Brotherly Love

Last night I watched, for the millionth time, American History X. If you have not seen this movie: stop reading this, get in your car, and go out & rent or buy this movie RIGHT NOW. It is a movie that every human being should see at least once.

I think I may have written about this movie on my blog before, but oh well, I'm doing it again. It is one of the most amazing movies I have ever seen in my life. On it's face, it's about hate and violence. IMDB describes it as a "crime/drama" but it's much more than that. Deep down it's about love, belonging, and what it means to be the Big Brother/Sister in your family. And it should teach us all something about ourselves.

I don't care who you are, I am willing to bet that when you watch that 1st basketball game in this movie, you will find yourself cheering for the Nazis. And then you'll catch yourself, and get a little sick feeling inside. Last night I asked myself Why? and I'm not sure what the answer is. Maybe it's because Ed Norton is such a great actor, or because he's so damn good-looking in this movie, or maybe because it's being told from the point of view of the white guys, I don't know. But, for a moment, in that scene, you forget who the bad guys are. It scares me just a bit.

As I keep watching the movie I keep thinking about this relationship between these two brothers. About how true this story is, that all the successes and failures, all the mistakes and triumphs of the older siblings have incredible and irreversible effects on the younger...especially if the siblings are the same gender. I know that some of you are thinking that I am wrong, that your life had very little effect on your younger siblings, but you are wrong. You only feel that way because things went well. Your parents treated the younger one the same as you because things appeared to be working. But when things go wrong, it's a whole different story.

When the older child gets into drugs or any kind of trouble, the parents instinctively tighten the leash on the younger. It's natural, they get afraid. And if something truly terrible happens to the older, like they are kidnapped, put in prison, or they die, the lives of the younger children change dramatically. They are being raised by totally different parents who are terrified of losing another child. They are over-protective to the extreme, and try to stop the socialization & growing up of the children they have left. And that's not all.

Younger siblings fall in love with their older siblings in a way we typically can't understand. I remember how my sister used to react as a child whenever I got hurt, whether physically or emotionally. She would cling to me, follow me around, and cry harder than I did. At the time, I thought it was so annoying. But I know now that it was because she couldn't imagine her world without me in it. Thanks to her youth and innocence, she knew long before I did that we were partners. I had lived 7 years without her, so I knew I didn't depend on her existence or happiness. But she had never been herself without me, her identity was wrapped up in her relationship with me. And everything I did or said she thought was right. It wasn't until about 5 years ago that I realized the gravity of this devotion. I realized that if I wasn't careful, she would follow the same path I did and make the same mistakes as I did. I had to devote my life to showing her that I wasn't perfect and making sure she learned from my mistakes. I think I've done a pretty good job of that.

And this, the journey of trying to teach his younger brother not to make his mistakes, is what American History X is really about. It is a vital and urgent journey that is so important to those of us who grow up to realize that our mistakes had effects beyond ourselves. It's a difficult thing to do, to admit that you worst fear is to see them turn out like you. But it is also your best accomplishment and the thing that makes all your mistakes worth it. Hopefully, it's something you can do before it's too late.