Property Division

I am a HUGE Joan of Arcadia fan. I watch every friday night, and I always find it quite inspiring. Mostly because her experiences bring back so many memories of my past, and I often can put myself in her shoes without any effort at all. For most of the series she has had a relationship with Adam, who up until last week was her boyfriend. He called her "Jane" instead of "Joan" because when he first met her he couldn't remember her real name. It was very cute.

But last week we found out Adam had been cheating on Joan. It was heartbreaking, but of course not surprising. And what really got to me was that when she found out HE cried. Men always do that. They treat you like dirt, lie to you, betray you, make you feel like a fool, and then try to get you to apologize to them. It has happened to me more times than I can count. Every single time a man has hurt me, they have tried to make me feel bad about it, and too many times it worked. So, I was glad that they made the break-up so real, that they didn't leave out the messiness, and they didn't have Joan forgive him. They just showed how evil he was, despite him being artsy, smart, and seemingly deep & romantic.

This week was about their stuff. Joan gave him back his things and vice versa, including gifts. This is the worst. There are still things that my ex-boyfriends' kept (or took back) that I wish I had. Nothing sentimental, just my stuff! Like this CD that my b/f and I had bought together, it's no longer in production so I can't replace it and it was an AWESOME compilation and I've been searching through bins of used CDs for like 6 years now trying to replace it (yes, I have looked on ebay, no luck). I still have some of their clothes, and in my closet at my parents' house I have all the letters any of them ever wrote to me. Sometimes they used our things to hurt me, giving or taking things back simply because it would make me feel more worthless.

This doesn't end after high school. I am taking a Family Law class now and about 90% of the class has been about stuff. The biggest issues are property division, alimony, and child support. Even after all the love is gone, people still know they can hurt each other with stuff, and they do. They use every piece of ammunition they can muster and they fight over every penny: frequent flyer miles, "vested" interests in pension, disability, stocks, businesses. Divorces are crazy, messy, horrible things, it seems that just when you think he can't hurt you anymore, they come up with this: the battle over stuff.

Of course I know better now. I have grown up and I don't let men hurt me anymore. Some say the lesson should be not to put so much value on things, but I disagree. I like my things, they are good and dependable, they are what make me feel at home when I move to a new place, they make my life easier and more colorful, and they remind me of my accomplishments. No man has ever done any of those things for me. It was the men who were the poison, not the stuff. If more people would realize that, we would probably live in a much happier world.

In the end, Joan trades back with Adam, so they end up with what they had when the relationship ended. As long as there are no naked pictures involved, that is probably best. That way, someday, they will come across the stuff and be reminded. He will be reminded of the terrible things he has done, and she will remember the lessons she has learned. As Jack Nicholson would say: "Walk softly and carry an armored tank division."