Happiness

Last week there was a bit on one of the morning shows about happiness. They did a survey about what makes people happy. Of course, the biggest deal was that people are happier without children than with. People are happier when they are shopping or exercising than when they are playing with their children. Nobody says this means people shouldn't have kids - just that it's not the key to happiness.

But anyway, it got me thinking. What makes me happy? Like really happy? Honestly, I'm not totally sure. Not that I'm miserable. I think I'm realtively content. I wish I was making more money, because being poor is really stressful. I wish I was a little more mentally stable and a little less afraid. I wish I had more friends nearby and time to go to Disney World. But nothing really terrible is going on. I just really can't think of anything that would make me happy right now - at least anything that could actually happen. I am really looking forward to my trip to Charlotte. I miss K so much and I really need a vacation. But there are still things about all this that are so hard. And even though I know that he loves me and that everything is fine - I get scared and nervous. I know he wants to fix it all, I know he just wants me to be happy...but it's just not that easy. There's no magic switch that he can flip to just make everything all better. So, I'm excited to see him, and be in his arms, and I just hope that the love is enough to pull me through the dark spots relatively unscathed. And maybe someday, I'll be able to say that all my time with him makes me happy. For now, that's my goal.