehouse just won something, but I guess her Visa didn't come through on time cuz she's not there. She will allegedly perform via satellite. Really, I think the performance was taped like a week ago and tonite, she is in LA, but way too fucking high to put on her underwear and get out of her limo.

I'm posting this now (at 8:37) but I reserve the right to edit it MANY MANY times throughout the evening.

EDIT #1: It actually WAS Cirque people doing the Beatles tribute! I was totally kidding, at least I thought I was kidding. Damn. I am good!

Oh! It's Kanye baby! He is wearing really HUGE glow in the dark glasses and censoring himself I think, or maybe CBS is just that good. Okay, these glasses are like, I don't even know. Like the Terminator went to Pizza Hut and got himself some of those free solar shades from the 80s and dipped them in kryptonite. Kanye has no Fly girls dancing with him. He is clearly fly enough all by his damn self. Oh wait, now he has Fly Space Guys DJing in glow in the dark suits. He does know that glow in the dark is not new technology right?? This is just too much. He has a HUGE battery pack hanging off his ass, like dangling and flappin' all over the place. And he has Mama shaved into his head. He is speaking some kind of lullabye thing to his mother now. His "real life starts when he goes to sleep." Well, please do Kan, please go to bed. Because I am laughing so hard there are actual tears.

Edit #2: Surfing the net during commercials, I made some discoveries. First, there actually IS a Delilah. Here she is with the most annoying band EVER:



I wonder if she misses her college days in NYC when she had the opportunity to break up with this nerdy guy. Of course, I guess he has money now, so it was a decent investment regardless of how annoying & pathetic he is.

My second discovery was these people:






Don't ask me. I have no freakin' idea.

Also, besides the fact that Tina Turner is wearing an alluminum foil body suit and sharing the stage with Beyonce, she may be the highlight of the evening. Thanks Tina.

Friday, February 08, 2008

Ingrates

Today on Oprah she was talking to children of sperm donors. She had 4 women on the stage, all over the age of 20, whose mothers had used sperm donors to conceive them. All 4 of these women were whiny bitches. All of them were complaining about the fact that they didn't know their fathers. One girl said that she is the "product of industry" and that her conception lacked "humanity" and "love".

I will start by saying that I am not in favor of reproductive assistance. I think there are too many people on this planet already and that anybody that can adopt should, because before you go to extraordinary measures to conceive, you should offer your love & home to a child who is already alive and needs it. But, that is not the issue here.

All 4 of these women were born to mothers who REALLY wanted to be mothers. They did anything they could to have babies. These women should be so grateful for that. Would they feel better if they had been the result of a broken condom? A one night stand? A rape? Do they really think that being conceived by sex would have made their lives so much better? And why are they so desperate to meet some guy who got paid to jerk off into a cup? I don't know ANY man who wouldn't LOVE to get paid to jerk off. Seriously. What makes them think this guy is some stand up citizen that would fill this ridiculous imagined void in their lives?

Let me tell you, I would trade those girls my biological father for their anonymous sperm donor any day of the week and twice on sunday!

I was conceived the old fashioned way and it made no difference to me. Except that I share some genes with the man who terrorized me from the time I was 11 to the day I graduated from law school. My parents were in love when they had the sex that resulted in me, but not once did that mean anything to me. In fact, it's pretty damn icky.

But what I have been grateful for, all my life, is that my mother chose to have me. My mother was ready for a baby, went off the pill and got pregnant on purpose. I wasn't a surprise or a mistake. I was part of her plan, and that is the best thing any child can ask for.

These women should appreciate what they have, mothers who love them and went to great lengths to bring them into this world. It must be so offensive to their mothers to have them going on national TV and crying over some guy who got paid to jerk off. What fucking spoiled brats. I know plenty of people who were conceived through sex but not on purpose. I know people whose mothers have said to their faces "I should have aborted you." Those are conceptions without love. These girls were surrounded with love when they were conceived. Their mothers rejoiced when the stick turned blue. And nobody ever thought of aborting them. They should be grateful. They disgusted me.

Footnote: It really bothers me that people say sperm "donor" because donations are for free, like when you donate blood. These guys are getting paid, so why don't we say sperm sellers? Why the need to make them sound so charitable? Just a thought.

