So I'm supposed to go to go see K tomorrow. He was supposed to be closing on his new house today - that didn't work out so well. Actually, I dunno, it could be happening right now. Except that, if it was, that would be good news & he probably would have called me with good news. I haven't heard from him in over 2 hours, so I can't imagine it's good news.
The problem is, that if he doesn't close on the house today he'll have to wait until Monday & I will have no place to stay until then, so we'll have to get a hotel room. Honestly, I am fine with that. I would just put it on my mom's credit card & pay her back later. But, he won't let me do that, he'll want to pay. And I don't want him to pay because he has been spending a lot of money lately and I really don't think he can afford that right now. Luckily, hotels in the area are really cheap so it won't be so bad, but still...
The only good thing, is that he has been so good with me today. I mean, he's of course really pissed & frustrated because the lawyers and brokers screwed things up. So, he's swearing and yelling and everything & then in the middle of a sentence he stops & in the sweetest voice says "But I love you." He did that like 3 times in 20 minutes. It was really sweet. He wants me to know that he's not mad at me, ya know? And I think that's probably why he hasn't called, cuzz he doesnt want to take his anger out on me, which is a huge step in the right direction. Anyone who knows him knows that he has a bit of a temper (sense the sarcasm), and even though I know he's not mad at me, sometimes it's scary to listen to over the phone. In person it's easier actually, I just stand in front of him and say "Stop." It always works, ever since we were kids. He has to look in my eyes and breathe and know that if he doesn't calm down I could get hurt, so he stops. I know it's strange, but that's how I fell in love with him - the 1st time we did that little dance. It made me see inside him. Yeah, he can be scary - he's a big guy and he gets real loud and real angry - but mostly he is just a really amazing person and I can feel his soul just by looking in his eyes. The 1st time I did that I really thought we were connected in an extraordinary way, ya know? Nobody else dared to get that close to him when he was angry, and most people who saw me do it thought I was freakin' nuts, but I didn't think twice. I knew he wouldn't hurt me, and I wanted to stop him from hurting himself by doing something he'd regret. So, I stood in front of him & I didn't move. And he let me. I knew then that it meant something. But we were so young, and when nothing happened by the time we graduated I figured that was that. Who could've guessed that all these years later I'd be standing in front of him again? I can't wait until tomorrow when I actually can. He hasn't felt the stare in a while, I think it'll do him some good. ;-)
Friday, June 30, 2006
Monday, June 26, 2006
We Were On A Break
I'm watching Friends...the episode when Rachel finds out that Ross slept with the girl from the copy shop. Hence, the title. I know it's morbid, but this is my 2nd favorite episode (the 1st is when they say "Mrs. Chanandaler Bong"! That is SO FUNNY!). Anyway, the whole conversation, when Ross & Rachel are in the apartment and everyone is hiding in Monica's bedroom, is just so intense and so sad. Cheating is such a horrible thing. It tears you up in a way that changes you forever.
Now, in this situation, I agree that they were on a break. So this wasn't technically cheating. But still, I know why her heart was broken. The night of the break up, she's at home crying and missing him and torn up inside, while he was fucking the copy shop girl. It is just so cold and heartless. Maybe it was revenge, because she hurt him. I can see that. But I can also see how she just can't get past it. She can't get those images out of her head. She can't help wondering what he was thinking when he was with her, how he felt, what he said to her. She can't lay in his bed without thinking of him with her. She can't hold his hand or fall asleep in his arms without feeling dirty. It's hard enough to deal with all the women that came before you when you fall in love with someone, but to deal with someone that was there yesterday, when you were there two yesterdays ago, and he wants you to be there today...it's just too much.
And I can also see him, and how he feels. That he is so afraid, and he does love her but he thought she left him. And he was angry and scared and he wanted revenge, so he slept with the copy shop girl. Of course he would've rather spent that night with Rachel, but she kicked him out. And she had good reason to kick him out - he was being an asshole. But he is right, they were on a break. If she wasn't done with him, she shouldn't have said that. She shouldn't have let him go if she still wanted his faithfulness. He never would have done what he did if he knew what the consequences would be. This wasn't the typical cheating situation. He thought he had lost her. And yes, he should have fought harder to keep her and shouldn't have turned to someone new so quickly, but I do kind of get it. As much as I don't like sex, I've definitely had revenge sex, and it's just because you are so hurt that you don't know what to do. You think you can hurt them the worst way possible, and you do, but you also hurt yourself. It's awful.
