The Wicked Bitch of the Southeast

So, I'm back from my trip. It was not a good weekend. We started fighting on Friday afternoon and pretty much never stopped. Fight No. 1: CJ is a frigid bitch. Fight No. 2: CJ is an anti-social snobby bitch. Fight number one lasted most of the day Friday. So Saturday I spent most of the day hiding out in K's room and watching TV. Then Sunday was fight number two. Monday I left, so there was minimal fighting, although I was pissed at him for being lazy and not getting up to get things done on time, so that I almost missed my plane.

I know he thinks everything is fine now. He tells me he loves me and gives me a kiss and thinks it's all better. But it's not because nothing was resolved. Not to mention, the still lingering issues from 2 weeks ago, that are getting worse not better. For those of you out of the loop, those issues revolve around E, his ex-girlfriend. Honestly, the best way to put it is that I feel like I am the other woman in my own relationship. It seems that he will always put her feelings before mine, and that any pain I feel as a result simply makes me a bitch who doesn't trust him and there is nothing he can do about it. But I don't think I am being unreasonable about this. I don't think I am being a crazy jealous girlfriend. I think I put up with a lot more than most women would, and I am at my limit. And honestly, even if how I feel is unreasonable. It's still how I feel, and I don't want to feel this way forever. My heart is broken.

I want to tell him "It's her or me." But I think he would choose her, even if he said he chose me he would just lie to me about talking to her. So, I think I have to make the choice for him. It makes me incredibly sad to say goodbye to him, but I feel like I am left with no choice. A life with him means a life with her, and I don't want that. Every time we argue, he will use her to punish me and I can't handle that. So, I think my only choice is to leave. I don't know how I will do this, but I am going to try to do it tonite, if he has time to talk to me. I'm not sure if it will be an "I'm breaking up with you" speech or an "I'm going to break up with you unless" speech. I don't know what the unless could be though, because I don't think I would believe him if he said he was getting rid of her. I would need proof and I don't know what that proof could be. He can always call her ahead of time and say "I'm gonna pretend like I am ending our friendship for CJ, but I don't really mean it, just play along." I feel like he has chosen her over me so many times that there is just no getting around that. He wants her in his life forever, regardless of the cost. And I think the cost is losing me. I think he may regret that choice in the end, but I can't force him to see that now. So....I'll let you all know what happens.