Soul Mates

BM. I love him. Seriously, more than any other boy I've ever known in my life. But man, does he drive me nuts or what??? Last night we spent 2 hours on the phone, which really isn't unusual for us. We used to do that every weekend...but after 8 years "together" and with my busy law school schedule...we've cut it down to maybe once every other weekend, and we tend to keep to closer to one hour than two (or 3 or 4!).

The 1st part of the conversation was typical: My parents. They are always entertaining. And he really likes to keep on top of the drama. Then I spent about 20 minutes begging him to come to my graduation and keep me safe from them....he laughed at me. Bastard.

Then we moved on to current events. Cheney's got a gun, crazy fag-haters protesting soldier's funerals, crazy fag-haters also hating sweden, the marriage of neo-nazis and KKK in Ohio, trailer trash in the south proudly displaying confederate flags, and how we are going to hell.

Then, it got ugly: the girlfriend. No, I'm kidding...it didn't get ugly. I mean, I seriously have NO problem with his g/f. However, if she were my friend I would slap her and tell her to dump him & move on....she is a bit naive if you ask me....but other than that, I have no problem with her. But I worry that he just doesn't get it, at all. This is really his 1st long term relationship....and it's long distance! They've been together for over a year now (maybe even 2? Dont ask him, he's not counting). He's been living in NC since late August and in that time he has flown to visit her twice & she has come to visit him once....to me that is pretty significant!

Now, I get that neither of them really have much else to do, and that it might simply be that he can't go any longer without sex....but still, I think it probably means something. I mean, he could just be sleeping with someone local, right? It's not like he has trouble picking up women. After all, he is BM....he's practically famous, right? LOL But really, with his preference for white chicks, it's pretty easy to find some hot girl with low self-esteem who would LOVE to use him to freak out her parents....especially now that he lives in the South! But he hasn't done that yet, he's been faithful. Which is good.

But he doesn't love her. He hasn't said it, to her or me. He says he's not ready to go there yet. Now, of course he loves me, I know that & he says it everytime we talk...including when the g/f is there. We both know that it is a totally different situation, and that it has no bearing on his relationship with her....but does she know that? I told him, it probably really hurts her to hear him say that to me. He says "Well, she's never said she loves me either." Duh! She's freakin' terrified that you won't say it back! Moron. She totally loooooooves him! She's a girl. A girl does not date a boy for well over a year & keep it up long distance if she doesn't love him. Trust me.

And of course, there's the marriage issue. I tell him, she wants to marry him, she's thought about their wedding day, what she will name their kids, where they will live, etc. That's how girls work. Girls who want to get married are dating to find the guy they will marry, it just makes sense! If she didn't think she could marry him, she wouldn't be wasting her time. But he doesn't believe me. "Trust me, she's not thinking about things like that." Whatever dude, you are sooooo clueless. And then, I find out this: Her younger sister is getting married in 2 months! So I say "And you're going to the wedding?" And he says....wait for it...."No!!! I'm not stupid!" OMG. So clearly he does know that she has her eyes set on marriage, or there would be nothing to worry about. I said, "If my sis was getting married you'd come to the wedding." He says "That's different." Yeah, I'm sure his g/f would understand....NOT!

He is just SO in denial about this girl. And my only fear is that he is wasting her time, ya know? I told him, if you don't love her you need to let her go. It will break her heart, but better now than in 3 years or whatever. Right?

At around 7 o'clock he tells me she is waiting for him to call her, so I told him to go call her! He says that the basketball game is starting, he wants to watch the game. He says "I always do that to her. I call her & say 'Yeah, um, can we talk later tho? The game is on.'" So I remind him that in 8 years, he has NEVER said that to me. Have I managed to NEVER call him during a game? He says "No. But it's different with you." We talked for another hour. So much for the game, huh?

I guess he's right. It is different with me. He loves me. He doesn't love her. I believe that was my point. Grrrrrrrrrr.