Having said all that though, had there not been a break, cheating is an unforgiveable sin. I don't care what anybody says. You don't cheat "by mistake." I've hooked up with, kissed, and/or slept with a LOT of people in my life and it never happened by mistake. We always knew what we were doing. Nobody tripped and fell. Maybe sometimes there is intoxication, but that is no excuse. Maybe you can't drive a car, but you still can control who you touch, I don't care how drunk/high you are. And if you can't, then you have no business being that drunk/high in the 1st place. And you don't cheat on somebody you love. If you really loved a person, you wouldn't want to cheat on them. It wouldn't be a sacrifice not to be with someone else, because you would love the person you're with enough that they are who you want. Otherwise, you are just deluding yourself. That "you always hurt the ones you love" thing is crap. If you love a person, you do everything you can not to hurt them. You protect them from other people who hurt them. You know what things will hurt them and you don't do those things. That is how you treat people you love. If you don't, then you really don't love that person. You may think you do - but you don't. At least not yet. And once you really do love someone, you will know that this is the truth.
And that's all I have for now.
Now, in this situation, I agree that they were on a break. So this wasn't technically cheating. But still, I know why her heart was broken. The night of the break up, she's at home crying and missing him and torn up inside, while he was fucking the copy shop girl. It is just so cold and heartless. Maybe it was revenge, because she hurt him. I can see that. But I can also see how she just can't get past it. She can't get those images out of her head. She can't help wondering what he was thinking when he was with her, how he felt, what he said to her. She can't lay in his bed without thinking of him with her. She can't hold his hand or fall asleep in his arms without feeling dirty. It's hard enough to deal with all the women that came before you when you fall in love with someone, but to deal with someone that was there yesterday, when you were there two yesterdays ago, and he wants you to be there today...it's just too much.
And I can also see him, and how he feels. That he is so afraid, and he does love her but he thought she left him. And he was angry and scared and he wanted revenge, so he slept with the copy shop girl. Of course he would've rather spent that night with Rachel, but she kicked him out. And she had good reason to kick him out - he was being an asshole. But he is right, they were on a break. If she wasn't done with him, she shouldn't have said that. She shouldn't have let him go if she still wanted his faithfulness. He never would have done what he did if he knew what the consequences would be. This wasn't the typical cheating situation. He thought he had lost her. And yes, he should have fought harder to keep her and shouldn't have turned to someone new so quickly, but I do kind of get it. As much as I don't like sex, I've definitely had revenge sex, and it's just because you are so hurt that you don't know what to do. You think you can hurt them the worst way possible, and you do, but you also hurt yourself. It's awful.
Having said all that though, had there not been a break, cheating is an unforgiveable sin. I don't care what anybody says. You don't cheat "by mistake." I've hooked up with, kissed, and/or slept with a LOT of people in my life and it never happened by mistake. We always knew what we were doing. Nobody tripped and fell. Maybe sometimes there is intoxication, but that is no excuse. Maybe you can't drive a car, but you still can control who you touch, I don't care how drunk/high you are. And if you can't, then you have no business being that drunk/high in the 1st place. And you don't cheat on somebody you love. If you really loved a person, you wouldn't want to cheat on them. It wouldn't be a sacrifice not to be with someone else, because you would love the person you're with enough that they are who you want. Otherwise, you are just deluding yourself. That "you always hurt the ones you love" thing is crap. If you love a person, you do everything you can not to hurt them. You protect them from other people who hurt them. You know what things will hurt them and you don't do those things. That is how you treat people you love. If you don't, then you really don't love that person. You may think you do - but you don't. At least not yet. And once you really do love someone, you will know that this is the truth.
And that's all I have for now.
Sunday, June 25, 2006
Skeletons In My Closet
So, as u know the 'rents are getting divorced & moving out of the homestead. It's a big event. Hard to believe I may never be back in that house again. Never again see the bedroom I spent so many nights in. I wish I had time to venture up north for one last goodbye, ya know?
Anyway, my mom has been packing up my things and sent me a box of stuff that she thought I might want with me. Everything else is in my grandparents' attic until I rescue it (can anybody say "Road Trip!"??) So, this box was full of treasures. Mostly poems & stories that I had written. I used to keep a composition book with me at all times. I wrote so much it was like a disease. Reading that all again has been an amazing experience.
