Ink Blots

So, as I'm sure everyone knows, the theory behind "inkblot tests" is that our brain inevitably looks for patterns and familiarity in everything we see. So that even a random inkblot will trigger some image in our brain, and whatever we relate the blot to will be something familiar (so that if we see a violent image it's because we are pre-occuppied with violence, etc.). This theory translates to seeing shapes in clouds, filling in missing letters in words, etc.

In my 1st entry, I mentioned that I was "anti-sexual." Since that entry at least 3 people have quoted me wrong...saying I called myself "asexual." I thought this was interesting because it shows how resistant we are to new words and concepts. Even people who say they are open-minded can't combat their brain's natural inclination to hunt for familiarity.....it's like when a suicidal person jumps off a bridge into water, even though they want to die they can't combat the survival instincts of their body and they naturally fight for air.

What is perhaps even stranger is that when I corrected the people who thought I said "asexual" they reacted with things such as, "Oh, that makes more sense!" Which reveals that "anti-sexual" was an adjective they'd expect to be applied to me, and yet they still mis-read the word.

So, to clarify, I am ANTI-sexual. Yes, it means what you think it does. I am against sex. Nobody believes me, and nobody accepts it, which is frustrating. It is frustrating that other people constantly think they know me better than I do. They tell me I don't mean it, or I will change my mind, and I find those remarks really disrespectful. I think I know me better than anyone else, and I have had quite enough sex to determine that I don't ever want to have it again. And I don't see why that is so surprising. In any cost-benefit analysis I can come up with, sex always loses. And nobody thinks it's strange that virgins get married, committing themselves to a life of HAVING sex, never having experienced it before. To me, that is completely insane. You wouldn't buy a car without test driving it, and cars can be sold, returned, and traded in MUCH easier than a spouse (trust me, I'm taking Family Law!). In my case, I at least tried it out before I made my decision. And frankly, a comparison of my life with sex and my life without is like night and day.

I truly think that if more women took the time to look at it all objectively, a good deal of them would agree with me. If women were really honest with themselves, they would realize that most of the sex they have had in their lives fits into one of 2 categories: rape or prostitution. Think about it, how many times have you had sex so he would stay home, or take you out, or pay you attention? How many times because you were afraid of what would happen if you didn't? How many times did you feel like you owed it to him for something he did for you, or something he bought for you, or because he married you? And then don't forget how many relationships in this world are abusive and unequal. Think of men who beat their wives/girlfriends, or terrorize them. Think of all the arranged marriages. Think of all the girls who choose a controlling husband/boyfriend over an abusive homelife. I could go on forever.

So before you judge me, or gloss over the words I use to describe myself and replace them with your own terms, really step outside of yourself and think of all the reasons there are to make the decision I have made. And think of how many women could benefit from the same decision. Sometimes I think the sexual revolution was the worst thing that happened to women, because in making it acceptable to enjoy sex, they made it unacceptable to dislike sex. Well, I am having my own revolution. It has been 5 years since I made my decision, and they have been the best and most successful 5 years of my life. So why is it so hard to understand that I would want that to continue? And, in the words of Forrest Gump, "That's all I have to say about that."