Sometimes I wish I could just erase my brain and start over. I have a huge problem re-living things and continuing arguments in my head long after they are over in reality. Today I had a HUGE argument with the people in my leasing office. Ridiculous. I am still arguing it in my head, and I probably will be tomorrow too. The funny thing is that it is not a big deal really, but still, I just won't be able to push it out of my head. Freakin' annoying. It really would be nice to just go in and zap a whole bunch of memories that I don't need anymore. I have a list of about 6,000 of them!
In other news, K survived his 1st flight in 15 years today! Except, he may be banned from Airtran. Apparently he snored the ENTIRE flight from Atlanta to Buffalo, and woke himself up snoring just before landing! LOL I guess the guy next to him was glaring at him hardcore when he woke up.
Thursday, February 28, 2008
Monday, February 25, 2008
Some Minor Adjustments
To all those who asked, yes today was much better. Thanks again for the concern! I only cried once today, and that was while I was telling my friends about how I was crying all weekend. Also, my trial was cancelled so my day was a lot easier than anticipated. So, it's time to move on from the sadness and look toward the future.
There were two central themes to my hysterics this weekend: (1) how much I hate sex and (2) how fat I am.
Number one is played out on here, so don't worry, I'm not getting into that again.
Number two, however, deserved some attention. So, K and I came up with a plan. From now on, no phone calls except on Wednesdays & the weekends. That means I won't talk to anyone: not even mom & sis, except on those days. That way I can get back into a routine of working out, and maybe be less tired.
Today, was day one. And I did very well. I came home, ate dinner & went to the gym. Unfortunately there were these DISGUSTING and kinda scary guys there. But that's okay, the only thing I use the gym for is the treadmill, and the weather was good so I just walked outside instead. This would have been perfect except that one of the people in my apartment complex had an oven fire, so I ended up walking smack into a wall of smoke half way through a lap. But still, I did it. I walked for 20 mins and did Core Secrets for 25 mins. That was the plan, so I'm glad. I took a shower, got all ready for work tomorrow and it's not even 8 yet! Yay! So this will work just fine. Tomorrow if the weather is good I will avoid the gym all together. Yuck, I hate creepy guys.
There were two central themes to my hysterics this weekend: (1) how much I hate sex and (2) how fat I am.
Number one is played out on here, so don't worry, I'm not getting into that again.
Number two, however, deserved some attention. So, K and I came up with a plan. From now on, no phone calls except on Wednesdays & the weekends. That means I won't talk to anyone: not even mom & sis, except on those days. That way I can get back into a routine of working out, and maybe be less tired.
Today, was day one. And I did very well. I came home, ate dinner & went to the gym. Unfortunately there were these DISGUSTING and kinda scary guys there. But that's okay, the only thing I use the gym for is the treadmill, and the weather was good so I just walked outside instead. This would have been perfect except that one of the people in my apartment complex had an oven fire, so I ended up walking smack into a wall of smoke half way through a lap. But still, I did it. I walked for 20 mins and did Core Secrets for 25 mins. That was the plan, so I'm glad. I took a shower, got all ready for work tomorrow and it's not even 8 yet! Yay! So this will work just fine. Tomorrow if the weather is good I will avoid the gym all together. Yuck, I hate creepy guys.
Sunday, February 24, 2008
All Cried Out? Not Quite.
This was a terrible weekend. I literally cried for 2 days. I stopped for bits to talk to my mom, sister and my friend A. I tried to work out both days, but I ended up sobbing on the treadmill and I had to leave. I tried to go grocery shopping, but I was crying hysterically before I even pulled into the parking lot. Both days I came up with reasons for my sadness, but I don't think they were real. I think this was just a horrible, crushing episode of PMS depression. I mean, HORRIBLE. On saturday I took a xanax cuz I was afraid I would hurt myself if I was awake. On sunday, K was in town. Seeing him for a few hours made me feel a little bit better. Of course, we fought a lot over the weekend. But seeing him and hugging him made that fade away. Sometimes I think he must be insane to keep me in his life. I said some really awful things to him this weekend. I just hope I can make it through work tomorrow, I have a trial. Honestly, I have just had tears running down my face at all odd times this weekend...and in court that would not go so well. Maybe I can just pretend that cocaine sales make me REALLY emotional?? I dunno. Keep your fingers crossed for me and my craziness.