Dreaming Crazy

Last night I had a dream that I was friends with Britney Spears and JT. JT and I were trying to keep her from being crazy in the middle of the street. We were like huddled around her trying to shield her from cameras and she was trying to change into a bathing suit on the sidewalk. It was so odd. I don't know what in the hell that was about, but it was odd & funny.

Thursday, February 07, 2008

Vay-cay-shun

K asked me tonite if I am sick of being in a relationship with him. I said no, and that is the truth. But there are some things I am sick of: being his alarm clock; being his secretary; being his technical support; being his nutritionist; being his shrink; being his financial advisor; being his lawyer and being his only friend. It's just too much for one person.

I'm sick of men - not just K - who act like they can't make a decision without asking me first. All the men I know lived at least 20 years without me, who made their decisions then? I am just exhausted from holding hands. I know it sounds cold. And I know it's partly my fault for doing too much in the 1st place, but I am just asking for a break. No, I'm asking for a re-adjustment, because in a few months I won't have time for anyone else's problems!

Seriously, though, I am on the edge lately. The sad thing is that my life is pretty good still, but I am feeling so much stress. Most of it is coming from my social life, not my job or my adult responsibilities. So, I am taking a break from giving advice for a while. It's gonna be tough, but I am gonna keep my mouth shut and my opinions to myself. So, whether you are man, woman or child, don't ask me if you should have the chicken or the steak, don't ask me what you should wear, don't ask me if you should spend your money or put it in the bank. For at least the next few weeks, I am not gonna answer you. Like Bob Wiley in New Hampshire, I am taking a vacation....from YOUR problems.

T to the motha fuckin F

Background: TF = my replacement. Rumor has it that he is a nazi.

Today, I had lunch with TF. He wanted to get the scoop on my job - soon to be his job. I think he knows that I am way liberal, so he may have been hiding his conservative tendencies a bit. Overall it wasn't to bad. The highlights were that he called JS's judge a libertarian, and he called my friend MH "scary". He also said he thought my judge was "moderate". I think he may be in for a bit of a surprise. Oh, also he said he would "love" to work on tobacco litigation. Not sure what that means. (Does he heart big tobacco???)

On the up side, he did profess to be on my cop-hating bandwagon. And he also agreed with me that crack sentences are too high, pedophiles should be locked up forever, and the gov't wastes too much time & money on drug enforcement. But like I said, he may have been faking.

The best parts of the lunch were that he paid & I got dessert. Something called a "Molten turtle". Yum!!!

All in all, I feel a little better about handing down my post to him, but not much. I think this office will be a lot more boring beginning in september! Oh well, not my problem! ;-)

Monday, February 04, 2008

Ouch.

I am watching the movie Sicko (Michael Moore). It's giving me a knot in my stomach. My whole life nothing has terrified me more than future illness. I don't ever want to be a sick person, I don't ever want anyone to have to take care of me. Sickness is terrifying enough, but being pushed into the poor house because of sickness just makes me freeze with fear.

What I don't understand is that the things in this movie are not news. The corruption of insurance company has been known for decades. It is killing people. It is destroying lives. How do we let this continue? How do we send trillions of dollars to other countries when this is happening right here?

Personally, I am lucky and have been all my life. I have always had health insurance. But still, when I thought I had appendicitis this summer, it cost me $900 to find out that I didn't. I had to hand over that money then & there. I have no idea what would have happened if I didn't have it. How many people have $900 just sitting around to give to an emergency room cashier? Really, I didn't either, but I figured it out. If my mom had that bill in front of her, unless she swallowed her pride and called me, I don't know what she would do. And that's WITH health insurance. Imagine without.

The Asshole Strikes Again

Yesterday was my sister's 21st birthday. Her father didn't send her a gift or a card - NOTHING. Well, he sent her a text message at midnight. That's all. On top of that, he isn't even giving her spending money & she was broke on saturday.

Seriously, why is he not dead yet??? Keep your fingers crossed for an anvil to fall on his head.

