Pain

I've decided to quit smoking - again. It's stopped being fun & started to make me feel like crap again. I guess I'm too old for this shit. My biggest worry is that if I stop smoking I'll start cutting myself again. I don't know why, but I think about it all the time. It's like being hungry, it's just a craving that I can't get away from. I think about the razors sitting idly in my toolbox, I think about where I could hide it that K wouldn't notice, I just can't get it out of my mind. And I think that if I don't have a smoke in my hand, I'll be more likely to put a razor in my hand. It's not the nicotine I'm addicted to, it's the habit. The having something to do with my hands - something to destract my mind. I don't know. All I know is that I need to stop smoking. I'll worry about the other vices as they come.