I think the most amazing thing is when I find something that I don't remember writing back then, but that still totally represents how I feel today. Like, I found quite a few things about how much I hate my father - I could've written those like yesterday! Then there are things that I completely do not remember writing, but that are still beautiful to me. Maybe I'm not the best judge of good writing, but I think some of the stuff is actually really good. Don't fret, I'm sure I'll be posting some of it, so you all can tell me what YOU think!!!
Of course, it's not all good. Some stuff is just terrible. And some is so sad. So much is about ex-boyfriends of course. And, for the most part, I remember those feelings. I remember the sadness and anger and love, but I don't remember the desperation. Perhaps because I never saw it as desperation then. So many times I wrote that I was nothing without "him" - whoever the "him" happened to be at the time. I wrote about times when they cheated on me, or lied to me, or deserted me, or hit me, or even just made me feel rotten. But I never wrote that I would be better off without them. In fact, there are plenty of times when I turned the blame around on myself - essentially saying that I deserved what I got. That I must have hurt them or not been good enough for them and this was my punishment, and that I was sorry.
The whole experience has been so...forensic! Like conducting an autopsy of my own mental illness. I can remember the experiences and see them from an objective standpoint and then I hear my words from the past, so trapped in those delusions. It's just unbelievable to me. And the worst part is that, at the time, I didn't even know anything was wrong. I didn't think, even for a second, that there was anything even unusual about how I felt. I thought I was completely rational. That is scary. Not only retrospectively, but in the now. Would I know now if I was losing it again? Will I know in the future? Will I listen if someone tells me? I didn't listen then.
I guess all I can do is hope that I really am better now. Hope that my brain is better and that I have learned from my experiences. And keep writing things down, so that the investigation is ongoing and none of the clues will be overlooked. When the enemy lives inside you, you can't ever let your guard down.
Anyway, my mom has been packing up my things and sent me a box of stuff that she thought I might want with me. Everything else is in my grandparents' attic until I rescue it (can anybody say "Road Trip!"??) So, this box was full of treasures. Mostly poems & stories that I had written. I used to keep a composition book with me at all times. I wrote so much it was like a disease. Reading that all again has been an amazing experience.
I think the most amazing thing is when I find something that I don't remember writing back then, but that still totally represents how I feel today. Like, I found quite a few things about how much I hate my father - I could've written those like yesterday! Then there are things that I completely do not remember writing, but that are still beautiful to me. Maybe I'm not the best judge of good writing, but I think some of the stuff is actually really good. Don't fret, I'm sure I'll be posting some of it, so you all can tell me what YOU think!!!
Of course, it's not all good. Some stuff is just terrible. And some is so sad. So much is about ex-boyfriends of course. And, for the most part, I remember those feelings. I remember the sadness and anger and love, but I don't remember the desperation. Perhaps because I never saw it as desperation then. So many times I wrote that I was nothing without "him" - whoever the "him" happened to be at the time. I wrote about times when they cheated on me, or lied to me, or deserted me, or hit me, or even just made me feel rotten. But I never wrote that I would be better off without them. In fact, there are plenty of times when I turned the blame around on myself - essentially saying that I deserved what I got. That I must have hurt them or not been good enough for them and this was my punishment, and that I was sorry.
The whole experience has been so...forensic! Like conducting an autopsy of my own mental illness. I can remember the experiences and see them from an objective standpoint and then I hear my words from the past, so trapped in those delusions. It's just unbelievable to me. And the worst part is that, at the time, I didn't even know anything was wrong. I didn't think, even for a second, that there was anything even unusual about how I felt. I thought I was completely rational. That is scary. Not only retrospectively, but in the now. Would I know now if I was losing it again? Will I know in the future? Will I listen if someone tells me? I didn't listen then.
I guess all I can do is hope that I really am better now. Hope that my brain is better and that I have learned from my experiences. And keep writing things down, so that the investigation is ongoing and none of the clues will be overlooked. When the enemy lives inside you, you can't ever let your guard down.
Monday, June 19, 2006
So....um....yeah.
My mom & dad are officially getting divorce. This is a good thing.
