Had A Bad Day

So, since 7am today I have consumed the following things:

3 sips of Orange juice
A granola bar
8 oz of Water
1 slice of wheat bread with Nutella
1/2 a can of orange soda
1 small piece of cake

Why, you may ask, have I eaten so little today? Pretty much because I have been quietly suffering through a panic attack since about 5am. This means I am nauseuos, my heart is pounding, and my vision is not completely clear. Not to mention the truly awful thoughts in my head and the nagging feeling that my heart is utterly broken. But, I bet nobody even noticed because I have done a pretty good job of keeping it to myself. I feel though, that my control over the situation is about to end and I will probably cry the whole way home. But that's okay - I need it.

Today's attack was most certainly brought on by a series of nightmares I had last night, which I think were brought on by the nighttime sudafed I took to help me fall asleep. I thought I would feel better after I got to work - nope. Then I thought maybe after I went home for my lunch break - nope. I called K hoping that he would make me feel better - nope. So now I am debating whether to take a xanax when I get home. I think I should, but last night I didn't really get to talk to my mom or sister because I was drugged, so I want to talk to them tonite. I guess I just have to do that early. I am going to NYC on saturday, so hopefully my brain chemistry will even out by then. I really want to be in top form for my sister, so that we can have an awesome time. So, cross your fingers for no nightmares the next two nights!!!