Yesterday I had lunch with a friend who works at a local law firm with a VERY strange culture. Kind of like a highschool/reality-show culture. Everyone in everyone else's personal business, lots of gossip, and more than enough crazy to go around. I said to him "Ya know, if I worked at your firm I would be the least crazy slash most normal one there! That is scary." He said "You'd also be the happy one."
I kinda like this whole "happy" reputation of mine. And every time it comes up, it makes me smile - even bigger than I already am apparently!
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Friday, July 25, 2008
Left Out
This is kinda odd...but lately there have been several events involving the people I work with that I have not been invited to, or invited to, but as like an afterthought. I'm not really "hurt" by this, but it is just strange, because it is so out of the blue. I'm not sure if it is intentional, or if people are just forgetting about me? I have no idea. Generally when something is going on, an email is sent to what you may call "the usual suspects". Hardly ever do people get left out, because you can usually just hit "reply all" to the email - ya know? But in the past week, there was one thing I was not invited to AT ALL, and two things where the invite was forwarded to just me later on. Of course, these are just the things I know about. It is very possible that there are 100 things I have been excluded from, but I was just completely in the dark.
Last night I found out about the thing I wasn't invited to at all. Today someone asks me if I am going to it and I said "No, I wasn't invited." She said "Well, you weren't not invited. N sent an email to some of us and told us to forward it to all the clerks because she didn't have everyone's email." I said "Well, nobody forwarded it to me." I mean, even if N wanted me to go, and really didn't know my email (which is completely plausible), it's obvious that nobody else cared to tell me about it. So I WAS not invited. I mean, it's not an event I really care to go to, but still, it is just another thing, ya know?
It makes me sad because I have been thinking lately about how I will miss the friends I have made here - and now I am forced to wonder if I really HAVE made friends here. I guess time will tell.
Last night I found out about the thing I wasn't invited to at all. Today someone asks me if I am going to it and I said "No, I wasn't invited." She said "Well, you weren't not invited. N sent an email to some of us and told us to forward it to all the clerks because she didn't have everyone's email." I said "Well, nobody forwarded it to me." I mean, even if N wanted me to go, and really didn't know my email (which is completely plausible), it's obvious that nobody else cared to tell me about it. So I WAS not invited. I mean, it's not an event I really care to go to, but still, it is just another thing, ya know?
It makes me sad because I have been thinking lately about how I will miss the friends I have made here - and now I am forced to wonder if I really HAVE made friends here. I guess time will tell.
Friday, July 18, 2008
Planning
Well, it feels like things are officially in order for my move! I had lunch with one of the partners at my new firm a few days ago - so I still have a job! In light of that boost in security, I set up everything else. So, here is the plan:
Aug. 29: Last day of this job :-(
Sept. 5: Go get the keys & sign the lease on my new place
Sept. 6: Moving day!
Sept. 7: Come back to the old place, turn in keys & do final inspection
Sept 13-17: Mom comes to visit!
Oct 1st: Start my new job!
So, now all I have to do is set up utilities at the new place, switch over my renter's insurance, get a washer & dryer and switch my driver's license.
Oh! And pack. ;-)
I already got a bunch of boxes so I can start on that this weekend actually. I am really kind of peaceful about all this right now. I feel better now that the movers are reserved, and the paperwork is in place, etc. So, here I go! Moving again!! Always a new adventure!!
Aug. 29: Last day of this job :-(
Sept. 5: Go get the keys & sign the lease on my new place
Sept. 6: Moving day!
Sept. 7: Come back to the old place, turn in keys & do final inspection
Sept 13-17: Mom comes to visit!
Oct 1st: Start my new job!
So, now all I have to do is set up utilities at the new place, switch over my renter's insurance, get a washer & dryer and switch my driver's license.
