Lift Your Head Up High And Blow Your Brains Out

K has been so odd lately. On Saturday he was PMSing or something. Telling me how stressed he is and how he has “issues” but wouldn’t tell me what was wrong. So I was like “Well, if you won’t tell me what’s wrong, then stop bitching.” He says “Thanks for caring.” and I said “How can I care when you won’t tell me what’s wrong?” Never mind. He never told me, except to say “Well it’s my mom’s business but it’s kinda my business too cuz they took money out of my account, so it’s my business.” Well, whatever, if you don’t tell me what it is then I can’t help, so don’t bellyache to me, ya know? And now I will just make up a scenario in my head, so if u think u are protecting your mother’s reputation, you are wrong.

Then this morning he calls his tax lady to make an appointment and is pissed that she can’t fit him in on Friday! What does he think? She only has one client? So his appt is on the 29th. So now he doesn’t know if he should go home this weekend, which I guess he wants to do so he can do yard work or something. And he starts talking about how awful his life is and how he just wants to quit but he’s not a quitter. And then he says maybe he should just put a bullet in his head. I said “Okay. Have fun with that.” So then he’s all mad and offended and I don’t care about him, blah blah blah. Well, grow the fuck up! I mean of all the stupid shit, ya know? If you wanted an appt this week, then you should have called a couple weeks ago. It’s not brain surgery. Like, he’s being so lazy and immature and then whining about it. It is so not like him. So he got mad at me this morning and told me to call him when I get home from work - apparently he doesn’t want to talk to me any earlier than that.

I don’t know if he will ever learn that I have no sympathy when he is suffering for his own stupidity, and that I am not going to be conned into proving that I care about him. All of these attempts to guilt me or whatever are totally futile, because I just don’t care. My life is fine without him, I’m not going to beg him to stay or perform on demand to prove things to him. If he doesn’t think I love him then fucking leave, I just don’t need him enough to try to change his mind.