Cities for Me

American Cities That Best Fit You:

65% Honolulu

65% Miami

60% Los Angeles

60% San Diego

55% Atlanta

Find Your Best Cities: http://www.blogthings.com/americancitiesbestfitquiz/

I have to say that Honolulu surprises me! But I guess that's because they didn't ask how many Xanax I need to fly that many hours! LOL They also don't ask how I look in a bathing suit or grass skirt, that may have switched things up!

But Miami and Atlanta would be among my top five if I picked them myself so that's good!

Miscommunication

When I watch TV late at night (which is pretty much everynight!) I turn on the closed captioning so I can keep the volume down and not bother my neighbors. It's a nifty little trick I learned while living in the dorms in undergrad. It's pretty funny sometimes because the captions describe the sound effects as well as the dialogue (like "lips smacking" when people are kissing). They also describe the music playing in the background which is strange to me because it seems that telling a deaf person the name of the song playing in the background would do little to explain the mood it portrays, but I'm not deaf so I may be totally wrong on that. But the most interesting thing to me is how often the captions are wrong.

There are several kinds of "wrong" when it comes to captioning. The 1st kind is pretty innocent: when the actual dialogue varies from the script. Clearly the captions are transcribed from the printed scripts when possible. Sometimes the actors will ad lib a bit, throw in the occasional "honey" or contraction, that aren't scripted. Sometimes though, the ad libbing can be the funniest part, and in those cases the hard of hearing are really missing out!

The 2nd kind is also fairly inconsequential: when the caption is ahead of the show. Sometimes this will give information away ahead of time, particularly in the case of mini-cliffhangers: when the show leaves you hanging before the commercial and makes a revelation afterwards. So, occassionally, I learn who came through the door 30 seconds earlier than I would have otherwise.

But the last type of error can be critical: when the caption is actually wrong! Often it is a close approximation of what is being HEARD, but not what is being SAID. Last night an actor said "child born" and the caption quoted him as having said "child porn." Sometimes the errors can be detected by looking at the context, but not always, especially with the captions moving quickly across the screen. Most often it is names that are messed up, and sometimes the speaker is talking too fast and chunks of dialogue are completely left out. These typos are bad enough when it messes up the plot of Law & Order, or botches the punchline of a joke on The Daily Show, but they are of real concern when it comes to the news (Sorry Jon, but you are a fake news anchor!).

The mistaken captions often incorrectly attribute viewpoints to speakers, either by indicating that a line was said by someone else or by misquoting the person who was actually speaking. They can tip the weather forecast on it's ear, turn a liberal commentator into a right-wing fanatic, or wrongfully convict a person of a crime...at least in the minds of those who rely on the captioning.

At the end of every show a message comes up that says something like "Closed captioning sponsored by Ford Motor Company..." I wonder if the big companies that are paying for this service are aware of the terrible quality. I mean, if I were Ford, this isn't the service I would want to be sponsoring. Of course, this kind of sponsorship is very passive. Ford simply writes a check and then takes it as a tax deduction. This is the kind of thing that goes largely ignored because of the small fraction of the people that use it. But it actually does bother me.

I wonder how often people who can't hear are actually misled by these captions, and I think it's unfair. I am a TV fanatic, I love watching all my shows on a regular basis. I feel as if, by providing such an unreliable service, we are depriving people who can't hear of this enjoyable activity. It also deprives them of pop culture in many ways. Often what is said on TV is the topic of conversation, especially when it comes to politics. If people who can't hear are being fed inaccurate quotes it puts them at a disadvantage in the realm of political discourse. I think about all the regulations imposed on broadcasters by government today, and I wonder if it would be so difficult to require that they be diligent in providing an accurate translation to deaf viewers so that they could at least have access to the same information as the rest of us. The media is skewed enough as it is, can we really allow it to get worse?

"Walking Wounded"

I have spent a good amount of time in the last 2 weeks getting to know a Vietnam Vet who was seriously wounded by a grenade. It's been quite the experience, and I have learned an awful lot.

When I was a kid, my grandfather was a member of the Veteran's of Foreign Wars (VFW) Post. Until I was about 10, I thought "Veteran" meant "old." Even after learning the true meaning, I never really imagined Veteran's being my age, part of my generation. But this past summer, one of my co-workers was an Iraq War Vet, literally freshly back from war. He was lucky enough to escape with no physical injuries, but the experience had changed his whole life. He was in his 1st year of law school when he got the call to go to Iraq, so he went for a year, came back and had to re-take the entire 1st year again, so he was 2 years behind. While he was gone his wife began to suffer from clinical depression, so the woman he returned to was not quite the one he left. And now, they spend everyday in fear that he will be sent back. And like I said, he is one of the lucky ones.

My mother works at a Veteran's Hospital, she's been there for 30 years. She's seen Vets from Korea, WWII, Vietnam, Desert Storm, and now Iraq. Her one observation so far is that there are a good deal more amputees with this war, because medical technology has improved and soldiers that would have died in 'Nam are surviving now, and coming back as amputees. As stupid as it sounds, I just can't imagine someone my age taking the place of all those WWII amputees I remember seeing in the hospital as a child.

I know very little about the operation of the military. I don't know why there are some members who have yet to be sent to Iraq, while others have gone 2 or 3 times. I don't understand how a person can stand the kind of rigid structure and absolute respect for authority demanded by the military. And I am more than willing to admit my ignorance in those areas.

What I do know is that the physical injuries are only the beginning. The mental and emotional injuries are worse. The PTSD, Depression, Alcoholism, Anxiety and Panic Disorder that follow can be far more devastating, and can effect even those who look unharmed on the outside. These problems are the reason that Vets end up homeless, suicidal, or even homicidal. And these problems are largely ignored by society.

The Vietnam Vet that I met last week has suffered tremendous bouts with depression and panic disorder, and to hear him talk about it is heartbreaking. I don't want this to happen to my friends, and my sisters friends. I don't want us to be another Vietnam generation, I can't believe this is happening to us, it really seems like a bad dream. I look at pictures and newspaper clippings of the protests during Vietnam, my mom was a protestor who was tear-gassed by the cops at her college. Our parents fought so hard to make the government accountable. they fought so hard to save as many troops as they could, they thought for sure the government would never be able to do that again. But here we are. Back then the "evil enemy" was the communists, today it's muslims. How can a country that lived through Vietnam, not see that now?

