The last 2 nights I have been hanging out with people I went to high school with...actually Tuesday too, so 3 out of the last 4 nights. Some of them are people I stayed in regular contact with, like S, some I saw last Xmas, and some I haven't seen for many years! I have to say it has been interesting. Everyone is doing fine, no big juicy revelations or anything. It's just a weird feeling being around these people again. The major thing I find myself thinking about is what these people will say about me when they go home. I try to be very realistic about myself, I definitely recognize that I have flaws. Altho, most of them are things I know other people see as flaws, but I see as positive attributes. Anyhoo...I think that most people would complain about my ego. I suppose they would say things like "She always has to be the center of attention." or "She thinks she's so smart/special/perfect." or maybe "She's total white trash." and probably "She's gained a lot of weight." But still, those are only guesses. I really wish I knew. Not that I would change my behavior...but I'm just curious. Ya know? Hey, if any of you know what people say when I leave the room, let me know! I promise I won't be mad!! I actually am interested, in a sociological-experiment kind of way.
The one thing I did feel these past couple nights is total freedom. These are people that I know. The good, the bad, the ugly....we know tons about each other. So, not only can I totally be myself, I know exactly what to expect from them. I pretty much know who I can trust & to what extent, and how they will behave & talk, etc. True we have changed in the last 10 years, but our cores are still the same...they always will be. It's hard for me sometimes because people that I have met since I went away to college don't think of me as a "fun" person...but I really am. I know I don't drink & I go to bed early most days...but I am completely capable of being the life of the party. I used to go to clubs & parties all the time, I would dance & be crazy, and sometimes take some clothes off...I just did it all sober. But once I went away to college I had to work hard, and I didn't like being around a lot of drinking, so I got this reputation as a quiet, stay-at-home, anti-social, nerd. But these people, my high school friends, they have no problem seeing me act silly, because that's how they remember me. And that was really great. So both yesterday & today I stayed out until 2am, acted silly, and laughed a lot. It was fun. I'm really glad that I did it, and I may do it again tomorrow night to ring in the new year!!
Happy 2006 Everybody!!
5 comments:
I often wonder what people say when I'm not around too. I don't lose any sleep or reach to the bottom of a bottle over it, but I wonder. Sometimes I hear what So and So said and it's usually what I expected. I try to act like I don't care, but I do and I think that most do also.
If it helps any I always thought you where a nerd not just when you went to college, but I still love you and all your nerdiness (if that's even a word, and if it is I know I've spelled it wrong). Your nerdiness has had a huge impact on my life from the music I listen to lately to my own collegiate career and I thank you for it even if I don't say it.
I know YOU thought I was a nerd, Mr. Too-Cool-For-School! Although, I do remember a us having a couple of great nights of dancing, and at least one really great party....I recall a utility room in a basement, and a pool table, and Sean Greico calling me a whore! LOL I was wondering, on this New Year's Eve, if you remember our New Year's Eve? It was our last night together.
It's definitely a weird feeling hanging out with all these HS people. I enjoyed it, but it made me a little nervous. Mostly because I'm thinking of how I acted in HS (...oh, SUCH a dork...), which is the image that these people have of me - and not necessarily who I am 8 years later. Ugh, S remembered making me cry. What a great memory to leave with people! :P FWIW I don't think anyone would make cracks about you before or after you were there, unlike another person we were with. I hope to hell no one was talking about me other than to say how awesome I am now. ;)
I have this irrational desire to appear extremely hip, fun, cool, whatever - like I've remade myself into the coolest person ever. But then I remember how I like who I am, even it much is still a work in progress, and that as long as you like yourself, you will project a positive attitude which people will like you for. And if they don't, well, then, they can just suck it.
The eternal optimist in me truly hopes that everyone has matured since HS and that they aren't judgemental pricks about their former classmates. Everyone gets fat after HS anyway! The goal is to be thin at the reunion - We shall both be svelte by 2008. <3
Well, if it helps, I am totally impressed with Schmoe: 8 years later! LOL I can tell that you are much more confident and happy and relaxed than in HS, which is great! And when I told people you were coming over nobody said anything about you being nerdy, so I doubt people think of you that way! And don't worry about S, I remember when a girl made him cry too!!! I really think he was more worried about what a dick he was, than that you cried! Luckily, he is less of a dick now...well, sort of ;-)
And I remain completely impressed that you are in law school. That is amazing! You are still my talkative, friendly, outgoing Schmoe with a big brain. :)
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