Politics of the Heart

I had a debate tonight with my roommate about gay marriage. She was excited because she met a gay guy who was also a republican (as is she). She said he was gay & didn't want gay marriage to be legal. Personally, that drives me crazy! There are a lot of people out there working hard for gay equality, and to have gay people fighting against us is extremely frustrating. I can understand that not all gays want to be activists, not all gays want to get married, but I would prefer if they not frustrate the efforts of others. My roommate said she is in favor of civil unions, but that marriage is a religious institution and making gay marriage legal puts pressure on churches to perform gay marriage. That is ridiculous. Churches haven't been pressured to perform marriages for anyone else. Plenty of churches still refuse to marry atheists, divorcees, non-virgins (or at least people with kids out of wedlock), even inter-faith or inter-racial couples. Besides the fact the people get married in synagogues, temples, courthouses, and Vegas drive-thru chapels all the time....without any "church" involved whatsoever.

I could go on about gay marriage for hours, but there was one thing she said that really bothered me. I commented about the 2004 election, and how republicans banked on the hatred & intolerance in this country to get conservatives to the polls, and they won. I said how heartbreaking that was to so many people, including myself. She seemed disgusted at the suggestion and said "I don't think anyone was heartbroken! It's just politics!" I said that I was heartbroken, so theory disproven, but MANY other people were too. People all across the country watched as their neighbors flocked to the polls to vote against their families and their relationships. That is heartbreaking. This country, so divided, was pretty united in saying that gay people were less than there equals, that their relationships didn't deserve recognition, that they were 2nd class citizens. I think there is a HUGE problem in this country. People think that politics aren't personal. I don't see what can be more personal. Conservatives say "gay people" like they are this amorphous group with purple triangles on their foreheads. Wrong. They are people, with names, and faces, and homes, and jobs. These people should not be dismissed. Instead of saying "gays should not get married" put a name in there, of someone you know, say "Jennifer should not get married." Then ask yourself "why?" You've known Jen for a long time. You've spoken to her at the grocery store, or asked her for a cup of sugar, or shared a cup of coffee. She's not contagious, she didn't make you gay. She's always had a girlfriend, and it's never effected your relationship. They don't go at it on the lawn. They are a normal couple with normal routines and adequate self control. So what is the reason to deprive her of the rights you have? Well, if you think of any reasons, go tell her. If you don't have to balls to do that, to go tell her to her face why she doesn't deserve equality, then shut the hell up and get out of her way.

My roommate changed her mind about people being heartbroken over the amendments passed on ballots across the country last year. But she did end her debate by saying "I think it will just take time. And a lot more gay people need to get active." I said, "No, a lot more hetero people need to get active." We all need to remember that this is no different than the civil rights movement. Plenty of whites thought that black people were barbaric, disgusting, or unintelligent back then (some still do today but luckily they are rarely respected). Today, people think that gays are perverts who will destroy children and the fabric of the family. There is no difference. The groups are different but the hate and intolerance are the same. Someday people will look at these days the same way we look at the days of segregation and Jim Crow laws. When that day comes, hetero or not, which side do you want to be on?? Stand up.