I have never understood why Veteran's were so offended by war protestors. Don't they understand that we are trying to save the lives of our military? We don't want a generation of Vets because we know how much they suffer, not because we disrespect them. War is political, and peoples lives should not be thrown away for politics. Especially not for these kinds of politics. My new friend understands what is going on here, he loves the war protestors and understands that we are on his side and that we are patriots. He sees that this is Vietnam all over again, that there is no exit strategy and no end in sight, and that all we can do is keep sending more bodies to Iraq, and keep losing more young lives. It is a true tragedy.

My heart breaks for the children whose fathers will come back depressed, traumatized, and removed. I feel for the 19 and 20 year old kids who will lose arms or legs, or their minds. They will return to a country that ignores the needs of its soldiers. An administration that is giving tax breaks to millionaires and paying their military a barely livable wage. VA hospitals have terrible reputations for being unclean, disorgainized, and in some cases even fraudulent and reckless. But that is where we will send our wounded. I wonder how many generations will see lives wasted and destroyed before this country realizes that war isn't always the answer, that just because you have guns doesn't mean you need to use them.

It seems that everynight the evening news gives us the total number of casualties from Iraq, but that number is a drastic underestimate. Even when they include the injured, they don't include the injuries that don't bleed on the outside. It makes me hope that I am wrong, that there is a God, and a heaven and a hell, so that the men responsible for this terrible atrocity they call a "War on Terrorism" will have to answer for their crimes, their greed, and the terror they have caused.

Winding Down

Tomorrow is the last day of classes for me this semester. It feels strange because I actually have all my homework done, literally all of it! Already I can feel a weight lifting. Of course, I still have oodles of outlining and studying and practice exams to work on, but that will wait until after tomorrow. For now, I just want to breathe.

It has been a long, hard year. I must admit that I feel I came up a bit short. I missed all of my goals by really just a tiny bit, and that is frustrating. Even though I know how lucky I am to be where I am, the disappointment takes a toll. I did, however do somethings I didn't plan on, and I do think next year will be a great year.

In 6 months the 3 Day will be over, I will have raised $2100 for Breast Cancer Research & walked 60 miles. Hopefully I will be in better physical shape. I may have a permanent job offer, but I'm not gonna get my hopes up about that! My sister will be in college, I will have some money in the bank, and my resume will be a bit more beefy. I will also be interning in a Juvenile Prosecutor's Office, which I am really excited about. So all in all, things are looking up for the next 6 months!

I'm hoping that this summer I will make some great friends and learn some really practical skills that can help me to be a great lawyer. I also hope that I will be able to become more familiar with the City I will be working in so that, if I do get an offer, I will know where I want to live, etc. I also plan on volunteering at the Innocence Project during my downtime between exams and starting my job, and visiting one of my best friends whom I haven't seen in about 2 years.

So, that's the plan for now. I probably won't be writing very much for the next few weeks, as I will be consumed with outlining and watching the DVD of Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure on continuous loop (it helps me focus!). So, if you don't see an entry for a while, it's not because I'm dead! I'm just hibernating!!

Ink Blots

So, as I'm sure everyone knows, the theory behind "inkblot tests" is that our brain inevitably looks for patterns and familiarity in everything we see. So that even a random inkblot will trigger some image in our brain, and whatever we relate the blot to will be something familiar (so that if we see a violent image it's because we are pre-occuppied with violence, etc.). This theory translates to seeing shapes in clouds, filling in missing letters in words, etc.

In my 1st entry, I mentioned that I was "anti-sexual." Since that entry at least 3 people have quoted me wrong...saying I called myself "asexual." I thought this was interesting because it shows how resistant we are to new words and concepts. Even people who say they are open-minded can't combat their brain's natural inclination to hunt for familiarity.....it's like when a suicidal person jumps off a bridge into water, even though they want to die they can't combat the survival instincts of their body and they naturally fight for air.

What is perhaps even stranger is that when I corrected the people who thought I said "asexual" they reacted with things such as, "Oh, that makes more sense!" Which reveals that "anti-sexual" was an adjective they'd expect to be applied to me, and yet they still mis-read the word.

So, to clarify, I am ANTI-sexual. Yes, it means what you think it does. I am against sex. Nobody believes me, and nobody accepts it, which is frustrating. It is frustrating that other people constantly think they know me better than I do. They tell me I don't mean it, or I will change my mind, and I find those remarks really disrespectful. I think I know me better than anyone else, and I have had quite enough sex to determine that I don't ever want to have it again. And I don't see why that is so surprising. In any cost-benefit analysis I can come up with, sex always loses. And nobody thinks it's strange that virgins get married, committing themselves to a life of HAVING sex, never having experienced it before. To me, that is completely insane. You wouldn't buy a car without test driving it, and cars can be sold, returned, and traded in MUCH easier than a spouse (trust me, I'm taking Family Law!). In my case, I at least tried it out before I made my decision. And frankly, a comparison of my life with sex and my life without is like night and day.

I truly think that if more women took the time to look at it all objectively, a good deal of them would agree with me. If women were really honest with themselves, they would realize that most of the sex they have had in their lives fits into one of 2 categories: rape or prostitution. Think about it, how many times have you had sex so he would stay home, or take you out, or pay you attention? How many times because you were afraid of what would happen if you didn't? How many times did you feel like you owed it to him for something he did for you, or something he bought for you, or because he married you? And then don't forget how many relationships in this world are abusive and unequal. Think of men who beat their wives/girlfriends, or terrorize them. Think of all the arranged marriages. Think of all the girls who choose a controlling husband/boyfriend over an abusive homelife. I could go on forever.