My dad & I are not speaking again. This is also a good thing (especially since it happened right before Father's Day so I didn't have to deal with that shit!).
K and I seem to be doing well. I think I have appropriately communicated to him that I will not put up with anymore bullshit. I'm not the only one who is gonna make compromises in this relationship and I am not going to be afraid anymore. My life kicked ass without him in it, and if he makes this hard, he's gone. Since then, things have been perfect. No fighting, no fear. Just normal again. It's nice.
So, that means that I have sort of defined this for myself. I have always equated love with war and I thought maybe I had been wrong in the past. I wasn't. It's very much about strategy and not exposing too much to attack. I have decided exactly how much I can afford to lose, and I have set up those lines. There are certain things that I can expose and certain things I need to protect, and that is perfectly fine. Each of my friends has different parts of me, and to different extents, and this relationship will be measured in the same way. I can get what I want without giving up too much, and making sure I'm not the only one giving up.
So, it's not the most romantic view, I suppose. But, it's the truth. And I feel better. Things are all sort of where they should be. CJ's world is in balance. Isn't that nice?
My dad & I are not speaking again. This is also a good thing (especially since it happened right before Father's Day so I didn't have to deal with that shit!).
K and I seem to be doing well. I think I have appropriately communicated to him that I will not put up with anymore bullshit. I'm not the only one who is gonna make compromises in this relationship and I am not going to be afraid anymore. My life kicked ass without him in it, and if he makes this hard, he's gone. Since then, things have been perfect. No fighting, no fear. Just normal again. It's nice.
So, that means that I have sort of defined this for myself. I have always equated love with war and I thought maybe I had been wrong in the past. I wasn't. It's very much about strategy and not exposing too much to attack. I have decided exactly how much I can afford to lose, and I have set up those lines. There are certain things that I can expose and certain things I need to protect, and that is perfectly fine. Each of my friends has different parts of me, and to different extents, and this relationship will be measured in the same way. I can get what I want without giving up too much, and making sure I'm not the only one giving up.
So, it's not the most romantic view, I suppose. But, it's the truth. And I feel better. Things are all sort of where they should be. CJ's world is in balance. Isn't that nice?
Wednesday, June 14, 2006
War
If he wants it, he's got it.
If he thinks he can take me down...he hasn't seen nothin' yet.
I know what's on the table, and I haven't put anything down that I can't afford to lose.
So, we'll just see whose left standing. I can be your best friend or your worst enemy. Eye for an eye? Fuck that. I'll take both of yours before you get within a foot of mine. You won't even know what hit you. That sparkle in my eyes? The flames of hell. There is no wrath like this. I will keep you close and slip in slowly and the pain will be so great you won't even know where it's coming from. There is nobody who has crossed me and not regretted it. There will be no exceptions. I have built a foretress around this heart and soul, and if they are under attack, the blood that is shed will not be mine.
Yeah, I'm back. In full force.
Yes. I. Am.
Did ya miss me?
If he thinks he can take me down...he hasn't seen nothin' yet.
I know what's on the table, and I haven't put anything down that I can't afford to lose.
So, we'll just see whose left standing. I can be your best friend or your worst enemy. Eye for an eye? Fuck that. I'll take both of yours before you get within a foot of mine. You won't even know what hit you. That sparkle in my eyes? The flames of hell. There is no wrath like this. I will keep you close and slip in slowly and the pain will be so great you won't even know where it's coming from. There is nobody who has crossed me and not regretted it. There will be no exceptions. I have built a foretress around this heart and soul, and if they are under attack, the blood that is shed will not be mine.
Yeah, I'm back. In full force.
Yes. I. Am.
Did ya miss me?
Saturday, June 10, 2006
Serenity Now
Why is nothing ever easy? Lets see...
7am: K sends me a text message & scares the crap out of me. It says "i love u." Aw, how sweet...I go back to bed.
9am: I wake up feeling good. My voice is back, mostly, and I can kinda hear out of my left ear. Good. I make breakfast. I had been craving french toast & strawberries, but alas, no milk. So, egg, toast & pineapple it is. Fine.
10am: I check my email. My phone bill is ready, so I click on it. It's $436!!!!!!! Wow. My ulcer expands slightly, and I print out the 32 page detailed bill.
11am: K calls & I tell him about the phone bill. He offers to pay it. I argue with him for 20 minutes & then he gives me his credit card number. I love him. ;-) I go to the gym.