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
Played Out
I have 4 radio stations programmed in my car. Today, at 5:28 p.m., three of them were playing "Tatoo" by Jordin Sparks. I thought I was in the twilight zone.
Apartment Hunting, etc.
All right, well I survived the weekend. I won't get into all the details, but I will say things were a bit rocky until yesterday. Finally K realized that he has been a bit, um, difficult lately. So we ended the weekend on a high note.
We definitely did some fighting on Friday & Sunday - though Saturday we got along well for our apartment hunting trip. Probably because things went really well and I actually found a place to live! Yay! Best part = I will have a screened in porch! Love it! Also, I will be living within walking distance of a mall! Yep, life is good. Of course, I don't want to get too comfortable, there is always a chance this place won't have something available for me. But for now, it looks good. The rent is about the same as I am paying now, so that is GREAT!
Anyway, so we had a fun little adventure to the west, did some exploring, and then came home and crashed. I barely even remember what we did on sunday, but then yesterday we had LOTS of fun! We went to the Home Depot Expo store & the Exotic Car Gallery. Then we ate dinner at Red Lobster which makes me SO happy! (Yes, I have very low standards.) We had lots of laughs and were very impressed by the little handheld credit card machine that RL brings to your table. K almost took it home with us!
So, like I said, things are better all around. K & I are good, and I feel much better feeling like I will have a nice place to live in Tampa. Now I just need a very good sleep tonite to recover from it all!
We definitely did some fighting on Friday & Sunday - though Saturday we got along well for our apartment hunting trip. Probably because things went really well and I actually found a place to live! Yay! Best part = I will have a screened in porch! Love it! Also, I will be living within walking distance of a mall! Yep, life is good. Of course, I don't want to get too comfortable, there is always a chance this place won't have something available for me. But for now, it looks good. The rent is about the same as I am paying now, so that is GREAT!
Anyway, so we had a fun little adventure to the west, did some exploring, and then came home and crashed. I barely even remember what we did on sunday, but then yesterday we had LOTS of fun! We went to the Home Depot Expo store & the Exotic Car Gallery. Then we ate dinner at Red Lobster which makes me SO happy! (Yes, I have very low standards.) We had lots of laughs and were very impressed by the little handheld credit card machine that RL brings to your table. K almost took it home with us!
So, like I said, things are better all around. K & I are good, and I feel much better feeling like I will have a nice place to live in Tampa. Now I just need a very good sleep tonite to recover from it all!
Thursday, February 14, 2008
Really?
There is no doubt that being a good trial lawyer is difficult. After working in this courthouse for the last 18 months, I have seen some really good lawyers and some really bad ones. The one thing that most of the bad ones have in common is that they are too nitpicky. In their attempts to make a witness look foolish, they make themselves (and consequently their clients) look like fools. Here is one example from yesterday:
"You said that when you found out that your new business was being relocated, you told a freind that it was your 'worst nightmare', is that correct?"
"Yes."
"Was it a worse nightmare than a death in your family?"
"No."
"Was it a worse nightmare than getting in a car accident and losing your leg?"
"No."
"Was it a worse nightmare than being diagnosed with cancer?"
"No."
"Well then why would you say it was your 'worst nightmare'?"
"It's a figure of speech, Mr. ____. I didn't mean it literally."
Seriously, did this attorney actually think he would discredit this woman with these questions? That the jury would think "Oh my! She lied when she said worst nightmare! She's a liar! Defendant wins!" Instead, I believe, the jurors are thinking "What a douchebag! Has he never heard of hyperbole? Where'd this guy go to law school???"
Just my personal opinion though. Maybe these jurors really believe people who say they are so hungry they could eat a horse. Maybe one or two of them have actually eaten a horse themselves. I dare say, witnessing such a thing might very well be my worst nightmare - well except for the whole losing my leg thing, that would suck too.
"You said that when you found out that your new business was being relocated, you told a freind that it was your 'worst nightmare', is that correct?"