So before you judge me, or gloss over the words I use to describe myself and replace them with your own terms, really step outside of yourself and think of all the reasons there are to make the decision I have made. And think of how many women could benefit from the same decision. Sometimes I think the sexual revolution was the worst thing that happened to women, because in making it acceptable to enjoy sex, they made it unacceptable to dislike sex. Well, I am having my own revolution. It has been 5 years since I made my decision, and they have been the best and most successful 5 years of my life. So why is it so hard to understand that I would want that to continue? And, in the words of Forrest Gump, "That's all I have to say about that."

Walking

Yesterday I walked 10 miles!!!! Well, 10.11 miles to be exact. It's strange because I know that 6 months ago if someone had said "it's only a 10 mile walk from here" I would have died laughing at the mere prospect of such a journey. But really, it wasn't so bad! I mean, sure, it wasn't easy. I was sore this morning and I have 2 tiny blisters on my pinky toes, but for the most part I am fine!

It was good for me to remember why I am doing this crazy thing. No, it's not too lose weight (although that is a perk!). I'm doing this to honor my mom's friends who have died from breast cancer. I'm doing it to raise money so my friends don't die from it. And certainly, walking 10 miles, or even the 60 I will walk in the fall, is nothing compared to the chemo, radiation, surgery, and pain that those women went through. So I won't complain after I walk, ever!

I wish that more people would get involved in this, it's not just a charitable endeavor, it is a personal journey. I am so proud of my 10 miles, I can't imagine how proud I will be after 60. It's strange that I am always more proud of my physical achievments than my academic, I think it's because personally I always tried to get out of physical activity.

I always hated gym class, I was fat and slow, and I have congenital hip deformities that make everyday painful, and make it hard to run. But this pain I can handle. And I am mostly proud of my bravery and determination. That for once I didn't say that I can't do something. It really is a great feeling. But still, I know that there are millions suffering from this disease and I can't even hold a candle to their bravery...all I can do is hold out my hand.

To make a donation to my walk, go to: www.tinyurl.com/5gaks Every dollar counts.

The Criminal Mind

There has been a lot of talk at my school lately about people hanging around the law school & library that "don't belong there." It sparks a lot of debate because it is a public school, and therefore a public building. But those of us in the law school practically live there, and we are protective of the area . Particularly upsetting to my peers is that things have been "stolen" and many of them blame the local homeless drifters. They figure, if crimes are being committed it is by them, not their fellow law students. Regardless of who is actually stealing, removing the drifters likely would end most of the crime, either by eliminating the perpetrators or the convenient scapegoats.

The truth is that most crimes are preventible, often by the victim. If you don't want your stuff stolen from the library, don't walk away from it. It's pretty simple. We all have lockers that we can lock our stuff in, and while that isn't foolproof, it would likely eliminate a good deal of the property crime we see. Few criminals go to much trouble to commit crimes, they don't want to be noticed so they move swiftly, quietly, and discretely. So, few will go thru the trouble of breaking a lock, especially when they have no clue what the payout will be.

Even in more serious crimes, there is what criminologists might call victim facilitation or participation. It's not a blame the victim theory, it simply points out that we each have more control over our victimization than we think. Ted Bundy, John Wayne Gacy, and Jeffrey Dahmer all convinced their victims to go with them willingly, and with very little effort. Certainly none of those people deserved to die, but the truth is that almost all of them could have saved themselves. In fact, when we act with a reasonable amount of suspicion in our daily lives, there is no telling how many times we avoid assaults, rapes, or even murders, simply by becoming unattractive victims.

The theory is that you want to live your life so that you can never reasonably say "If only I had/hadn't done that, this crime would not have happened." Some crimes are practically unavoidable. For example, when someone is after you personally. Most violent crimes are committed by "intimates." The number one cause of death for pregnant women is murder, usually by a husband or lover. Those are practically unavoidable. Sure you could say if the victim had never talked to the perpetrator in the first place, never fallen in love, never had sex, or used birth control. But those things are too removed in time. Crimes by intimates don't occur because you didn't get your keys out before you walked to your car, they occur because the perp wanted to get you, and they would have eventually no matter what you did.

But things like muggings, robberies, burglaries, those criminal are rarely going after the person, they are going after the stuff. They will still aim for people they are familiar with or that share similar characteristics with them, because it makes them more comfortable and success more likely, but mostly they are looking for vulnerability and a good take.This is when observing your surroundings and not talking to strangers actually can protect you. If a criminal has a choice between robbing someone who will walk quietly away with them (whether by force or mental coercion) and someone who will scream and fight back, they will virtually always choose the 1st option.

However, some criminals don't mind a fuss, because they know they will get away with it anyway. Among them is my "favorite" serial killer: Andrei Chikatillo. Andrei was Russian and he attacked many of his victims in a "blitz" manner, jumping out of bushes and pouncing in some cases. His murders were animalistic, biting, ripping, and tearing at flesh; even cannibalizing some organs. But Andrei was safe from the cops because this was during the communist regime in Russia. The government refused to acknowledge that these murders were happening, for fear that people would blame communism. They wanted the world to think communism was crime free. This is impossible. Human civilization is the only both necessary & sufficient cause of crime. No economic or political philosophy can change that. So, Andrei took over 100 victims before the citizens were warned. Eventually, he was caught and had to be kept in a cage during his trial. The Russians executed him shortly afterwards, and tried quickly to put him out of their minds.

In a way it's a shame that society is so quick to dispose of these type of violent, sadistic criminals, because it gives us minimal time to study them. Sociopathy is an extremely intriguing condition. Today, some beleive (including myself) that sociopathy can appear in children, even though the DSM doesn't allow such a diagnosis to be made. We also believe that there are degrees of sociopathy, often present in fully functioning human beings, just small traces and hints of lacking empathy and selfish desires that amount to a muted form of the disorder. There is a lot to be learned about these theories, and the more subjects we have to study forever. Ted Bundy was a classic sociopath, and the little bit of information we have about him is not nearly as much as I would like to see. Nevermind the fact that simply allowing him to live and have his disease play itself out overtime may help us to determine if sociopathic children could be rehabilitated or not.

But, I could go on about my serial killers all day, they are my most prolific muse. But, I am hungry and tired from a long day, so more will have to come later.

