The Day After Tomorrow

This is it. My last night where I don't have to set an alarm. Yeah, ok, I guess I'll still have weekends and the occasional day off, but this is my last REAL night of freedom. K left this afternoon, around 2. We had a great weekend. On saturday we went to the beach and watched the sunset, and ate at a seafood place on the water. Last night we went to see Eagle Eye, which was a actually a pretty good movie.  The rest of the weekend we spent just relaxing, eating and putting together some furniture. The apartment looks great, my closet is fairly organized and I think I'm feeling ready to start this job. K has been so great, he took such good care of me this weekend. My allergies are still bad and I've been a bit neurotic, but he was totally sweet. He even made this whole speech about what a great month we've had and how much closer we've become. We got to spend a lot of time together during my time off, and it's all been great. So, I think this month was good for me in lots of ways. Well, except of course financially! LOL Yeah, I'm kinda broke. But I'll be okay. Certainly better off than a lot of people in this country right now. So, here I go, making the big jump into private practice. Wish  me luck - hopefully I'll be able to blog again this weekend. 

Yes I Did!

Yep, that's right bitches, I got up close and personal with the one & only Barry O today. And by "up close" I mean as close as I was when I took this picture. And by "personal" I mean that I probably flashed him when I used my shirt to wipe the massive amounts of sweat from my forehead. That's okay, of course, because my boobs are awesome and I'm sure he didn't mind.

I am EXHAUSTED and totally sunburned. My scalp is sunburned. I put sunscreen on, but probably sweated it off in the first hour. The line was INSANE! Worse than super soap weekend at disney. But the crowd was awesome, and it was so great to see so many people in this little podunk town in western florida supporting Obama to this extent. The crowd was SO diverse - old and young, white and black, men and women. Really, it was great. There were only a handful of protestors...seriously like 5 people with McCain signs and one guy with an anti-abortion sign. That's it. I was surprised, I expected there to be more Anti-Obama people than Pro-Obama. I am really glad I went. It was definitely a once in a lifetime opportunity and it made me more hopeful about the election. Unfortunately, it also made me a lobster.

I Can't Sleep

It's 3am. I don't know why I'm awake, but I am. I've been in bed, watching TV and trying to fall asleep for about 3 hours now. I really don't have anything on my mind and I feel fine...I honestly don't know what my problem is. But as long as I'm up, I may as well be up. Maybe I should go do some unpacking/organizing, but I don't feel like putting pants on and I don't like walking around with no pants.

I am supposed to wake up in 5 hrs to go see Obama at a park about 20 miles from here. I think I may be a little tired. I'm still gonna try to go though. I dunno if I'll get in, but I am going to try because I think it's something I should do. This election is scaring the crap out of me. The idea of McCain as president scares me even more than the idea of W as president. In fact, I think if the election were W v. McCain, I would vote for W. I can't imagine why anyone with even half a brain would vote for a republican after living through the last eight years. Even worse are people who lived through Nixon and W and are STILL gonna vote for McCain. Whatever happened to Darwinian selection?? How do these people survive?? Ugh. I dunno. I'm terrified. So, I feel like I should go to this event and participate as much as I can in this election. It may not help my cause, but at least I will feel like I gave it a good college try.

On a completely other note, while wondering around my new apartment in the middle of the night I realized something. I feel safer in this apartment for a pretty odd reason. In my old apartment I could lie in my bed, stare through my bedroom door and directly at the front door of my apartment. As many of you know, one of my PTSD nightmares involves andy coming in through my front door in the middle of the night. These dreams paralyze me. Being able to see the front door made these nightmares more frequent. In my apartment in GA I couldn't see the front door of my apartment from bed, but I could from my couch and I would have the nightmares more often when I fell asleep on my couch. Here, I can't see the front door from my bed or my couch and I haven't had one of those night mares yet. It seems silly, I know. I should feel more safe when I can see the front door, but I don't. It's irrational, but I guess that is what makes it PTSD.

So anyway, I can't sleep. I think I'm gonna get myself a brownie, maybe that will help. I know, more irrationality.

The Last Week of Freedom

I was quite productive today! Finally my bedroom looks like it should. It's a great feeling. I only have a week left of my "vacation", so I need to get my life in order. K will be here this weekend, so he can help me with the finishing touches - mostly things like putting furniture together. I ordered a VERY nice bookshelf for the guest room, and a matching nightstand. They are black with an antique finish, K and my sister both approved. They probably won't get here until next week, which sucks but can't be helped. 

Tomorrow I will do as much with the guest room as I can, so there is room for the new furniture. Then on wednesday I am going to see Obama!! Well, I am gonna try, we'll see if I can get in! Thursday I have a continuing legal education class all day, and on Friday K should be here for our last free weekend together. I'm trying not to be all "dooms day" about starting work, but it's hard. I know my life won't be mine anymore, it won't be free and easy. I just hope I can handle it, and if I can't I hope my next choice is the right one. Ugh. I need chocolate...

Yuck.