"Yes."
"Was it a worse nightmare than a death in your family?"
"No."
"Was it a worse nightmare than getting in a car accident and losing your leg?"
"No."
"Was it a worse nightmare than being diagnosed with cancer?"
"No."
"Well then why would you say it was your 'worst nightmare'?"
"It's a figure of speech, Mr. ____. I didn't mean it literally."
Seriously, did this attorney actually think he would discredit this woman with these questions? That the jury would think "Oh my! She lied when she said worst nightmare! She's a liar! Defendant wins!" Instead, I believe, the jurors are thinking "What a douchebag! Has he never heard of hyperbole? Where'd this guy go to law school???"
Just my personal opinion though. Maybe these jurors really believe people who say they are so hungry they could eat a horse. Maybe one or two of them have actually eaten a horse themselves. I dare say, witnessing such a thing might very well be my worst nightmare - well except for the whole losing my leg thing, that would suck too.
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
Not Happy
I know some of you have already heard this whining, but, I'm not done yet & this is my blog so DEAL!
K is on his way here. He was in Pennsylvania yesterday & could not find a load to bring him down here. I told him then to just take whatever he can find & don't worry about coming down here. I mean, I never asked him to come down here this weekend, it was all his idea, so if he can't make it - NBD. So today he calls me and says he found a load coming to Jax. It's only about a dollar mile (which is REALLY bad) and it's 42,000 pounds (which is REALLY heavy & thus uses more fuel). I say "Well, don't take that one, that will just cost you money." But, no, he took it. So now he is on his way, practically losing money, and then he is gonna take 4 days off to stay here. Which means his next pay check will be VERY shitty. He has to pay his mortgage on friday and he still owes his real estate taxes, so he can't afford a shitty paycheck. Which means he will be bitchy. Which just adds to my apprehension about him coming here in the 1st place.
We have been fighting for 2 weeks, pretty much constantly, and when I think about him being in my home this weekend it makes me uncomfortable. Like he's a stranger. I mean, we fight and talk about it & I guess we make up - but it still doesn't feel resolved. So I just feel very distant from him. He hasn't felt like my buddy lately at all. Usually when I hear something interesting or funny, the 1st thing I think to do is call him & tell him. But not lately. Lately I just call him, "check in" and hang up. We barely have conversations at all anymore. I know a lot of it is because I am so tired lately, and I'm not sure why I'm so tired, I just know I am. And the tiredness makes me a lot more sensitive to annoyances.
Anyway, the point is that I am not looking forward to this weekend. And to top it all off, I will probably have to have sex...don't even get me started...
K is on his way here. He was in Pennsylvania yesterday & could not find a load to bring him down here. I told him then to just take whatever he can find & don't worry about coming down here. I mean, I never asked him to come down here this weekend, it was all his idea, so if he can't make it - NBD. So today he calls me and says he found a load coming to Jax. It's only about a dollar mile (which is REALLY bad) and it's 42,000 pounds (which is REALLY heavy & thus uses more fuel). I say "Well, don't take that one, that will just cost you money." But, no, he took it. So now he is on his way, practically losing money, and then he is gonna take 4 days off to stay here. Which means his next pay check will be VERY shitty. He has to pay his mortgage on friday and he still owes his real estate taxes, so he can't afford a shitty paycheck. Which means he will be bitchy. Which just adds to my apprehension about him coming here in the 1st place.
We have been fighting for 2 weeks, pretty much constantly, and when I think about him being in my home this weekend it makes me uncomfortable. Like he's a stranger. I mean, we fight and talk about it & I guess we make up - but it still doesn't feel resolved. So I just feel very distant from him. He hasn't felt like my buddy lately at all. Usually when I hear something interesting or funny, the 1st thing I think to do is call him & tell him. But not lately. Lately I just call him, "check in" and hang up. We barely have conversations at all anymore. I know a lot of it is because I am so tired lately, and I'm not sure why I'm so tired, I just know I am. And the tiredness makes me a lot more sensitive to annoyances.
Anyway, the point is that I am not looking forward to this weekend. And to top it all off, I will probably have to have sex...don't even get me started...
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