Movin' On

Today, my reign as President of one of the student organizations at my law school came to an end. We had elections and a whole new set of officers has now been named. I am pleased with all of the selections, I admit I was a bit nervous. The votes were very close and the competition was fierce, which was odd. But in the end, good triumphed and I am satisfied with the result.

Holding this office has been quite a learning and growing experience for me. At times it made me feel on top of the world, at other times it literally brought me to tears. But the best part, by far, has been my friends. I have made some new friends, whom I love, but most importantly, I saw the lengths my old friends would go to to stand by me and support me in such a huge undertaking. My friends dedicated themselves whole-heartedly to MY cause, with very little thought of themselves. I have had a lot of people betray me in my life, in ways you wouldn't believe if I told you. So for these girls, whom I've known less than 2 years to stand up for me and support me so much, is absolutely amazing to me.

I try to tell them how much it has meant to me all the time, but I don't want to lay it on too thick for fear they will think I am a stalker or have some kind of lesbian crush on them! (which, of course, I kind of do! LOL) But truly, those girls are my greatest rewards. There are a lot of people who hold onto their friends from law school for life, and I will tell you I am grabbing onto these girls and never letting go. The funny thing is that they are all from places in the country I probably would never have gone on my own, and this accident of application, acceptance, and enrollment has brought me these fantastic friendships.

So, as I stand down from my position as Commander in Chief, I feel a bittersweet emotion. But mostly, I take with me great lessons about life, myself, and friendship. It was one of the most excellent experiences of my life and I will never forget it. I hope the next President feels the same way in a year.

Where I Belong

Today was a wonderful day. It is the end of the school year so we are packed with events and presentations, and today was probably the fullest day I have ever had. Usually I would be nervous about "wasting" so much study time listening to lectures, but, as Ani would say, I am getting bolder in my old age, and I took the risk!

There have been many times in the last two years when I wondered if law school was the right place for me. I miss studying criminology, I miss the kind of people that studied criminology with me. I miss that kind of thinking, that kind of bravery, that willingness to re-learn everything you "knew" before. It is a very unique discipline. When I graduated with my BA, one of my favorite professors warned me that I would change my mind, and switch to a PhD program, and let me tell you, I've been close. But today reminded me why I stay here.

I love the law. I know it sounds corny, people in this field say it all the time, but few actually mean it. They love their paychecks, they love the prestige, they love the courtrooms, they may even love their clients, but few actually love the law. I really do. I know this because today I heard two non-lawyers speak about law-reated issues. They spoke about politics and social issues, but I wanted to know about the law. I wanted to read the court opinions and dissents, I wanted statute numbers and citations, and I wanted to lay them all out on the table and put the puzzle together. I feed off the puzzles, finding the wholes that nobody notices and filling in the ones that nobody else can fill.

You forget about that in the day to day because most of our time is spent memorizing the opinions of people who have already worked on the puzzles. Of course, the goal is to work out our own puzzles, but that goal is secondary on a day to day basis. We don't truly work on the puzzles until exams and even then, the task is to identify the holes and possible ways to fill them in, but never to really go all the way.

But before I came to law school I worked on the puzzles al the time. I would hear a story on the news, or read about an old crime and I would work out the puzzle on my own. Whether it was the crime scene or the prosection or both, I could do it myself, at my own pace, and find my own answers. It is just incredibly satisfying and intriguing. These last 2 days have reignited that spark in me that loves to dissect thought, to pull everything out until it becomes ugly, and then try to find out how it works before putting it back together again.

It's refreshing. I feel again like I am doing the right thing, and that this all may actually turn into something. I feel like I am figuring out my own puzzle again, like I am really on the way to fitting myself into this life, where I belong.

Of Man and Beast

I attended a lecture today by an Animal Rights Attorney, who is against all types of use of animals (eating them, wearing them, domesticating them, keeping them in zoos or circuses, and experimenting on them). His views would be considered extreme by most, and his arguments had definite weaknesses.

He began his lecture with a hypo: Simon is walking down the street with a dog and a blow torch. When you see Simon, what is your reaction? You want to know what he is going to do. Simon tells you that he is going to torture the dog with the blow torch because he enjoys seeing dogs suffer. It helps him blow off steam. Simon is someone you know, and you know he is generally a good guy, you have no concern that this act of violence against this animal will lead to violence against people, and the dog is a stray belonging to nobody. But morally don't you still want to stop Simon? Don't you think he is wrong?

In this simple hypo, there are 2 distinct flaws that I see. 1st is the assumption that we WOULD ask Simon what he was doing. Honestly, if I saw him, I would think maybe he took his dog for a walk down to a neighbors house and borrowed a blow torch. I would not jump to the conclusion that the two thing were going to be used together! So, no, I don't think I would ask what Simon was doing. If you saw Simon walking with a small child and a blow torch would you ask what he was going to do? Probably not, people typically don't presume sick behavior on the part of others.

2nd, is the idea that it is possible for there to be no risk that violence against animals will lead to violence against humans. This is simply not a realistic expectation. We know as a society, and I know as a criminologist, that violence against animals is almost always a precursor to violence against humans. Typically, it is done by kids who are sociopathic or psychopathic, and they do it because they enjoy the power and suffering. They want to play God. And they use animals because they feel they are physically too small to use humans. However, the enjoyment doesn't go away, and as their bodies grow so do their desires. Once the have the physical power they are bored with torturing and killing animals so they move on to people. Because society is aware of this connection, on some simplistic level, it explains people's concern about torturing animals: it is their concern for humans, not animals that make them turn Simon in when they see him use a blow torch on a dog. This premise is easy to support because few people would have as extreme a reaction when they see a man in a deer stand shoot and kill a deer for sport. This is an acceptable method of killing animals, and an acceptable sport, and we know it doesn't indicate sociopathy, so we don't freak out about it. We may shake our heads in disapproval, we may demand that it be done away from our homes so that our children are not in danger, but it is extraordinarily rare that a hunter shooting a deer would evoke the same reaction as Simon burning a dog to death. The difference is not the animal, or the death that results, or the weapon used, it is the mental state the activity suggests of the doer, it is our fear for our children that changes our reactions

