Empty Rituals

Today started with Judge G's memorial service. It was funny, sad and strange. Two Judges spoke, and so did 2 of his former clerks. They all told funny stories about him, and they all said what a great guy he was and how much he loved life and his wife and his kids. They called him intellectual and inspirational. It was all very nice. The most impressive stuff to me is that everyone talked about how much he loved his wife. It's hard for me to think that anyone who has been married more than 10 or 15 years still loves their spouse. But it seems to be agreed that Judge G adored his wife to the very end. It made me think about what I would say if I was up there – not for Judge G, but for my judge or even someone in my family. I thought it was odd that nobody in the judge’s family spoke today, but I guess they talked last month at the funeral – which I heard was more upbeat. I felt bad for them that they had to go through all of this again, they all seemed very heartbroken.

Of course, as usual, I can't go to any kind of religious event without getting at least a chuckle. The funniest thing today was a bible passage they read that said stuff like "There is a time for love & a time for hate, a time for war & a time for peace..." Other than the fact that it made me want to sing ("For everything turn turn, there is a season turn turn..."), I had to hold back laughter at this line:

"A time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing."

WTF? God couldn't be anymore eloquent than THAT? I dunno, maybe it sounds less silly in the original language, whatever that is. And yes, I know "god" didn't even allegedly write the bible, but still, someone sits down to write some godly shit they should be more eloquent than that. Might I suggest:

"A time to embrace and a time to let go"?

Also, the beginning of the ceremony was pretty corny. The minister said something like "J knew Jesus, and he is celebrating with Jesus now." Which conjures an image of Judge G sitting on a cloud with Jesus drinking and stuff with a lot of yellow glowing stuff - very monty python. But also, it just sounds so silly. He knew Jesus? Did they do lunch? I dunno. It's so hard for me to grasp religious belief. I can't believe that the rest of the people in that church didn't think every word was ridiculous. I mean, not the personal stuff about him - just the god and jesus stuff. It is so hard for me to believe that people think all of that is somehow real. I know this offends people, so I try to behave myself and stand and sit and kneel at all the right times. But still, I feel like we are all being punk'd. Like nobody really buys this shit - right? Nobody really thinks that you die and go hang out with some high holy dudes and laugh and be merry, right? But, people do really think that. A lot of people. So, I just have to accept that, bite my tongue, and then call my mom and enjoy the absurdity with her (and of course, blog about it). Not that I don't respect religion and faith and all that, it's just hard for me to know how it feels I guess. Plus, I saw so much hypocrisy growing up that it is hard for me to take christianity seriously.

Back in 2001 I visited my mom's cousin JP, who is one of those ignorant, arrogant people who thinks she knows everything, even though she has never read anything more substantive than a romance novel. We were talking about archaeology (sp?) and I was saying that I think it should be illegal to dig up tombs and graves. We were talking about the egyptian tombs in particular. Those people believed that they needed their tombs to be a certain way to preserve their comforts in the afterlife. They were very particular and purposeful about it. And, if they were right, then we could be fucking up their afterlife. And she said, with 100% conviction, "They weren't right!" Well, how does she know? How does anyone know? Everyone has their own idea of what happens when we die - and someone somewhere could be right. Who are we to say that the ancient egyptians were wrong? We have so much respect for their accomplishments in other areas, but we laugh off their religious beliefs. They have just as much chance of being right as anyone else. It's not like we have proof that they were wrong.

I guess I should use my passion for defending ancient egyptians to help me understand modern christian faith. Truly though, it's not that I don't understand the belief in something other worldly. It's more that I find the human rituals absurd. The fact that a group of people, who most likely all live very different lives and believe completely different things 6 days a week, get together each week, stand up and sit down at all the right times, repeat back phrases with no thought or passion, and think that they are saving their souls. I guess it's like I've seen behind the curtain and I know the wizard isn't real when it comes to christianity. So much of it is about talking the talk, rather than walking the walk. Like, it's okay if you beat your wife, and get off on rape porn, as long as you sing a hymn every sunday and stand up and sit down at the right time. If that is what god is all about, is he really worth worshipping?

Anyway...that's what I have been thinking about today. BTW, my father's mother is officially in the ground - as of yesterday. All done.