Idle Hands

So, I am criminally bored at work. Nothing to do, again. Probably nothing until the 16th. So, I've been playing on the internet - mostly myspace. And in my extra time, I had a fight with K.

Maybe I over-reacted, but really he just hurt my feelings, and then when I told him he was upsetting me, he thought that was funny, and that makes me even more upset. Like, not only is what I'm saying invalid, but what I'm feeling is also invalid. I tried to get off the phone with him before it escalated but he wouldn't. By the time I got off the phone I was holding back tears - still am. He told me to call him back when I'm "over my attitude." I hate when he says that too, like I'm a kid with an attitude problem. It's so strange because nobody else in my life ever treats me like I'm dumb. Most of my friends think I'm pretty smart (at least I think they do), and I rarely get into these ridiculous arguments. But with K, it happens a lot. And I know that sometimes he gets defensive because my education intimidates him. So, sometimes I pretend to be more uninformed than I am so that he doesn't feel so bad. Or sometimes I just point out things related to the topic that I genuinely don't know, so he can teach me. But I always make an extra effort to not make him feel stupid. Yet, for some reason, he has no problem doing it to me. And the worst part is that it's usually with regard to things that I have NO doubt about, things that I know for sure. And that is extra aggravating. And it's just so disrespectful. At least I feel like it is. Of course, he gets spastic when I say he's disrespecting me - because he says that he never tries to do that. But, maybe that's not what you intended, but that is how I FEEL. So, can't you just get that I feel that way and apologize for mistakenly making me feel that way? So, after a bit of debate, he did apologize - but just to shut me up. And I said "Ok, fine then." But then he still told me to call him back, which I hate. So how long do I wait to call him back? Until I'm done being angry? That may not be until tomorrow. I guess I will call him when I get home from work. But, honestly, I still feel like crying. So, I may just call him and say that I'm sorry we argued, but I'm too sad to talk and he can call me later if he feels like it. Put the ball back in his court. Usually when we argue he's the one who calls back, and it's usually not long and everything is fine then. I don't know how men do that: fight and then just move on without really finishing the argument. I've always admired and envied that quality in them. Like men in politics can argue and scream and yell at each other and then go out for a beer and talk about other things. I can't do that. I hold a grudge. If we have a fight, I need to finish the fight, I need to win the fight, or else I can't be civil again. Maybe this is another sign that I should not ever get married. Who knows. I guess I'll find out at 5:30ish if I am even still in a relationship at all.