As I said, this speaker is against experimentation on animals. I agree with this as far as cosmetics go, but I am only alive today because of animal testing and so it is difficult for me. When I was 2 years old I had life saving surgery. Five years before that my mother saw Drs perform the same surgery on a dog, they were doing that to be sure it would be safe for humans. The dog survived the surgery, but it appears that this speaker would still object. Without the use of that dog, I would be dead. What would the consequences of that be? The most obvious is that all the things I have done in my life would not have been done. It is quite possible that I will do much good in my life. Then, there are my parents, who surely would have been devastated by the loss of their toddler, their 1st born. Would they have continued living? Would my sister have been born? Even if that dog had died, would it be worth it to save the four of us? Multiply that by all the other toddlers that have been saved by that surgery in the last 25 years. To me, it seems justified.

He also suggested that eating animals is immoral, because animals have consciousness. Does that make animals that eat other animals immoral? If animals are conscious of their actions, then predators should be capable of sympathy for their prey. And maybe they should find ways to replace the meat in their diets as humans have. Or do animals only have the ability to conceive their victimization but not their attacks? It may sound silly, but it seems to follow logically from his premise.

My point is that I realize that people use animals and treat them like property, and I realize that they are living, breathing beings and that many people even feel real love for them. But I do not think these moral lines are as easy to draw as this speaker did. I do not think that the same moral considerations apply to animals and humans. And I do believe that there is something to be said for being at the top of the food chain. Nature put us there for some reason, most likely because of our extraordinary mental capabilities. Species killing each other is a natural part of life and it existed before capitalism, democracy, and legal systems. Certainly laws in this area are needed and warranted, but some qualitative distinctions need to be made, and I wonder what this speaker would say if he had to choose between the life of his dog and the life of his son. How quickly would he be able to make a distinction in that case? I expect pretty easily, and I expect his decision would have nothing to do with its legal consequences.

Property Division

I am a HUGE Joan of Arcadia fan. I watch every friday night, and I always find it quite inspiring. Mostly because her experiences bring back so many memories of my past, and I often can put myself in her shoes without any effort at all. For most of the series she has had a relationship with Adam, who up until last week was her boyfriend. He called her "Jane" instead of "Joan" because when he first met her he couldn't remember her real name. It was very cute.

But last week we found out Adam had been cheating on Joan. It was heartbreaking, but of course not surprising. And what really got to me was that when she found out HE cried. Men always do that. They treat you like dirt, lie to you, betray you, make you feel like a fool, and then try to get you to apologize to them. It has happened to me more times than I can count. Every single time a man has hurt me, they have tried to make me feel bad about it, and too many times it worked. So, I was glad that they made the break-up so real, that they didn't leave out the messiness, and they didn't have Joan forgive him. They just showed how evil he was, despite him being artsy, smart, and seemingly deep & romantic.

This week was about their stuff. Joan gave him back his things and vice versa, including gifts. This is the worst. There are still things that my ex-boyfriends' kept (or took back) that I wish I had. Nothing sentimental, just my stuff! Like this CD that my b/f and I had bought together, it's no longer in production so I can't replace it and it was an AWESOME compilation and I've been searching through bins of used CDs for like 6 years now trying to replace it (yes, I have looked on ebay, no luck). I still have some of their clothes, and in my closet at my parents' house I have all the letters any of them ever wrote to me. Sometimes they used our things to hurt me, giving or taking things back simply because it would make me feel more worthless.

This doesn't end after high school. I am taking a Family Law class now and about 90% of the class has been about stuff. The biggest issues are property division, alimony, and child support. Even after all the love is gone, people still know they can hurt each other with stuff, and they do. They use every piece of ammunition they can muster and they fight over every penny: frequent flyer miles, "vested" interests in pension, disability, stocks, businesses. Divorces are crazy, messy, horrible things, it seems that just when you think he can't hurt you anymore, they come up with this: the battle over stuff.

Of course I know better now. I have grown up and I don't let men hurt me anymore. Some say the lesson should be not to put so much value on things, but I disagree. I like my things, they are good and dependable, they are what make me feel at home when I move to a new place, they make my life easier and more colorful, and they remind me of my accomplishments. No man has ever done any of those things for me. It was the men who were the poison, not the stuff. If more people would realize that, we would probably live in a much happier world.

In the end, Joan trades back with Adam, so they end up with what they had when the relationship ended. As long as there are no naked pictures involved, that is probably best. That way, someday, they will come across the stuff and be reminded. He will be reminded of the terrible things he has done, and she will remember the lessons she has learned. As Jack Nicholson would say: "Walk softly and carry an armored tank division."

Small Miracles

So yesterday was the Pope's funeral. The news media has been obsessed with this. The last estimate I heard was that 4 million people flocked to Rome to see his body. Let me say that again: 4 million people to see his body. Okay, so of course the major networks delved into the crowds to find human interest stories. I only heard a few.

One was about 3 polish-canadian boys who stood in line for 16 hours. Another was about a woman who rode on a bus for 10 hours. Wow. Those are impressive accomplsihments: sitting and standing for long periods of time. Yeah, I'm blown away. But seriously, I would like some actual statistics: how much money was spent getting to Rome, staying there, taking off of work, how many hours were actually spent in this endeavor. I want to see some numbers.

Of course, there are people claiming that this "pilgrimage" should be considered the Pope's first miracle in his bid for sainthood....yes people, we even run for things AFTER we die. Honestly, I can't grant this miracle status. What WOULD be a miracle is if those 4 million people had taken all that time and money they spent to see a corpse and put it towards some sort of charitable effort. THAT would be a miracle. And that is why I want the number, I think those people should be confronted by a quantification of all that waste.

