Family Ties

Those of you who know me, know that I really only have one side to my family: my mother's side. On that side, I am the second oldest of seven cousins. However, a few years ago, I became one of eleven. This is because my uncle moved in with his girlfriend, and she has 4 kids. These kids have a father and families from both their biological parents, however, for some unknown reason, my grandparents decided to practically adopt them. In fact, my grandparents bonded with them more than they ever did with me or my sister. True, my sister and I have always been the black-sheep of the family - I always thought it was because of my father, but now I think it was because of my mom. The extra "cousins" have been strange additions to the family, mostly because they seem more a part of the family than I feel. But still, I welcomed them in open arms. But recently, the bitterness is increasing. First of all, at Christmas, my grandparents gave us each $50, we usually get $100. But this year, not only did they give money to the 4 new kids, but they gave money to the boyfriends of the two oldest girls! WTF? This is the boyfriend of your son's live-in girlfriend's daughter - how on EARTH does he rank with your own grandkids? I know this sounds greedy, but its more the principal of it. Then, last month, my mom tried to plan a celebration for my grandfather's 85th birthday. My uncle, however, said he was unable to participate because he couldn't afford to take all 6 kids out to dinner. Honestly, my mom intended this to be a grown-ups only event - a nice dinner at a nice restaurant. But my uncle put his girlfriend's kids over his own father. All the siblings were pissed. Today, however, was the last straw for my mom. She went to visit my grandparents and my grandmother informed her that she would no longer be giving birthday gifts to the grandkids with jobs. So, me, Keith, Jordan and Kate are out of luck. My grandmother said "also Danielle, because she has a job too." Well, Danielle is NOT a grandkid! She is one of the new ones! So, her 3 siblings will get gifts, but the four oldest REAL grandkids will not. The worst of all of this is Kate - her maternal grandfather just died last week and now her paternal grandparents are deserting her on her birthday. Although, she doesn't know it yet, she'll probably find out in August, just before she turns 24. Now, I know this all sounds petty and like we are spoiled whiny brats. And it's not that. Yes, I will miss the $50, but really it's just about more than that. Every year I get a card and a check from my grandparents and every year I call and thank them and tell them what I will use it for, but no more. And it just irks me that these three practical strangers are more important than I am to them. They'd rather hurt my mom and I, than those kids. Personally, I think your kids are always your kids - no matter how old they get. And same with your grandkids. It's one thing if they couldn't afford it, but that's not the case. It's just that they don't think of us as "the kids" anymore, and they think their obligation is done. And truly, they never had an obligation, and I'm sorry they felt like they did. But every year I lose more of my illusion of family, and every year it makes me wish I had lost it earlier.