When I was a kid I used to believe that I was born with a cold that never went away. Being allergic to everything, that was pretty much true. Eventually, though, I got control of the perpetual cold. Until about 3 months ago, when my allergy medicine was taken away from me. See, I had been on Zyrtec-D for about 5 years. Now, Zyrtec is available OTC, but Zyrtec-D is not available at all anymore. And, yes, there IS a difference. So, basically, the medicine I had come to depend on was just taken away from me with little notice and no options.

I was doing okay, really, until moving day. Then my allergies returned with a vengeance. The day we moved my eyes were so bad I could barely see & my nose was bleeding. We hoped it was an extraordinary reaction to extraordinary circumstances - lots of dust & cleaning products. Unfortunately, my "attack" has lasted two full weeks. By yesterday I was barely breathing. It was awful. Because yesterday was the first day I didn't have a house guest, I was able to fully drug myself. I took benedryl and  slept all day, and today I felt a bit better. The problem is, I just don't know what I will do when I start work. I can't take benedryl...I will be a zombie! Honestly, all the OTC allergy meds either knock me out or have no effect. So, once my new health insurance starts I will need to find a new doc ASAP and see what can be done. Until then, I will be sniffling like a coke addict and carrying around a box of kleenex. Yeah, I'm hot.

Self-Indulgence

So I've been pretty self-indulgent this past week. Napping, eating out, watching TV and just being generally lazy. It's been awesome. I feel so happy right now! I mean, not that I haven't been happy....but this is just a light, satisfied, unburdened feeling. It's really great. The new apartment is really great. My mom will be here on saturday, and when she gets here we will start exploring the area a bit. I need to get a map today so I can start getting a better feel for the "big picture", particularly figuring out where the closest beaches are!!!

Yeah, so things are good, I'm gonna get back to being lazy!

All Moved In

So, we survived the move! It went pretty well, however the movers did do some damage to my furniture, but not NEARLY as bad as last time. Hopefully the insurance will take care of it without a problem. So, here's the recap:

K got here thursday night. Friday we spent most of the day packing. The movers showed up on Saturday morning and the move took a full 8 hours. I was REALLY tired, so K drove from Orlando to Tampa and I slept in the car. That was awesome. Saturday night we went out and bought ceiling fans and new shower heads and then came home and passed out! Sunday we had to go back to Orlando to clean the old place and turn in the keys. We also had lunch with friends and met up with K's friend AJ. AJ drives a truck for the same company that K does, so he decided to take a few days off too and help us out. We brought him back to Tampa with us and he has been a HUGE help! He helped K put up the ceiling fans and shower heads and has helped with the packing and cleaning. They will probably be here until Wednesday morning.

Anyway, so things are going very well. I think we will be happy here for a while. Right now, everyone is asleep, and I think I will join them!! Good night!!

Does anyone else hear that noise?????

Well, things are moving along. I spent most of today packing, but I wasn't too productive because they were putting new carpet into the apartment above me, which was soooooooooo loud it almost gave me a nervous breakdown! There were here for TEN HOURS! I left for lunch, but I couldn't leave for the whole day because I have a lot of stuff to do! Ugh. It sucked. I have a HORRIBLE headache now. But I took an aleve and a xanax, so hopefully I will feel better in the morning.

K will be here tomorrow night, which makes me SO happy!!! He can help me all day friday, so surely everything will be set for the movers on saturday. Woot! I really can't wait to see him. I'm so excited for us to make this move together, ya know? He has been so sweet and supportive the last few weeks. I really am pretty lucky. We also had a really good talk yesterday which made me feel even better about us. Not that I was having any real issues, but still it's nice to know how he feels once in a while.

I have SOOOOO much trash to get rid of! I wish I had a pick up truck! I know I could rent one from Home Depot, but it's not that serious. Just annoying. Really most of the packing is done, it just seems like a big mess so it's hard to see my progress! Tomorrow I am having lunch with a friend from work, so that will be nice. Then I will come home and pack some more!!! Yes, this is getting a bit repetitive.

Treasure Hunting

One of the best parts of packing up my life is finding stuff I forgot I had. Pictures, letters, all kinds of things! Today I found an essay I wrote. I think it may have been an early draft of my law school admissions essay. It's not complete, and I don't think it even remotely resembles the essay I ended up with. But, I did find a phrase in there, that I wrote, and that I find to be quite quotable:

"I have to live my life like I am going to live forever, I only have to love like I am going to die tomorrow."

Nice, right? I like it! And it really is true. Living like you will die tomorrow sounds fun, but it's incredibly irresponsible. And if you don't die tomorrow, the fun (and the money) run out fast. This is the lesson I learned when I was 20 years old. That I had to prepare for the future, because it would give me the freedom to enjoy today. It may sound obvious, but to me it was an important discovery. It meant I started protecting my body, my reputation and my money. And look how well that worked for me??!!

I really like most of this essay draft, so I think I will keep it! Put it in my memory box...which is quickly turning in to many many memory boxes!!