Oh! And pack. ;-)
I already got a bunch of boxes so I can start on that this weekend actually. I am really kind of peaceful about all this right now. I feel better now that the movers are reserved, and the paperwork is in place, etc. So, here I go! Moving again!! Always a new adventure!!
Thursday, July 17, 2008
Good Boy
K called last night at 10 specifically to apologize for being such an ass. He said he just made that comment without thinking, but that he knows this is not all in my head. So good.
Also, I talked to my mom last night and she had a great idea! She said that maybe I could get a bio-feedback instrument of my own, that way I can track my own progress and not worry about someone else's comments. And ya know what? She was right! I ordered my own last night! This is awesome because, since I can't tell whether I am relaxing my muscles or not, I will be able to have a computer tell me and I won't even have to leave home! No co-pays, no referrals, no 7am appointments, and the best part: no lectures! Go mom!!
Also, I talked to my mom last night and she had a great idea! She said that maybe I could get a bio-feedback instrument of my own, that way I can track my own progress and not worry about someone else's comments. And ya know what? She was right! I ordered my own last night! This is awesome because, since I can't tell whether I am relaxing my muscles or not, I will be able to have a computer tell me and I won't even have to leave home! No co-pays, no referrals, no 7am appointments, and the best part: no lectures! Go mom!!
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
Nobody Listens!!!
So, I had my 6th, and possibly last, physical therapy appointment today. My insurance only approved 6 visits, and I can request more, but since I only have 7 weeks left at my job, I'm not sure it's worth it. Anyway, today's appt was a little frustrating.
Today's visit was dedicated to getting me to relax. My biggest problem is my inability to relax my pelvic muscles - which are constantly clenched. The problem with trying to relax them is that I don't know how to control them at all. So they hook me up to this machine that monitors my muscle activity, and it is connected to a probe that goes inside of me (I know, it's icky). Anyway, having that in me REALLY HURTS. I guess that if I learned to relax it wouldn't hurt so much, but how can you relax when you are in so much pain. Vicious cycle.
So today she talks me through a relaxation exercise, trying to get me to relax my whole body. After 20 minutes the computer says that I have barely relaxed my pelvic muscles at all. Plus, it still hurts. So, she asks if she should leave me alone and let me try to relax on my own.
Me: "Okay, but not for too long because this REALLY hurts."
Her: "Well, I really don't know what else to tell you or what else to try."
Me: "Maybe I'm hopeless."
Her: "Well maybe that is your problem, you have just accepted that this is how things are. You need to mentally be more hopeful and change your attitude....(continues to lecture me on my 'attitude' for a good 5 minutes)"
WTF???? First of all, I was being sarcastic. Second, SHE was the one who was giving up. SHE said that she didn't have anything else to say or try. If she had said "well, next week we can try ____." I would have said "GREAT, see you then!". Third, I had agreed to try it with her leaving the room, I just didn't want her to leave me hooked up to that thing for another 20 minutes! Is that sooooo unreasonable??? So, instead of 5 minutes more of relaxing I get the above-referenced 5 minute lecture PLUS another 10 minute lecture after I got dressed again. I was really annoyed.
To make it worse, I come home and START telling K this story. Instead of listening to me he interrupts and says "HA! I told you!!! It's all in your head! You want things to be this way!!!" I really thought my head was going to explode. I was so angry at him for having the same unreasonable reaction as my PT lady had, without even hearing the whole story. Of course, he says this to me and then 5 seconds later hangs up to go get dinner. So I am just left all angry and frustrated and it makes me feel like maybe I should just give up. I mean I have been doing all this work, putting in all this effort, being poked & prodded FOR HIM. I thought he was starting to see that these were physical problems, not mental. But I guess that was all an act. So, ya know what? If I don't want it to be better, then fine. I will stop trying. We can just never have sex again for all I care. He can go buy hookers. Because I am so not gonna keep expending all this time, effort and money when he still thinks it's just all in my head. God. I am so fucking angry at him right now!!!