It is just so bizarre to me. These people, who supposedly have faith in a higher power and an afterlife, putting so much stock in getting a glimpse of this empty vessel. What would Jesus do? I don't think this. I don't think he would put so much value in the man's body, at least I hope not. Although I don't believe Jesus was any sort of divine being, I am willing to believe that he was a person who existed and began a cult that grew to a world religion. And that he had good intentions and wanted to help people. Yet, it seems that very few people who claim to be Christians follow that example. They wear the bracelets, they go to church on Sunday morning, and they put bumper stickers on their cars. But then they have lavish vacations in 3rd world countries and have hot dog eating contests in a world full of hunger. They pay thousands of dollars for fertility drugs when there are thousands, possibly millions, of homeless parent-less children already out there. And they don't see the wastefulness in flocking to Europe to stand in line for 16 hours just to view a corpse.

This year about 36,000 people will walk 60 miles over 3 days to raise money for breast cancer. (www.the3day.org) Me and my best buddy will be among them. The walkers are all kinds of people with one thing in common: we have all decided to give our spare time, money, and effort to fight a disease that is preying on our friends and families. People say this is a crazy endeavor, and a huge commitment. It is. Each walker has to raise at least $2100 and train all year long. But I wonder how much more good could be done if 4 million people spent just the 3 days of the event doing good works, for any charity. It seems an impossible dream to get so many people together at once for such an effort: people have jobs, and kids, and lives, they can't just drop everything and help others for free. Well, this funeral proved that all those excuses are lies. These people dropped everything and spent money to stand in that line.

The pilgrimage is not a miracle, action would be. And these "Christians" should really be ashamed of their ignorance and complete inability to understand the true meaning of their religion. Before all the money and power and corruption, before people were buying their way into heaven, before Priests were molesting young boys, there were groups of people gathering together to help others in the name of a God that they believed wanted them to make his world a better place. But, like in a game of telephone in a kindergarten classroom, the message has been distorted beyond all comprehension and this is where we are: being told by the press to admire a woman for sitting on her ass on a bus for 10 hours to go see a corpse. Congratulations. Let me know if she ever rides a plane for 12 hours so I can send her a medal (especially if she flies coach).

Where Were You???

When I was in high school Princess Diana died. My chorus teacher told us that would be our generation's Kennedy assasination, that we would always remember where we were when we heard the Princess was killed. Quite honestly, if he hadn't said that I wouldn't remember at all. I don't even know what year it was or what season, I do know it was late at night and I was home, but that could describe every single night of my life!

Eleven years ago today Kurt Cobain's body was found at his home in Seattle. That I remember like it was yesterday. I remember the footage of his green converse one star sneakers sticking out of the doorway. I remember that it was unusually warm for that time of year, because I had just walked down the street to meet my friend. We came into my mom's house through the garage and she was sitting in the chair right by the door watching the news coverage. It took me a minute to process the story....he hadn't tried to kill himself, he was actually dead.

I was fourteen, and although I didn't realize it at the time, I was suffering from severe depression. When I was that age, I thought about killing myself everyday, and I honestly thought everyone else did too. Every morning when I woke up and every night before I went to bed I made a conscious decision to try to live through one more day...and I really truly believed everyone else did the same thing. So it wasn't so amazing that Kurt had killed himself, but it was still sad for me. It was even more depressing that somebody with so much money, fame, and talent decided he couldn't make it through one more day. It made it that much harder to get through mine.

Soon after Kurt's death Pearl Jam appeared on Saturday Night Live. There had always been rumors that Eddie Vedder and Kurt Cobain hated each other: the big Seattle grunge rivals. So we were all curious to see if Eddie would mention Kurt's death. He did: he wore a green K in Kurt's honor and sang "Alive." Plenty of people took this the wrong way (in my opinion). They thought he was mocking Kurt's death, I completely disagree. I think he knew that a lot of grunge fans were feeling the way I was, lost and hopeless. I think he wanted to remind us that we are all still alive and we should all keep functioning. That just because Kurt had lost his battle with his demons, didn't mean we should all give up. That Kurt's death, while tragic and grotesque, was not the end of things and was not the answer.

There have been rumors of conspiracy behind Kurt's death. Rumors that Courtney Love had him killed. I choose not to get sucked into that, purely because I don't want to believe it. I would hate to know that Frances is being raise by a murderer. I know Courtney is wacky and has a LOT of problems and probably is not a very good mother, but the thought of her killing Kurt and then raising his little girl is more than I wish to comprehend. Especially because we all felt as though we mourned with her after his death, and we honored him by supporting her band and her music. It would just be so horrible.

So I guess Kurt is my Kennedy. Complete with conspiracy theories and all! And he may not be as much of a humanitarian as Princess Di (or even JFK) but his life and death were profound. He shaped my youth and thus my life in extraordinary ways. He's the reason I don't look at clothing labels and my socks don't match, he's the reason my hair has been every color of the rainbow, and he reminds me, now that I am healthy, that there are still kids out there who think of dying everyday and they have no idea how truly unhealthy that is. I think it's important to remember that. Assuming the conspiracies are wrong, Kurt did not die of a gunshot wound, he died from a chronic disease, an illness that is just as hard to will away as any other, and that shouldn't be ignored, even though it often is. A disease that has lead to many other major tragedies of my generation, everything from suicide to school shootings. I hope that on this day we can all take a moment to remember that, and be sure to take care of those around us who need it.

I will talk about the Pope tomorrow.

Fixing Nemo

My car, who I affectionately call Nemo, is in the shop AGAIN!!! They have been working on the same problem for 1 year and 4 days now and they STILL can't get it right. Luckily it's covered under warranty, but it is still a major inconvenience.

For the 1st month or so that they were working on it I practically lived in the waiting room of the Chevy dealership. They didn't offer me a rental car or ride home, so I brought all my homework and food and drinks and made myself at home there. Then, they stopped paying their cable bill and I couldn't take it anymore, so I demanded a ride home so I could wait there. At about the 6 month point I began complaining to the owner, and they started giving me rental cars. But still, it takes a lot of time out of my day and everytime I get my car back it has at least half a tank of gas missing and the last time they had dumped my glove compartment contents on the floor of my car.

Last time they had my car the service manager actually had the nerve to say "This car of yours is really driving me crazy." I said "It's driving you crazy! At least you are getting paid for all of this! I've spent a year practically living in your damn dealership and it is costing me money!" Stupid service manager!

