Today

So I'm supposed to go to go see K tomorrow. He was supposed to be closing on his new house today - that didn't work out so well. Actually, I dunno, it could be happening right now. Except that, if it was, that would be good news & he probably would have called me with good news. I haven't heard from him in over 2 hours, so I can't imagine it's good news.

The problem is, that if he doesn't close on the house today he'll have to wait until Monday & I will have no place to stay until then, so we'll have to get a hotel room. Honestly, I am fine with that. I would just put it on my mom's credit card & pay her back later. But, he won't let me do that, he'll want to pay. And I don't want him to pay because he has been spending a lot of money lately and I really don't think he can afford that right now. Luckily, hotels in the area are really cheap so it won't be so bad, but still...

The only good thing, is that he has been so good with me today. I mean, he's of course really pissed & frustrated because the lawyers and brokers screwed things up. So, he's swearing and yelling and everything & then in the middle of a sentence he stops & in the sweetest voice says "But I love you." He did that like 3 times in 20 minutes. It was really sweet. He wants me to know that he's not mad at me, ya know? And I think that's probably why he hasn't called, cuzz he doesnt want to take his anger out on me, which is a huge step in the right direction. Anyone who knows him knows that he has a bit of a temper (sense the sarcasm), and even though I know he's not mad at me, sometimes it's scary to listen to over the phone. In person it's easier actually, I just stand in front of him and say "Stop." It always works, ever since we were kids. He has to look in my eyes and breathe and know that if he doesn't calm down I could get hurt, so he stops. I know it's strange, but that's how I fell in love with him - the 1st time we did that little dance. It made me see inside him. Yeah, he can be scary - he's a big guy and he gets real loud and real angry - but mostly he is just a really amazing person and I can feel his soul just by looking in his eyes. The 1st time I did that I really thought we were connected in an extraordinary way, ya know? Nobody else dared to get that close to him when he was angry, and most people who saw me do it thought I was freakin' nuts, but I didn't think twice. I knew he wouldn't hurt me, and I wanted to stop him from hurting himself by doing something he'd regret. So, I stood in front of him & I didn't move. And he let me. I knew then that it meant something. But we were so young, and when nothing happened by the time we graduated I figured that was that. Who could've guessed that all these years later I'd be standing in front of him again? I can't wait until tomorrow when I actually can. He hasn't felt the stare in a while, I think it'll do him some good. ;-)