Today's visit was dedicated to getting me to relax. My biggest problem is my inability to relax my pelvic muscles - which are constantly clenched. The problem with trying to relax them is that I don't know how to control them at all. So they hook me up to this machine that monitors my muscle activity, and it is connected to a probe that goes inside of me (I know, it's icky). Anyway, having that in me REALLY HURTS. I guess that if I learned to relax it wouldn't hurt so much, but how can you relax when you are in so much pain. Vicious cycle.
So today she talks me through a relaxation exercise, trying to get me to relax my whole body. After 20 minutes the computer says that I have barely relaxed my pelvic muscles at all. Plus, it still hurts. So, she asks if she should leave me alone and let me try to relax on my own.
Me: "Okay, but not for too long because this REALLY hurts."
Her: "Well, I really don't know what else to tell you or what else to try."
Me: "Maybe I'm hopeless."
Her: "Well maybe that is your problem, you have just accepted that this is how things are. You need to mentally be more hopeful and change your attitude....(continues to lecture me on my 'attitude' for a good 5 minutes)"
WTF???? First of all, I was being sarcastic. Second, SHE was the one who was giving up. SHE said that she didn't have anything else to say or try. If she had said "well, next week we can try ____." I would have said "GREAT, see you then!". Third, I had agreed to try it with her leaving the room, I just didn't want her to leave me hooked up to that thing for another 20 minutes! Is that sooooo unreasonable??? So, instead of 5 minutes more of relaxing I get the above-referenced 5 minute lecture PLUS another 10 minute lecture after I got dressed again. I was really annoyed.
To make it worse, I come home and START telling K this story. Instead of listening to me he interrupts and says "HA! I told you!!! It's all in your head! You want things to be this way!!!" I really thought my head was going to explode. I was so angry at him for having the same unreasonable reaction as my PT lady had, without even hearing the whole story. Of course, he says this to me and then 5 seconds later hangs up to go get dinner. So I am just left all angry and frustrated and it makes me feel like maybe I should just give up. I mean I have been doing all this work, putting in all this effort, being poked & prodded FOR HIM. I thought he was starting to see that these were physical problems, not mental. But I guess that was all an act. So, ya know what? If I don't want it to be better, then fine. I will stop trying. We can just never have sex again for all I care. He can go buy hookers. Because I am so not gonna keep expending all this time, effort and money when he still thinks it's just all in my head. God. I am so fucking angry at him right now!!!
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
The Rest of My Vacation
Okay, so I did spend a whole week in Buffalo before my reunion, and that was fun too! Unfortunately, I got this head cold on Monday, so I was kinda sickly all week. But still, we did okay.
When I got there it was the 4th of July, so after my plane landed I took a nap and then went out with my sister. We went to my BFF's new apartment for some snacks & non-alcoholic beverages. She made us very yummy drinks with sparkling cider & strawberries. Schmoe met us there and then the 3 of us went to the river to claim a spot to watch fireworks. Two of my sister's friends met us there, and eventually so did BFF, her boy, our friend N and his g/f and her son. We had a good time, though all the walking and hauling blankets and coolers was very tiring and my broken toe hurt a LOT! (Sister says it was not broken but it WAS!)
The next day we went to see Wall-E which was sooooo cute! I highly recommend it.
We also had a good number of nice meals out together (me, mom & sis) and did some shopping and sight seeing around town. Oh also, my sister locked her keys in the car at the marina, and we had to call AAA. That was an adventure. Too bad K wasn't in town yet or he could have broken in for us!!! (Can't you just picture it? "No officer, those white ladies ASKED me to break into their car. I swear!!" LOL)
I spent some quality time with BFF and her b/f on wednesday night, which is always great. I also got to catch up with a friend I haven't seen in 10 years, but who wasn't in my class (so not at the reunion).
K showed up on Friday night and we went to see Hancock. Saturday I took him to get his haircut and then I went and got my hair done by my friend Lisa, so I got to catch up with her some. Saturday night was the reunion and sunday I left!! So that was the vacay in a nutshell!!