Unfortunately, the lemon law in my state is shorter than the factory warranty, so I can't sue them under that. So, I just have to put up with it. But really, by now they should have given me a replacement. Truly, they have replaced abot 25 things on this car, it probably would be cheaper for the company to simply replace the car. But they won't. Maybe I'll get lucky and the CEO of Chevy will read my blog and take pity on me!

Really though, what bothers me is that I always planned on buying myself an Impala when I graduated law school. Now, I wouldn't buy Chevy if they were the only cars left on earth! So, I need a knew dream! That really blows. I just hope that Nemo gets better soon, I hate driving these yucky rental cars. This one has manual locks & windows and the ciggarette lighter doesn't work so I can't plug in my radar detector! Grrrr... This is why nobody buys American anymore!!!

Juris-Prudence

Almost all pre-law students in this country are instructed by those who have gone before them to watch the movie "Paperchase." It's intended to scare the pants off you about what the next 3 years of your life will be like. For those of you who haven't seen it, here's a synopsis: The main character (protagonist?) shows up late to his 1st day of law school having not done his 1st day assignment. Of course the professor calls on him and yells at him for being unprepared. The student claims he was unaware that there was a 1st day assignment (which means he was in a coma!). Of course our hero ends up meeting a girl (turns out to be the professor's daughter) who completely destracts him from his work. Most of the movie is this kid drinking, screwing his girlfriend, studying until all hours of the night, and being unprepared, hungover, or asleep in class. In the end though, he loves the professor & the girl and graduates from Harvard Law, blah blah blah.

As I said, this movie was supposed to scare me. When it was over, my reaction was: "If this lazy drunken whore of a loser can graduate from Harvard Law, the next 3 years of my life will be cake!!!"

Of course, law school is not cake, and it is nothing like Paperchase, it's even nothing like what anyone I talked to in real life told me. People always ask if law school is the hardest thing I've ever done. Absolutely not! Law school is not "hard." It's reading and writing and talking. It is a lot of it and it takes up a lot of time, and you need to be dedicated and organized, but it is not hard. Surviving cancer is hard, recovering from a natural disaster is hard, raising kids is hard. Law school is not hard. People who say it is are merely lacking perspective.

One thing about law school that is true is that it is a regression. The biggest lesson I have learned is that the old saying "If you treat them like children they will act like children" is true. VERY true. In the 1st year of law school we have lockers, we bring our lunches, we have assigned seats and homework every night, we have all our classes with the same people, and sometimes the same teachers for the whole year. It feels like middle school with laptops. In addition to these superficial similarities, there is also the aspect of information control. The administrators know what a mystery law school is to most students, and they like to keep it that way. You get your schedules, books, teachers, and assignments at the last possible moment. They teach you how to register the day before you need to. They tell you about the interview process as late as possible. The professors refuse to describe exams too early because they don't want you to worry about it (as if that is possible). What all this adds up to is distrust. We feel that the administration and faculty clearly don't trust us to handle information and so in turn we don't trust them (or each other). It is a very strange dynamic. Cliques are created among students, gossip is pervasive, things are stolen, books are hidden, and people are lied to. We act like juveniles because we are treated that way.

But what is more strange is that nothing ever changes. I'm quite sure that I am not the 1st student to make these observations, I'm positive that most that have gone before me have noticed these things as well. Yet, these students become administrators, professors, and lawyers and repeat history without changing it. Sure, the socratic method is slowly dying, and law schools are more diverse than they used to be, but essentially the rituals go unchanged. It's particularly odd because we all know that lawyers as a group have a high incidence of things like alcoholism and depression. I can't help but wonder, if we were educated in a more cooperative & trusting environment whether we may become healthier adults when we begin our careers.

The biggest impedus to change is that their are 186 ABA law schools and nobody wants to change unless they all do. For example, many law students complain about the fact that girls are expected to wear skirts to interviews. Legal Career Services offices generally tell students that they should wear skirts "just to be on the safe side" because it makes a difference sometimes. So, most girls wear skirts because we all want jobs, which then pressures other girls (who may vastly prefer pants) to wear skirts so they are on equal footing with all the other girls. Clearly, if the schools simply told the girls that it doesn't matter whether you wear a skirt or pants, then it wouldn't matter. Law firms would be forced to hire women in pants if they wanted to hire any women at all and soon the stereotype would be gone. Certainly no repuatble law firm would want to stop hiring women and risk the accusations that could result, so they would hire women in pants.

Some women say that they don't want to work for firms that care what they are wearing so they wear pants to help them screen out what they see as sexist law firms. However, you must bear in mind that the firms KNOW we are told to wear skirts. So they may see your defiance as a sign that you don't follow the rules (or pay any attention to advice), you don't really want the job, or you don't have an appropriate dress wardrobe. So the change really needs to come from the schools, not the students. However, no law school wants to be the 1st. They don't want their students to get hired less often because they dress less "professionally" than the students at other law schools. And so the cycle continues, as it does with all manner of things in this field.

So, to the pre-laws out there, you may as well rent Paperchase, buy some dark-colored drab (skirt) suits, and be prepared to be sheltered from the truth, because it appears unlikely that anything will change anytime soon, and it is quite possible that you, as a law student, will prefer it change at someone else's school 1st, so you don't have to be the guinea pig.

Imagine If....

I came across a contest online to win tickets to the premier of David Duchovny's new movie. It's an essay contest asking you to write about a friend from your past that you would like to reunite with. While the contest is useless to me (I live hundreds of miles from any of the premiers) the topic is interesting.

In the past few years I have sought out quite a few people from my past, and found a good number of them. It's been interesting getting to know who these people have become. I have been out of high school for 7 years now so most of my friends have graduated from college, some even from graduate school. Some are married, some have kids, some are even buying house. It's all very strange. And even though we have changed so much, there are still those things we have in common that nobody can ever take away from us. Those teachers we had, the places we hung out, the friends we made and lost, the fashions we experienced, the rumors we started and the bullies we endured. There will always be some things particular to our hometown and our age group that only we know about.

