Post Mortem

As most of you know, I spend a lot of time investigating death. I also watch a lot of TV, mostly shows with a similar theme. So, the other day I was watching a repeat of Law & Order SVU, it was a murder invgestigation and the suspect was a teenage boy, who looked a lot like Leonardo DiCaprio in his Growing Pains days. The boy showed classic signs of sociopathy, mostly because he tortured & killed animals, so he was a prime suspect. When the cops went to his house and searched his room they were particularly disturbed by his reading collection, all were books about serial killers, true crime, and police investigation. I have every one of the books he did, and thensome. And everytime I watch that episode, I think about that. What my things would say about me to a stranger going thru my stuff. My mother wonders the same thing.

I had a similar thought the other day after the London bombings. Witnesses reported seeing a young man who appeared anxious and was fiddling with a backpack. I can't tell you how many times I've been on a subway behaving anxiously and fiddling with my backpack....at least 4 times a week for 3 months last summer. But that is what made people suspicious after a bombing. Surely, if there had been no bomb, none of those people would have even commented about an anxious young man with a backpack. They wouldn't have told the police, or even their friends or family over dinner. But looking back, they are trying to find someone to blame, and the kid with the backpack gets it. So, I wonder, if the train I was on one morning had been bombed, would anyone in my car have pointed the finger at me? And after inspecting my politics, journal entries, and even my blog, there suspicions would likely be fed.

I always think, when watching shows like Law & Order, CSI, or Homicide, about the interviews they do of the victims families. The families always say things like "Everyone loved her" or "Why would anyone do this to her?" And I wonder, if it were me would my family say that? If they did, it would be a lie. There is a list about 10 miles long of people who hate me, and there is no shortage out their of motives to kill me. Any number of people could think something up, plus there are all the people I piss off in the heat of the moment. The possibilities are endless. (Honestly, I like it that way, it's how I know I'm making an impact.) And I know it's only TV, and in real life bad people get killed more often than good people. But I wonder, if in grief, even the bad people are described as good by those that are left behind. I wonder how many people out there can honestly be described as someone everybody loved. Truthfully, I know a couple of people that I could say that about...but even they have probably pissed people off in their jobs or on the road, they probably have neighbors who are annoyed by them, someone who doesn't "love" them. And on TV, usually it's simply that the family was in the dark, that good little Cathy was a whore on the weekends, or sold ecstasy at parties. I guess just once I'd like to here a mother say "Well, she was a raging bitch...where shall I begin??" If my mom was being honest, that would be her line.

For those of you who are a bit lost, today's theme was retrospection, if that's even a word.

Intuitionally,
CJ