When I got there it was the 4th of July, so after my plane landed I took a nap and then went out with my sister. We went to my BFF's new apartment for some snacks & non-alcoholic beverages. She made us very yummy drinks with sparkling cider & strawberries. Schmoe met us there and then the 3 of us went to the river to claim a spot to watch fireworks. Two of my sister's friends met us there, and eventually so did BFF, her boy, our friend N and his g/f and her son. We had a good time, though all the walking and hauling blankets and coolers was very tiring and my broken toe hurt a LOT! (Sister says it was not broken but it WAS!)
The next day we went to see Wall-E which was sooooo cute! I highly recommend it.
We also had a good number of nice meals out together (me, mom & sis) and did some shopping and sight seeing around town. Oh also, my sister locked her keys in the car at the marina, and we had to call AAA. That was an adventure. Too bad K wasn't in town yet or he could have broken in for us!!! (Can't you just picture it? "No officer, those white ladies ASKED me to break into their car. I swear!!" LOL)
I spent some quality time with BFF and her b/f on wednesday night, which is always great. I also got to catch up with a friend I haven't seen in 10 years, but who wasn't in my class (so not at the reunion).
K showed up on Friday night and we went to see Hancock. Saturday I took him to get his haircut and then I went and got my hair done by my friend Lisa, so I got to catch up with her some. Saturday night was the reunion and sunday I left!! So that was the vacay in a nutshell!!
Monday, July 14, 2008
I Am Awesome
So, my ten-year high school reunion is over. I survived, with flying colors actually. I was clearly one of the most awesome people there. Duh! The best part was making my arch-enemy, KST, cry twice!! Priceless. I wish I had video.
K and I both looked damn good if I do say so myself. And I had a lot of fun with Schmoe and JC (my best friend back in those days!). JC's b/f was a pretty nice guy too, so the 4 of us had a good time together. And - bonus - K's ex-g/f (E) like TOTALLY ignored us the whole time. She tried to talk to K once, but he just brushed her off and then actively avoided making eye-contact with either of us for the rest of the night.
I do regret not making more of an effort to talk to a few of the people there. I also regret not taking a picture of my $45 glass of coke...altho at the time I had NO idea that it would be the only thing I would be ingesting all night. The "dinner" we were supposed to get did not exist. Instead, there was an open bar, spinach & artichoke dip, chicken fingers, chicken wings, nachos and jalepeno poppers. Stupid me, I thought this would be just "appetizers" with actual dinner to come later. I was wrong. So, I ended up going to get food after the reunion, on my way home, at like midnight!
The night seemed to go by pretty fast, except for the slideshow which was like AN HOUR long!!! It was the same one they showed at prom, but I don't remember it being so looooong!!!!
Anyway, all in all it was good. I will write about the rest of my week later on. Right now I am HUNGRY!
K and I both looked damn good if I do say so myself. And I had a lot of fun with Schmoe and JC (my best friend back in those days!). JC's b/f was a pretty nice guy too, so the 4 of us had a good time together. And - bonus - K's ex-g/f (E) like TOTALLY ignored us the whole time. She tried to talk to K once, but he just brushed her off and then actively avoided making eye-contact with either of us for the rest of the night.
I do regret not making more of an effort to talk to a few of the people there. I also regret not taking a picture of my $45 glass of coke...altho at the time I had NO idea that it would be the only thing I would be ingesting all night. The "dinner" we were supposed to get did not exist. Instead, there was an open bar, spinach & artichoke dip, chicken fingers, chicken wings, nachos and jalepeno poppers. Stupid me, I thought this would be just "appetizers" with actual dinner to come later. I was wrong. So, I ended up going to get food after the reunion, on my way home, at like midnight!