1pm: Fed Ex guy comes to the door. My dad sent me a pot. An 11 quart pot. Apparently he thinks I am hosting a spaghetti dinner for the troops?? I run to Walmart to pick up my pictures and get milk!
2pm: I decide to try to fix my car. The horn doesnt work & the airbag light is on so we figure its a loose wire in the steering wheel. But, because I am worried about the airbag going off while I'm doing it I think I should disconnect the battery. This turns out to be quite difficult, so I give up and call my dad.
3pm: Dad calls back...thanks for the pot, I'll smoke it later...dont smoke it all at once....no I'll save most of it for days I have class.... He tells me not to disconnect the battery, just take off the steering wheel and then call him. So, I try. But the "screws" are not screws in that a screwdriver doesn't work. I need a rachet & socket. 3/8 is too small. 7/16 is too big. My dad doesnt answer when I call him FOUR TIMES! He finally calls me back and says I need a metric, probably a 10. I tell him I will go buy one. He argues with me for 10 minutes that I have one. He is wrong (duh). I leave to go to the store.
4pm: On my way to AutoZone I call K but he has no reception. Then my phone says "Car Kit" for no reason. I try to answer it when he calls back, but I cant. I try to take it off "Car Kit" but I can't. I storm into Circuit City where they tell me that my phone needs "serious help" and I have to see a technician at a store about 10 miles away. The tech is there until 6pm. It is now
4:30pm: I go home, call K & my dad from the landline to tell them what was going on. I drive to the store where they say "Nope, no technician on duty today." I fight back tears & tell them the whole story. The AWESOMEST Hindu in the WORLD named Sachin helps me out and gives my a BRAND NEW phone!!!! I love him now.
5:30pm: I go to AutoZone & buy the damn socket (actually I bough 10 of them in a set). I take the steering wheel off & alas, NONE of the wires are loose!!!!! ARGH!!! Do u have any idea how frustrating it is to drive w/o a horn??? I swear I waste an hour a day behind people who dont know the light is green!!! So now I have to wait till after I get back from Charlotte to get it fixed (cuzz my warranty won't start up until then). GRRRRRR!!!
7pm: I am disgusting from sweating like a hog all day, but I decide I deserve a treat and go to Panera. I also smoked a ciggarette and drank a coke. Hey, I deserved it! My cell phone still doesnt work inside my apartment, so I ate dinner & talked to Alana on the phone in the car. I am still the white trash queen! LOL
9pm: I said goodnight to K & took a shower. I got NO homework done today & NO rest. Some way to spend my 1st day of feeling better!! I will probably be sick again tomorrow! Oh well, it's supposed to rain all week anyway. No Disney World this week! Maybe if the weather is good I will go to the beach next weekend. That will be free & relaxing. I need to bond with the ocean.
10:15pm: Goodnite!!!
7am: K sends me a text message & scares the crap out of me. It says "i love u." Aw, how sweet...I go back to bed.
9am: I wake up feeling good. My voice is back, mostly, and I can kinda hear out of my left ear. Good. I make breakfast. I had been craving french toast & strawberries, but alas, no milk. So, egg, toast & pineapple it is. Fine.
10am: I check my email. My phone bill is ready, so I click on it. It's $436!!!!!!! Wow. My ulcer expands slightly, and I print out the 32 page detailed bill.
11am: K calls & I tell him about the phone bill. He offers to pay it. I argue with him for 20 minutes & then he gives me his credit card number. I love him. ;-) I go to the gym.
1pm: Fed Ex guy comes to the door. My dad sent me a pot. An 11 quart pot. Apparently he thinks I am hosting a spaghetti dinner for the troops?? I run to Walmart to pick up my pictures and get milk!
2pm: I decide to try to fix my car. The horn doesnt work & the airbag light is on so we figure its a loose wire in the steering wheel. But, because I am worried about the airbag going off while I'm doing it I think I should disconnect the battery. This turns out to be quite difficult, so I give up and call my dad.