When I graduated from 8th grade, our class made a yearbook. The last 2 pages of the book were lists of "Remember when...." and "Imagine if...." statements. I recall that one of those was "Imagine if there was no Picasso's." Picasso's was a pizza place that we all used to go to after dances. Anybody who was anybody gathered there after dances and if anything interesting was going to happen it happened there. Almost everytime we went there was some kind of fight planned, and someone was going to hook-up with someone out back. Always drama going on. In 8th grade we honestly could NOT imagine Picasso's not being there. We thought we would all still meet there after every dance through high school, and, well we pretty much couldn't imagine existing at all after high school! Ironically, Picasso's went out of business about a month after 8th grade graduation! We were all shocked.

I think that was the beginning of the end of a lot of things. We all had to find different places to hang out and it split people up more. We tried other pizza places, but they all had rules and we'd get kicked out. Some people hung out at their friends' houses. Soon, coffee houses became popular and that really split us up. Only us "artsy folk" hung out at coffee shops. The jocks and cheerleaders preferred house parties.

It's odd because we were probably the reason Picasso's went out of business, we were always there really late and we were really rowdy, and the kids working there (making minimum wage and not caring about the bottom line) gave us free stuff, especially the sexy little girls in very little clothes....we certainly weren't good for business. But it's funny to think about how our lives revolved around that pizza place and how it's closing really did change our lives. And I bet that everyone, in every school in the country has a place like that. But I think if I were to reunite with people, people that I haven't already reunited with, I would like to reuinite with teh Picasso's crowd, because it was such a diverse crowd and we all went our separate ways so long ago that we barely remember that we were friends, and I'd really like to see how they all turned out....and then brag about how great I turned out! Tee hee! I'd also like to dig up that 8th grade yearbook and see how many other "Imagine ifs" have come true since then.

Blustery Day

Today was a beautiful but blustery Saturday. I started my day off doing homework: yuck! But it wasn't long before my good friend T showed up to abduct me and take me on an outdoor adventure! We found a park about an hour from home and walked about 3 miles on nature trails and then took the "scenic" route home, which almost ended up being the scenic route to parts unknown! But we made it back safely, having successfully completed our workout for the day! We also stopped for Frosties at Wendy's on the way home, which is an essential part of a balanced diet!

The Pope died today, which means little to me, but will mean a great deal to my grandparents who are both Catholic and Polish! I really don't understand the whole pope thing....as far as I know they are simply elected by other head holy guys, it doesn't seem that there is any sort of divine intervention involved in the selection process, so I'm not really sure what makes them so super-human. Really though, I don't understand much about organized religion in general. I suppose it will be interesting to see who takes over. It never ceases to amaze me that there are actually still people who want to be priests and nuns, much less pope. The whole concept is just entirely foreign to me, more so now that the reputation of the Catholic church is just about as tarnished as possible, not that it was ever particularly stellar.

Anyway, it's a Saturday night and I just finished my Con Law homework for tuesday. T and I will be walking 6 miles tomorrow and then going shopping on Monday, so I want to get as much homework done as possible. I will probably work for a few more hours before turning in and then get up early tomorrow to do more reading and some laundry. Oh! And I can't forget that I loose an hour tonight! Apparently it's the "end" of daylight savings time which means about 50% of people will be late to wherever they are going for the next 2 days. I'm sure I will forget to reset at least one of my watches/clocks. Luckily I have a VCR and digital clock in my bedroom that reset themselves, and of course my computer will too. It's pretty sad when your appliances are more on top of things than you are! Of course, in my case that doesn't take much.

This isn't a very exciting entry but it's only my 2nd day and I didn't want to start off by skipping! I'm sure I will be more interesting tomorrow! Goodnight.

Righteous Babes

I am a second (almost 3rd) year law student with a BA in Criminal Justice. In the past few years I have spent a lot of time re-inventing myself and learning about what it means to be a healthy, functional, and contributing human being. It has been an interesting journey, away from what I thought was real for over twenty years, into a completely unfamiliar world. One of the biggest changes in my life has been learning to be a leader. Five or six years ago, you could never have convinced me that I would be able to organize anything or lead anyone, today those are my definitive qualities. I am extremely involved in student organizations and charitable ventures, which is overwhelming at times but always rewarding.

This site is named after an album and song by Ani Difranco (thanks for the inspiration babe!) a rock-folk singer from Buffalo, NY who also founded her own recording company: Righteous Babe Records. Ani is an amazing woman and her music is pure poetry. I will clarify (so as to not cause any consumer confusion or trademark dilution!) that this blog has absolutely NO association with Ani or Righteous Babe, other than the fact that I am a huge fan and she is a major inspiration in my life. I have a ritual when I buy a new Ani album (which is quite often as she is the most prolific musical artist I know of)...I always read the lyrics BEFORE I listen to the music. Her words are so beautiful and so perfect that they deserve individual attention. Ani's music is often very political but several years ago (around 1998 I believe) she released an album called Dilate. The album was clearly inspired by her relationship with her new husband and focused more on love and relationships than poltics and social change. The critics were furious and confused...Ani's response "I kinda got destracted..." She's just too cute. Anyway, more recently Ani got divorced and released "Educated Guess"...same topic as Dilate, VASTLY different sentiment! This album I can relate to! The irony (please don't school me on the correct use of the word irony as English Professors did to Alanis, we all got the message) is, that I am also an Alanis Morissette fan, and anyone who has heard her most recent album: So-Called Chaos, can easily hear the inspiration behind it: her new love. My message for Alanis: Listen to Educated Guess, skip the whole "learn your lessons the hard way" thing, dump him now, it will save us all a lot of time!!!

Yes, I am a single gal. I prefer to call myself "anti-sexual." I am of the "been there, done that, bought the t-shirt and had it ripped from my hands and torn to shreds" persuasion. And, to save you lots of time, there is no changing my mind. So this certainly will not be a site about sexual relationships. It will be mostly about current events, politics, and the general frustrations and delights of the human existence. Thanks for stopping by!