Lucky Me

So, things have been kinda rough lately. Really, since my last trip to NC I've been really depressed. To the point of not eating and crying a lot, all the classic stuff. But, everytime I think I'm falling, I get a million hands reaching to pick me up and I wonder how I could ever forget that. I finally told K that I was sad and, of course, he reacts with lightning speed to make it better. To apologize for anything that he may have done (really, he didn't do anything), tell me how much he loves me and tuck me in over the phone so I can get some rest and recover. So sweet.

But not just him. All of my friends & my sister - constantly amaze me. It's funny because I have been betrayed in the worst way by master sociopaths. But somewhere along the way I have also managed to collect a group of the most amazing, loyal and supportive souls on this planet. No matter what happens, no matter where I am, I have this incredible support system reaching out for me.

Something really bizarre happened to K this week, but the moral of the story is that he was betrayed by someone in his family - again. The things that his family & friends do to him always shock me. I wonder how it can happen again and again. How people can be so cold. And truly, why in the hell aren't they more afraid of him?? He's a lot like me when it comes to friendship, ya know? He will be your best friend or your worst enemy and he can be fiercely loyal in ways that are rarely matched. But somehow, he didn't get my luck. He's only seen the evil. He doesn't understand the kinds of friendships I have - how I can feel so connected to so many people so far away from me. He thinks that all of my friends will disappear now, they will pass me off to him and go on with their own lives. But I don't believe that for one second. I've tried to show him, tried to make him understand, but it's hard. Luckily, another fantastic thing about my friends is the way they have welcomed him. He has been adopted into my strange, mishapen family and I think that is helping him to understand. It's little things like my friends visiting his page on myspace & leaving him comments or calling me when they hear about a new law that might affect his business. But the kindness is always in the details. That all these people, most of whom he's never met in person, will help him and think about him just because I love him and they love me.

I guess I'm just writing this to remind myself - for the next time I'm sad - how incredibly lucky I really am. And how lonely shouldn't even be in my vocabulary.