The night seemed to go by pretty fast, except for the slideshow which was like AN HOUR long!!! It was the same one they showed at prom, but I don't remember it being so looooong!!!!
Anyway, all in all it was good. I will write about the rest of my week later on. Right now I am HUNGRY!
Thursday, July 03, 2008
Clean Slate
My blood test was negative!!! Woot! I feel so much better. And I cannot tell you how glad I am to know this before my vacation! Now I can really celebrate tomorrow! Ugh. I am so relieved.
In other news, I only had to work until 11am today! I spent the rest of the day packing, resting & relaxing. In fact, I just got out of the hot tub. :-)
So, I am all ready for my trip. I will try to blog while I am up there, as long as I have an internet connection! Have a great 4th of July everyone!!
In other news, I only had to work until 11am today! I spent the rest of the day packing, resting & relaxing. In fact, I just got out of the hot tub. :-)
So, I am all ready for my trip. I will try to blog while I am up there, as long as I have an internet connection! Have a great 4th of July everyone!!
Wednesday, July 02, 2008
A New Day
So I got the blood test yesterday, I won't know the results until sometime next week, but I already feel better - just knowing an answer is in the works. I hate getting blood drawn! I wished my mommy was there to hold my hand and carry me to the car afterwards! But I survived. Now all I can do is wait. My doctor did say that the chances of me having it are practically zero, but better safe than sorry, ya know?
Last night was my first good night's sleep in like 3 days, so I feel good today - physically and emotionally. I am looking forward to seeing so many people I love on Friday (mom, sis, Rita, Jocelyn, Mike, etc.). I think it will be a good day, which is great because I LOVE 4th of July! It's my favorite holiday.
Hopefully I will have my test results before the reunion, because then I have to decide if I inform other people that I know slept with that guy. Mind you, both of these people (EG and KST) are people I hate. KST is the person I hate most in the world except for DB. K says I should just say "Fuck them." because they wouldn't tell me if they knew. In fact, it is likely that KST did know and didn't tell me. But, I am better than them and I want to keep being better than them, so I am inclined to tell them. I think he is worried mostly that if he could have it, then they will know his business. So, if I find out I don't have it then I will pull them aside and just say "AL had Hep C, I don't have it but you might. Go get checked." and that's it. Well, with KST I may put it in the form of a question so as to ascertain whether it is news to her or not.
Anyway, like I said, I am feeling much better today. Just bored as hell with no work to do! Hope you are all having a good day!
Last night was my first good night's sleep in like 3 days, so I feel good today - physically and emotionally. I am looking forward to seeing so many people I love on Friday (mom, sis, Rita, Jocelyn, Mike, etc.). I think it will be a good day, which is great because I LOVE 4th of July! It's my favorite holiday.
Hopefully I will have my test results before the reunion, because then I have to decide if I inform other people that I know slept with that guy. Mind you, both of these people (EG and KST) are people I hate. KST is the person I hate most in the world except for DB. K says I should just say "Fuck them." because they wouldn't tell me if they knew. In fact, it is likely that KST did know and didn't tell me. But, I am better than them and I want to keep being better than them, so I am inclined to tell them. I think he is worried mostly that if he could have it, then they will know his business. So, if I find out I don't have it then I will pull them aside and just say "AL had Hep C, I don't have it but you might. Go get checked." and that's it. Well, with KST I may put it in the form of a question so as to ascertain whether it is news to her or not.
Anyway, like I said, I am feeling much better today. Just bored as hell with no work to do! Hope you are all having a good day!
Tuesday, July 01, 2008
Even More Nervous
Eight years ago I was raped. Last night I found out the guy who did it has Hepatitis C. I don't know when he got it, and chances are slim that I could get it from him anyway, but I am going to get tested today. I didn't sleep last night. I just cried & cried. K was great about it, he isn't mad at me just mad at that guy, but I wish I could've told him in person. I wish he was here. Today is going to suck. Cross all of your digits & appendages for me please.
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