3pm: Dad calls back...thanks for the pot, I'll smoke it later...dont smoke it all at once....no I'll save most of it for days I have class.... He tells me not to disconnect the battery, just take off the steering wheel and then call him. So, I try. But the "screws" are not screws in that a screwdriver doesn't work. I need a rachet & socket. 3/8 is too small. 7/16 is too big. My dad doesnt answer when I call him FOUR TIMES! He finally calls me back and says I need a metric, probably a 10. I tell him I will go buy one. He argues with me for 10 minutes that I have one. He is wrong (duh). I leave to go to the store.
4pm: On my way to AutoZone I call K but he has no reception. Then my phone says "Car Kit" for no reason. I try to answer it when he calls back, but I cant. I try to take it off "Car Kit" but I can't. I storm into Circuit City where they tell me that my phone needs "serious help" and I have to see a technician at a store about 10 miles away. The tech is there until 6pm. It is now
4:30pm: I go home, call K & my dad from the landline to tell them what was going on. I drive to the store where they say "Nope, no technician on duty today." I fight back tears & tell them the whole story. The AWESOMEST Hindu in the WORLD named Sachin helps me out and gives my a BRAND NEW phone!!!! I love him now.
5:30pm: I go to AutoZone & buy the damn socket (actually I bough 10 of them in a set). I take the steering wheel off & alas, NONE of the wires are loose!!!!! ARGH!!! Do u have any idea how frustrating it is to drive w/o a horn??? I swear I waste an hour a day behind people who dont know the light is green!!! So now I have to wait till after I get back from Charlotte to get it fixed (cuzz my warranty won't start up until then). GRRRRRR!!!
7pm: I am disgusting from sweating like a hog all day, but I decide I deserve a treat and go to Panera. I also smoked a ciggarette and drank a coke. Hey, I deserved it! My cell phone still doesnt work inside my apartment, so I ate dinner & talked to Alana on the phone in the car. I am still the white trash queen! LOL
9pm: I said goodnight to K & took a shower. I got NO homework done today & NO rest. Some way to spend my 1st day of feeling better!! I will probably be sick again tomorrow! Oh well, it's supposed to rain all week anyway. No Disney World this week! Maybe if the weather is good I will go to the beach next weekend. That will be free & relaxing. I need to bond with the ocean.
10:15pm: Goodnite!!!
Friday, June 09, 2006
Brutality
Slide down into me
Into this darkness
And I am falling
Behind your eyes
I can hear the screams
Of all those days
I left behind
This room
These walls
Closing in
Falling down
Set me free
And it’s that whisper
That echo
The slight vibration
Inside my brain
That is making this
Real
I take your hand
You take my soul
And I am steady
Above you
Around you
Inside of you
Inside of me
Surrounded by time
This is not what I meant
When I said forever
This is wrong
Sinful and strange
And I will wake up once more
Tasting that fear
Like your stain
In the back of my throat
And I will claw at your skin
Crawl back out
Of this deep
This void
Your soul.
Into this darkness
And I am falling
Behind your eyes
I can hear the screams
Of all those days
I left behind
This room
These walls
Closing in
Falling down
Set me free
And it’s that whisper
That echo
The slight vibration
Inside my brain
That is making this
Real
I take your hand
You take my soul
And I am steady
Above you
Around you
Inside of you
Inside of me
Surrounded by time
This is not what I meant
When I said forever
This is wrong
Sinful and strange
And I will wake up once more
Tasting that fear
Like your stain
In the back of my throat
And I will claw at your skin
Crawl back out
Of this deep
This void
Your soul.
Thursday, June 08, 2006
On The Mend
Okay, well I have been sick for like 2 weeks now! It sucks! I have an ear infection that shocked my Dr...I'm used to that tho! But, the real life consequences are that I can't hear out of my left ear, and I pretty much have no voice whatsoever! Plus, I've just been so exhausted, which is making this whole "studying for the bar" thing even harder!
But, things are getting a little better. K and my sister say that I sound better today, so I believe them. My energy is a bit better too. I think I'm gonna try to work out tomorrow. I haven't worked out in FOREVER! And I dont want to get all fat before I go up to Charlotte (I'm going July 1-5).
So, let's see...what is up in the world? Not too much as far as I know, although I have been a bit out of touch lately. I have been watching Craig Ferguson a lot lately...he is damn funny! I'm glad he keeps my company while I am hacking up a lung all night!
So, anyway....let me know what's going on in the world!!
