6/13/00

My beauty, shadowed
My innocence, broken
The sun
Streamed thru bars
Bounced off windows
I waited
Concentrated on the beauty
Tried to ignore
The obvious
His hands
Were wrapped around my wrists
I wondered how he could
Balance
Afraid he would fall
And crush me
That I would be nothing
When he was done
I heard voices
Tears
Of those I loved
As they watched
Helplessly
I thought of the playground
My cousin’s soccer game
The places I should be
Instead of here
I was afraid the blood
Would stain
That someone would notice
And I’d need a reason
I tried to find a reason
I could see the lawn
Was overgrown
That was his chore
He hadn’t done it today
He had other things on his mind
Taking up his agenda
Me
And as he felt me relaxing
Giving in
I felt him slowing
I heard noises from his mouth
I’d never heard before
I wanted to kiss him
To make them stop
I wanted my choice back
The chance to say “yes”
So there wouldn’t be a fight
The chance to be prepared
But I’d lost
Chose the wrong door
And I felt my life
Seeping out of me
I knew for sure
I had lost my freedom
I bought myself a room
With no doors or windows
Or clean air
A room
Which no one would be willing
To save me from
A room with no beautyAnd no choices