Not Happy

I know some of you have already heard this whining, but, I'm not done yet & this is my blog so DEAL!

K is on his way here. He was in Pennsylvania yesterday & could not find a load to bring him down here. I told him then to just take whatever he can find & don't worry about coming down here. I mean, I never asked him to come down here this weekend, it was all his idea, so if he can't make it - NBD. So today he calls me and says he found a load coming to Jax. It's only about a dollar mile (which is REALLY bad) and it's 42,000 pounds (which is REALLY heavy & thus uses more fuel). I say "Well, don't take that one, that will just cost you money." But, no, he took it. So now he is on his way, practically losing money, and then he is gonna take 4 days off to stay here. Which means his next pay check will be VERY shitty. He has to pay his mortgage on friday and he still owes his real estate taxes, so he can't afford a shitty paycheck. Which means he will be bitchy. Which just adds to my apprehension about him coming here in the 1st place.

We have been fighting for 2 weeks, pretty much constantly, and when I think about him being in my home this weekend it makes me uncomfortable. Like he's a stranger. I mean, we fight and talk about it & I guess we make up - but it still doesn't feel resolved. So I just feel very distant from him. He hasn't felt like my buddy lately at all. Usually when I hear something interesting or funny, the 1st thing I think to do is call him & tell him. But not lately. Lately I just call him, "check in" and hang up. We barely have conversations at all anymore. I know a lot of it is because I am so tired lately, and I'm not sure why I'm so tired, I just know I am. And the tiredness makes me a lot more sensitive to annoyances.

Anyway, the point is that I am not looking forward to this weekend. And to top it all off, I will probably have to have sex...don't even get me started...