Sunday, February 03, 2008

Tourists = Targets

So I use (read: "am unheathily obsessed with") gasbuddy.com. For those of you who don't know, it's a website that keeps track of gas prices so you can find the cheapest place to get gas in your area. There are sites for many cities all over the country. The way it works is that people report the prices they see in their area & the price reports are deleted every 48 hrs. I live in Orlando. Around here, gas is at about 2.92/gallon. But on gas buddy, the most expensive station reported in the area is selling gas for $4.49/gallon!!! I completely thought that whoever reported this was lying, I mean seriously!! That is just ridiculous! So, today, while I was adventuring about the area with no particular place to go, I dropped by said gas station. And YEP! It's true. $4.49/gallon. The station is right next to the airport. Most certainly it is aimed at tourists who are dropping off rental cars. Little do these people know that gas is cheaper AT disney world! Also, it's about $1.60/gallon cheaper a block down the road. I'm not sure how this station gets away with this. When I stopped there today there were 2 cars at the pumps..one was obviously tourists, the other car I think was involved in a drug deal & not actually buying gas. I guess it's not price gouging because there isn't a shortage right now. But still, I'm just appalled by this. Utterly freakin' ridiculous. I just had to share.

Saturday, February 02, 2008

Nap Time

So K and I just had an argument. At about 5pm I decided to lie down and watch a movie. K called and said "It sounds like you're sleeping." I said "Yeah, I think I'm gonna take a nap." and he said "okay, call me when you wake up." So, I laid back down & did fall asleep, for a few minutes. I then proceeded to get 3 text messages and two phone calls. Clearly the nap was ruined, but I still wanted to watch my movie. So I sat up & put the movie back on.

At 7pm, the phone rings. It's K. WTFT???? (Yes, that stands for what the french toast, I am soooo using that now). So, anyway, he says he is calling "to check on me" and asks me "how my nap was." So I asked him why in the hell he would call me when he thought I was taking a nap. He said "it's been two hours. usually when you take a nap it's only for like an hour or two." Oh, so my time was up? I only get two hours?? So we argue and he comes up with the following ridiculous excuses, in addition to the two hour nap limit:

1. He was "thinking about me";

2. He thought maybe I wanted to talk to him but I was either talking on the phone to someone else or too busy or something; and

3. A few weeks ago I got upset because I slept all day and didn't get anything productive done, so he thought I may not want to sleep all day.

BULL SHIT!!!! If I wanted to talk to him I would call him. If I wanted to wake up, I would set an alarm. There is just NO good reason for him to call me when he KNOWS I am trying to sleep. So he is like YELLING at me for having an attitude for no reason. I said, "well next time I take a nap can I have at least 3 or 4 hrs before you 'check on me'??" And he says "No, the next time you take a nap I won't call you at all!" I said "Good. Thank you." and he says "No, I meant it, I won't call AT ALL." and I said "No, I meant it, thank you."

I mean, he really thinks it's a threat?? Like him leaving me alone for an afternoon is my punishment??? Good lord. He really has no fucking clue. Sometimes I just want to be left alone. Ya know? Is that SOOOO much to ask?

Friday, February 01, 2008

CJ is Laughing

Okay, so I have a new list of favorite commercials. (Don't act all high & mighty - you know you all have favorite commercials too.) These three (in order of oldest to newest discoveries) make me laugh almost as hard as when my sister says "Mrs. Chanandaler Bong":

1. The Orbitz commercial where the guy says "What the French Toast???"

2. The Geico commercial where the gecko is talking to the jellyfish and says "Where exactly is your face??"

3. The HD Radio commercial where the "old school radio" says "It's just a fad, like the internet or pockets. We all know those things won't last.....pssh..pockets!"

The last commercial was on the radio this morning while I was driving to work. After laughing way too hard, it made me think about pockets. And ya know how they are coming out with dresses now that have pockets? Usually they are like the long t-shirt style dresses with "hidden" pockets on the sides. They look really cute when you put your hands in the pockets and strike an "aw shucks" kinda pose. But honestly, if you ever put antything in those pockets except like one kleenex, a feather or lint, they would look ridiculous! You'd have this big bulge on your thigh that would look like a tumor or something! Seriously. Ridiculous.