But, things are getting a little better. K and my sister say that I sound better today, so I believe them. My energy is a bit better too. I think I'm gonna try to work out tomorrow. I haven't worked out in FOREVER! And I dont want to get all fat before I go up to Charlotte (I'm going July 1-5).
So, let's see...what is up in the world? Not too much as far as I know, although I have been a bit out of touch lately. I have been watching Craig Ferguson a lot lately...he is damn funny! I'm glad he keeps my company while I am hacking up a lung all night!
So, anyway....let me know what's going on in the world!!
Saturday, June 03, 2006
Tragic Mistakes
I'm not sure if u guys have heard this story, but its awful. Apparently 5 kids from an Indiana University were on a road trip to Michigan & got in a car accident. 4 of them died and one, Laura, was in a coma for the last 5 weeks. A few days ago, however, they found out that the girl in the coma was NOT Laura. Her name is Whitney. Laura is dead. Whitney's family unknowningly buried her over a month ago.
When I heard this story, I thought I was watching soapnet or something! I mean, seriously, how could this happen? The 2 girls do look very much a like: similar build, same hair color, etc. But how could Laura's family sat next to this comatose girl for 5 weeks and not know it wasn't her?? I don't know if there were severe injuries to her face, and she probably had a lot of tubes and such attached to her. It's just so creepy! Not that I am critical of either family...just in total shock. This story really rocked me. All day long it's been sort of haunting me. How these 2 familes must feel. One who had a funeral and has been mourning the loss of their daughter, sister, friend, etc. And the other who has been caring for & nurturing a stranger while their daughter was dead and buried. I just can't imagine it.
The worst thing I've found about all this is that Laura's family has been keeping a blog. They had been posting about her progress for the last month as they sat with her in the hospital. Only it wasn't her. And all those memories were with someone else's child. Here is the post after they learned the truth: http://lauravanryn.blogspot.com/2006/05/wednesday-may-31-2006-100-pm.html
Clearly these people are religious, and their beliefs seem to be giving them comfort. Which, at this point, anything that gives them comfort is fine with me! (Like, even if they turned to heroin, I'd be like "Rock on with the heroin!" ya know?) How on earth does anyone deal with this?? This is even worse than the mistake that was made with the death of the miners in WV last year, ya know? That only went on for a few hours. This went on for weeks! And the way the mix up was discovered was that when the girl started coming out of the coma & speaking, she didn't seem like Laura. Of course, eventually she said she was Whitney...but before that they checked dental records. Personally, I'm gonna get a tatoo! I'm scared the death of needles...but this is definitely worse.
I know this has been kind of rambling, but this story just wont get out of my mind, ya know? Feel free to leave random, astonished comments.
When I heard this story, I thought I was watching soapnet or something! I mean, seriously, how could this happen? The 2 girls do look very much a like: similar build, same hair color, etc. But how could Laura's family sat next to this comatose girl for 5 weeks and not know it wasn't her?? I don't know if there were severe injuries to her face, and she probably had a lot of tubes and such attached to her. It's just so creepy! Not that I am critical of either family...just in total shock. This story really rocked me. All day long it's been sort of haunting me. How these 2 familes must feel. One who had a funeral and has been mourning the loss of their daughter, sister, friend, etc. And the other who has been caring for & nurturing a stranger while their daughter was dead and buried. I just can't imagine it.
The worst thing I've found about all this is that Laura's family has been keeping a blog. They had been posting about her progress for the last month as they sat with her in the hospital. Only it wasn't her. And all those memories were with someone else's child. Here is the post after they learned the truth: http://lauravanryn.blogspot.com/2006/05/wednesday-may-31-2006-100-pm.html
Clearly these people are religious, and their beliefs seem to be giving them comfort. Which, at this point, anything that gives them comfort is fine with me! (Like, even if they turned to heroin, I'd be like "Rock on with the heroin!" ya know?) How on earth does anyone deal with this?? This is even worse than the mistake that was made with the death of the miners in WV last year, ya know? That only went on for a few hours. This went on for weeks! And the way the mix up was discovered was that when the girl started coming out of the coma & speaking, she didn't seem like Laura. Of course, eventually she said she was Whitney...but before that they checked dental records. Personally, I'm gonna get a tatoo! I'm scared the death of needles...but this is definitely worse.
I know this has been kind of rambling, but this story just wont get out of my mind, ya know? Feel free to leave random, astonished comments.
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